War. War never changes.

@beccatucks

rebecca Tucker. twenty four. Cook. Chicago native. nashville current.

989 posts

If Bella possessed a shred of disapproval in ex-girlfriend’s action, it didn’t show. In fact, unlike their previous encounter– much like this, she actually wore a nervous but very there smile. She wasn’t on the verge of tears, nor actually crying. She didn’t know how she felt seeing Becca. There was some part of her that was just too drained to be angry anymore. Holding all that anger and resentment, it was exhausting. It didn’t hurt anyone besides herself. Another part of her just wanted to take her hand and walk around town again. It would be easier. Words weren’t necessary, and she could just be. Why the hell were they so damn complicated? Why did Becca have to fuck it all up? And why couldn’t she let her go? “I should have tried smoking but I have to stay clean now…,” she explained, stressing the present tense. Just days prior she was very much high, and very much naked. Truthfully? She didn’t regret it, not even a little bit. But she knew it was not in either of their best interest to let it happen again. Endearment wrote itself into expression as she looked down at her ex and dog in complete awe. “Hm, I don’t know. Maybe? I mean besides me– you’ve been around him more than anyone. Hell, even more than my mama.” That and Becca was pretty damn unforgettable. Of course, Arthur had taken a special liking to her. There were a lot of factors, but she assumed the dog wouldn’t forget her. And even more, she wasn’t keen on breaking his heart. He clearly wasn’t ready to let her go home in peace. Her questions were purely for him. “Wanna go for a walk? You know since we both can’t sleep? We don’t even have to talk– unless you had something better to do.”

“Having to stay clean? That just sounds like a world of hell...” She joked, hoping it wasn’t too far to try for a bit of humour. When they’d been together she had made herself the butt of a joke so many times just to get Bella to laugh and how she loved that beautiful noise when Bella was happy. She could watched her smile and hear her laugh for the rest of her life. It was when Bella was most beautiful; when she was happy -- unscarred by the pain that Rebecca had put her through. “You won’t forget me will you pal? No you won’t. No you won’t!” She cooed, praising the pup with enthusiastic touches and she watched in delight as he wiggled beneath her hands. Oh god she hoped he’d never forget her. She hoped Bella would never forget her either because she could try...her heart was there but she was Rebecca Tucker which came beneath ‘slightly fucked up’ and ‘mommy issues’ in the dictionary. “A walk?” She asked curiously and pushed herself up in to a standing position. “I’d like that...” She told her honestly and moved toward the girl around the pup. “But we can talk if you like. I like listening to you talk about anything.” She admitted in a tone that accidentally supplied some emotion instead of just words. “Would you...uh...” She bit her lip and looked at the younger woman before chewing her lip. “Would you hold my hand if we did walk? I washed all the oil off them. Promise...” Her cheeks filled with soft and nervous heat. “Or not...no...probably not.”

Bella tossed. And she turned. It was a constant thing. Sleep eluded her, and had been for a couple of hours. Sometime after midnight, she’d gotten up– just wanting to clear her head. Her mind was a mess. Her body– was worse. It had been a crazy couple of weeks for her. She didn’t know which way was up or down. With Arthur at her side, she peacefully wandered the streets of Midtown. No one bothered her thankfully, no one until– Oh. Just who she was both hoping to avoid and see. Bella’s gaze fell on the woman that had occupied her mind incessantly as of late. She’d always lingered to some degree but since their latest slip up, it was worse. “Uh… hey,” she awkwardly murmured, as her pug tugged on the leash. It was endearing how much he loved her ex– the little traitor nonetheless. Over his yappy little bark, she tried to maintain a semblance of normalcy. “Couldn’t sleep either or just got off work?” {@beccatucks }

There was a right way to do things and there was a Becca way to do things. The right thing to do would have been to completely give her ex the space she deserved but instead they’d fallen in to bed together and fuck had it been good. Rebecca knew, deep down, that it wasn’t entirely her instigation and she knew that Bella had wanted her too but the aftermath had been somewhat questionable. For days all she’d been able to think of in her waking and unwaking hours was the touch of Bella’s skin. She could hear her words and sounds over and over again in her mind like the most beautiful broken record. So when she heard her voice there was a heated rush that moved straight to her self-destructing heart. “Hey.” She replied, her eyes instantly settling on the girl’s breathtaking beauty. She’d never met anyone so stunning to look at. “And hello to you bud!” She enthused as she crouched and paid huge amounts of attention to the pup. She knew that maybe she wasn’t meant to because Bella had been forward about it before but she loved Arthur so much. “A bit of both.” She admitted. “Finished a couple of hours ago. TV and a joint didn’t cut it for knocking me out to sleep...” She paused and stood up, smiling nervously at Bella. God she missed her but...she’d also watched her walk away. Again. Alcohol would probably help but tonight she’d decided not to drink....like every other night. “Do you reckon he’ll always remember me like he does? I mean I’d hate for him to forget me...” She mumbled, scratching the little dog’s ears.

