now i can finally be okay

Kala. 36. she/her. lesbian. sagittarius. just trying to create a place for the things i love

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Oh man, got excited when I saw you posted! Sorry you’re not okay, but doing better is better than doing worse. Best of luck.

thank you! i've been on a ~journey~ of finally getting medicated for my depression after YEARS of being like "i'm not depressed, everyone is just a little bit sad all the time and relates to julien baker's discography" lmao and it's been exhausting. but i might finally be on a combo that is gonna work so 2026 will be my year!!!!

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i'm not back at all and idk if i ever will be BUT i wanted to have this here for my records just in case i ever do idk 💜

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so...no one posted the dork article D:

lol okay not surprised by that... it's up on the dork website now! 💜

“This is for you, too”: Julien Baker & TORRES’ country revolution

After nearly a decade of friendship, two of indie rock's most distinctive voices unite to create a country record that challenges convention

[emergingghost]

julien baker in the punk and hardcore scene, a masterpost

clips of Julien Baker at DIY punk and hardcore shows over the years. predominantly with The Star Killers, Forrister and her involvement in Wicker, Smith7 in general + other miscellaneous house shows including some performances of sprained ankle and totl songs pre-release!

if you watch any of these smith7 shows (even ones without julien) you can see how powerful this community is in giving people a voice and the confidence to play music and be heard. and it's cool to see how much this philosophy seems to have stayed with julien in how she approaches music and performs. you'll find a good amount of weird julien lore and notice people she still works with today throughout so! enjoy!

organised by year, videos linked and timestamped as '[x]' some of these links you might think 'why have i been sent here? where's julien?' just wait and trust me and my timestamps!

i would've liked to have timestamped each song in the longer sets so you could find a particular song but that is just TOO much. sorry! there are shorter clips here and there of individual songs too though!

2011:

The Star Killers - Typical Tuesday at St. Blues Guitars in Memphis. June 7th [x]

Wicker acoustic show at the Death Star. June 23rd. (jb's not on camera but you can hear her in the background joining in on some songs etc. Creech is on guitar throughout and Matt plays drums at the end) [x]

2012:

The Star Killers - Vertical Cities at The Abbey. Jan 23rd [x]

The Star Killers - Vampiretown. Feb 9th [x]

The Star Killers - Boot $coot at The Abbey. June 19th [x]

The Star Killers - Pants Tour at Memphis Music Shop. July 25th. Parts 1-7 below: -> 1. The Love Song Blues [x] -> 2. Typical Tuesday [x] -> 3. Thank You, Mr Durden [x] -> 4. Vertical Cities [x] -> 5. Lynchpin [x] -> 6. The Boot $coot $hakedown [x] -> 7. The Pardoner's Tale [x] different POV > [x]

2013:

The Star Killers - Pardoner's Tale at 1372 Overton Park. Jan 8th [x]

The Star Killers - ENT performed in Memphis. Jan 9th [x]

The Star Killers - Acoustic at The Abbey. May 30th [x] -> Dallas. (same show as above, diff. POV) [x] -> Folsom Prison / Love Song Blues (diff. POV) [x]

The Star Killers - Pants Tour Night 1 at The Refuge. June 22nd [x]

The Star Killers - Last show with John at The Death Star. Pants Tour. June 24th [x] -> ENT (same show, diff. POV) [x]

The Star Killers - Black Poppy Wine at Crosstown Arts Space TN. July 23rd [x]

The Star Killers - Black Poppy Wine at Crosstown (maybe). different show to above, tiny clip [x]

2014:

The Star Killers - performing (i can't figure out this song!) at Crosstown. July 5th [x]

The Star Killers - at Smith 7 House in Memphis. [x]

Wicker - Acoustic Pants (ft. JB on piano) at Avenue Coffee. July 17th [x]

Smith7 Records World Pants Tour days 1-4 (pants tour ~vlog + lil the star killers clip at the start) [x]

Smith7 Records World Pants Tour days 9-13 (two the star killers clips time stamped! second is Epilogue) [x] [x]

The Star Killers: the end of pants 2014 [x]

2015:

Julien Baker solo - Decorated Lawns at Gutterhouse in Memphis. Jan 9th [x]

Forrister - Choked Up - the Hi-Tone. late spring. [x]

Forrister - Pants Tour at the Gutterhouse. June 5th [x] -> Make Everything Right (same show, diff POV) [x]

Wicker at the Gutterhouse, Pants Tour. June 5th [x] (jb doing the cord around the neck thing ha!)

