Emma

I draw and I write. Your everyday weirdo.

[battynownow]

Some words and thoughts about the feels

[battynownow]

Just a flailing fish swimming through the sewerage trying to get to the clear water of the sea, like that even exists in this poluted ecosystem of soiled hearts and minds.

[battynownow]

I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvellous that only the marvellous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvellous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.

Anaïs Nin

[battynownow]

Christmas has become a day where people who are single receive pitiful looks that you're there yet another year in all your spinster glory. The alien of your family. There's a reason Bridget Jones is set around Christmas time. The older I get the more I relate to her.

[battynownow]

We as humans are ‘blessed’ with emotions - a need for connection. We are also cursed - cursed with heart-break, the capacity to lie and tap dance all over people’s hearts - leaving bruises as we do so.

We live in a world where people are fast becoming commodities, dialing up a date from our smart phones. We entertain ourselves with what we call dating; distraction from the loneliness caused from our technologically induced isolation. We rise momentarily for the main performance of intimacy, actors, never truly reaching it because we live at a time where we connect genitals before we connect our minds. We rarely reach true intimacy, because we never choose one person. We are laden with options and the shelves are always refilling. We try before we buy. We lay-by. We browse, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. Swipe right, swipe left. We sell ourselves short. We adopt the roles of significant others, part timers, until we exit stage left, and there is someone new. Replaced. So we start again. Swipe left, swipe right. Shopping for the next big performance.

[battynownow]

The dilemma of Choice.

My feet are constantly floating above the ground. I'm flighty, never feeling settled or secure in my choices. Hell, I don't even make choices. I ponder, ponder, ponder, sitting somewhere between the 'what if's' and the unknown, never drawing a resolution. We are gifted with so many choices and options, yet I see this as a burden at times. Choice. I have to choose. But what? How does one decide when the choices are endless? What parameters can I possibly use when I've never lived this life before? There are no comparisons to draw from, everyone that has come before were born under different contexts, different times, different lives. How then, do I make educated decisions? Sometimes I feel like it's all just a fumble in the dark. I'm a flailing fish, washed up on the shore, my gills constricting in this alien environment I've been smashed into. This is what adulthood feels like for me. We are dumped upon it with the waves, suddenly, with force. We are teenagers, then, in the next minute, we are men and women - without ritual, no true coming of age - these traditions thrown to the breeze within most Western cultures. We're no longer told what to do, we don't do what our parents did. This is great, but also new. We have a choice, but how do we choose it?

[parksandfluff]

[battynownow]

Good vs Nice

When I think about what makes a person good, I often use the term 'nice' to describe someone's moral compass. The more I've thought about it though, and the more conversations I've had regarding this have made me wonder how interchangeable the two really are. I don't believe the two are the same thing. Let's firstly compare 'charm' and 'niceness'. I would put 'nice' in the same basket as 'charming'. Charm only runs skin deep, it's a surface trait and can be somewhat superficial, easily faked and used to manipulate people. Let's just consider for a moment that according to Robert O'Hare's psychopathy checklist - artificial charm is but one of those psychopathic traits, but only one of them.. none-the-less.... Niceness to me, is a similar thing, it's easy to put on the veil of niceness. On the surface, we all know how to be nice. It's politeness, paying people compliments and small gestures; like opening the door for a stranger. We all inherently know how to be nice, and should be nice, but it actually says nothing about who we truly are. Being GOOD runs deeper than that, it involves doing the right thing by people, even though, this is often not the easiest option. This often means sacrificing something of our own. To be good is to truly see the value of people, to strive with all of our being to preserve that value. It takes a certain level of self awareness, to have the ability to be selfless and realise that all actions have consequences and to be able to look at the world, outside of one's self. A good person will put others ahead of the self. Unlike niceness, good is unable to be faked in the long run. Goodness is a part of someone's core, whereas niceness sits on the surface, ready to be blown away like dust with the next gust of wind. The challenge is not to mistake niceness for good, to know the distinct differences and strive to be both.

[petit-poids]

[battynownow]

We as humans are ‘blessed’ with emotions - a need for connection. We are also cursed - cursed with heart-break, the capacity to lie and tap dance all over people’s hearts - leaving bruises as we do so.

[teenagepics]

[schasem]

Gemütlichkeit

German abstract noun. It’s closest English equivalent is “coziness,” but it also connotes cheerfulness, conviviality, social acceptance, a calm atmosphere, and the notion of belonging.

The Dutch word “Gezelligheid” and the Danish word “Hygge” are very similar.

[tai-korczak]

23 Emotions people feel, but can’t explain

Sonder: The realization that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own.

Opia: The ambiguous intensity of Looking someone in the eye, which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable.

Monachopsis: The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place.

Énouement: The bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self.

Vellichor: The strange wistfulness of used bookshops.

Rubatosis: The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat.

Kenopsia: The eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that is usually bustling with people but is now abandoned and quiet.

Mauerbauertraurigkeit: The inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like.

Jouska: A hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head.

Chrysalism: The amniotic tranquility of being indoors during a thunderstorm.

Vemödalen: The frustration of photographic something amazing when thousands of identical photos already exist.

Anecdoche: A conversation in which everyone is talking, but nobody is listening

Ellipsism: A sadness that you’ll never be able to know how history will turn out.

Kuebiko: A state of exhaustion inspired by acts of senseless violence.

Lachesism: The desire to be struck by disaster – to survive a plane crash, or to lose everything in a fire.

Exulansis: The tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it.

Adronitis: Frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone.

Rückkehrunruhe: The feeling of returning home after an immersive trip only to find it fading rapidly from your awareness.

Nodus Tollens: The realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore.

Onism: The frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time.

Liberosis: The desire to care less about things.

Altschmerz: Weariness with the same old issues that you’ve always had – the same boring flaws and anxieties that you’ve been gnawing on for years.

Occhiolism: The awareness of the smallness of your perspective.

[battynownow]

I miss my best friend so bad

I wish she was there to ‘walk me home’ right now. I’m fucked.

[aaronposting-deactivated2025120]

So I found the full version of the “this is fine” dog comic…

[battynownow]

Pretty much sums up my life.

[battynownow]

I hate small talk, but....

remember - small talk is the portal through which every person you will ever meet will enter your life. 

[battynownow]

I think the hardest thing in life, one of life’s biggest lessons, is the realisation that people are always going to do what is best for them. I don’t mean that in a bitter or selfish way, I mean that in an ‘all emotionally sound people put themselves first’ kind of way. This is what makes relationships hard, especially in early stages. How can you fully trust that this person you are coming to know isn’t going to change their mind and leave? I guess we never know that, can never know that. Maybe this seems cynical, but this is why I don’t really believe in forever. We are victims of circumstance, whether we want to face that or not. People come together beautifully and fall apart tragically. ‘Tis the joy and torture of this thing called ‘life’ right?

The Sunday thoughts and feels.