A woman and a boy
She was a women then
and she's a woman now
and I am still a boy.
Through all this time,
this suffering and change,
this growth and age,
we remain the same.
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A woman and a boy
She was a women then
and she's a woman now
and I am still a boy.
Through all this time,
this suffering and change,
this growth and age,
we remain the same.
Jailbreak
Stuck on down in a deep dark place,
where forces hold me tight in space,
gasping for air, and screaming your name
and all the feelings I couldn't explain-
if I ever get out,
if I ever get up,
if I ever break from this prison cell,
I promise you love, I will do no wrong.
Self-Made
Who am I?
I am me-
what is me?
I am who you see,
what everyone in the world wants me to be-
but is that me?
Because more than anything I just want to be free
to choose
my very own destiny;
to live-
making me into me:
a self-defined man, everything I wanted to be,
and nothing like anyone else that you have seen.
Surreality
Spirits stirring, soft in sound
slowly slipping into silence round-
standing up on their smoky mounds
and spying down on snowy towns,
with smiles stolen, the spirits howl-
spearing the skies, stars shoot to the ground,
they are the squires sentenced never to be found.
Like the Sun and the Moon
Yukami stood frozen in the forrest clearing. Thick trees encircled her, leaving no escape. Snow whirled around the feet of Yukami's white kimono. The wind howled.
“I know you're there,” Yukami's breath puffed forward. Yukami remained still, her eyes piercing the thin air.
“Okasa is dead, I have done my part.” The cloud of air pushed forth again. Yukami waited.
The frozen words drifted out; three inches, four inches, five- and parted in all directions, like a stream of smoke hitting a wall.
A voice whispered, “Aye, he is.”
Yukami remained still, undeterred, “I want what was promised to me.”
The voice returned, “Aye, you do.”
Yukami shifted from foot to foot.
“You still have much to learn, little girl.”
“I'm not a little girl!”
The words echoed in the wilderness. Yukami composed herself.
“I'm not a little girl.”
“Aye, you think killing a man as he sleeps makes you a woman?”
Yukami shifted feet again.
“I-...I'm not proud of what I did. It was the only way. He would have killed me.”
“Aye, I doubt that very much.”
“He would have! I swear!”
The birds stirred from the trees, sailed to the sky. Yukami, startled, turned and watched them go.
“I would not prick the tiniest of hairs from your head.”
She returned around- “Okasa?”
“Aye.” A gust of wind sent a whirlwind of snow up in front of Yukami. When it cleared, Okasa appeared- in his finest robes, smiling gently. His eyes glimmered with the slight ray of sunlight that suddenly broke through the clouds. “Yukami.”
Yukami fell to her knees in front of the ghost. “Why? Why Okasa?”
Okasa reached out and lightly grasped Yukami's shoulders. He raised her back to her feet, wiped a tear from her eye. “Don't cry my love.”
“Don't.” Yukami took Okasa's outstretched hand, another tear of hers slowly freezing on the tip of his finger. She moved his hand away. “Don't say that.”
“I never stopped loving you.” Okasa rest his arm at his side.
Yukami shook her head. The trees rustled.
“You did. A five-year old boy is proof of that.” Yukami turned away again.
Okasa nodded, “Aye. Hitaro is growing fast. How is he?”
Yukami stayed with her back turned. Okasa took a step forward, raised his arms to embrace her.
“Don't-” Okasa retreated back to his spot. He straightened himself up. Yukami continued, “He's well. Growing fast.” Yukami looked over her shoulder, “He's started asking questions about his mother.”
Okasa nodded again, “Aye.” Yukami sighed and took a step forward, “Yukami-” Okasa spoke. Yukami walked towards the dark trees. “My love-” the whispers followed her. Yukami's kimono disappeared into the dark, leaving Okasa alone in the middle of the clearing.
Snow sprinkled his bald head. He watched after Yukami, the spot where she disappeared into the wilderness. The wind whistled through branches and towering trunks; through the bushels of needles. Okasa peered up at the sky. The clouds had closed, the ray of sunlight no longer struck his eyes. They were darkening. Everything was darkening. With a tear of his own forming, he spoke to the wind, “My love, you will get what you desire.” And with another whirlwind spiral of snow, Okasa was lost to the cold empty air.
