To the people who were gonna be a part of my children's lives...
To lynna. We vibed so well when we met. It was a few hours yet brief compared to how our lives would entangle again. You gave me a new dense of purpose and for that I will always be thankful. You were my safety net when I was in my darkest hour. You made me laugh uncontrollably when I was sobbing. Just as you helped me up, I helped you up when you were battling your bad days. When you and her split the business. When the breakups happened. When the "incident" online happened. I had no issues about building you back up. You had told me so many times for a few short years "I will take you and we will start over somewhere else!" when things weren't going well in the business. Imagine my surprise when you kicked me out suddenly. Yeah I found out the actual reason you supposedly did. But honestly, compared to what was going on in that place DURING hours, what I was nothing. I was told you all watched the show. Learn anything? Then you went and said I ruined your business. No. You need someone to blame your failures on. I watched you do it to others but I wont let you do it me. I left quietly compared to the 2 before me. I never tried to get anyone to come with me or take my side. I never even tried to gain access to the accounts again, like the 2 before me. As I said, I left quietly and went about my own life. It hurt to know how quick and easy it was for you to do that to me. You barely flinched watching me go. And now you're playing house. At least you finally have the happiness you always wanted. Funny how that worked out.
To my "business partner" or lack of. I trusted you way too much than I should have. You didn't deserve nearly an ounce of my trust. I called you my best friend, my brother. I came to you when I was at my fucking worse. I helped you get models, I introduced you to my friends. We were friends for years. So many damn years. And when I wanted to start my own business, I didn't even ask you. You just joined in on your accord but I allowed it because I trusted you. I hate myself for it because this meant so fucking much to me. You told me all the things you can do for it and I believed you. But how wrong would I be? Not only were you unable to deliver half your promises, you caught an attitude when you were called out by me and one of our girls for something you started but NEVER finished. Something with MY name on it. Something I allowed you to be a part of again because we were fucking friends. You were going through your own demons. You were about to be a new dad. Fine. I gave you your space. I decided to go to school, get my license so I can get a cool job and contribute back to our business so I can get the girls better than what I was doing. They deserved it. Only to find out you went behind my back and spread false words about to one of our girls who I saw as a baby sister, who actually babysat my own daughter, who was a huge part of my heart, and you convinced her I was a fucking monster. Then you ruined my cousins job and relationships with the company! You damaged his professional reputation with lies. You insulted my children, you made my girls uncomfortable numerous times. You ruined my business. I never thought you would ever be so cruel. But here we are.
To lia. I love you still like a sister. I hate that you aren't here anymore. It hurts very much. I wish you let me explain. I wish we could have had a conversation. Maybe things would have been different.
My own family. My mother, who I'm never good enough for. Never a good daughter to you, never a good mom to my babies. You're always upset. Yet I have to listen your problems without judgment. Thats what you always say to me. "Don't judge me ". Of course that doesn't apply to you. You have one bad day and you take it out on your own children and your mother. You act like a fucking child and I have to constantly talk to you like one just to get you level headed. You want to say how I'm being mean to you for distancing myself yet you called me irresponsible and stupid for asking for a quick ride to the store that's like 3 minutes away because I didn't wanna walk with my 1 year old out in the cold? My entire life I dealt with your temper. I dealt with you treating me like a child all the way up to my 30s. I'm done with it. And I told you when you learn to change your ways and be respectful, I will let you back in my life maybe. As we all know, you will never change.
What aggravates me is how your temper, your emotional havoc, went to your son. He's so much like you that he became a spoiled rotten little prick. He even justifies his actions with no remorse. You enabled him his whole life and this is what happened. Then again I'm the product if physical, emotional, mental, sexual abuse and neglect. So I'm a recipe for cynical depression. Thanks. Now because of that, I cut him out of my life too. Because like his mother, hell never change. He won't ever realize the consequences for his actions. He doesn't care.
I dont have anything negative to say about his girlfriend except it was a damn accident I posted the doll house. I haven fucking slept in years, I'm struggling with being a mom, dealing money troubles, trying to keep myself alive by not walking into on coming traffic because being dead is more of a relief than dealing with thus hell, so I'm fucking sorry I forgot you guys gave us the house. I was only trying to clean up their room and make some space since there is clutter. It was an accident, I apologize, but you wanted to he nasty about it. So I'm done.
I hate that I'll never know my niece but I swear to fucking God you guys better be good to that baby girl.
I made changes to cut them out of my life and it hurts. I don't want this. It hurts more to clear you all out then it did to end a 7 year relationship with my high-school sweetheart. Even after he abused me and cheated on me. What you all did hurts worse. And you'll never even be sorry.
