like it's the only thing I'll ever do

beau odie. 20. asu senior. I'm Beau, Mama Odie's grandson. I grew up in the bayou watching my grandmama's magic heal people and make their lives better. Now I want to study medicine for a little healing magic of my own. Future nurse. Current guy just getting by. Dating Aumee Blake!

[beauodie]

clarissa-lb​:

The for you page shows you videos the algorithm thinks you’ll be interested in based on things you’ve watched on the app and the pages you follow

Yeah, I follow real nurses.

[beauodie]

Does anyone know how to get your TikTok to stop showing you videos you’re not interested in? I swear, for the last week, all I’ve gotten are different dudes dressed in nurse costumes and doing cutesy dances, and no matter what I do, I keep getting more! I know I talk about nursing a lot and my phone spies on me but that’s my major, what am I supposed to do?!

[beauodie]

text 💬 ripeau

Ripley: Okay, I don't want you to feel even worse. I'll try to fix it with puck. He probably thinks I'm fucking nuts.

Ripley: I'm sorry for stealing focus when you were so happy about Aimee. I didn't mean to ruin your happiness at all. I wish I would've gone to you a lot sooner about all of this. I could've done so many things better. I know our situations are different, it's just kinda killing me inside to know I hurt you so much and it sucks there's nothing I can do just make things right. I genuinely want to do this the right way and in the way that's best for you. I'm not trying to rush you or shift any blame onto you. Things are changing and I just want to do right by you and Puck. I'm just not entirely sure how to do that anymore.. I'm trying to be open and honest about everything in my head. Just let me know if you want me to be doing something different.

Beau: Puck knows you better than anyone, so he already knows you're nuts but, you know, in the good way. In the loveable way.

Beau: Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you finally told me the truth. I just think it could've been done NOT during a conversation we were having about Aimee? But you're right, it could've been done differently in lots of different ways, and we can't change that now. I think all we can do now is keep telling each other everything in our heads, not getting mad at the other for being honest, and letting the other one know when we have boundaries. And for now, as long as you don't use me as an obstacle, I'm good, so it's a solid start. And maybe you could start trying to get over feeling bad about hurting me? It's just focusing so hard on what's already happened and what can't be fixed and I'm worried focusing so hard on what's passed will make it harder for you to go forward, and I don't want to be the reason anyone's stuck in the past. My grandmama would say that just cause you didn't do something right once doesn't mean you can't make sure you get it right next time.

[beauodie]

text 📲 buck

Puck: I get that, and most of my problems that's how it would be. This one was... I don't know. Different? Bigger? As for how if I ever would have brought it up if she hadn't, I don't know. I can't tell you because that's just not how it played out. All I can do is say I'm sorry for making you feel that way, because it wasn't that at all. But I get that there's nothing I can really do to 'make it better.'

Puck: Also not sure what to say to all of that other than what's been said. And I'm not trying to drag you further into this, or push you out for that matter. But I know Rip's not making it easy on you, and I'm trying to help on that front too. I don't want to overwhelm you any more than you are, so I guess I'll just leave it at that and I'll let you know how things go, if you even want to know. If that's more than you want right now because you need to process everything, I get it.

Beau: Thanks. And you're right, the only thing that'll help with that feeling is time and you doing things to prove you trust me, so. I think we can get there again though. I want to, anyway. I love you guys, and I know you've got your stuff to focus on, but just know I still exist and care.

Beau: Ripley's definitely not making it easy. She basically said she'd only try making it work with you so long as I was already okay with everything, and if I still felt bad at all, she'd use that as a reason not to go forward with you, and it just... sent me. I don't want to be a reason you guys do or don't do anything, you're your own thing and pretending I have any influence on it after lying to my face about its existence for so long doesn't sit right with me, but I don't know if she gets that. You can tell me how things go with you two though. Just because I don't want to be offered a voice in your relationship out of pity doesn't mean I don't care about you guys.

[beauodie]

text 💬 ripeau

Ripley: We weren't going to ignore them, we were just going to focus on being there for you. We know how we both feel and that's not going to change. I can't speak for how Puck would've handled it emotionally, but I think we both just wanted to try and do better.