The Tennessean was should have backed away. Their closeness– the touching, it was leaving in her a hazy state. Everything was blurry– foggy. The weed inevitably had an honest and obvious effect on her. But if she was a betting woman, Becca was the greater impact. Arguably, they shouldn’t have even left the cafe together. Nothing good come from this. Nothing seemed to have changed between them. In a lot of ways, it was exactly like old times. The cheating hadn’t existed for a brief moment. And Bella felt beyond great– something she hadn’t experienced in a while. Outside of golf, or drinking– or whatever other distraction she used. Nothing was like her. The weed had almost instantly coursed through her veins. Everything about this reeked of happier times– of times when they were just themselves. All the other bullshit didn’t matter. Granted– neither would have hesitated to take the other’s hand nor would they have stayed in their clothes for this long. Pretenses certainly weren’t her style. Experience had taught her that went both ways. Still, she had asked her ex to partake in something that was virtually second nature to them. Bella even went as far as to consider sacred. Sure, Bella had shotgunned before Becca, and she had after. But it was never the same. “Yeah… I want you to,” she swallowed, her eyes looking between the joint– and Becca’s lips. Licking her own, she watched as it all unfolded before her. She sighed. That hand on her neck sent her spiraling into the past. Times of them just doing this in her bed– always when her roommate was gone– or merely wrapped in one another lazily afterwards. Others consisted of the duo in Rebecca’s apartment. Flashes of her moving over Bella flickered though her mind. Hands gently bound above her head and– not the time for that. Moving her head closer, she inhaled as the smoke was blown in her very specific direction. Cupping her hands, she made certain to waste none. Curiously, she found herself getting higher than usual– but perhaps that was heightened with her thoughts being read. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since we got in that elevator,” Bella admitted somewhat bashfully. In contradictory fashion, her tongue ran between her lips. Her lungs filled with hot burning air. Whether that was residual smoke, or the effect that Becca had on her– it remained to be seen. The Italian couldn’t decide one way or another. It didn’t matter because every nerve ending her in body was ready to explode. She craved her ex-girlfriend. She hated herself for the way she weakly had succumbed to this– to her. “I still do, but I quit smoking cigarettes because they were bad for me,” she murmured, closing her eyes. If she looked at her Becca, she’d lose all her willpower. Those beautiful brown eyes, that damn smile, and those adorable cheeks– it was everything that she wanted. Everything that she loved. “This is a bad idea.” She breathed out, her dark hues falling on all the things she shouldn’t have. She had hurt her. That should have meant something but it didn’t stop her from changing her tune. That’s what Becca did to her without even effort at all. “But I want you,” she murmured, tugging at collar of her shirt. Pulling the older girl closer, she leaned down to her. Bella’s lips roughly mapped those that had once been hers.

Rebecca Tucker was not the master of decisions well made. Ever since she was wrong she had always seemed to do the opposite of what was expected of her. In class she’d never had the answers to any of the questions and upon prompting she’d always come up with some insane hypothesis of how to get the answer. Despite her unique flair teachers had merely sighed and sent forms of worry home to her parents. Her father had always understood that his daughter was never meant to get the top grades in her class and be enrolled to Yale but it had just been another tick on the list for her mother who had complained over and over about how she wasn’t bright in her own way but was instead troublesome and ungifted. The woman had never tolerated much to any extent which had given her a cold heart and slightly sadistic approach to everything. Rebecca’s heart had not grown up to be cold but her mother had taught her many things throughout her teenage years in that empty but overly busy apartment in Chicago. She’d taught her that you can break a person ten times easier than you could fix them and that the answer to fixing anything was to drown it in alcohol or worse until the decision, in that moment of intoxicated delirium, became justified. Rebecca had wished that had worked for her after the break-up but no matter how much money she passed over to drug dealers or spent in dingy liquor stores the longing for Bella and stomach churning remorse had never truly faded. Of course there were times it had been subdued but despite her peppy act and odd ramblings she’d always think of how far she’d fallen in her darkest moments beneath another sweaty body that reeked of booze and shame. Bella had been the girl who had pulled her back from following the footsteps of a downward spiral in her early twenties but her own selfish actions had opened the door up to them after the break-up. Except in this moment Bella was everywhere and the self-loathing fog was lifted to be replaced with the beautiful high; not just from the joint but from the deep eyes of her ex girlfriend. The same ex-girlfriend who was currently making her heart thump faster with her words and the way her tongue moved so cleanly across her beautiful mouth. Becca had wanted to kiss her too but it was not her place - even she could admit that. That night where they’d fallen in to each other’s arm again had clearly not been a display of any good decisions...perhaps for either of them but now...with all this feeling like the beauty held within their relationship, her mind was spinning from more than just the drug. “Good choice. I kept smoking cigarettes because they were bad for me...” She whispered but the resonance behind Bella’s words struck her. Bella should quit her too but there was such a pull between them. Becca was still so in love with everything she was because her mother had taught her how to break someone you loved but her father had taught her how warm and pleasant the feeling was; what it meant to completely devote yourself to another. And oh how bad of an idea this was but Becca’s words were no longer working as she lifted the burnt down paper to her lips once more but never took the drag because she felt it. By the time Bella had grabbed her shirt she’d already dropped the joint in to a nearby glass. It was like her world collided all at once with the sensation of Bella’s lips because she knew those lips so well -as they’d ghosted her body, as they’d traced up her jaw, as they’d whispered words of love- but in that moment she forgot how to make any modes of judgement at all. She was bad for Bella. She was the best person she’d ever been with her but also at her worst with the stupid, stupid night with someone else she’d never be able to explain. One night back with her stupid old habits and she’d wrecked it all. Except the force of Bella’s lips actually caused a moan to slip through her own, bouncing off Bella’s oh so perfect mouth. She grasped her hips and pulled her body flush against her own and in a flash of memory she recalled the soft heat of Bella’s skin. She remembered everything as she tilted her head further and kissed her deeper, unafraid but mildly apologetic when her teeth skimmed across lips. Bella wanted her and Becca wanted her so badly it hurt. In the back of her head she could her own voice as they’d driven on the long road back from Chicago so long ago: ‘It’s just you and me Bells. I’ll never need anyone else.” She no longer felt like she had words but she was also terrified she’d be shoved away because for a moment everything was filled with brightness again. Like Bella was the sun and she’d been standing in the rain for so long. Fingers unapologetically slipped beneath the edge of the shirt Bella currently wore and it was like electricity shot up her fingertips. This was what hurting felt like but it also felt like the best thing in the world.

