Inside the mind of Becca

Wannabe traveller with a 2:1 Journalism degree. Trained in both radio and print production. No longer a wannabe journo. A place for all my thoughts and feelings, a place for advice if you need it. Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Flickr Pintrest everyday blog

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If I could do it all again

Everyone says that University is one of the best experiences of your life and in all honesty, I truly believe that. My experience could have been better especially in my third year but I learnt a lot and that is what it’s about. If I could do it all over again, I’d still go to Lincoln but I’d do a few things differently.

The rest of the blog post can be found here.

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Staying in vs going out

It’s the time of year when exam timetables are starting to come out, deadlines are coming even closer and your bank balance is looking worse than that drunk girl passed out in the ladies. You need a night off but you can’t afford to go out. What about a night in?

The rest of the blog post can be found here.

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The value of education

Not so long ago a friend tried to undermine me by berating my education. They tried to make me feel guilty for having a degree when they barely had any GCSE’s. I’m not normally one to be picky about such things but it really irked me that they said I need to stop shoving my education down their throat because it makes me look pompous. A) I had only mentioned it to them once and B) I worked really hard for my degree so should I really stop talking about it to people?

The rest of the blog post can be found here.

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Charity Shops vs High Street

Nights out are a common thing for students and to many, it’s key that they get their outfit just right. When you find that killer dress in a shop, you think you’re onto a winner but when you show up to the club, there’s already five other people wearing the same dress. If this has ever happened to you, you know how embarrassing it is but when you have a full student loan and high street chain shops calling your name, how do you avoid disasters like this?

The rest of the blog post can be found here.

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Any job role at uni will help you in the future

You’ve finally settled into uni life and your student loan is rapidly decreasing due to your busy social life. Don’t worry – you’re not the only one. Most people I know always complained of being skint or in their overdraft. I was lucky. I never had to touch my overdraft and I had enough to do what I wanted because I had been in control of my finances for a few years already.

The rest of the blog post can be found here.

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New jobs, new opportunities

I recently got a voluntary job as a graduate blogger for a website.

The idea is that I write blog posts about things that graduates or students can relate to and possibly even inform them.

If you're interested, my work can be found here.

If you'd rather read them here, I'll post them accordingly.

[beccacaroline-blog]

It's been too long and I'm lost without you

The background on my computer is my favourite image from my graduation only 2 months ago. It's of me, Kla, Emma and Sam. I saw it whilst loading up my computer and got a sinking feeling in my stomach.

I miss them. 

I knew I would.

It's just strange.

The people you see every day become a part of your life and when they're not there for you to go back to, you get a little lost. You're so used to seeing them that you know you'll see them again. But when you all go your separate ways and there's nothing holding you together anymore, seeing even an image of that person makes your mind wonder and your heart to want to see them again. If only for a few minutes.

Kla and Sam were almost like my rocks at uni. They sorted me out when everything was going wrong and I can no longer hear the song 'Gold' without thinking of Kla. So it's understandable that I miss them. 

But Emma. I wasn't expecting to miss Emma like I do. She was my deputy on the Linc and she was brilliant. She's now at City doing her MA. I wouldn't have in depth talks with her about what was going on in my life but knowing I could talk about the mundane everyday things with her is what I liked. 

It's no fun growing up. You loose contact with so many people you always said you'd stay in touch with. I know for a fact these three people I will do anything to stay in touch with. Even if it is just reading all their tweets or Facebook status'.

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Being a grown up is hard work but definitely worth it.

I was looking at my bank balance the other day and thinking how I'd have to stop spending at some point or risk being in a non existent overdraft.

I don't know about you but I'm one of those people that if you don't have the money for something, you either save for it - i.e my iPad - or you just simply don't get it.

Right now more than anything, I would like a car. It'd just make my life so much more simple. I can drive - I've been qualified for a year now. I just haven't been able to afford a car because I spend my money on Christmas decorations or things for a home that I don't actually have yet.

Stupid I know but then that's me. I've never been the most awesome person when it comes to finances. In fact they sort of confuse me. All I know is that I have two accounts and that I can put money into them and take it out again. That's about as far as my bank knowledge goes. 

Someone asked me a while ago if I had a savings account. I have to admit I don't. What makes the matter even worse is that my 14 year old cousin has one and has had one for about 3 years now. I'm 21 years old and I don't even have one.

So I've decided I'm taking matters into my own hands and I'm going to set one up when I have the time off work to be able to go in branch and speak to someone about it because knowing my luck if I just go and do it all online it'll be the wrong thing. Plus I hate online banking and would much prefer the old fashioned speaking face to face with someone and being able to ask the stupid questions I need to.

So my current plan is to have a car by April time. We'll see. 

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It's a graduates life.

Yesterday was my graduation ceremony.

I got to see all of my friends, classmates and tutors once again and it was brilliant. words are simply not enough to describe how amazing I found the whole experience so I'm not going to even try.