Ripley: I'm fine if you're not "magically fixed" I wasn't trying to force you into being okay within one second. I didn't know what to do. This is totally new and we haven't dealt with something like this before so I was just trying. Your feelings are not annoying to me. I care about you. I care about you so fucking much and everything that you are feeling matters to me. I'm sorry if you feel like we're trying to make you into the bad guy here. I'm just trying to do right by you. But can I just ask you, can you be 100% focused on Aimee and happy with her right now with everything going on? I'm trying to understand how you're thinking right now. If you can, maybe that's just something I can't understand.

Beau: I really appreciate the thought behind that but if you both just sidelined your feelings to focus on ME instead, it would just feel kind of fake, even if it was completely genuine. Like, I KNOW you guys have something going on and that you'd rather be doing that, and I'd just feel like the bad guy for stealing focus.

Beau: I haven't been able to fully focus on my girlfriend and how happy she makes me since the conversation was shifted away from her pretty abruptly, actually. I haven't been able to focus on much because I've been really busy readjusting the way I look at two of the most important people in my life. You, however, don't have to deal with any of that since the one person that's been emotionally dishonest with you finally told you what he wants, and it happens to line up perfectly with what you want, and there's nothing else to work through. Our situations are different, Queen. There's nothing holding you back from focusing on your happiness unless you want there to be.

[beauodie]

text 💬 ripeau

Ripley: I wasn't trying to put you into that position. It's not wrecking anything with me and Puck we already know how we feel about each other. I didn't think about it making you feel even worse, that wasn't my intention.

Ripley: Jesus, Beau, I don't want us to not talk for years! I don't even want to not talk to you for a second but I don't even know what to do or say at this point. It feels like everything we're doing is wrong. We didn't include you before and you're hurt and we try to include you now and you feel hurt. So, you're saying you don't want to be included now, we'll keep you out of it. Whatever we have to do to make this right. I don't care, I'll do it. I'm not trying to make you feel any worse, I'm trying to fix this just tell me what I have to do to do that.

Beau: So you know how you feel about each other but you wanted to, what, ignore those feelings if I was still sad? Am I understanding that correctly? Because if I am, then I don't see how that could possibly work without making you guys resent me more, especially Puck who's pissed as heck. If I'm misunderstanding, I'd love to know what the actual plan was, because I just can't.

Beau: I'm not hurt that I wasn't included before, I'm hurt that I was lied to! I don't need to be responsible for whether you guys get together now or later. What I need is the friendship that I THOUGHT I had because the friends I thought I had wouldn't have been emotionally dishonest to my face for almost a year, but you both were and now I feel like the carpet that is reality was pulled out from under me, hard! You went from hiding any trace of what was really going on to putting it on my shoulders whether or not you guys even decide to talk about it at all so fast that I'm still dealing with whiplash and looking back at the last eight months and recontextualizing everything and... it's just so much. You want to know how to fix it? The truth of the matter is the only thing that'll make it all hurt less is time, and you're just going to have to be okay with that because I can't magically change. If I could, I would, but I can't. I'm real sorry to put a damper on the start of your and Puck's relationship. I know that's the priority right now and my feelings are probably really annoying when you're so happy about other stuff, so if you want to just not deal with them anymore, you're well within your rights, especially because there's nothing that can be done or said that can fix it from one minute to the next.

[beauodie]

text 💬 ripeau

Ripley: I'm not trying to make you a villain. okay? I was just trying to be a better friend. I don't know.

Ripley: well, as you know, I am really sorry about everything. I know it's not going to fix everything. I guess Puck might've been right, maybe I should just give you your space for now? and when you're ready i'll be here.

Beau: Well, telling me that me not being over it yet is a reason you have not to progress with Puck just makes me feel awful, like I either should be over it already and there's something wrong with me that I'm not or else like I need to take responsibility for wrecking your relationship before it begins. How am I supposed to feel about that?

Beau: I'm sorry about everything too. I don't want to not talk to you guys. I just don't want to feel forced into your relationship business, especially when the positions I'm forced into either hurt or are really unflattering. I don't even know what being "ready" means. If you mean you want to give me space until I'm not upset about any of this anymore, then I guess we probably won't talk for years? And that's not what I want but if that's what you two would rather do, then I guess that's that. Good luck with everything and congratulations on getting together.