Forrister - Pants Tour at The Warehaus. June 6th [x] -> Pontchartrain (diff. POV) [x]

Forrister & Wicker - The Tour of Northern Aggression at Exponent Manor in Nashville. July 5th [x] -> Nick Carpenter/Medium Build mention and sighting! [x]

Julien Baker solo (Sprained Ankle tunes pre-release) at Nostromo Nashville. Aug 7th [x]

Wicker at Castle Endor. Nov 25th (lil clip of JB talking) [x]

Swordfish (another JB band? lore unknown!) at Castle Endor. Nov 25th (it's so dark but trust me, watch the whole thing!) [x]

Forrister at Castle Endor. Dec 21st [x]

The Acorns at Castle Endor. Dec 21st (JB just hanging out in the corner occasionally speaking. also notably an og performance of Bedbugs!) [x]

Smith7 Pants Tour Video 2015: -> snippet of Forrister, followed by JB performing with Small Fires(Fries?) (also this is obviously a different ry*n ad*ms!) and Wicker [x] -> snippet of Forrister [x] -> JB performing Rejoice [x]

2016:

Multiple performances for: Trevor's Birthday at Castle Endor. Feb 13th. -> 'Marlins Will Soar' (JB performing) [x] -> Forrister [x] -> Wicker [x]

Forrister at Yung Spotty. April 3rd [x]

Forrister Pants Tour at Circle Music. July 12th [x] diff POV > [x]

Wicker Pants Tour at Castle Endor. July 16th (JB does some singing and then is lurking in the corner for the rest) [x]

Forrister Pants Tour at Castle Endor. Aug 6th [x]

Wicker Pants Tour at Circle Music. Aug 20th (JB crops up a few times throughout but have stamped a larger portion) [x]

Smith7 Pants Tour 2016: (vlog ft. a few JB clips and two brief Forrister clips) [x] [x] [x] [x]

Julien performing her unreleased song The Linguist in the web series 'Feral' [x] (video) [x] (audio only)

2017:

Wicker Smith7 Pants Tour w/ Church & Destroy & The Acorns at Castle Endor. June 23rd. -> JB playing guitar on the left throughout the Wicker set until about 28mins [x] -> JB is jessica jones? [x] -> JB covering songs by Ryan Hailey including Bedbugs) [x] (if youre going to watch one vid watch this!) -> same performance as above just cut into a shorter clip [x] -> mountain dew concoction review [x]

Pillow Talk Pants Tour at Finn Pablo's July 3rd. (Pillow Talk is Calvin Lauber's old band and JB sings in the studio version of their song Monogomy which is performed first. she's not in this clip i just think it's some good lore and good music) [x]

Julien performing solo - Epilogue by The Star Killers 1884 Lounge in Memphis. Dec 1st -> audio only: [x] -> short video of same performance: [x]

Julien performing solo - Boo Pristine by Wicker and transitioning into Something in Memphis. Dec 1st (audio only) [x]

INVOLVEMENT IN OTHER PUNK & HARDCORE SHOWS:

2015:

Julien stage diving/screaming into the mic at a Touché Amoré show at Chain Reaction, Anaheim. Nov 1st 2015. (she opened for them at this show!) (30min mark if the stamp doesnt work) [x]

Julien's own solo performance from the above show. (THE "honesty transcends genre" show! ft. Jeremy Bolm watching in awe from side stage) [x]

2018:

Touché Amoré ft. Julien Baker - Skyscraper in Detroit. April 10th 2018 [x / x]

Touché Amoré ft. Julien Baker - Skyscraper in Nashville. May 1st 2018 [x / x]

2020:

Julien performing with Slider (Mariah Schneider's band) covering Iron Maiden. Jan 10th [x] (ive decided this is random but cool enough to include!)

2023:

Touché Amoré ft. Julien Baker - Reminders in LA at The Novo - Dec 8th 2023. (multiple POVs) [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Turnstile ft. Julien Baker - UNDERWATER BOI in Paris at Rock en Seine Aug 26th 2023 [x] [x] [x]

PUNK & HARDCORE SONGS JB IS FEATURED ON: (if some of these aren't technically punk or hxc...whatever!) - all available on spotify, apple and youtube. some also on bandcamp.

Struggle - Yet

Horses... Ride Them Or (Great Story Garrett) - Wicker [x] (on spotify but linked yt)

Monogamy - Pillow Talk (TN) (Pillow Talk is Calvin Lauber's old band!)

Reminders - Touché Amoré [x] (lil clip of JB & Beans in the mv)

Skyscraper - Touché Amoré

UNDERWATER BOI - Turnstile

Sport of Form - The Armed

In Heaven - The Armed

Track XXIII - Fucked Up

Track IVII - Fucked Up

Track IVIII - Fucked Up

Goodbye for Now - Touché Amoré [x] (clips of JB in the mv)

HARDCORE/PUNK ADJACENT ARTISTS COVERING JB SONGS:

The Devil Wears Prada covering Sour Breath [x]

Dashboard Confessional covering Sprained Ankle [x] (also on spotify)

Dustin Kensrue (of Thrice) covering Blacktop [x]

PODCASTS ABOUT THE PUNK & HARDCORE SCENE JB IS FEATURED ON:

Turned out a Punk (on spotify too but ive just linked yt) -> part 1 "Julien Baker from boygenius is here!" [x] -> part 2 "Julien Baker is back" [x]

The First Ever Podcast (vocalist of Touché Amoré, Jeremy Bolm's podcast) -> Julien Baker: Memorial-Day-Sale-at-Guitar-Centre-Riff. [spotify] [apple] [patreon] (i think theres actually a video on patreon?? unsure, but its behind a pay wall)

