that's how to be a heartbreaker

This is the space where I'm supposed to introduce myself in. The thing is, a small description box like this can never be spacious enough to describe someone so diverse and interesting as me. For the benefits of those who are not residents of the world, my name Sebastian Fabien Smythe. Twenty eight years young. Born and raised in Bordeaux, France, but has been living in the USA for the past eleven years. Harvard law graduate, and proudly so. I work in corporate law, so don't bother me with anything else unless you're an important person to me (PS. Few people make it on that list). Currently residing in San Francisco with my three-year old poodle Blanc, my boyfriend Hunter Asshole Clarington and his demonic cat who must not be named.

[sanfranciscoclarington-deactiva]

bastianfsmythe‌:

S: Nope, the photo of you looking dashing in your wedding suit that I see every morning is a good reminder of who I married. And we both know that will remain as a dream, since you always say yes to me. 

S: I am not wrong in this particular instance, so I cannot admit to something that is not right. 

S: And I’ll never stop saying that.

S: Once again… UNBELIEVABLE. 

S: Hey, Blanc can definitely bite! Ask the plant in the kitchen, it’s constantly being bitten by him. I’m actually quite scary, you’re just immune to it. Your mouth can do so many glorious things, I’ll give you that. 

S: Lies lies lies. 

S: Mr. Puss will be a wonderful big brother. And he absolutely loves bossing Blanc around, so I’m sure he won’t object to having another pup to boss around.

H: You sassing me, handsome? because I’ll have you know, the only take away from that was you calling me handsome. Now, who’s dreaming? I don’t always say yes, In fact, I take great comfort in saying no. 

H:  You’re wrong, and you know it. 

H: Unbelievable, mhm i remember you saying that once or twice last night. 😉

H: The plant in the kitchen attacking, and biting Blanc sounds more believable. I’m not immune, you just aren’t as scary as you’d like to believe, all bark no bite. It’s endearing, actually. 

H: i’ve never once lied in my entire life. 

H: I think he’d have his hands full if we were to get another pup around him, as well as children. 

[bastianfsmythe]

S: I always sass you. It’s my thing and you love it. You take great comfort in teasing me, but you never truly mean the no.

S: Nah uh, I am very right.

S: Damn, I thought you were far too gone to hear me admitting that.

S: If we lived in Zombieland, sure. That’s only because I don’t let myself be that scary with you, of course. 

S: Yet here you are, lying so blantantly.

S: I’m sure he’d love to be that occupied though.

[bastianfsmythe]

sanfranciscoclarington‌:

H: Did you already forget who you married, tiger? because we both know very well that saying no to you is something I will always dream of doing.

H: Yet here you are, refusing to admit that you’re wrong.

H: I’ll never get tired of you saying that.

H: mhm, I recall you saying just that last night 😉

H: You’re like Blanc, all bark and no bite. Absolutely non-threatening, babe. You are a very weak man, who can in no way resist temptation, and yes by temptation I mean my mouth.

H: I’m pretty sure, I have never used sex as a weapon, so behave and play fair, cheater.

H: You know Mr.Puss isn’t going to like the idea of children, and multiple yapping little pups.

S: Nope, the photo of you looking dashing in your wedding suit that I see every morning is a good reminder of who I married. And we both know that will remain as a dream, since you always say yes to me. 

S: I am not wrong in this particular instance, so I cannot admit to something that is not right. 

S: And I’ll never stop saying that.

S: Once again... UNBELIEVABLE. 

S: Hey, Blanc can definitely bite! Ask the plant in the kitchen, it’s constantly being bitten by him. I’m actually quite scary, you’re just immune to it. Your mouth can do so many glorious things, I’ll give you that. 

S: Lies lies lies. 

S: Mr. Puss will be a wonderful big brother. And he absolutely loves bossing Blanc around, so I’m sure he won’t object to having another pup to boss around.

[bastianfsmythe]

sanfranciscoclarington‌:

H: I’m afraid I’ll wound that ego if I answer that question. 

H: like I said, further roving my point. You’re as stubborn as a mile, can’t ever admit to being wrong.

H: say it again 😉

H: it’ll make me happy if you took the 30

H: You know you’re awfully cute when you’re attempting to be threatening. And we both know you’ll cave way before my hand becomes equipped with my dick. You’re a cheat, and that’s not playing fair. You don’t see me using sex as a weapon.

H: You want both?

S: There is only one answer to my question, and we both know very well that saying no to me is something you wouldn’t even dream of.

S: I admit that I’m wrong when I actually am wrong. 

S: I love you.

S: You’re unbelievable. Fine, I’ll take the 30.