#c:bella #001 #I FINALLY GOT TO USE THIS GIF

No...

This is my baby. Her name is Leila. And now she is broken. And I can’t compete on a broken board, Rebecca. That just won’t do.

Oh god Leila. And I know, I know but...is there waterproof glue? Would she ever be the same?

Dark mahogany hues darted around the apartment; taking in every wall. Every single detail was burned into her memory. It was different than her previous visit– but exactly the same. It reminded her very much of them. It was as though nothing had changed; and yet, everything had. The distinction was less drastic with Becca’s home. The younger girl echoed her laugh. Reveling in how melodic it sounded coming from her ex. Everything was just better from her, a fact she wouldn’t share with anyone else. “Of course, you do,” Bella returned, nodding her head in a manner that agreed with her comment. With Becca’s back turned to her, she took a deep breath. This was all so much– and so fast. The golfer was being dragged in two entirely opposite direction. Being there with her, recalling all the times they’d spent together, it felt too familia– too natural. In a sense it was like going home for the first time, but this wasn’t her place. And this wasn’t her person anymore. She didn’t know what Becca quite was but she wasn’t hers. All the same, she felt like a complete stranger. She didn’t want to think about the number of girls that had waltzed through that door after their break-up. Someone else had inevitably shared her bed, possibly any other surface that they’d once christened. Her somberness subsided and her face lit up. “Bud Light? Hell yeah.” Typical cheap college student taste. Typical shitty southern beer, but she couldn’t help but love the stuff. Not only that, the stuff had never let her down. Graciously– or as much as one could be as they took their beer and chugged a quarter of it. She’d done so out of necessity, having to get her nerves in check. Gripping the neck of her bottle, she nodded. If the food had taken hours, or merely minutes, she wouldn’t have minded. The latter left no room for awkwardness, and the former meant she got to spend more time with Becca. Every emotion she had was echoed with something of utter contradiction. Bella hated that she was so indecisive. “Good, because I’m starving. I already told you– my stomach is going to start growling. It’s just fucking teasing right now,” she quipped, taking a slow steady sip of her beer. Her thick eyebrows inched their way towards one another but she didn’t ask. The other girl never seemed to bore her. Left alone, she had half a mind to leave. Bella wasn’t a malicious person. Her intentions were never to hurt anyone else– least of all the Rebecca. But she couldn’t help considering whether it would have any impact on her if she just left. Without a word, she could walk out as though she was never there. Maybe she’d feel a shred of the hurt she’d put her through. That is if she’d even care. She put her negative thoughts to bed, and focused on that familiar smell. It was a scent that she enjoyed; though it was definitely an acquired favorite. “That’s only going to make me more hungry,” she argued, a light smirk toying at her lips. This would put her less than pleasant notions away. Taking the joint, she slowly inhaled– feeling the thick smoke fill her lungs. Her eyes opened widely, watching her movements. Fuck her. “It’s a start..” she exhaled, nipping on her bottom lip. One hit, and she was already ascending into the air. She took another one before passing it back to Becca. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were just trying to–” She shrugged her shoulders, not finishing her statement. She was too focused on her subtle high. “We should shot gun… for old times’ sake?”