I'll just leave you with these pictures from the day:

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Part time work is better than none at all.

I am now officially the marketing and communications intern for Terry O'Toole Theatre in Hykeham, Lincolnshire for a 10 week period.

I get to promote the children's theatre and the new loyalty card scheme as well as dealing with the social media for the place.

I'm rather proud of the fact I got this job and who knows, it could lead to bigger and better things for me.

I still have my work at Asda until I get something more permanent and I'll also be offering my help to local radio stations shortly as well (hopefully they agree to let me work for them for free).

Graduation's on Thursday. I'll let you know if I fall up the steps or fall over on stage.

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Nobody said it'd be easy.

Job searching is hard work.

Today, I hit a road block and basically resigned myself to the fact that I would probably end up working at Asda for the rest of my life and pretty much wasting my degree.

All I want is stability. Either in my current job or in a new one. 

Right now I'm in such an awkward place that I don't know where I'll be come September 10th.

My dream right now is to have a job doing media or pr for someone, know what I'm going to be doing at the end of the year and start my own life.

I need to get out and do things my way. I'm sick of people asking me what I'm doing now I've left uni and trying to give me career advice. I know what I'm doing - or at least trying to do. It's just hard getting that.

This in-between stage is the worst. The sooner I get out of it, the better really.

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Today I got my smile summed up by a customer.

Just an average day at work lead to a customer describing my smile in a beautiful way.

I'm a naturally smiley person and asked all the usual questions about needing bags and wanting help with packing.

My customer was really chatty and friendly and said that he liked my smile. He summed it up in the following sentence: "It's nice that no matter what is going on in your life, you can still come into work and put on a smile for everyone. It's nice for the customers to see because we don't know what's going on in each others lives and sometimes a smile is all you need."

I just wanted to share this with you. Even the people of Grimsby can be deep and meaningful at times.

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Next time you're at the checkout and you hear the beep...

Since I finished my first year at university, I got a job as a seasonal colleague at Asda. This basically means that I was able to work during the holidays and earn a bit of extra money whilst studying.

I started back for the summer just over a week ago now and I have already had some memorable customers. Four to be precise. It's the part of the job that I love - hearing about other people's lives and finding out what makes them tick.

The first memorable customers were an elderly couple. I asked all the usual questions before processing their shopping and when I asked if they wanted any help with their packing, the elderly man said yes and went on to describe his perfect help. My reply was: "It would be nice wouldn't it?!"

He then told me about a cruise that he went on where there was a show called Dorothy and Friends. His wife thought it was to do with the Wizard of Oz. Turns out it was "a show for people who were into alternative sexual experiences." They soon made a beeline for the exit!

The second customer was a woman who had two sons. Neither was with her but she said that she was glad because they would have put more food in the shopping trolley. She then told me about how they are over six foot tall and gang up on her. One will pick her up and put her in the cupboard whilst the other will stand in front of the door so that she can't get out.

My third customer was a woman who had copious amounts of bread with her shopping. She told me it was for a family of swans that she fed at her caravan. She has been feeding the mother since she was sat on her eggs and continued to do so after the eggs had hatched. She showed me some pictures of the swans that she had just had developed and was proud as punch about them, like they were her own.

The most memorable customer I've had this week was a frail man who didn't know where to be. It took him a while to put the shopping on the conveyor and when he did, he asked if I could pack for him because he didn't know what to do. It was usually his wife's job but she's in bed with cancer and he's had to come and do the shopping. Only thing is, he's ill as well. He kept apologising for being unable to do anything and saying how sorry he was that he didn't know what to do. I kept reassuring him and telling him that it was okay, it's what I'm paid for and all the rest and all he could do was apologise. Words cannot describe the emotion that I felt from serving that man. It's not his fault that bad things have happened in his life and I admired him for coming out in the first place if I'm honest with you.

Being a checkout operator is a bizarre experience. More than half of the people you serve don't offer any information about themselves. The ones that do are the ones that often have the heart warming or even heart breaking stories. People are always fascinating but they also remind you how lucky you are to be alive.

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National stigma

Today I was referred to a mental health charity by my doctors.

I'd finally sought the help that I'd been reluctant to admit that I needed and as a consequence, I was referred to the charity.

It's weird. I didn't want to get the help and put it off for as long as I could. I don't like asking for help - I personally see it as a sign of weakness and that you're not as strong as you should be.

I was reluctant to ask for help in November last year when my life started its downward spiral but when I did, I felt better. My tutor told me that "asking for help doesn't mean you're weak. It shows your strong enough to admit there's a problem."

So that's what I did. I admitted I had a problem. I did it again today. It's part of a bigger process that I have to go through in order to get what and where I need to be in my life.

When I was referred to the mental health charity, I will admit that I cried. I was scared and didn't want to go. There's this stigma attached to mental health issues and people don't really talk about it like they probably should. I sort of understand why. You don't want to admit that there's something wrong up there. That you've 'got a screw loose' and you're not all there.