S: Excuse you, I am very threatening. You should be absolutely terrified of my threats. I’m a strong man who can resist the temptation. No one said I had to play fair. Pretty sure you’ve used sex as a weapon before. 

S: I guess so, yeah.

[bastianfsmythe]

sanfranciscoclarington‌

H: I wouldn’t go as far as to say mindblowing, mediocre at best. 

H: Really? because we could argue this back and forth all day, and you’d still refuse to admit being wrong, while still, insisting that you can admit to being wrong.  

H: I’m going to choose to take that as a compliment and ignore whatever alternative meaning is behind those words,

H: Sebastian Smythe, when have you ever known me to be subtle? I’\d say it’s more of a 60 to 40 ration, but I’ll let it slide this one time. 

H: Ideally, unless your maternal clock starts ticking, and you use sex as a tool to weaponise me into submission, and moving to Europe of all places. Dog. Plural. Blanc is one too many. 

S: You wouldn’t have married me if it was only mediocre.

S: We could argue all you want, we both know there were times when I admitted that I was wrong. 

S: It can be taken as a genuine compliment, nothing but the truth.

S: Absolutely never. Subtle does not exist in your vocabulary. More like 80 to 20.

S: We won’t manage to have our seven children if we start late, love. I can use sex as a weapon alright, but not to move to Europe. I’d rather stay here. Dogs. Blanc wants canine company. Mr Puss is driving him crazy. 

[sanfranciscoclarington-deactiva]

H: You wore me down to a point where I couldn’t say no. 

H: If that were true, would you not be admitting you were wrong now? rather than disagree and further prove my point?

H: You know you’re very lucky that i love you

H: It’s one of the many things you love about me, bas. 30:70 ratio and that’s the lowest I’m willing to agree. 

H: And you’re already getting up there, old man. Using sex as a weapon is cheating, and I won’t fall victim to it. the children or another irritable little mutt? it’s one or the other, we can’t have both. 

[bastianfsmythe]

S: But let’s be honest, can you really say no to me?

S: I am not wrong right now so obviously I’m not going to say that I am.

S: mmm I love you too.

S: I guess that’s true. Fine, 30:70 if that’s what makes you happy.

S: Call me old again and you’ll be enjoying the company of your hand for quite some time. Well it has been used as a weapon successfully before. Of course we can have both..

[bastianfsmythe]

sanfranciscoclarington‌

H: I wouldn’t go as far as to say mindblowing, mediocre at best. 

H: Really? because we could argue this back and forth all day, and you’d still refuse to admit being wrong, while still, insisting that you can admit to being wrong.  

H: I’m going to choose to take that as a compliment and ignore whatever alternative meaning is behind those words,

H: Sebastian Smythe, when have you ever known me to be subtle? I’\d say it’s more of a 60 to 40 ration, but I’ll let it slide this one time. 

H: Ideally, unless your maternal clock starts ticking, and you use sex as a tool to weaponise me into submission, and moving to Europe of all places. Dog. Plural. Blanc is one too many. 

S: You wouldn’t have married me if it was only mediocre.

S: We could argue all you want, we both know there were times when I admitted that I was wrong. 

S: It can be taken as a genuine compliment, nothing but the truth.

S: Absolutely never. Subtle does not exist in your vocabulary. More like 80 to 20.

S: We won’t manage to have our seven children if we start late, love. I can use sex as a weapon alright, but not to move to Europe. I’d rather stay here. Dogs. Blanc wants canine company. Mr Puss is driving him crazy. 

[sanfranciscoclarington-deactiva]

bastianfsmythe‌:

S: You’ll miss having sex with me after two days of abstinence.

S: Oh really? I find that too hard to believe. It was your dick’s charm to be more precise. I am yet to see it work on all these people you claim it works on.

S: I would say my ass looks just as great when it is filled. I can let you win one every now and then to keep you happy.

S: As much as I love them too, there is a reason why I moved to a different continent. Hmm, I do like sleep more than crying babies.

H: Correction, handsome, It’ll be you who misses having sex with me after two days of abstinence.

H: Same could easily be said about you. You’ve refused to listen to me on more than one occasion, simply because you like to be right, even when you are wrong. 

H: It may have been my dick that charmed you into bed, but it was me who charmed you into being that crazed love sick puppy who followed me around all doe eyed. 

H: I’d say your ass looks better but nothing quite gets me like you begging for that ass to be filled. I have to win at least 80% of these arguments, or i will have to file for divorce. 

H: Then we agree, we live at least 5000 miles between us and your family. Its settled, we’ll be that married gay couple who raise cats. 

[bastianfsmythe]

S: It will be a mutual feeling of us both missing the mind blowing sex.

S: At least I admit that I’m wrong sometimes. Occasionally. Every now and then.

