Bean @beankalonitupou-blog - Tumblr Blog

a seriously top dog of this world / best possible friend that exists

having lots of maddie feelings

“Many things inspire my creativity, predominantly my culture. Being First Generation Chicano, growing up with North-of-Border Mexican parents, I had a lot influences, especially from my dad. He is a really nostalgic type of dude, who often would talk to me about how he would cross the border through the North American railroads and see all the different murals throughout Texas, Southern New Mexico and Arizona. He would explain to me that they were done by local Mexican Chicano artist.

I was always curious & inspired from hearing his heart felt colorful stories. I always pondered: how cool would it be to become an artist, or some type of a creative person, one who could produce something with their hands and vision.” -Ivan Chavez, April Monthly Artist

I went through a bout of depression/anxiety this past couple weeks, really bad aggravations of paranoia and extreme self-doubt. Trying the entire time to be vocal about what I was experiencing but also tactful in how I knew others would receive me. I can be guarded; never quiet sure who to reach out to. Feeling unworthy of that space. I worry sometimes when I think of growing up with a parent who struggled and functioned under debilitating mental illness for all of my young life, all the time I knew her. I think about her later 30s when she first experienced a mental break and if that would be me someday. I have this thought almost every day. Visiting the hospital countless times in my life, knowing what a 72 hour hold feels like for a six year old on the other side of hospital walls, when you are confused and little and your dad doesn’t know how to comb your hair but he’s trying to fill that space. Knowing I can talk to anyone or sleep on anyone’s floor or bed or couch because you have to be shuffled as a kid sometimes and you have to adapt. Knowing that there’s very little ease for someone with mental illness when we are expected to uphold multiple systems that degrade us. Getting older sometimes means getting wise to things too late. I am lucky now that I know how to recoil. It never used to be so easy. It used to feel like being in the middle of the Pacific without a raft, grasping for anyone close enough to hold me up. I don’t want to be that anymore. I finally feel like I’m not punishing myself, punishing others or being punished for feeling emotions. I am lucky that I can allow myself to love myself just as much as I can love another. Which is a lot. I climbed that mountain, the one I tried getting over time and time again. I am on the other side and its vast, it’s bigger than I thought it would be. It’s bright and there are many faces here who know that climb.

eternal-slumber-party

~*ANNOUNCING OUR WINTER / SPRING 2016 GIG LINEUP*~

[2/16]: ABI REIMOLD, DAEPHNE, NEW MOM, BOYSCOUT THRILLER [2/27]: BURGLARY YEARS, LADY PILLS, KINDLING, MAXI’S WORLD [3/17]: BIG HUSH, HALFSOUR, DIGITAL PRISONERS OF WAR, TEMPLE CATS [4/2]: FK MT., VIVIAN K. + MORE TBA [4/11]: CRUSHER + MORE TBA [4/14]: WORRIERS, REMNANTS, PAPER BEE, DUMP HIM [4/27]: TRY THE PIE, GREAT HART, LAIKA’S ORBIT, MAXI’S WORLD [5/6]: OUGHT, PRIESTS, CURSE PURSE — + more to be revealed soon —

all shows are at Flywheel Arts Collective and are all ages *unless otherwise specified* no drugs, no booze, no jerks!

<3 sam and jaclyn Eternal Slumber Party

halafihi-deactivated20170119

I finally got physical copies of Our Sea of Islands #1

Our Sea of Islands is a zine written for and by Pacific Islanders. The purpose of this zine is to bring focus to Islanders as autonomous indigenous peoples, away from the API (Asian-Pacific Islander) social rubric, to highlight our intersectional identities within our contemporary realities.

*A portion of proceeds will go to Oceania Coalition of Northern California and San Francisco State’s Pacific Islander’s Club

You can get it here

zoomerbro

postpunkindustrial

Exene Cervenka

rockscissorsgun

this picture is awesome

houndland

beankalonitupou-blog

Future me being like "won't you join me"

gowns

a handful of carl van vechten’s gorgeous kodachrome portraits

martha flowers, 1953

diana sands, 1963

alvin ailey, 1955

joyce bryant, 1953

leontyne price, 1953

mahalia jackson, 1962

james earl jones, 1961

zora neale hurston, 1940

harry belafonte, 1954

james baldwin, 1954

dreymdeka

Cover art and design for Gift of Life by VHS.

So happy to have had the opportunity to work on this record!

beankalonitupou-blog

Lemme borrow your shrink ray so I can make Maddie this size.

beankalonitupou-blog

Still looking for a shrink ray

screamqueensradio

ESG (Emerald, Sapphire and Gold) are a band from the South Bronx, New York, U.S.. The band originally consisted of sisters Maria Scroggins (congas, vocals), Renee Scroggins (vocals), and Valerie Scroggins (drums), and friends David Miles (guitar) and Leroy Glover (bass). A later incarnation of the band consisted of Deborah Scroggins, Maria Scroggins (congas, vocals), Renee Scroggins (guitar, vocals), and Valerie Scroggins (drums). ESG have been influential in a wide range of musical genres, including hip hop, post punk, disco, and dance-punk.

calciumdays

Leave home. Miss home.

beankalonitupou-blog

Life would be dismal for all of us without ESG, I assure you. Seriously one of THE most influential bands of the 20th century

When Renee Scroggins was asked about the theme behind the 7" entitled “Sample Credits Don’t Pay Our Bills” she said: “It has actually got worse. Now people who are sampling us just have a new line of crap, they say they recreated it on a computer. I ain’t got no respect for them. I ain’t trying to rip off them but they steal our music like it is okay.”

beankalonitupou-blog

E v e r y d a y these two

beankalonitupou-blog

As I Grew Older

It was a long time ago. I have almost forgotten my dream. But it was there then, In front of me, Bright like a sun— My dream. And then the wall rose, Rose slowly, Slowly, Between me and my dream. Rose until it touched the sky— The wall. Shadow. I am black. I lie down in the shadow. No longer the light of my dream before me, Above me. Only the thick wall. Only the shadow. My hands! My dark hands! Break through the wall! Find my dream! Help me to shatter this darkness, To smash this night, To break this shadow Into a thousand lights of sun, Into a thousand whirling dreams Of sun!

Langston Hughes

beankalonitupou-blog

"A thousand whirling dreams Of sun!"

Yes. This!