[okay]

[rustyshack3lford]

Today marked the end of a really important chapter of my life, you’re in jail and you can’t hurt me anymore. Not emotionally, not physically, not financially, not in any way, Ever again.

While I didn’t tie my healing process to the hopes that you’d somehow recognize or apologize to me, I still felt “slapped in the face” whenever you didn’t. But you know what? That’s okay, because I’m free. I’m free of any and all ties to you. And just like what was said before, I forgave you months ago. At first, that seemed impossible because I thought you didn’t deserve it. But then I realized forgiving you was for ME. Not for you.

I realized I deserved to have forgiven you because I deserve to live my life free of any and all ties to you. I deserve to not have to hold onto any of you. That includes any feelings of hate or spite or anger or disgust you have brought into me. I deserve to not be hateful. I deserve to let go. I deserve freedom.

You no longer control any part of me, and you no longer have a piece of me. I have let go of your control by forgiving you. Finally, only I control me. And it feels amazing. Forgiving you is proof that I have the power now, and you’re never getting it back. I am thriving now. I’m my first priority, I make time for family and friends, I have time to focus my new career I have ALWAYS dreamed of obtaining where I now have the opportunity to help people similar to yourself.

But Just because I’m forgiving you doesn’t mean I’m saying what you did was OK. What you did to me—to my mental health, to my life—was heinous and malicious. What I’m saying is that you did all of those things to me, and now that it’s over, it’s only you who has to live with it. I refuse to live with what you did to me, that child, his family, and everyone else who was unfortunate enough to cross paths with you, That’s your job now.

I will forgive but I will not forget. And I hope you never forget any of your victims either. The day you forget us is the day you repeat what you did to another innocent human being. And that’s a day I never want to see. Don’t forget what was said when you were standing in that court room. Don’t forget the feeling you had when you felt my coworker put those cuffs on your wrists today. Don’t forget any of it, because I never will.

I hope me forgiving you will show you that even what we think is impossible can happen. Maybe you think it’s impossible for you to change the way you are, but it has become clear to me that we never know our own capabilities until we push our boundaries farther than ever before. choose sobriety, choose to seek help for the untreated mental illnesses, choose to take responsibilities for your own actions instead of using scapegoats, choose to do the same 180 turn around I have done since you’ve been gone. Choose a life worth living. I hope one day you’ll be alright. I truly mean that.

Goodbye for good this time, Jace.

[beardedsurvivor]

A repost from my main blog.

Today a SURVIVOR saw justice.

It’s over, it was the closure I didn’t even know I still needed.

[beardedsurvivor]

It’s actually quite sickening once you realize how much bullshit you were willing to minimalize before you fully understood the severity of the abuse you were enduring.

[beardedsurvivor]

Here’s a friendly reminder to give yourself credit just for “picking up the pieces” whenever you have one of those days where you feel defeated, depressed, alone, etc.

if you left, you’ve already won a huge battle. If you survived an abusive relationship and grew strength from it, you won the fucking war.

Y’all got this I believe in all of you. ❤️

[beardedsurvivor]

Lost weight from not stress eating 24-7 and feeling good!

[beardedsurvivor]

accomplishments of the week:

I Got my hair cut again instead of letting it grow out because it makes me feel good when it’s freshly faded.

I Got my oil changed in my beloved truck.

I Cleaned the whole house and went grocery shopping

Got my projected starting date for my DREAM JOB AT THE SHERIFFS DEPARTMENT!!!

I had my surgery.

I Went to therapy the next day.

Then today I had a much needed “best friend day” with Hannah and went to gingers revenge for some drinks, chilled with my brother, then took Jess out to go axe throwing!

I feel like I keep saying I’m really starting to fall in love with myself and my life, but holy crap, I’ve never felt this good. Things are suspiciously going really well (knock on wood) but I know it’s because I’m making changes in the way I think and getting rid of toxins in my life. I’m so at peace and In all of my 28 years I’ve NEVER felt anything remotely close to this.

It’s. Fucking. Amazing.

[beardedsurvivor]

Hello. I wanted to say that I hope that things will be better for you soon and that you have a good day. ^_^

Thank you so much! Things are going great actually! I hope you have an amazing week 💕🥺👉🏻👈🏻

[beardedsurvivor]

“I Depression and other types of brain disorders do not strip someone of a moral compass, and yet these are potentially life-threatening diseases that can impair judgment and distort a person’s sense of reality. We must turn our attention to researching and raising awareness about these diseases – and to dispelling the myths and raising awareness about these diseases – and to dispelling the myths that prevent us from helping those who most need it. We must do so, not only for the sake of the afflicted, but also for the innocents who will continue to register as their casualties if we do not.”

-Sue Klebold

[beardedsurvivor]

I didn’t think about you once today until just now and it’s only because I realized I don’t care anymore.

I. don’t. care. what. happens. to. you.

if he goes to jail, cool. If he doesn’t go to jail, cool.

I’m not even angry anymore I’m just like... over it.

[beardedsurvivor]

Three weeks ago I was still an angry emotional wreck.

Today I obtained a job with my local sheriffs office as a correctional officer/victim advocate officer for those who’ve been through some type of abuse in their lives.

Today I went on a date with a sweet girl who I’ve had my eye on for quite sometime, and scored a second one with her.

Today I embraced the sunlight and felt like everything was starting to be okay again.

Today I felt at peace.

Today I feel as though I am starting fall in love with life again.

Healing happens, guys.

I promise things will get better, but it’s up to you to take the initiative to make things better.

[mrspider-deactivated20221213]

trans people deserve to be a little vain as healing for the years some of us spent feeling like shit about ourselves

[mentalcentral]

sometimes you need to make a significant change in your life to heal and that’s ok!! it might be stressful to change but it’ll be worth it!

[beardedsurvivor]

For the record, you didn’t make me a victim. You made me one badass survivor.

[beardedsurvivor]

Today’s accomplishments:

Woke up at 5:30 to watch the sunrise on the parkway with Jess

Had a “tea date” at doja

Went to go meet Charles

Went to the brewery together and got Mexican food

Went to the retrocade and finally told Jess that I had a crush on her and she likes me back!

Learned that even after my horrific relationship, that I AM emotionally capable of feeling excited and having “butterflies” again is possible.

Drove home and spent some quality time with my dog, Hank.

[cookiesanddonuts17]

[beardedsurvivor]

I’m fine without you.

[beardedsurvivor]

Was I perfect? No. But based on the false accusations, drug addiction, and trauma you lied about I felt the need to steer you away from certain people and things.

Did I ever sink to your level and mentally, physically, and verbally abuse you?

Nah. Because if I wanted to, I don’t even have it in me to give you even a small percentage of what you’ve done to me.

[anximity]

Cutting off a long-term abuser is the wildest thing because some days you don’t want anything to do with them and you wish you had never met them and other days you miss them in the way you miss an old best friend and you hope they’re doing well. Plus the whole time deep down you know you just hope they’re becoming a better person so that they never treat another person the way they treated you.