[beauodie]

text 💬 ripeau

Ripley: I wasn't trying to make it seem like I was worried about your feelings about Puck and I. I just meant that IF you were still not feeling good about us having not confided in you, I wanted to address it first. Because if we were the reason you were upset and then after having needing you to push us together for us to be happy together and you're still feeling upset about us not talking to you then I would feel like a shitty person for being happy when one of my friends is not. I'm not using it as an excuse. If you're actually okay and everything is good and great then I'm telling Puck I want to be with him. In fact, I've already told him that and we were just in the middle of discussing it but I wanted to be sure I wasn't being an asshole. I already fucked up once, you know? I'm not trying to do that again. But if you're fine, you're fine and we're good. do you actually think that I'd try to use you as an excuse in anything? especially with something like this and especially with puck?? like is your opinion of me as a friend that low now??

Beau: Of course I'm still not feeling good about you both lying to me. I'm not even close. Like, I'm glad you both apologized and that means a lot to me but it doesn't fix things overnight, but that really doesn't matter. Go, be happy. Your happiness won't make me feel worse, so go back to not caring about what I think about all this if it means you can enjoy yourself; I don't want to be the guy holding you guys back, I'm not trying to be the guy holding you guys back, and I never asked to be that guy in the first place. I've been telling you over and over and OVER again that I have nothing to do with your Puck business and you basically said that I either have to feel 100% good about everything going on or else I'll be the villain keeping you and Puck apart, so if you aren't trying to use me as an excuse, I don't know why else you're being like this.

[beauodie]

text 💬 ripeau

Ripley: I want to make sure you're not just saying this because if you are feeling hurt I want to address it. Screw this being about "just me and puck". I wouldn't feel like a very good friend if I was just concerned about myself and the stuff I'm figuring out if I didn't make sure that you were okay too. And quite frankly, I can't focus on this being like us possibly getting together if this is hurting one of us. But thank you for the advice. I'm being the utmost honest and straight forward I can be. Including telling him that I want to make sure everyone is okay before we talk about me and him because it just wouldn't feel right otherwise.

Beau: Ripley, I love you, but believe it or not, my happiness doesn't depend on your relationship status. Whether or not you two get together isn't going to make things better or worse for me. I'm hurt based on what's happened in the past and not whatever happens in the future. You've already apologized for what's hurt me and I've already accepted it and there's not much else we can do except let time heal so don't please make me a reason you don't want to be with Puck, cause I'm telling you loud and clear that if you use me as a scapegoat or an excuse to not work on stuff that you want to, that's one of the only things you could do that would make me feel even worse. You'd be literally forcing me into your thing as the bad guy or the obstacle or whatever, which wouldn't be fair to me, especially because it's no skin off my knees if you two couple up or not so long as you two talk things out. If you want me as your friend, you won't paint me as your antagonist. Stall discussing your business with Puck on your own behalf, not on mine.

[beauodie]

text 💬 ripeau

Ripley: Puck feels like he majorly fucked up with talking with you too. I wish I could even believe that this shit would stop being scary but that's literally never going to change, ironically enough. I really can't express enough how sorry I am that we made you feel that way. Like we didn't trust you. I would have nothing without the two of you. And I can only hope that you forgive me and puck and are able to trust that we'll be better in the future. the last thing I wanted was to hurt anyone. and it breaks my heart to know i helped cause this in you, beau.

Beau: Course I forgive you guys, but this isn't about me so stop trying to make it about me, cher, please. It's about you and Puck. I hear your apology and I'm grateful for it, but I don't need it, and you don't need to hurt where I'm concerned. Save your heart's energy for figuring things out with Puck. If you two are sailing into uncharted waters, you deserve to give this the best try you can. If I can offer some advice though? Actually talk to Puck as things are happening, and be as real with him as you are with me. Being open and honest is the best way to ensure trust among people and avoiding hurting anyone, for future reference.

