narcissistic seahorses

I'm always a slut for well-executed harmonies

[paulthebukkit]

some fool: wokeness is killing humor, only offensive jokes are funny

me, an intellectual: well just hold on a second

[ruinedchildhood]

[233333nonam22me-deactivated2016]

[tackykawa]

me trying to hit a 5000 word count like

[bob-belcher]

[m4ge-deactivated20210331]

there’s a guy in one of my classes who i am secretly battling for dominance over by wearing awful hipster outfits. i dont know if he is thinking the same thing but regardless i intend to win

i thought i won today when i walked into class wearing my awful 1995 figure skating tour of the world (sponsored by campbells soup) t-shirt, mom jeans, and 1980 moscow olympics-theme denim jacket but then he had to walk in wearing a donald duck jacket with matching donald duck socks like what a fucking power move

[m4ge-deactivated20210331]

i keep getting messages asking for updates on this and i want you all to know that i just got back from our final class and this man really walked in wearing a fur coat, olive green capris, sasquatch socks, and he inexplicably brought an entire roll of wrapping paper to a 9:30am class. this combination easily defeated my comparatively weak polka dot overalls. he has won and there is nothing i can do to redeem myself

[tamamita]

@people who dont celebrate Christmas

Happy day

[bace-jeleren]

Today a customer at self-checkout was having trouble with her avocadoes and I came over and told her the machine needed her to input how many she had because we charge avocadoes by amount and not by weight. And this woman turned to me, angrier than a woman just buying some produce at 7 am should be and said “I SHOULDN’T BE EXPECTED TO KNOW HOW MANY THERE ARE”. Like I didn’t even have anything to say in response to that, I just sort of apologized and looked in her damn bag and typed in the amount for her.

She had two whole, entire avocadoes by the way.

[effxy]

[illinicoise]

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

[spn-fandom-breathing-heavily]

not even risking that shit

[codyslipring-deactivated2015060]

scrolled past this, re-evaluated my life, then SCROOOLLLED back up and hit the damn reblog button. 

[tumblgang]

She ain’t no games in real life so I take her serious all the time

Anyone with a name that starts with a “Z”, ends with an “i”, and isn’t some kind of Italian pasta, IS SERIOUS

I’m not climbing no mountain with a pig on my back, 🙅🏽🙅🏾🙅🏿 Negative.

[skuubasally]

Nope. I know better, have your reblog Madame Zeroni.

[luckytaters]

who the fuck is Madame Zeroni

[saudadesinfinitas-deactivated20]

Look at these stupid children who don’t know who Madame Zeroni is

[drayaintshit-deactivated2019030]

☝🏾😂

[knopetastic]

[truecrimefalsecrime]

stop it charles

[disgustinganimals]

charles not again

[brittany-murphy]

[heda-organa]

[rohie-deactivated20191102]

there are too many versions of me in the universe! the girl i bumped into but didn’t stop to say sorry to has a version of me in her mind. the guy i let borrow my homework has another version of me in his. even my friends, my family, and everyone i’ve ever met in my life has their own version of me in their minds that i’m not even aware of

[joshpeck]

you put it into words

[granulatedoblivion]

Interesting

[four-toed-creed]

[morefunthanb4]

[pleasefireme]

Please fire me. I work at McDonald’s and last week I spent 15 minutes trying to explain to an old man they we do not sell hot dogs (McDogs as he claimed it) then he threatened to report me for “withholding products from him”!

[sinbadism]

hes from an alternate timeline

[cuttlefishlovr]

the McDogs man actually proves the multiverse theory