Rebecca had considered the fact that a joint would certainly set their appetites up more but it was also her way of going back to that little place of theirs that they held so dear. She could recall so many nights where they’d just be them while they lounged and smoked and kissed and talked and were just so happily in awe of the other. It had been their perfect element of love and Bella had been good for her. From the moment their relationship had even started, before they’d been officially dating, Rebecca had cut down drastically on her much more intense vices. Her coping mechanisms had switched from cut white powder to Bella’s lips in the early hours of the morning and she’d never been happier about it. Bella had been so good for her in so many ways because she’d levelled her head and distracted her from the internal bother laced with sarcasm and awkward outgoingness. She’d still been sarcastic and awkward but she’d been with Bella and that had been all that mattered. “I don’t know what you mean...” She answered honestly and tilted her head a little to her side. Her fingertips still tingled from the touch to Bella’s jaw and she knew perhaps it had been totally out of order but the lines were quickly blurring on what was deemed appropriate and what was not. She knew how much she’d hurt Bella but she wasn’t asking for her to take her back...not really but she was offering something to her. She was offering a chance for them to just be them again. Which was why the mention of old times’ sake made her nod so quickly. There were plenty of other things they could do for old times’ sake that were a little less innocent than Becca cooking and them sharing stories of their day over beer and a joint. However she knew that the last time they went there it hadn’t exactly been easy. That night had been one of Becca’s lowest moments and they’d just fallen back together. She’d felt terrible afterwards because they weren’t meant to be the two people who fell apart like this. She’s rubbed it in her mother’s face about how happy she’d been with Bella. She’d wanted to slap her mother when she’d smirked after finding out about the break-up because after all Becca was the same tragic, cheating, borderline alcoholic mess she’d been raised by. “I’m down...” She whispered as she quickly glanced toward the oven. Everything was fine. She had this but the thought of re-visiting Bella’s lips, even for this, was making her heart rush. “You want me to-” She began but then stopped herself and just moved closer. She could feel Bella’s legs against hers and it reminded her of late nights on her couch or being curled up in Bells’ dorm room. It reminded her of nights beneath sheets where her fingers would trace along her ex-girlfriends thighs as she hovered over her. So many things reminded Becca of her. So many things in this current moment made her nervous too as she got closer and felt the burn of smoke against her tongue. Her fingers gently took hold of the back of Bella’s neck and almost instantly her proximity knocked her dizzy alongside the impact from the joint. She’d always thoroughly believed she got more high around Bella than anyone else but it was because of things like this. It was because of the girl. She pulled back only slightly and held the joint down in her hand. Her lips tingled. “I miss telling you how good looking you are...” She mumbled and rested her hand on the counter, not moving away from the contact of their legs. She couldn’t help but feel Bella still had a right to push her away. “And I can’t help but think seeing you in this apartment is doing things to you that it’s doing to me too...” She suggested sheepishly. She was longing for her again and it ached. She wanted her despite better judgement. “Anything else you wanted to do for old times’ sake...?”

#c:bella #c:isabella

Oh son of a--

Mmmmm, ow!

Not usually the way I’d get hammered or banged but....want something to put on it, Miss?

No...

No, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

Oh fuck. That’s like someone just took your baby and dropped it on its face!

