mother help me @beammeuplivi - Tumblr Blog

My German fucking hated his crate when he was a baby (to the point where he would cry his eyes out with a treat + a bone while I took a 20 minute shower) but out of no where a couple months ago he just started sleeping in his crate all the time during the day so I wish you the best luck

i know you probably just forgot to type "shepherd" but im in tears picturing you desperately trying to put a small german boy in a crate

pitbolshevik

apokrify

THIS DRAWING WAS MADE 700 YEARS AGO BY A 7-YEARS-OLD BOY NAMED ONFIM WHO LIVED IN NOVOGROD.

oarfjsh

zvaigzdelasas

more of onfime’s drawings:

trashboat

captainsblogsupplemental

rhube

Data is the supportive friend everyone needs.

akiragatr

“I’m gonna text my ex.” Data:

nuclearhearts

last night i had the weirdest nightmare…i was being eaten alive by bugs but i was thinking in another language?? like all i thought over and over again was “pelkoja”

nuclearhearts

HELLO?

nuclearhearts

tiktoksthataregood-ish

magneatio

the most disappointing thing about music is i can’t bite into it like an overripe peach

magneatio

i listen to music at full volume but i’m chasing the feeling of biting into a peach so ripe that the juice runs down your face but with music but with music but with music

hhawkeye

this post on reddit fucking killed me the other day

rebornmaggot-deactivated2019102

if shes your girl why is she calling "woohoo boys" off her balcony and leading me into her apartment and letting me sit on her bed and telling me the reason these expensive linens aren't even soft is because sometimes things that are expensive are worse

tkyle

Kim Richards vs. Eileen Davidson and Lisa Rinna in Amsterdam ASMR

that-twink-over-there

The plastic cup sound is SENDING ME

miniangel

andhumanslovedstories

My grandpa and a girl he knew prior to my grandma. Wild gun safety but they’re both about 90 these days so guess they really dodged that bullet

andhumanslovedstories

This woman by the way sent these pics to my grandpa along with a note that said “happy 90th birthday. By the by, my husband’s dead if you’re interested.” We asked grandpa about her and he was quiet, then said, “to be honest. She had a. Substantial rear end.”

kirianthedivorce

Absolutely losing it at this Reddit post

And the update

She buttered Jorts

anoonzee

The outrage summed in a perfect Tweet:

fuckyeah2000s

jaubaius

She looks like a good mama

goblinparty

[captions]

pink shirt: mom mom: yeah? ps: what are you cooking? mom: oh, i’m makin’ blueberry jam! ps: can i say a curse word in front of you? mom: no you may not. ps: mom! just one! mom: no, you don’t- one’s too much. ps: look at me! mom: no. ps: mom! [laughing] mom, come here! mom: no, i’m not gonna ‘come here’. ps: it’s one! it’s the b-word! and it’s the only b word- just look at me!- it’s the only b-word i’d say in front of you. beautiful. i think you’re beautiful. [mom stammers but doesn’t say words] isn’t that nice? mom: that’s very nice! ps: i love you bitch [mom cracks up]