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Cosmic Funnies
YOU ARE THE REASON
occasionally subtle
Kiana Khansmith
Product Placement
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Not today Justin
macklin celebrini has autism
NASA
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
RMH
noise dept.
taylor price
#extradirty
Origami Around
Cosimo Galluzzi
$LAYYYTER
PR's Tumblrdome
seen from United States
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@bathsalts-4children-blog
really awkward when a roach goes crawling around ur sink and eventually goes down the hole so you turn on the water to scalding hot but shithead’s still movin so u gotta cover that with a wash cloth to try n suffocate it or smthn cause u cant look him in the eyes anymore
Smh when president Erdogan was visiting my home I at least had the decency to serve him some coffee instead of trying to assassinate him right away
we can only sext if we roleplay as key figures from the cold war
im gorbachev who wants to be reagan
Mr. gorbachev tear down those pants
In the dog world, humans are elves that routinely live to be 500+ years old.
“They live so long…but the good ones still bond with us for our entire lives.”
“These immortals are so kind we must be good friends to them”
My heart wtf
Not gonna lie, this fucked me up a bit.
POV Fantasy slice of life book when?
“Now I am old. The fur around my muzzle is grey and my joints ache when we walk together. Yet she remains unchanged, her hair still glossy, her skin still fresh, her step still sprightly. Time doesn’t touch her and yet I love her still.”
“For generations, he has guarded over my family. Since the days of my great-great-great-great-great-grandfather he has kept us safe. For so long we thought him immortal. But now I see differently, for just as my fur grows gray and my joints grow stiff, so too do his. He did not take in my children, but gave them away to his. I will be the last that he cares for. My only hope is that I am able to last until his final moments. The death of one of his kind is so rare. The ending of a life so long is such a tragedy. He has seen so much, he knows so much. I know he takes comfort in my presence. I only wish that I will be able to give him this comfort until the end.”
SHOOK
The phantasmagorical and surreal animal sculptures by Canadian artist Ellen Jewett.
i enter the web design class
h1 { font-family: “Comic Sans MS”; font-size: “50px”; font-color: “magenta”; }
You created a ridiculous conspiracy theory as a joke. Turns out it is true and you are now worshiped as a cult leader.
Joe Biden marrying two White House staffers
You’re in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed. One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself.
Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous.
I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years, and then she wasn’t scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters… I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying! I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte’s bed. Across the room underneath Daniel’s crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, I reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again. “I’m not afraid of you monster!” She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and… She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With. Me. “Move. Over!” Charlotte hisses at me. I do. The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn’t afraid of any of my monsters; she’s afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. “What the…” I cut Francis’s next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. “If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity.” I promise to him. As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. “I’ll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling.” Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed.
WELL GODAMN, WE HAVE OURSELVES A WINNER
Holy shit I’m gonna cry that’s beautiful.
I almost can’t believe that big Tumblr blogs such as @ruinedchildhood, @dutchster and @smosh reblogged this post. Thanks for writing this beautiful story @kittenwiskers.
The empire never referred to it as the death star, they always said battle station. The term death star is nothing more than rebel scum propaganda.
Deep in the oceans of the southern hemisphere exist 60-foot long tubular creatures that undulate through the water. They’re called pyrosomes. A pyrosome is actually a colony of zooids, a kind of marine invertebrates only about half an inch long.
A pyrosome colony is shaped like a giant tube, closed to a point on one end (this is the front end) and open on the other end (the back end), sometimes with a tail poking out. The walls of this tube are the colony — the individuals (clones) are embedded in a gelatinous material. Their mouths face outwards from the tube, giving them easy access to take in water. They pass that water through their “stomachs” to filter out anything edible, namely plankton, then squirt the filtered water out their other side into the space within the tube.
This action of sucking in and spitting out water not only helps the colony keep its shape, it’s how the colony moves. This tube is constantly moving, albeit extremely slowly. So while they look completely terrifying, pyrosomes are innocuous and delicate; a gentle wave carries enough force to tear one apart. (Source)
IT’S THE ALASKAN BULL WORM
Friendly reminder to take flash flood warnings seriously!
Tianmen Mountain in the Zhangjiajie National Forest Park in Hunan province in China
fuck that
Before and after pictures of Obama.