Bella was used to hearing those words. She had always wondered if Becca had merely seen her as a poorly college student. It wasn’t far from the truth but the girl had her pride. She wanted to pay for things– especially now considering they weren’t together. The mere thought of their separation caused a pang of hurt to stir. Sure, they were now adjoined at the hands, but they weren’t together. They weren’t Becca and Bella anymore. It wasn’t the same. They were two lost entities with a past– and a pull for one another. Her chest ached. But they weren’t, and that wasn’t her fault. That was the part of their ending that tore her up the most. It kept her lying awake at night with more questions, and absolutely no answers. The betrayal spoke for itself. Never had anyone hurt her in the same way; nor would they. Regardless of what came next, who she inevitably fell for– Bella would not give anyone else that kind of power. But speaking of which, that’s what got to her about them. When Becca cheated on her, she took that control from her. She no longer had a choice about their relationship, she was just left with pain. Perhaps, that’s what she wanted because– anything else, Bella would have forgiven without second thought. She would have always chosen Becca, and maybe that’s exactly what she didn’t want. The younger girl would never know. “You say that now,” she quipped, her voice low. If she had to, she’d leave a twenty somewhere unpredictable. She would have no choice but to accept her money. She might even think it was her own. Bella chuckled as her she brushed her free hand through her dark locks. Even with all her unpleasant feelings– ones she figured would never fully subside, that would always be the best way to gauge the severity of things. Rebecca being alive would be the best case in of any situation. Occasionally she’d had some interesting thoughts when she was angry, but those were merely thoughts. “I swear I’m never going to say another good thing about you.” Playfully, she huffed while her eyes rolled. Gulping, she wished that she had stayed quiet. There was something about the other girl; something that drew her out. That was a given considering she was Bella’s first girl– certainly not her last, but she was the only one that made her consider that there was option. She was opposite to the jocks she had grown accustomed to dated. But after being with her, she never thought there would be any after. That was her foolish thinking. Craning her head to side, she wanted to get a better look at her as she spoke. Not quite what she was anticipating, but a smirk– genuine smile hybrid adorned her bronzed features. As she honed in on every word, she felt a shiver run down her spin. Images of that night flickered behind her eyelids as she her eyes inadvertently drifted closed. There was something soothing and strangely erotic about her ex-girlfriend’s voice. There was none like it– none that had such an impact on her. That sound could bring her back from some of her worst days. It could infuriate her to no end– though that was a rarity. They were lovers; not fighters. Clearing her throat, she was forced to squeeze her thighs together as the doors open. Dark hues opened again. Never had she been more grateful to get out of that damn elevator before. Fuck. Nor was she ever this happy to have Becca let go of her hand. She wondered whether she could feel her quickened pulse. The girl was in her head sure, but she was also observant as hell. Her stomach dropped as they walked inside her place. It was messier than her own. Her mother had placed cleanliness above godliness. The last time she’d been there– no, she wouldn’t think about that. They were both drunk and it was a stupid mistake. Before that, they were in love– they were happy. Lazy mornings in bed. Endless nights of being distracted from her studies. Smoking off her balcony. It all plummeted to the surface. Thoughts of them in the shower– sometimes not even having sex, just lovingly washing the other. How the hell was she supposed to get comfortable with so many memories? ‘That’s not possible. This was a mistake–’ she wanted to say. It was too fast, too soon. Instead what she said was. “Got a beer,” she asked, sitting down on one of the bar stools. Her eyes darted down on the counter. Fuck. Nothing was left untouched by them.

The apartment managed to ignite memories for Rebecca everyday when she was here. Perhaps it was one of the things that attributed to her longing to stay away so much but having Bella actually here again just caused a painful string of memories to punctuate her mind. Each one flashed before her in the most vibrant of colours with the most high quality sound of laughter or happiness or even lust but there was something disjointed about them because they did not seem like hers. It was as if she was scrolling through a series of videos that she’d never seen before yet someone had insisted she was featured in them. It was extremely disorientating and although the sad reminders of what she’d lost were eternally painful as she tossed and turned at night, the sexual fuel being added to her brain was certainly not a virtue she could cash in on. “A beer. Of course I do...” She said with a small laugh as she crossed to the fridge and pulled out a beer for both of them. “Your favourite. Well ours but...” She mumbled and chewed her lip as she cracked the bottle and handed it to Bella. God there had been so many glorious nights when they’d collapsed in to the other’s arms intoxicated but there had been no tragedy; only drunken beauty. Well except for the night when they’d both seemed so desperate. The hatred and broken passion in that fuck had taken more from Becca than ever before. She’d loathed herself more and more every day since by an extra degree because it shouldn’t have happened. It had been so messed up.... “I’ll get the food heated up...lucky for you it’s already pre-prepared and just in need of a little extra glaze and cookin’...” She announced joyfully as she pulled various items from her large fridge and assorted them on the side as the oven heated up. She took pride and focus in her work - even when just cooking for Bella like this. Or maybe there was more pressure to be good now, she thought as she dragged herbs and liquids from cupboards, applying them to the meats. She lost herself in her world as she checked her preparation and then finally slipped the trays under the heat to cook through. As she turned back to Bella she could feel her cheeks were a little flushed from moving around but in that second another thought also struck her. “No meal is complete without a starter, right?” She asked and leant lazily over the counter toward Bella, practically drinking half of her beer down. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go off anywhere okay? I’ve already started the food...” She joked and then placed her beer back down and disappeared in to her bedroom. Her heart beat faster as she reminded herself that Bella had been in this bed so many times in so many different ways. Fuck...she groaned and pulled the large tin from her top drawer. At least she knew she could get Bella right with this, she pondered as she collected together all she’d need and rolled a solid sized joint with practiced ease. Then without hesitation she placed it between her lips and lit it, leaving the first drag and letting the second sink in to her body. She totally had this...no matter if Bella hated her or not. “I think this goes quite well with the meal...” She smirked as she wandered out of her room, releasing a steady cloud of smoke from her lips as she moved. “Don’t you?” She asked as she stopped beside Bella. She took one more drag before offering the joint to her, lifting her other hand to ever so faintly trace fingers against her jaw. “Am I doing okay yet....?”