S: Eh, what can I say? I can’t help myself. You’re too irresistible.

S: Is that you subtly hinting that you want me to beg you to fill my ass, Hunter? You already win a good 90% of the arguments so I say we’re fine.

S: Yes and ideally it stays that way. Um, and dogs. Can’t forget the dogs.

[sanfranciscoclarington-deactiva]

bastianfsmythe‌:

S: More like I’ll prove myself right.

S: Never, and you have regretted not listening to me multiple times. Your charm only works to lure me into bed, but it doesn’t work on other people dear. Oh yes you definitely should be thankful for that.

S: Only second best? Ouch, my ass is offended. You snore so much my love. And every time I check you’re sleeping soundly at night.

S: You want to move to France? I’m sure they don’t accept newborns in boarding school although that would be tempting. I had no doubt you would pick sleep over crying babies.

H: You really want to play this game with a man who can withhold sex from his husband, and will do it out of spite? 

H: I have never regretted not listening to you, regardless of the situation I might end up in. It wasn’t my charm that got you into bed, and I’ll have you know this supposed charm works on most people, your family just happen to be a robotic force. 

H: Your mouth, on the other hand, happens to be my favorite, preferably filled. Is this what being married to you is going to be like? never being able to win an argument?

H: I love your parents and sister but being with them 24/7? it’s a hard pass. Don’t paint me as the villian, you would also pick sleep over crying babies. 

[bastianfsmythe]

S: You’ll miss having sex with me after two days of abstinence.

S: Oh really? I find that too hard to believe. It was your dick’s charm to be more precise. I am yet to see it work on all these people you claim it works on.

S: I would say my ass looks just as great when it is filled. I can let you win one every now and then to keep you happy.

S: As much as I love them too, there is a reason why I moved to a different continent. Hmm, I do like sleep more than crying babies.

[sanfranciscoclarington-deactiva]

IMESSAGE 📲 HUNTBASTIAN.

[sanfranciscoclarington-deactiva]

S: I'll time it next time and prove you wrong x

S: That's what you get for not listening to me. You obviously failed to believe a man who spent years facing the wrath of his little sister whenever she got teased. Fineee, but being married to me also means that you have to help me scrub it clean.

S: My annoying ass is the best thing in your life, duh. Well, you snore more than I do for starters. And nah, that's not gonna happen.

S: And you think maman would retire so young, leave her beloved France, and move in to be a full-time grandma? She wouldn't even last a week. She just wants grandchildren to dote on and spend her money on, but she'd want to sleep peacefully at night.

H: You're only going to embarrass yourself, tiger.

H: When have I ever listened to you, 'Bas? You forget, I was the youngest, I was the one who faced the wrath of a gormless twit. You obviously underestimate my charm, and my attempts to have your sister wrapped around my little finger. I, on the other hand, overestimated said charm, thankfully it was s slipper aimed at my face and not a stiletto.

H: As your husband, I can withhold sex, and refuse to help clean that stupid car of yours.

H: That irritable ass of yours is the second best thing in my life. I do, huh? well thankfully i don't have to hear myself snore, you on the other hand, that's all i hear, all night long.

H: We could always move in with your parents, or send those grandchildren of hers to boarding school the moment they're born? but i also like to sleep, so these hypothetical children will cease to exist.

[bastianfsmythe]

S: More like I’ll prove myself right.

S: Never, and you have regretted not listening to me multiple times. Your charm only works to lure me into bed, but it doesn’t work on other people dear. Oh yes you definitely should be thankful for that.

S: Only second best? Ouch, my ass is offended. You snore so much my love. And every time I check you’re sleeping soundly at night.

S: You want to move to France? I’m sure they don’t accept newborns in boarding school although that would be tempting. I had no doubt you would pick sleep over crying babies.

[bastianfsmythe]

IMESSAGE 📲 HUNTBASTIAN.

H: Like I said, your ego can't contain the mere thought of you being a one-second wonder.

H: 'i told you so' looks to be the theme tune of our marriage, but I didn't need to hear it after being hit repeatedly with a slipper. Sebastian, we're married now. I get to bleed all over that car, and not feel apologetic in the slightest.

H: You know I love being stuck with that annoying ass of yours, the snoring on the other hand? maybe it's best if you move into the office.

h: I can already picture it now, whatever we say your mother is still moving in and insisting she helps raise the children because we're incapable of doing so.

S: I'll time it next time and prove you wrong x

S: That's what you get for not listening to me. You obviously failed to believe a man who spent years facing the wrath of his little sister whenever she got teased. Fineee, but being married to me also means that you have to help me scrub it clean.

S: My annoying ass is the best thing in your life, duh. Well, you snore more than I do for starters. And nah, that's not gonna happen.

