The sound of the waves clashing against the shore calms your racing thoughts immediately, with the sun kissing your skin and the wind blowing against your face. You have stopped thinking about Sam as you let nature slow the pace of your beating heart.
Ever since Sam’s disappearance, you couldn’t help but come to this beach where the both of you would go to during the holidays of your three-year-relationship. He said that there was just something exciting about exploring the world and how you can never really see what’s out there unless you cross the ocean. He always talked about it, just like how a kid keeps talking about a present they want for Christmas.
This gave you the thought that maybe the nearest beach would be the place to go whenever you both felt like “traveling.”
Now he’s been gone for nearly a month and the feeling of loneliness started to seep into you again. Looking at albums, video-tapes and anything that reminded you of him only made it worse—except for this beach.
You lay your back onto the sand, closing your eyes as the rays of the sun starts to sting. The sound of the ocean lulls makes you drift off into your memories.
“Got a light?” He came up to you at a cafe as you were writing an article for a magazine.
You looked at him with an apologetic smile. “No.” You said, and he chuckled.
“Oh…” He placed both of his hands in his pockets, looking around the cafe with his cheeks starting to turn pink. “Kinda guessed it.” He took out a hand and introduced himself and you did the same.
Seeing as to how polite and good-looking he was, you wanted to get to know him better. You invited him to sit on the chair across from you as you closed your laptop and placed it back in your bag that was hanging from the chair.
An awkward silence filled in the air as the both of you looked around the cafe; you let your mind wander as to what topics to talk about only to realize the sneaky thing he just did. “Hold on…” You said and he looked at you with eyebrows raised. “Was that your way of getting to know me?”
The tips of his lips raised to a smug smile, putting out both his hands on the table and scooting closer to you. “Did it work?” He asked and you slump back into your chair, laughing.
You blushed from that introduction, impressed that he managed to even get this far into getting to know you. Normally, you would be playing hard to get with other men, not wanting to waste time into relationships as achieving your goals was more important to you.
But this was different and you knew deep down into your gut that he’s not someone to waste time on.
Even if that happened a few years ago, your heart still flutters from the thought of it. As you opens your eyes, you could only wish that he was laying right beside you, his arms around your shoulder as the both of you would exchange jokes, flirts and stories.
Raising up from the sand you look back at the parking lot to see another car drive in, your heart jumping out of your chest as you hope it’s Sam coming here to see you. As the car door open, your breath is caught between your throat as you see the familiar sleeked back hair, but belonging to a different face. Two other doors open and out comes the wife with the kids.
Your heart sinks down your gut and you can only look back at the sea, hoping that he managed to explore the world like he wanted.
“Alright, how about Panama?” He asked you during dinner.
By this time, you have been tolerating the talks about traveling, but you would much rather stay at home and work to earn money. “No.” You said and you heard him give out a sharp breath.
“C’mon, it’ll be great! Nice beaches, great weather—”
You cut him off by letting out a sigh, resting both your elbows onto the table as you placed both hands on your forehead, unable to take any more of this.“You know I can’t because of my job, right?”
A clanking sounds makes you jump and you stare at him. “Aren’t you the least bit thrilled about the idea?”
“But you can’t.” He finishes, slumping back into the chair and staring at you, bouncing his leg that made the table shake.
Since that night, he had stopped talking about his dreams of going to foreign countries. When you woke up one morning, unable to find him or get a hold of him, you already had a feeling that he left.
I just wish you happiness, Sam. You thought, squinting your eyes as seagulls fly by. I just wish I didn’t think of you so much like how you thought about leaving.
Months later, you fight the urge to wish for him to come back because you can’t bear to think about loving anyone else but him.