This is my personal experience with anxiety/panic attacks. I am writing this in the hopes that young people, or parents of children experiencing these symptoms, might better understand what they feel like, and how they might find help. When I was younger, in elementary school, I remember life as being very simple. I had a few chores, my schoolwork, and after those were set aside, the rest of my life was devoted to Legos, books, and Saturday morning cartoons. Then one evening I was attacked by the neighbor's two German Shepards on my way home from the bus stop. It was traumatic. I might have died if it hadn't rained that day. Luckily, I got away with just a broken arm. It rattled me. I made sure the doors to our house were locked every night, something my parents never worried about in our neighborhood ( as if dogs might one day open doors ). I had nightmares. At first they were specific, but later they strayed to all sorts of bizarre scenarios that had nothing to do with dogs. Many of them were centered on my repeated failure to perform some important task, and they would recur such that I tried not to sleep at times to avoid them. For a long time I thought the attack I experienced was the cause. You see, in those following years I suffered what I can only describe now as anxiety attacks. I would be struck with fear, unable to sleep. Every sight, sound, or sensation felt too "loud" but at the same time like they were muddled like static. I would "sleepwalk" in a state where I was semi conscious of my actions and indescribable fears. There were a few bad weeks, but I got better with time and learned how to control myself. I could feel the static or the tension building in my mind, and I learned that I could hold off the attacks by focusing intently on some subject or question that could distract me long enough for the feeling to subside. At first it was difficult, but I got better at it. This went on for years, though I rarely spoke of it to anyone. I suffered them less and less through middle and high school, with the help of music. For me, when given my full attention and willingness, can have the effect of dragging me along to it's rhythm. It can make pull me into it's story and make me forget where you are, like a form of meditation. In that way, my Walkman and later my mp3 player saved me many times. As life went on the attacks disappeared. When the slightest indication of an attack would hit me, I would recognize it and regulate my thoughts. Today, I can say it has been years since I last felt that sensation coming on. I realized in highschool that I have memories of panic attacks happening many years before my parents bought the house where I was attacked. It is a condition that existed before, that was aggravated severely by my experience. I have seen this feeling, this behavior, the sensitivity to light and sound, in both my younger brother and younger sister. I was able to give them advice that helped them to manage their emotions, and cope with what I can only describe as a weakness. I hope that through understanding, we can strip some of the fear away from this condition, and share stories that will help each other to deal with our shared problems. If you suffer from panic attacks and have a question, my inbox is always open. To parents: My parents did not understand my problem. I wasn't well equipped then to describe it, and my inability to communicate well during the attacks made it harder for them. Regardless, I did well in school and it didn't much affect my highschool years. I was never medicated, and looking back I am glad that I wasn't. I'm not advocating this path of "ignoring" the problem for anyone else, because I understand the severity of these problems vary with each person and that medication can be the right solution for some people, but this is my personal truth. Whatever difficulty your child is facing, do your best to be supportive, not judgmental. Anxiety thrives on persecution.
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