[beauodie]

text 📲 buck

Puck: None of it really made sense to me either, why do you think it took me so long to finally be ready to talk? It's weird, crossing over into undefined territory. I mean, like have I thought about Rip like that? Yeah, sure, I'm a guy, who hasn't? Except probably you because you're 10 times the guy I'll ever be, but that's besides the point. It's a mess, I know, and I'm STILL trying to make sense of it, so I don't blame you for being confused about it all. And probably also why it doesn't sound like much, but that's all I can give. I was scared to talk, even though I wanted to. I tried and failed, came off looking like a major douche because I couldn't just man up and talk. That's about the gist of it. And never said it made me feel special in any way... it sucked, honestly. Feeling like the second I spoke up I'd be tossed aside. So maybe you weren't totally off in saying I was manipulating the situation. I guess in a way I was, but not intentionally and definitely not in a skeezy way.

Puck: You're still my best friend, Beau. I wanna hear your opinions and shit, and I should have come for them a while ago, not when this was already coming to a head. It was just hard. And who knows, maybe what you said SHOULD have been what's said, I have no idea what to tell you about that. But maybe that's why my reaction wasn't great, because I needed it. I don't know, I just know I don't like not knowing what the hell's going on between the three of us and right now none of us are on the same page about anything. I don't wanna drag you in or push you out of anything, and I never wanted you to that think I didn't trust you, because that couldn't be further from the truth! I absolutely trust you, and I should have with this but I didn't, but that's not anything to do with you and everything to do with me. I didn't even trust my other best friend to not treat me like every other guy she's been with. So for that, I'm sorry.

Puck: This convo is probably the most I've ever said I in a conversation, but I just want shit to be normal again. I hate fighting with one friend and barely talking to the other, I hate that you feel like you're losing your best friends, I just really hate how this all went down and that I let it get like this.

Beau: I guess I hoped that if you ever had any stuff that was too tricky to figure out alone, you'd want to talk it through with your friends and figure it out together, but I should've considered that maybe that's just how *I'd* want to solve problems, not how you would. You're right though, that is besides the point. I'm sorry that that's all you can give right now, it must be tough not even understanding yourself going through something like this. "Manning up" is really about seeking to deconstruct the toxic masculinity that's fought to keep us from looking into our emotions too hard for all of society's existence; right now, you diving into what you were scared of and the role you played in the situation? It's the man I've always thought you were.

Beau: Am I? You've been going through this for so long and only ever brought it up once Ripley brought it all to the surface. If she hadn't, how much longer would I have had to wait to find out? Or would I ever? It feels like I exist as an afterthought to you both right now, or as the person you guys use to practice talking this out with before you talk it out with each other, and that's fine, whatever, you two are the priority. It just... it really doesn't feel good right now. Thank you for saying you're sorry, and I believe you and I'm grateful for it, but I hope you understand why just saying that you trust me doesn't make it feel true.

Beau: I want things to be normal again too but the truth is they won't ever be. You guys did and hid something huge and whatever happens with you two from here on out, it'll be different than what you two had before. It's been different since the first time you guys did anything, whether or not you both just acted like it didn't. So good luck with everything, really. I'm wishing you two the best.

[beauodie]

text 💬 ripeau

Ripley: thanks, king. for all of it for everything for talking me through this. i mean im still scared as shit. like all of this is so unpredictable. i dont want this to fuck any of us. beau, you are LITERALLY involved in this. like us having this deep of a conversation about it and being the one to get us to talk. i get that us not telling you about this from the beginning makes you feel like you're not included but you are. and im sorry, again, that it did take us so long. it's not because we didn't trust you, i promise. we trust you. we were just figuring shit out. or trying to. you're still one of us and i dont know what to do or what to say to make you believe that. i still came to you when i finally decided to ask for some help. and i was always there for you during the rest of this entire year. i know it's a huge thing that happened but it's ... it's just that it was a HUGE thing that happened. i think we were just processing or something. i think im just starting to repeat myself now. ball's in your court.

Beau: You're welcome, Queen. I messed up majorly with Puck but I'm glad I helped you, and for that reason I'd do this all again every time. I wish I could tell you that you'll stop being scared soon, but the truth is this kind of stuff stays scary, but only because it matters so much. Hopefully the good will outweigh the scary for you guys. I know you were there for me the rest of this year, and I will always appreciate that and you, it's just weird that that whole time, you weren't being emotionally honest with me about something so huge, you know? And looking back at all that time, knowing you guys were saying nothing...it just hurts. I don't get why your processing took that long with each other but also with me, and it's not that I don't want to believe you, it's just that it's hard to. But I'll try.