[beat-at-the-keys]

hii kala! hope you're doing well! this is a long shot i think but if you purchase the dork magazine issue with jbtorres would you mind taking a pic of the interview inside and sharing it here? i'm not in the US and i really wanted to read the article :'c

hi! i am, thank you 💜

my copy hasn't even shipped yet and i assume since it's a uk magazine, someone in the uk or europe will probably get their copy before i do and will probably scan it while i'm still obsessively checking my tracking lol. and actually, since it's the march issue, i wonder if the article might be posted on their site next week? or sometime within the month. hopefully not behind a paywall so everyone can read it 🙏🏻

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KALA SUGAR BEHIND THE SCENES!!!!!

OMG YESSSS LET'S FUCKING GO!!!! they are keeping us FED!!!

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random videos of julien baker from fall 2024 tour [8/?]

        → claws in your back - november 21 @ eARTh london

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random videos of julien baker from fall 2024 tour [7/?]

        → short clip of bloodshot - november 21 @ eARTh london

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random videos of julien baker from fall 2024 tour [6/?]

        → band intros - november 20 @ eARTh london

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random videos of julien baker from fall 2024 tour [5/?]

        → ziptie - november 20 @ eARTh london

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random videos of julien baker from fall 2024 tour [4/?]

        → shadowboxing - october 28 @ bellwether los angeles

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random videos of julien baker from fall 2024 tour [3/?]

        → favor - november 20 @ eARTh london

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I hope you guys get tickets today if you are trying!

thank you! 💜 we did - i was actually surprised by how easy it was in comparison to the fall tour? like i was STRESSED but really did not need to be lmao

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sad that you won't be online as much :( do you think you'll still share how the shows were if youre attending the jbtorres run? because i used to love sending you asks about how the shows were each night

omg i loved that too! you can definitely still send me messages about that and i'll get back to them when i can. i've deleted the app so i won't be able to respond while traveling (and the way i still automatically go to open the app and click on pinterest instead is so embarrassing, like the addiction was REAL) but i'll turn on email notifications so i still see them.

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Feel free to not reply back to this (obviously). As someone who enjoys JBs music probably to around the same degree as you, I thoroughly have enjoyed your insights to the music. I get stepping away from social media, trying to do that myself. This was one app I was allowing because how else am I supposed to get music updates lol (no seriously though). Anyway thanks for all the info and your shared enjoyment of her music. 👋🏽

this means a lot, thank you! social media is just getting worse and worse on like a world-level, and when i combined that with my own apparent inability to handle involvement in real person fandom.... i felt like i was going insane lol.

inbox is going to stay open AND i have a bunch of videos from tour in my drafts that i'm gonna queue up to post, but yeah. i'm gonna miss y'all! genuinely had some of the best conversations of my life here.

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selfishly im sad and am gonna miss you especially w tour and the album coming. you and shay are like 2 of the handful of people in the fandom that dont annoy me lol. but i totally get and support you on staying more offline, ive been trying to do the same but still have notifs on for yall

this is so sweet :( i really wish i was someone who could like take a step back and still participate without getting overly involved and parasocial with it, but i'm just not. i was finding myself getting annoyed about the dumbest and least important things in the last few months, like i'd see someone say something that i knew wasn't true because of a 2016 interview and i'd be like "well you are now my enemy" and like. it's not that serious? i've tried taking little steps back and i always end up getting sucked back in, and with new music coming i realized that if i wanted to enjoy everything purely, i had to gtfo of fandom.

but my inbox will always stay open and i'll check it occasionally! always down to talk about her, i just...need to make my focus my own life again.

[gruesome-beauty]

Ohh are you taking a break from this app?

trying to! i have such a weird relationship to tumblr. and like fandom in general. like i’m always drawn to it, i love parts of it, but a lot of it is sooooo bad for me. like i don’t actually love being like. an authority in any way. maybe authority isn’t the right word for it, but it’s just like…i love sharing stuff and i have a bizarrely good memory so when i can help other people find things that’s very satisfying to me, but i don’t like anyone thinking i “know” more and that therefore means you can take my word for anything. i have biases, i’m sure i’m wrong about things sometimes. i don’t like the power we give other people in fandoms, particularly when the fandom centers real actual people. i don’t like that if i find information that might be sensitive or personal about jb, even if it’s through totally legitimate channels and i didn’t do anything invasive to get it, i suddenly have to be some fucking arbiter of whether other people in fandom should be allowed to know it. it’s not even MY information to have! i don’t deserve to know things more just because i’m the weirdo who went down a years old reddit rabbit hole or what the fuck ever. i guess i’ve just been thinking about it a lot with the jbtorres songs we know are coming, what we should or should not discuss re: her struggles with addiction, and it just makes me feel like i’m losing my mind a little bit because of the blurry weird lines when you’re in a real person fandom.

sorry anon, you really did not ask for an essay here about my ethics and fandom struggles, but i figured i’d just be honest about what’s going through my head rn