#c:isabella #c:bella

Subtly glancing between them, she smiled to herself. To those that passed them, they couldn’t have looked happier. Whether it seemed they were together for years, or a new couple– one would easily they were an item. None of those people would have even the slightest inkling of what was buried beneath. But as they walked, Bella hardly had one herself. Becca was charming like that. She could always make her forget about all the bad, even if that just happened to be her. Her grin suddenly grew. In response, her thumb gently brushed against its opposite. Why was everything so natural with Becca? It was completely mind-boggling. “On the contrary, with that face– you’re funny,” she tried with what resembled that of a giggle. The second those words left her lips, she couldn’t help from shaking her head. This was not her thing at all. “See, not funny. But you are.” Becca had always had the perfect comedic timing. The girl merely had to be herself, or express whatever random thought popped into her head. She’d always have Bella bent in laughter. It was one of her more endearing qualities– the way she could light any room. Bella had so wholly adored her, and begrudgingly that hadn’t changed. It took her a moment but she abruptly returned to what had been said. “Hold up, what look?” Her brows quirked, staring at her ex-girlfriend with expectation. As Becca’s complex came into view, she was overloaded with memories. Much simpler aspects– things so easily overlooked. She could have driven over there in her old Honda Accord. Three minutes drive tops, but she stuck to running during the warmer seasons. And sometimes in the snow just for the hell of it, just to prove that she could do it. Always however, her times were significantly faster on those days. Just knowing she’d be met with those gorgeous eyes, and that smile, always left her feeling so inspired. Bella playfully scoffed, but her smile bled through. With the way she looked at at her, how could it not? “Hey, I could totally pay,” she half-joked, though she could. After all, she had just picked up her tips from work. The people of Nashville were surprisingly very giving when it came to their caffeinated drinks. She merely rolled her eyes at the expected response. In truth, she wasn’t wrong. She’d never known of anyone in her building to be anything other than polite and cordial. Southerners were known for that; although, she had felt quite small being there alone from time to time. “Hey, it was your idea to try–” Using her free hand, she wiggled her index finger suggestively. Though, she didn’t finish her statement. “But you didn’t die. So yes, that’s definitely a good one.” Glancing away, she felt a pang of sadness. It virtually came from nowhere. The two of them like this was perfect. It was the happiest she’d been in a while; only now they were merely memories. Inside the elevator, she nodded her head. Her face remained pensive until she heard that. The air thickened around her. Her face felt hot. And betraying herself, the words left her lips before she could take them back. “Remind me.”

Bella had always had such a delicate but effective way of making her feel better about herself. Although Rebecca had her very strong moments of confidence she was also just a young woman with the same worries as any other. She bothered herself constantly over the things she said and how people would take them but Bella had always laughed along with her or smiled that beautiful smile. She could recall the beauty of her laugh even if she hadn’t heard it today and it had made Rebecca so fucking happy to know she’d been the cause of that laughter whether it had been because she’d done something stupid or because she’d made an actual joke. Bella certainly had left Becca laughing endless time too but she’d always been so happy with her so it was absolutely no surprise. She could recall nights in Bella’s door room; the one where they’d just crash in each other’s arms or stumble home from a party but she’d lifted her hand to the ceiling as if she was tracing stars in the sky and then chat the most random shit: Is the sand named like that because it’s between the sea and land? Why are babies not called nine months old when they’re born because they’ve already been hatching for nine months? How many orgasms do you think someone can have until you’ll pass out - shall we find out? She’d always just been so comfortable in her lover’s embrace that she’d spilt her mind and her world to her. She’d told her about her parents and growing up in Chicago and in return she’d memorised the details of Bella’s world too. Together they’d built up something special, based on the foundations of inside knowledge and personal moments. It had been better than any kind of love Rebecca had ever been taught and it could most certainly have been forever. “You know the look.” She implied again but kept her eyes ahead, a creeping smirk on her lips. “And also you’ll pay for absolutely nothing.” She insisted lightly and the words had been so common in their relationship. Bella was a student and Becca had worked stupid amounts of hours a week for good pay. It was only fair she’d put effort in to treating her girlfriend. Ex girlfriend. The ex girlfriend currently still holding her hand and speaking of things to her as the elevator doors opened and she eased them inside. “So are we judging the goodness of everything on whether I die or not? I love that.” She chuckled and gazed at the ceiling, pressing floor five on the interior buttons. Then as the doors closed she heard the words that made her throat work: Remind me. Oh how she’d love to remind Bella of everything except the pain and worry. But despite the voice in the back of her skull she began to speak. “It was cold outside and we’d taken my car back from a party. We’d been out for your birthday the previous night...” She licked her lip slightly. “Barely slept because we both went nowhere the next day...but anyway you had me pinned against that corner there and your lips were on my neck but you kept smiling and...” She was speaking slowly as she recalled each detail of Bella’s touch and the feel of her smile. “Then you just began to laugh at something I’d said earlier and it was the best sound I’d ever heard and...” She shook her head in disbelief slightly and went to continue but the elevator stopped and the doors slid open. “And it went from there...” She added quickly before smiling widely and easing Bella out of the lift, the other hand still twirling the keys. Her apartment was basically right across from the elevator and even as she unlocked the door and swung it open she was reluctant to let go of Bella’s hand. Maybe she’d never hold it again. “Sorry if it’s messy but...” She said sheepishly. The interior was simply Becca upon the simple one bedroom layout. It opened with the long stretch of open plan kitchen and living room with doors out on to the balcony at the end. Then off this singular room was the bedroom and bathroom. Except full of merchandise and food wrappers. Home sweet home. “Make yourself comfortable...”