[beauodie]

text 📲 buck

Puck: Actually, I did try to explain, and literally said while I was trying to that it sounded like a bunch of excuses and I wasn't trying to do that. But yeah, Beau. I actually did try to talk about it in this chain and instead you focused on how much of a fuck up I am, and guess what? Already knew that. And even know when I'm telling you that I had spent this entire time trying to figure out how to talk, even that's not good enough. So yeah, excuse me for shutting down when I've tried talking and it feels like my side's not being heard at all. I've been just as confused about this whole thing as Rip has, and I've tried talking to her. I mean, I never meant for it to happen but it did! We started hooking up and somewhere along the way I started actually liking her and didn't know what to do about it. Yeah, I should have talked to her, but like I said before I panicked when I tried to, and that's on me. Never tried hiding that, still not trying to. But my side was that every time I wanted to talk, I just couldn't because I was just as scared as she was. You think I wanted to just be another guy she hooked up with? That'd sting a bit after being best friends for so long, so yeah. It was hard to talk about, especially with her. And when I did talk to her, I didn't want her to feel like I was trying to trap her in anything, because we both know she's not usually that type of person. So yeah, I got in my head about it and it was dumb, but I'm just a dude, dude. I make mistakes, I fuck things up sometimes, but I'm fucking trying, man. And it feels like it doesn't matter how I feel about any of this and because I didn't come to you first. Which, to be real honest, is kinda shit dude. I'm not trying to start a fight with you or anything, but for someone who's been saying it ain't his business, you've had a lot of judgement towards me during this whole thing, and I know you said you're upset with Ripley too but it hasn't felt like that the entire conversation. It didn't feel like a conversation at all, it felt like you just taking the opportunity to make me feel like even more shit than I already do.

Puck: You wanted my side of things, there it is. It might not be the deep emotional tale you wanted, but that's all I got.

Beau: Well, if I'm being honest with you, it doesn't feel like you've been trying to explain -- as in, I keep looking back at your messages and scanning for explanations and I keep finding nothing -- but maybe that's just because I'm hoping that something, ANYTHING, you say starts making sense to me and so far, it doesn't. If you started liking her, why didn't you tell her? She's your best friend, she wouldn't have done anything bad with that information, she loves you and you know it. And if you didn't want to be just another guy she hooked up with, how was sleeping with her in secret and silence supposed to make you special? Don't worry, you don't have to answer those, especially cause I got a feeling that even if you tried, it wouldn't make sense to me; to me all relationships, friendships included, need communication to work, so maybe this whole messy thing you two fell into isn't ever going to make sense to me. And if I think about it that way, WHY you did stuff shouldn't matter to me as much as HOW you feel about it, so I'll try my best to shift my focus to that, because how you feel DOES matter to me and I'm sorry it doesn't feel like that. It's tricky on my end because I care about how you feel AND how Ripley feels, and she came to me so sad that it definitely colored my perspective. I'm sorry that I couldn't hear both your sides at the same time for maximum fairness, and I'm sorry you don't feel listened to. I'm not sure how I can fix that, but I WANT to fix it, because it was never my intention to make you feel bad. You started a conversation to hash things out, so I took that opportunity to voice my concerns and ask for explanations, as that's what I consider a conversation to be; I'm sorry that that felt like an attack and I hope you understand, if not now then later, that I was just trying to have a talk.

Beau: And you're right, I DO have too much of an input for something that's not my business, and believe me, I wish I didn't. If I could have it my way, I'd have no input at all, because it is NOT my business. That said, you both came to me about this on your own, so what was I supposed to do? Ignore you both? You're my best friends, and I'm not the kind of person that could ever shut out a friend. And then Ripley keeps insisting that this IS my business and that I'm part of this, and you're mad at me for having opinions about it at all, and I'm just trying my hardest not to cry because the people I always thought of as my best friends didn't trust me and shut me out and shut each other out and none of it makes sense and none of it is fair and I don't know the right things to say or do and I don't know what you guys want from me! So just tell me exactly it is that you wish I'd have said when you messaged me asking to talk things through, and I'll just say THAT instead and we can start over and pretend that me searching for answers never happened because honestly, I hate this feeling and I didn't see it going like this and I just really thought we'd have a conversation and instead you blew up at me and for good reason and I want to take back whatever made you so pissed because I already feel like I'm halfway to losing you both forever with how much you both kept me in the dark and I can't handle it if you leave the rest of the way, so whatever I've got to say or do so that you don't leave, just let me know and I'll do it.