@sixpenceee
“Witnessing a volcano erupt is on my bucket list, I’m thinking I may just check it off. Starcano instead! View from North Sister, OR at night.”
Photo by OurEarthInFocus
Arthropleura is an extinct creature but it was basically a giant millipede the size of a car. It scuttled around ancient Carboniferous forests eating rotting plant matter. It was mostly vegetarian. It was able to grow to such a gigantic size because of the lack of predators and because Earth had a great partial pressure of oxygen. It became extinct when the moist climate started to dry out, destroying rain forests.
If the aliens invade there will be memes about it within five minutes
writing-prompt-s:
A friendship between a time traveler and an immortal. Wherever the time traveler ends up, the immortal is there to catch him up to speed.
when we meet, i’m older but born after her, which is confusing. she was immortal somewhere after the 3rd century, we’re not sure. something about an ancient ritual. a sacrifice. she was twenty. if she ages, it’s nowhere i can see. the cut on her ribs from the ritual never heals. she is constantly annoyed by it.
we met in a meadow, by chance, when i got lost after woodstock. she looked at me with these odd eyes as i stumbled out of the loop, still smelling of sweat and other things. for a long time we stared at each other, she in her peasant clothes, me in tattered peace signs. and then she laughed.
she meets me in london during jack the ripper’s reign. we get tea. i tell her about the future where women are rulers and she snorts. i tell her about medicine. she tells me about witchcraft. i tell her about spaceships. she tells me about books that will die before i get to read them. when she laughs my heart feels funny. i think it’s the death on the wind.
she meets me by the berlin wall. we break it down together. she dances her bare feet in the dust. when she laughs something very small breaks in me. i miss my twenty-third birthday by accidentally going back to the dinosaurs. when i find her in the twenty-second century she’s holding a cake for me, telling me she’d found the signs of my travels somewhere back in twenty fifty-three. we sit on a rooftop and look at the stars and eat cake. i save her a slice. when i go back in time, i find her crying. i don’t tell her how i knew. there is something really beautiful in watching someone break into a smile when they’ve been sobbing.
i don’t know what happens. i stop jumping so much. we’re not supposed to. we’re not meant for long stays, we’ll change fate. just in and out. but hours turn into days. we spend a week in paris in her apartment over the city and i’m silly drunk when she leans over to me.
kissing her stops time. kissing her stops everything.
she waits for the future where we are legally allowed to be together. in the meantime i find her in dark corners. she laughs when i get tangled in my own skirts. she shows me a different world. a place where i stay. she knows i have to go. but i can’t help wish i could stay.
time isn’t real. that’s the thing. we experience it only based on our own perception of events. i only realize what’s happening because i stay too long. we are skinny dipping in a cold ocean the first time i notice it. she says something wrong. it’s not a bad mistake. but she doesn’t seem to remember how we got here for a moment. and then, in a flash, it’s gone. we are hiking through the amazon the first time she starts screaming. it’s been a long history. there’s just too much. she has periods of lucidity followed by eons of confusion. everything for her flashes by in an instant. she can’t remember what’s already been invented or what are stories i’ve told. her language is slipping.
i hold her in a future where she is shaking. i kiss her neck. she smells like summer. “i’m losing myself in it,” she whispers. her skin is still bleeding. “i’m losing it.” i don’t know what to say. infinity is a long time to wait. she experiences time in flashes, sees a hundred years at a glance. and me? i show up and evaporate before she even recognizes me.
if she is mad, i am just as bad. i travel too much to find how to stop this. into parallel universes. outside of the ages. i don’t sleep and i don’t eat and the whole time i hear her screaming.
it comes to me while i am sitting in the library of alexandria. time isn’t real. if i break the law, time could unravel. i think of her. if it’s worth it. what happens if i’m caught. we aren’t supposed to do things like this. even if we’re in love.
but i am in love. i am in love.
i open the loop. i could ruin everything. but there she is, crying on the night she will be taken. and my heart breaks. it’s simple. the only way to undo it without leading to ruin is to make sure it never happens in the first place. i take her hand and i give her my loop. she has all of time to explore now. i’ve already seen it. i take her place.
it is many years later. we meet in a meadow and she laughs.
This is beautiful.