#c:isabella #THIS GOT SO LONG

ohmissoliviaross-deactivated201

“Oh, yes, multiple times. She pooped everywhere earlier and I was just about ready to call her mum up right then.”

“That honestly made me feel a little sick. But...congratulations on not just leaving it on a doorstep.”

“It is pretty nice,” she agreed, “It’s a really well run organization. Miss Riley does a very good job with everything.” Jordan had the utmost respect for what she was doing, and really delighted in talking about it. “Plus, I just really like the horses and all. I grew up on a farm, so it’s pretty familiar for me.” Shaking her head with a small smile, Jordan’s posture relaxed, and she leaned back against the wall. “I don’t think it’s a stupid point. If you’re noticing it as a trend, I wouldn’t say it’s stupid at all. It’s just…well. It’s a trend.”

“I can imagine nothing less from Riley if I’m honest.” She said with a small shrug. She had admiration for anyone that wanted to help. She helped people by feeding them but it wasn’t the same as what Jordan and Riley were working towards. “On a farm? That sounds kind of nice. Not my thing but cute all the same.” She told her before smiling and folding her arms. “You shouldn’t humour my stupid points. It ends badly and I’ll go off on one.”

to-hale-and-back-blog

“She is very sensible and a wonderful human being. I miss her a lot actually.” Leah sighed. “There are patients in the hospital literally running around trying to catch them. I have to send them back to their rooms before it turns into a mad house.” she said, thinking of how wild pediatric was. “Well I’m glad. Don’t do it again, watch out for that oil. Nurse’s orders.” she warned. “How’s business?”

Originally posted by lefi17

“Aww where is she?” Rebecca asked curiously with a small raise of her eyebrows. “Okay well that sounds as equally counterproductive to recovery as it does productive. After all it could keep people happy and not thinking about their illness.” She suggested before nodding. “I don’t blame myself for the accident so...and business is...as they say...” She paused and waved her hand. “Booming. Busy. All that. Obviously your work is made mad by Pokemon right now.”

deactivated-blog

“That’s just about the worst pick up line that I’ve ever heard, but at least you have good enough taste to actually attempt using it on someone that is truly beautiful.” Aubree smiled. “What’s pokemon go?”

“Well if one can’t be congratulated on their attempts then at least they can be congratulated on their tastes, right?” She asked sheepishly before blinking several times. “The best app to ever be released.”

Bella’s brows arched slightly. Skepticism made its presence suddenly known. She couldn’t help from considering the possibility of the older girl merely humoring her and nothing more. However, she knew Becca, or she’d like to think she did. Sure, she had hurt in the worst possible away. She had betrayed in a way no one else had. Karma. That’s what she told herself, but she wasn’t a liar. With that being said, Bella never knew of her to be anything if not completely candid. “Damn right you better respect her,” she retorted, this time an air of confidence hovering over her words. Nipping at her bottom lip, she wondered what was going through her mind. Generally when she walked around Nashville, she was ran in two very different speeds. Bella was often either lost in her own reverie. Sometimes– begrudgingly of course, her thoughts reverted back to the girl beside them. They’d walked down this street more times than she could count. Hands were adjoined and smiles were had. The Italian’s focus was always on Becca during those times. Her other speed was taking in those that passed her. She’d acknowledge little details about each stranger she encountered. Though she was no artist, she tried to commit each to memory. That by default made it impossible to rid herself of the one person she knew better than anyone else. Bella undoubtedly had friends and a good rapport with them. Still, it was Becca what she knew. “Since when have you ever cared about people staring at us– at you?” If it wasn’t for her boldness, perhaps Bella would have never been so insanely attracted to her. Anyone with eyes could tell that she was beautiful. She had the kind of smile that stopped you for a moment at first glance. You couldn’t look away if you wanted. But genuine adulterated attraction was something else. As they walked, each store or eatery melted into the last. They were all the same; and yet, never changing either. That observation could also be made for the two them. Bella was falling back into old habits, they were so natural. Holding her hand. That dreaded four letter word that so obviously slipped, it was all too easy. And still, she honestly didn’t know what was going on inside Becca’s head. Perhaps she could just ask but that would over-complicate things because regardless she may just not like the answer. Both a positive or negative response could work against her. The former terrified her most. Swallowing she nodded, understanding the need to seek comfort in something– anything at all. Her eyes widened, again not noticing the surroundings. Damn her ex for having her undivided attention. She definitely observed their sudden closeness. She reveled in it. “You know I do,” she chuckled, shaking her head. “Does that mean you have some?” The last time she’d gotten high was with the other girl. Before that– she didn’t want to think about it. “Oh, be quiet. I love your place. It’s cute– better than me. Lotta good memories, too…”