[beauodie]

text 💬 ripeau

Ripley: you're different people I can't feel the same about you both. I've probably thought about sleeping with all my friends at least once. i don't know if it helps much. i mean i know there's something there but ... what exactly is the confusing part. there's no 'pretending' beau. i don't understand why you keep trying to pull yourself out of this. you know you /are/ a part of this trio even though we kind of massively screwed things up here.

Beau: Well, figuring out exactly what is there is where the talking comes in, you know? So good luck, really. And I'm not *trying* to pull myself out of this, I'm just not in this, period, and that's okay. Neither of you trusted me enough with this for almost a year, Puck hates me now for daring to be honest about feeling hurt, and you keep trying to force a place for me here where there's just not one. And that's okay. It's your guys's business. It doesn't matter what I think. I probably shouldn't have said anything in the first place. Just... good luck, yeah? I hope you get everything you want.

[beauodie]

text 📲 buck

Puck: You didn't have to, everything you just said did a good enough job telling me that you think that. And I read everything, why do you think I don't have anything to say? I'm speechless after reading that. I honestly can't believe that my best friend would say those things to me, even if they follow it with a 'if you say so, I'll believe you.' Reading those things hurt, Beau. And you don't know the full story, so yeah, getting a text about how I've been lying when really I've been trying to figure my shit out kind of hurts. Being accused of taking advantage of our best friend hurts. You assuming that I manipulated this whole situation like Rip was some kind of scheme or something really fucking hurts. Sorry I didn't know right away that it would turn into more than just a dumb thing we did at Christmas. Sorry if I didn't realize right after we had sex the first time that I actually had feelings, and sorry that I didn't know how to tell her that. I know I have a lot of things to be sorry for, but none of them were the things you said I did.

Puck: It feels like just because I didn't figure things out immediately that I'm being blamed for this entire thing, and it's not like it was just me involved! Sorry if you felt like you were left out, but I was struggling with not only trying to figure out how I felt about one friend, but how to tell the other everything once I had my shit figured out. If that's not done on a timeline you would have liked, not a damn thing I can do about it. I can't help that it took me as long as it did, and I can't fix the mistakes I've already made. This has nothing to do with getting any kind of avoiding problems and everything to do with the fact that I'm being judged for something you weren't there for.

Beau: Well, I don't think that. I'm telling you right now in words that I don't think that, I never did, and I never will. I'm sure reading those things hurt, just like I hurt reading a lot of what you said to me. I wasn't trying to hurt you though. I was trying to understand. You said you messaged me to "hash things out", so I thought that meant you wanted to talk stuff out, air out our feelings, tell each other where we misunderstood each other and rectify that, but when I tried to communicate my feelings to you, you immediately jumped on the defensive and didn't give "hashing it out" even half a chance. I never asked you to be sorry for the things that I've since learned you didn't do, but you didn't talk to her, and you didn't talk to me, and those are objectively things that did happen and did hurt both Ripley and myself. Try to imagine it -- Ripley comes to you incredibly upset one day and spills the beans that she's been sleeping with someone she's long considered a friend for eight months now and they've never talked about it, and them not talking about it is killing her. You're her best friend; you'd be pretty upset on her behalf, wouldn't you? And you'd wonder why the heck any guy would treat her like that. And maybe if you'd talked to me about ANY of it before now, I'd know more about your side at all, but you didn't and haven't and you still don't. You just keep saying "you weren't there, you don't know my side" without explaining it, really. Have you noticed that?

Beau: I'm aghast at both you AND Rip, if that helps. If you were the one who came crying to me first about Ripley and then she messaged me about it before I'd fully processed like you did, I'm sure she would've been the one to get these last couple messages of mine instead of you, because you're both my best friends, or you're supposed to be, and any girl treating you the way she did and any guy treating her the way you did just makes me so sad. And maybe if you decided not to run away and just took the time read what I'm saying with the intent to communicate, you'd realize that I'm saying what I know and waiting for you to contribute with your side of the story.

[beauodie]

text 📲 buck

Puck: Okay, well, like I said I don't know what else to say, especially when you already decided I'm the bad guy in all of this. I wasn't making excuses, I told you that, and i wasn't covering my ass. But you decided that I was, so I'm just going to stop responding.

Beau: I never said you were the bad guy, and I don't think you are one. The fact that you think that just lets me know you didn't read a single thing I sent, which hurts me even more. I'm pouring my heart out to you, I thought we were having a real conversation, but when I didn't react how you wanted me too, you mentally ran away. If that's how you want to be, avoiding things because they're too awkward or inconvenient or whatever for you, go ahead. I feel like I have to point out, though, that that's EXACTLY how you ended up hurting Ripley so badly, by ignoring her, and that if nothing else, maybe you should learn from that not to avoid your problems. Just a thought.

[beauodie]

text 📲 buck

Puck: Yeah, that's the picture I was talking about. You really think I was pretending like it didn't happen? The fact that it did freaked me out, Beau. I mean, this is Rip we're talking about, she's been our best friend forever and somewhere along the way it slipped into something else and no idea what it means for us. All I know is that I never set out to intentionally hurt her, and I would never just act like it never happened. And I absolutely never would take advantage of her, the fact that you think that really hurts. I wanted to talk to her, and I panicked when I had the chance. I can't tell you how many times I had my phone in my hand with her number ready to go after that, but I didn't know what to say and let that get in the way of actually talking to her. I had no idea that she was that upset, and I should have if we'd talked about it. I screwed up, okay? I know I did, I never tried to hide the fact that I did. But I'm not acting like it didn't happen, you have no idea what's been going on in my head so it's not fair of you to accuse me of that.

Puck: I don't know what else to say honestly.

Beau: You've had almost an entire year to say literally *anything* to her and you haven't, so yeah, I CAN'T know what's going on in your head and more importantly, neither can she. You never gave us the chance to know. And frankly, what's going on in your head doesn't seem to have any impact into what's happening in real life, because in real life, you hurt her, you ignored her, and nothing you did indicated that any of it even happened, much less that it meant anything to you. I can't apologize for worrying that you were taking advantage of her, because by looking at the facts of the situation, I think you have to recognize that it could look a lot like that. After all, sleeping with someone without acknowledging it and acting like it never happened is dehumanizing to the other person no matter who it's with. What I can do is believe you, so you say that's not what you're doing, then as your friend I believe you. I believe you but I still don't understand you. Like you said yourself, this is Rip we're talking about! She's supposed to be your best friend, and that means that you owe her more than leaving her to deal with it on her own for such a long time just because you were panicking. If you couldn't figure out what you wanted and build up enough courage for your own sake, you should've done it for hers. You would've known how messed up she was about all this if you respected her enough to reach out and talk about it even just once.

Beau: You don't have to say anything, not to me. When Ripley told me everything, it took all my strength not to message you because I knew all I'd be able to say was how disappointed I was in you for the way you've been treating her, and I wanted to give you guys a chance to work it out. Then you texted me essentially just to cover your own ass and make excuses, as if telling me any of that would earn you points for months of ignoring the actual person you SHOULD'VE talked to, and that just made the disappointment I felt in you worse. I wasn't ready for a conversation. I'm still now.

Beau: And you know what stings a little extra? I thought we were all supposed to be friends, but you two have been sneaking around for ages and then going to hang out with me like everything's normal and fine when nothing's been normal and fine for months now. You lied to me, to my face. And that's not as bad as the fact that you lied by omission to Ripley for all this time by straight up avoiding it, but while we're talking things out? It really hurts that you guys did that to me. And to each other. I really thought we were all closer than it, but it was turns out none of us are, because nobody told me until Ripley was basically at a breaking point and because if you two valued your friendship, you would've talked this out long ago on your own without forcing me to be part of it in the role of the mad friend. I hate being mad, especially at two of my favorite people, but the way you treated her and the way you treated me? It breaks my heart a little. So it'll take me a while to get back to normal. Hope you understand that.