Love/Hate
When love turns into hate
in the blink of an eye-
that movie esque moment
when you're riding on high
nothing could be better
nothing could be sweeter
than this moment that's coming together perfectly...
walk on up, walking on cloud nine
till it all comes crashing down
burying you alive
and leaving you breathless
feeling nothing inside
except a hardening of heart
and an inner scream
of fuck you-
I'm fucking done wasting my time.
Fools
Hearts never broken but always bruised,
constantly abused by the words we use.
Who's to blame when we both always lose-
in this game of love, we have nothing to choose.
All for Nuthin'
I did it all for nuthin'
Nothing at all
I did it all for nuthin'
Nothing at all
But boy did it mean
everything to me
Yes she deserves it all,
everything I did,
Anything for love
baby, you hearing me?
Oh so special girl,
you the only one I see.
And it's been a while
Such a long long while
I said it's been a while
Such a long long while
I said it's been a while
Since I felt this way
But now I see it all-
It was all for nuthin', I see
Girl, I did it all,
All for nuthin' I see,
but boy did it mean
everything to me.
It was worth it babe
just to see you smile
It was worth it baby
even when you shed a tear
It was worth it babe
even now that I know-
It was all
All for nothing it seems
What a lie though
It meant everything to me
it meant everything to me
it meant everything to me
everything to me
nothing so it seems
everything to me
I'm crazy so it seems
You mean everything
to
me.
Nostalgia: The Unperformed Play
A hot dog.
Mac and cheese.
Lunchables.
These are the things I think of when I think of my youth. Is it odd they are all food? Hardly; because unlike many things of the past, food is one of the few things able to be recreated in perfect remembered form; the rare feat of attainable nostalgia.
Oh the good old days, the good old days! Back before money woes, singledom, and the heavy weight of responsibility. Back, some might say, when life couldn't be better. In hard times this is the typical train of thought and, so much so, sometimes leads to trying to recapture those glory days of past. Trying, like a playwright, to put all the pieces- all the people: the girl, the friends, the boss, the coffee shop barista- together again in perfect order with the belief everything will follow exactly the script played out once before.
Yet, unfortunately, nostalgia is not a play to be acted out. Even if the scene was set, which alone is a very hard task to achieve, the actions, mood, and character motivations would all be different. In short, everything would be the same but nothing would be the same.
Because as perfect as it plays out in the imagination, going back will never be the same. Never. Doing so, in fact, is a severe hindrance to the all important maturation and forward progress of the human psyche. It's a defense mechanism, to be sure, but not all defense mechanisms are good. It's the age old joke of if you want to teach a kid to swim, throw him in the water. Though hard and miserable and scary at first, trials and tribulations are the necessary ingredient to growth; and eventually, that kid'll be doggy paddling with the best of them.
More important, however, in nostalgia's case is this: to always resort to past comforts is to deny the future joy and greater comfort to be had. Yes, the old days were good; but the new days? Well, they have the potential to be even better. That is, of course, if the dreaded rut of pining for the past doesn't kidnap the mind from the present moment. This is it. This is it right now.
That's not to deny all nostalgia completely. It is, indeed, a good and all important thing too. Nostalgia is the prime investigation tool to creating the timeline to the present. Through these random moments, foods, and places in time, the buildup of the current self is more readily understood.
And often times, those good old days bring the realization of what matters most: the simpler things in life.
Like Lunchables.
And mac and cheese.
And those nostalgia laced hot dogs I love so much.
The Great Divine
Sitting in a forest of light
twinkling around my mind
wrapping around the night
outside ever blind
to the mountain caps
whispering let it shine
and the rain pittering patting
the unwritten line
for the unforgiving sky
beheld in my glassy eyes.
Due Time
Coffee shop hunting;
inspiration hunting;
city jumping
got my heart thumping:
I'm alive,
I'm alive,
but where do my stars align?
Where is my destiny the fates have assigned?
I'm tired of searching,
tired of roaming,
tired of wandering
for something I can't find.
A life worth living,
is the gift we're given.
All in due time.
Strange Brew
Woke up in a strange bed
in a strange place
to a strange sound
and a strange smell;
Strange feelings
of a strange town;
Strange minds
thinking strange thoughts.
You and Me (This may just be)
Strumming prelude
~
(male)
I got you hooked
I don’t know what I did
I see the tears
when I walk away
A million miles from here
A million miles from here
A million miles from your heart
~
Strumming interlude
~
(female)
We met at a bar,
you gave me a smile,
the one I love
hadn’t seen in a while,
you had me boy
oh you had me boy
you had me from the start.
~
Strumming interlude
~
(male)
Lying alone
in my big bed
across the country
you’re still in my head,
I think I miss you
I think I miss you
Girl I miss you so much.
~
Strumming interlude
~
(female)
Now we’re together
please stay for a while
don’t go running
to that place you call home
We got one here
we got one here
we got it all right here.
~
Strumming interlude
~
(both)
You
and me,
baby,
we’ll be
ok.
Yes honey,
you
and me,
we’ll be
ok.
This may just be
This may just be
This may just be…
love.
At First Glance
Swaying with the freedom of a field of petals,
waltzing amongst streets with wind at your back,
blowing ever so gently the fleeting frays of your short skirt's end-
goddess you are, my love, real or pretend-
pray there is no greater fear when two hearts attract
all but from one lonely gaze that doth settle.
Lost and Found
Slinging shots
money talks
don't have it
I take a walk
down the dock
empty thoughts
lessons taught
my mother told me
happiness, it can't be bought
lost and found
I'm running round
tied and bound
need out of this town
Feet of lead
heavy head
dark is the path I tread
deaf and blinded
thoughts of you lying in my bed
till we're dead
riches or rags
give me love instead
On the road
heart I sold
black and cold
remembering what my mother told
life is rough
life is tough
know yourself
that's enough
to make it shine
Brendan, boy you'll be just fine
clear your mind
you have time
go out there
you're one of a kind
Raise my eyes
to the moon
life is beautiful
I hear my tune
stairs creek and they croon
my god I feel it coming soon
flop in bed
soul well fed
bright is the road ahead
lost and found
I'm running round
my destiny
I see you now.
Look Around
Just the other day
where the sidewalk meets the sandy bay,
I met a girl
who took me for a twirl.
We both did dance
when I was bold and took the chance,
asking her but just this,
“Why, this is crazy, but uh, join me...join me my beautiful miss?”
Look around.
Gotta look around.
Look around.
Love, it can be found.
The night went on,
we had our fun.
Sand between our toes,
hands beneath our clothes.
The moon saw it all,
till morning made its call.
What went down,
well...you guys know the sound.
Look around.
Gotta look around.
Look around.
Magic, it can be found.
This was the one,
my life, it had just begun.
Couldn't fall asleep, my dream I had won-
stuck looking at her, heart innocent and young,
and forgot all the pain, I've suffered second to none.
Slipped into sleep, and, man I didn't know I was done.
'Cause woke up to the sun,
and my baby, she had- she had upped and run.
My baby.
My baby she upped and run.
Look around.
Gotta look around.
Look around.
Nuthin' but heartbreak I have found.
Look around.
Heartbreak I have found.
Keep looking around.
My love, where can you be found?
A Great Big Roar
Mighty lion, fierce and raw;
roaring mane wildest ever saw.
Seething seduction, a teeming temptress
trounced forty nights- passion relentless.
rendering forty days the king immobile- seduced
such that, his keen senses, come reduced.
Mighty lion, fierce and raw;
tell me are you happy now?
Nomadic riots running on empty days
doomed destitute, with but one urge to obey;
oh you animals, you wild wild animals,
alight nature's great beauty, come original.
Mighty lion, fierce and raw;
hear me, hold her tight with gallant paws.
Take her for deeds, what she has in store,
swell up with pride, emerges, your inner core,
commanding thoughts of fearless love of the world,
well-refilled of memories never to be told.