Rebecca couldn’t help but realise that in that moment her respect for Gaga would have appeared even if she never initially had it. Her conviction and adoration for Bella and her passions was that large that she’d just go along with it all and tell herself it would be rude not to support her. In even the smaller ways. Even with golf. Golf was a torturous game with too much clapping and moving. However it was what Bella did and she looked really good in the trousers when she bent over just right. During their relationship she had made a mental note to never laugh at something Bella said she liked. She wanted her to never feel judged or stupid about herself but sometimes her natural teasing habits had come through. She’d always followed it up with reassurance however because she’d wanted Bella to always feel good. Always feel smart. Always feel beautiful. Always feel loved. Breaking her heart had been a funny way to show all of that. “Oh I don’t care about people staring at us.” She confessed honestly and for the smallest moment the urge struck her to lift Bella’s hand and press her lips to it. “I was just trying to be funny but then I remembered I’m not a comedian and you’re capable of giving me that look.” She teased and without thinking squeezed Bella’s hand because she was messing around. Because she was having fun and forgetting some of the things that plagued her. Not that she wanted to forget them entirely because she shouldn’t be allowed to but for a moment she’d didn’t see the devastation of their break-up. For a few moments she saw them laughing in Bella’s bedroom and in an image that she hadn’t though of in a while she pictured Bella’s arms around her body as they lay in bed. She could feel her sleepy warm breath against her neck and sense the way her hand twitched in her own. That had been when they’d been their most beautiful: when neither of them had seen what was coming and it was love. Just pure love. “I can’t disclose that information and besides you’re getting me to cook you amazing food so why would you need anything else?” She asked with a playful voice but smiled down at her with an unrivalled amount of adoration. Looking at Bella was like seeing for the first time. It was ironic really though because Becca certainly did have stuff in her apartment. “But it’s kinda snooty. These fucking young professionals.” She joked and reached in her pocket without even consciously thinking to pull out her key. “Good memories, huh?” She questioned as she grasped the keys in her hand. “Like the time we had a shower and I slipped and nearly knocked my teeth out?” She laughed happily at the memory despite the fact there had been blood all down her face when it had occurred. When they rounded the corner of the large white building she cast one more look at Bella. She seemed to be silently observing whether she would really stay or not but she decided Bella could still leave anyway so with a small smile she made her way in to the building. The lobby glowed with light and she still didn’t release her ex as she moved to the elevator. “Pains of the fifth floor, right?” She joked as she stabbed at the button. “Also memories of this elevator...” She added in a whisper, swallowing a little heavier than before.

#c:bella #c:isabella

Her brows furrowed in momentary concern. “Wait. Why, darlin’? And more importantly, who? I’ll totally fight a bitch, I’m not even kidding. No one gets to make you cry.” She said. She wrinkled her nose and blew air toward Becca’s face, her only idea for retaliation. “No.” She pouted. “It was miserable and sad and boring. Seriously. I was shoved into meetings for like, eight hours a day. I can’t do anything for eight hours straight. Not even things I actually like.” In truth, it hadn’t been that bad. But Roslyn was nothing if not dramatic.

Rebecca snorted at the woman’s protective tone and in that moment she didn’t have the heart to tell her that it hadn’t been because she was upset; rather the fact she’d been getting fucked in to the mattress. “Don’t worry about me. I’m a big tough girl...” She told her honestly and leant out to rub her upper arm. “But that sounds gross. Eight hours?! Jesus...just no. Well you’re back now and alive and as beautiful as ever.”

“Mhmm,” Jordan hummed out, tapping her fingers against her thigh. “Past…six years now? Since I was eighteen.” With a small smile at her face, Jordan looked up, nodding. “Yes ma’am–” Jordan winced, drawing out the ‘m’ as she squeezed her eyes shut in embarrassment. “Becca. Yes. The therapy ranch.” Jordan furrowed her brow, trapping her bottom lip between her teeth. She wasn’t entirely sure how true that was, but she didn’t want to dispute it either. “They…do?”

“Damn.” She muttered quietly and raised her eyebrows as she looked at Jordan. It was kind of impressive if she was honest. She could totally get on board with the hot authority of this. “Awesome. That’s really cool.” She told her, recalling the small details Riley had told her. She wondered how she was briefly before nodding. “I raise stupid points so...take it at face value. Maybe they do and maybe it’s just me.”

unstoppable-james-deactivated20

“That one is really good, maybe i will borrow that from you” he said with a smile and grin on his face, “I don’t remember the last time that i used a pickup line” he laughed.

“You’re welcome to borrow it but you have to give me credit. That’s only fair, right?” She joked and looked curious. “Have you ever used one seriously though?”

War. War never changes. @beccatucks - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag