PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Cosmic Funnies
Xuebing Du
noise dept.

shark vs the universe

roma★
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
🪼
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Peter Solarz
DEAR READER
occasionally subtle
h
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Mike Driver
wallacepolsom

No title available
$LAYYYTER

No title available
cherry valley forever
seen from Netherlands

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@bassoonclassy
[AVENGERS SPOILER WARNING] If I Was Scarlet Witch… Just Gonna Mask My Emotions with Jokes 💥 (FX: Caleb Natale)
me seeing my boss at work after hiding in the bathroom for 20 minutes
concept: all normal checkouts are replaced with self-checkouts but instead of losing their jobs the cashiers now get to sit on top of lifeguard chairs and periodically throw wine glasses at me like dracula while i buy my goods
what is a customer? a miserable little pile of coupons
shout out to the patient I called to remind to pick up their medication, whose voicemail message was “HEWWO? HEWWO?? WHO IS THIS??? WEAVE A MESSAGE” that rang out throughout the whole pharmacy, killing me instantly
so i’m riding the elevator up to my apartment when the emergency phone in the elevator starts ringing
and i just stand there for a second because this thing is like thirty years old and has never rung or even been used from what i know
but eventually i answer it thinking maybe something’s wrong with the elevator?? it’s an emergency phone it’s probably an emergency??? i dunno
except i shit you not it’s a telemarketer
a telemarketer that’s as confused as i am when i finally interrupt him mid-spiel to inform him he has the wrong number and then interrupt him again to explain further that “uh, no, seriously, this is an elevator phone. i’m standing in an elevator. talking to you. on the emergency phone. i really think you got the wrong number”
“oh,” says telemarketer guy.
“yeah,” i say.
there’s some mutually-confused silence.
“so, this is my stop,” i say. “i gotta go.”
“oh,” says telemarketer guy.
“good luck,” i add, because telemarketer guy seems like he’s having an existential crisis. and then i hang up on him, because he’s having an existential crisis and won’t actually end the call, and because again i’m talking on an elevator emergency phone and, you know, this is my stop, i gotta go.
He really hates car rides
*upset alpaca sounds*
The Parker Solar Probe just left Earth and is on its way to the Sun! And the last panel has a ring of truth to it. After the probe dies and its components burn away, all that will be left is the carbon heat shield.. which will continue to orbit the Sun until its death.
#TO WAR
I get the concept of embracing ugliness but I think in practice it’s a terrible idea
like it doesn’t subvert the beauty standards that already tell you, you are. it still forces a label on you. you’re either pretty or you’re ugly. like I don’t wanna be either of those things. I just want to be allowed to exist.
and like telling 15 year olds to accept and embrace that theyre ugly instead of educating them that the reason they think that is not because they are, But because of the artificial standards created subliminally and explicitly by movies, makeup companies, and magazines
and especially for young woc, like so many young girls think they’re ugly because they don’t have pale skin, they’re not skinny, they have big brows, big noses, strong features, etc
To tell them “yeah you Are ugly, embrace that” is 😬 like instead of undermining those standards and just letting them Live without feeling like they need to change, it reinforces them
i’ve stopped trash talking comic sans after learning the font is actually one of the only dyslexia-friendly fonts that come standard with most computers and i advocate for others doing the same
In the event that you would like to continue hating Comic Sans, other dyslexia-friendly alternatives include Arial, Verdana, Tahoma, Century Gothic and Trebuchet.
thank
Random fact: Verdana is one of the few fonts which was specifically designed to be as easy to read as possible, even at smaller type sizes. It was designed this way for use on screen, but the same principles apply in print too. This is part of why some Universities use Verdana as their default font for documents.
“In the event that you would like to continue hating Comic Sans” is one of the best things I’ve ever read on this website
@pedeka @lunariagold @darklittlestories
I’ll take Comic Sans over Arial any day.
Century Gothic and Trebuchet are both quite handsome typefaces.
I’m partial to Century Gothic as well. It’s serif, but not boring.
There’s also a dyslexic font designed especially for dyslexic people to read.
You can install on your tablets, laptops and browers etc, so not only can you change things like documents into it, you can change websites into that font as well!
I’m sure you’re bright enough to do a google search, but since I’m dumb enough to forget to post a link, here it is. Better late than never
https://www.dyslexiefont.com/en/dyslexie-font/
I default to arial for this reason, but I will now be defaulting to verdana or dyslexie. nice.
I don’t think I have dyslexia but that dyslexie font was the easiest fucking thing to read ever. Books should be written in that shit.
ALSO!!!