The woman at the charity I went to, Hannah, was really encouraging and helpful. I have an assessment with her next week. After that, I'll get to speak to a counselor who will start to help me with the issues that I have.

I think that more people need to talk about mental health and that it shouldn't be this taboo subject. It's scary, I know that. But the less stigma that's attached to it, the more people who will seek the help they need to change their life. Just like I have. 

To be honest, I don't think I'd be as accepting about it if my parent's were off about it. Their support this past week or so has been invaluable. If they can accept it - and they're meant to be the older generation - why can't the people in my generation talk about it and accept it?

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Olympic error

A few minutes ago, I was informed by my mum that I would have to wait longer to see my brother.

He was due for annual summer leave in two weeks time but now has to go and bag search at the Olympics or whatever else they have to do.

I'm probably being biased in my opinion as it is a close family member in the army but I don't think that they should be doing things like this. 

They are trained to the highest standard and there are many armed forces troops being cut yet they have the manpower to send out those still working to the Olympics? 

If G4S couldn't fulfil the contract, they shouldn't have taken it in the first place and given it to someone who could. But no. As usually everyone's only in it for what they can get out of it and they don't care about anyone else so they messed the government about and now they're messing up the army's summer leave.

I'm not saying that bag searching is a stupid occupation, it needs to be done and I'm always happy to have my bag checked at venues that I go to. But the people that do it have it as a job to do. Yes the army are there to protect us, but surely there are more important things they can be doing? Surely there are plenty of other people who can provide security? What are the police doing? What about all those who are unemployed or got turned down by G4S for jobs? 

I'm not entirely sure what this means with regards to when I'll see him next but I suppose him actually being in the country is better than nothing. Even if he is about 180 miles away from where he should be.

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What do you do when it all goes wrong?

Recently I learned a few home truths and saw the real face of people close to me as opposed to the one they did show.

You could say that their mask slipped. It's definitely a good way of describing what has happened in my life because I've seen people for what they really are and even though I didn't like it, it was something that had to happen.

The thing is, these people are meant to love me and have my back no matter what. I found out that they don't and you know what? It hurts. A lot.

So what do you do when it all goes wrong?

I go to the cemetery to visit my grandad. He passed away in 2007 and it still hurts and I still miss him. He was the only person who I could look to for help and advice in a crisis apart from my mum of course. Since I've not seen him in 3 years, I went and spent some time at his graveside.

Such a simple thing to do and yet it cleared my head. I asked him for help because even though I'm 21 in a matter of weeks, I still have no clue how to handle situations like this. In all honesty, I just wanted to run away. You know, get on the next train out of this town and leave it all behind. But then I'd never have the guts to do that because I'm such a worrier and unless I have a plan, I don't like doing things out of my comfort zone. With that in mind, I turned to the wisest man I know and even though I was only at the cemetery and his graveside for only half an hour, I figured it all out. I know what I'm going to do and how I'm going to handle the situation. 

Normally people would say that they'd cry or scream or even break things when it all goes wrong but for me, that's not the way. When it all goes wrong, I spend time in the cemetery. The most peaceful place on Earth in my opinion. It gives you time to think. And, if you're lucky like I am, the cemetery you visit is away from traffic and is often isolated so it's just you, your thoughts and a million ways to solve the problem on your own terms.

Maybe next time it all goes wrong, you could visit a cemetery instead of breaking half of your possessions. I'll tell you this, it clears your mind and helps you come to a conclusion no matter how long you end up spending there.

[beccacaroline-blog]

It's official. I'm a qualified journalist.

Yesterday I found out that I got a BA (Hons) in my journalism degree as I got a 2:1.

I will forever more been known as Rebecca Caroline BA (Hons) and it feels great!

It started back with my GCSE's when my grandad sadly passed away a month or two before I took them. Then at A-Level, my uncle died and I was still a bit raw with my grandad. This just made it that little bit worse.

This year, I've had numerous things happen to me and none of them easy or good. I'm not going to sit here and list them all because a) I don't do pity and b) I'm not comfortable talking about some of them just yet.

But it's been intense, close friends and close family know what I've been through and how testing it has been, not just academically, but personally as well.

I wasn't quite sure if I'd make it to the end of the year but with the help of those closest to me and my academic tutor Samantha, I got the strength and confidence to carry on and do what I need to do and get through to the end.

I remember in November, I had a breakdown and basically said I wanted to hide away for the rest of my life not doing anything. You see, I'm one of those people that hides away their emotions until it's too late and then it all piles up and comes out in one go. It was my mum that gave me the courage to carry on and work hard because "you're from strong stock and we hold our head high when there are people trying to kick us at our lowest. We show them that we are better than them and we can take a good kicking."

But I made it. I've done it. And I will be graduating on 06th September 2012 with my great friends Michaela and Bekka and the rest of the year who I have had the pleasure of working with and who one day I may even be working with in the future.

It's been a great 3 years. Yes it's been hard, but the great things in life are never easy.