S: And you think maman would retire so young, leave her beloved France, and move in to be a full-time grandma? She wouldn't even last a week. She just wants grandchildren to dote on and spend her money on, but she'd want to sleep peacefully at night.

[bastianfsmythe]

IMESSAGE 📲 HUNTBASTIAN.

H: And I'm pretty sure that's your ego trying to salvage itself, handsome.

H: You warned me while I was saying it, it's almost like you intended to punish me. thankfully it was a slipper and not a stiletto, we don't need you complaining about how i bled all over your car /again./

H: Admittedly I miss my husband being there when I go to bed, and when I wake up, but you know you don't have to explain, right? work is important, I know that better than anyone.

H: You telling me with a mother like yours, you don't want a soccer team of children? let me guess, two at the most, definitely one boy, one girl?

S: We both know that I don't need to do that.

S: I did not intend to /punish/ you, but it was one of those moments when I truly felt the need to say I told you so. Of course. I would have made Este clean my car herself if that happened.

S: I miss you too, love. It's just one more week and then you'll be stuck with my snoring and annoying ass all the time again.

S: What, you think maman would want to be the coach? Of course. We've already got the dog and cat, all we need are the kids and the house with the white picket fence.

[lostiinspiration-deactivated201]

[bastianfsmythe]

IMESSAGE 📲 HUNTBASTIAN.

H: Just because you finished, doesn't mean I finished.

H: If I remember correctly your sister threw her shoe at me the last time I said it.

H: Your crazy work schedule is already ruining our sex life, which I can deal with, your mother moving in with us to help raise a dozen little brats? our sex life will cease to exist.

S: I'm pretty sure I was not the only one who finished, love.

S: Don't say I didn't warn you. You thought I was exaggerating when I said she'd do that. You're lucky she only threw her slippers at you and not her stilettos.

S: It's not always this crazy. We just have this big case and then it will go back to normal. A dozen? No, I have no intention of forming a soccer team made up of our children.

[bastianfsmythe]

IMESSAGE 📲 HUNTBASTIAN.

H: You mean before or after you rilled me up, and proceeded to fall asleep?

H: She does know that children are a long way off, in fact, your sister will most likely make her a grandma before we do.

H: her moving in would result in an annulment.

S: Please, I did finish you off before that happened.

S: That's what I told her too. My sister did not enjoy that comment in the slightest though, so I wouldn't say it again if she is present if I were you.

S: As if I'd ever let her move in with us and ruin our sex nights. Nah-uh, not gonna happen.

[bastianfsmythe]

IMESSAGE 📲 OPEN.

H: who knew marriage, and other peoples fuck ups would leave me with a serious case of blue balls.

H: If your mother wants those grandchildren she keeps, not so subtly dropping into conversations, she's going to have to move in and raise them.

S: Your balls were definitely not blue last night.

S: So she's slowly convincing you to consider making her a grandma? As tempting as that would be, I think we would both agree that having her move in would be a terrible idea.

[bastianfsmythe]

IMESSAGE 📲 OPEN.

H: You know, I'm pretty certain leaving without waking your sleeping husband with a blowjob is frowned upon.

S: Trust me, I'd rather be giving my gorgeous husband a blowjob than dealing with stupid people so early in the morning.

[bastianfsmythe]

To Have And To Hold || 12.16.2017

[bastianfsmythe]

sanfranciscoclarington‌:

In every word Sebastian spoke, Hunter could feel his heart swell with glee, and love, As tears brimmed the corner of his eyes, he couldn’t help but squeeze the other males hand in his own. As he stood there Hunter couldn’t help but think about how lucky he was to be standing here marrying the love of his life. Sebastian Smythe was about to be his husband, the person he intended to to make a life with. I love you, he mouthed, as Sebastian took a hold of his hand, pushing the ring onto his finger, 

‘I Hunter Clarington, take you Sebastian Smythe to be my husband, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As i place this ring on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you. I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoke today, on our wedding day.” He couldn’t help the smile that forced its way onto his lips, as he slowly pushed the ring onto his finger. 

He could see the tears glistening in Hunter’s eyes, mirroring his own. Every word Hunter spoke made Sebastian’s heart swell. The happiness and love he felt at that moment we’re indescribable, and in that moment he knew that he truly was the luckiest man on earth. For despite all his imperfections and mistakes, he was blessed to be able to spend his life with his soulmate, and that was more than he ever could have wished for.

The feeling of the ring fitting into his finger was just perfect, knowing that it truly belonged there. And as the marriage officiant announced them to be husband and husband, Sebastian did not waste a second before wrapping his arms around his husband’s waist, his lips pressing against his.

[sanfranciscoclarington-deactiva]

hunter clarington updated relationship status.