For computer reading, when you mix up lines of text, there’s a web browser app called Beeline Reader. It looks like this
The colors are also customizable, to an extent and while I don’t have dyslexia, I have adhd which makes reading large amounts of text harder and this helps A LOT.
This is dope. I freaking love how much more accessible this information is nowadays.
for our dyslexic ravens.
I love Dyslexie.
my boss at one of my cafes I work at is hosting a fundraiser all year for children with dyslexia because his youngest daughter (who is, btw, one of the best children I’ve ever met) has it and he uses dyslexie font for pretty much all of our stuff now!
erm,, if anyone wants details on it you can message me! It’s in Philadelphia PA but we ship nationwide!
I gave a blow job today
how did it go?
I sucked
Part of me wants to shift the entirety of Magical Fantasy Adventure Land into the normal world instead of splitting it into a separate realm.
Part of me is still annoyed that this fucker still doesn’t have a proper title. Or at least something that sounds better as a place holder.
it’s called Mafalia. that’s your world’s name. ‘MAH-FAR-lee-uh’.
That actually sounds really good as a world name. I’m curious to know where that came from?
it’s the acronym. “Magical Fantasy Adventure Land”-ia becomes MaFAL-ia: Mafalia.
i always find if you need a placeholder name for something, write it out and make up an acronym, adding and removing letters or vowels if need be.
for example:
“The House Where Clio Fell in Love With Him”
“The HouseWhereClioFellinLoveWithHim”
“THoWeCliFiLWH”
“ThrowecliFiLWH”
“ThrowecliffiLWH”
“ThrowecliffiLWH”
“Throwecliffe”
“Thrawecliffe”
hence ‘the house where Clio fell in love with him’ becomes ‘Thrawecliffe House’. what’s a ‘thraw’? i don’t know. is it on a cliff? maybe; that’s an author’s preogative.
suddenly the name of the house itself throws up new questions which an author in answering goes off down a rabbit hole of worldbuilding.
Holy fuck. That is absolutely amazing advice.
Thank you so much!!!!!
how the FUCK did they make that penguin from wallace and gromit look so evil like it’s literally just a plasticine penguin but it somehow radiates Pure Malice look at it
truly character design at its finest
Part of the reason that Wallace and Gromit is so successful is that every single character is just so expressive. The people’s lips move like half a foot every frame. Gromit has basically only his eyebrows, and he has more personality than two average real people. The Moon Machine was up there with the rest of them, and it didn’t even have a face.
The penguin, on the other hand, never expressed anything at all. It’s designed almost explicitly with purpose of not expressing anything. It’s practically featureless, with only the bare minimum of detail necessary to tell you it’s a penguin. It has a face, but it never uses it. It has no sclera, meaning it stares straight ahead at all times. It actively repels most attempts to ascribe any emotion to it – at best, you can feel that it is coldly satisfied, perhaps detachedly frustrated. I’d say it’s like a robot wearing the skin of an animal, but that’s literally the villain of A Close Shave, and he was pretty expressive.
It’s like Aardman found a tiny crack in the likability curve, far away from the uncanny valley but a hell of a lot deeper, and decided to build a penguin there.
I love seeing men gush about their relationships and the women they love. It’s time for the whole trope of men hating being married/ viewing relationships as things holding them back. Amen for men uplifting their women and their relationship. Amen for men getting choked up and ready eyes thinking about the one they love. Amen for men thinking of the woman they are with as their best friend.
Watch: It’s your right to share your salary, not doing so could be holding you back.
At my last company, one day someone in accounting approached me at lunch and quietly told me I need to ask for a raise because I was way underpaid.
They gave me a number to shoot for. It was about twice than what I had been making at the time.
So I went online, did some research, found some figures backing up my claim, put it all together and went to my boss.
I got what I asked for.
If it hadn’t been for that person in accounting telling me I was way underpaid, I’d have never known. I went from barely scraping by to being able to have a savings account and getting all my debts paid thanks to them.
You should at least check sites like salary.com to start the process of seeing what you should be making.
Because this is crucially important
Except for the fact that 90% of the time you are under contract not to talk about your salary otherwise the company can sue you. Every job I’ve had I’ve had to sign that I won’t discuss my pay with other employees otherwise my employment is terminated and the company will take legal action.
It’s actually illegal for companies to forbid wage discussion, they’re just counting on you not knowing your rights.
Important
Fuck.
If you scrolled right past this - GO THE FUCK BACK UP - this is a huge PSA
jfc I’ll be having some words with some folks
Can u believe there are plants that are illegal Plants
Can you believe there is love that is illegal Love
can you believe it’s not butter butter
the fact that Tumblr can fit weed, bestiality and diary products all into one post doesn’t even phase me anymore
i really dont think they meant bestiality