Make me ache

A blog reflecting the thoughts, fantasies and real life stories of a 32 year old poly bisexual femme in Central Texas. I am currently in a long-term relationship with my Sadist and I have a couple of other friends and lovers making me a very lucky girl. ♡♡♡ This is NSFW and 18+. Please do not follow if you are under 18. If you are the copyright holder of any of the material in this blog and would like credit or for it to be taken down, please contact me.

[beggingforpermission]

Update

I’m on bdsmlr and pillowfort with the same username. I donated to the Internet Archive who have so far managed to back up about 100K of the 700K NSFW blogs here. Who knows how far they will actually get before the deadline but I appreciate their efforts and making this such a priority with such little time. (if you want to donate to them, they have a 2-to-1 matching donor right now, so your money goes farther in that gift to the nonprofit org). Again, email address is beggingforpermission at the gmails. Make sure you say tumblr: your sn in the subject line so I know you’re not spam. 

[beggingforpermission]

Goodbye and Thanks for All the Laughs

Like many people here, I have been morning the loss of tumblr and how it chronicalled whole relationships and times of my life. It was always so much more than porn for me - it was relationships, love, friendships, community, personal development and a chance to be real with others and real with myself.

So I am feeling a lot of betrayal about it. I’m trying to back it up the best I can and will be moving to a new platform. However, my father is also terminal and we’re hearing “any day now” so my focus has been a little scattered.

If you have screen shots or copies of my captions and writings, please keep them!!! If you have my fetlife I’ll be updating my new blog locations. And I have an email: beggingforpermission at the gmails to keep in touch. Put tumblr: your sn in the heading and I’ll be sure to read it. 

[plaztic]

[beggingforpermission]

“You are it,” He told me. “I haven’t said it to anyone else since that day I named you. I used to use it ALL the time. Then that day, it just became only you.”

[purplebuddhaquotes]

Know that I loved you. Know that it was not enough.

Leigh Bardugo (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[purplebuddhaquotes]

I only knew how to love myself when you left me.

Tamader Morgan

(via

purplebuddhaquotes

)

[purplebuddhaquotes]

I’m not the person you left behind anymore. There’s no one here to miss.

Iain Thomas (via purplebuddhaquotes)

It finally happened. The year came when I was busy living my own life - consumed with grad school and work and my friendships and new relationships and old relationships and the people who have loved me through it all to become my family - that the date came and went and I didn’t even notice until 3 days later. I wondered why I had been thinking of him more. Why he kept popping into my mind, unable to ignore. I’ve thought about texting him frequently lately - but why? What for? Will I always feel the desire to reach out? Is this just what it’s like with your first real love? 6 trips around the sun since our 2nd first kiss. I wouldn’t trade those years with him for the world.

I wouldn’t trade the growing and changing I’ve done since then, not for anything. That girl who loved him is utterly unrecognizable to me now. 

And the woman I’ve become is pretty damn amazing.

[beggingforpermission]

can you tag your videos?

I suck at tagging things, even though I keep wanting to clean up my blog. If you’re super worried about being triggered with something and you can’t just scroll past it, I suggest unfollowing me. There is only so much time I have available and tagging things is simply not a priority for me.But absolutely do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

[beggingforpermission]

I just don't get how a guy cannot be into anal, esp with a woman who IS. I apologize to you on behalf of those men.

Not everyone is into every thing!! It’s sad, but the truth is that the diversity is one of the things I love about being poly. I can have amazing anal in another relationship :-)

[beggingforpermission]

If you ask me a question on Anon

And it’s a personal question like...about school or work or my family or something like that. Please come off anon to talk to me about it.

There are only so many identifying personal details I’m willing to share on tumblr.

Also, to the anon who asked me about school: the answer is Yes. But message me off anon!!! 

[femsubdenial]

Do you have a couple blogs you would recommend following? What are some of your favorites?

I have too many favorites.

I started this tumblr goals of popularizing my favorite kink, and if they kink in general. I was never expecting or trying to be the best one out there, which is good, because @pleasuretorture and @female-orgasm-denial would be too much competition.

If you like reading nonfiction posts of people in denial, definitely go look at @denialarchive.

@beggingforpermission is my buggest tumblr crush. There are way too many others, some of whom have stopped posting for what I hope are fortunate reasons.

@littlesubshay is cute, brilliant, a good friend, has deliciously naughty thoughts, and writes some really intense fantasies.

@eveadams01 consistently writes short erotica that makes my head buzz.

@lovinglyhandmadepornography and @davidmackvideo are porn video people who are definitely worth checking out.

I keep a tag called “#related tumblrs”. If you come across any deactivated tumblrs within that tag, msg my own post to me and I’ll remove that tag from the post to keep the #related tumblrs tag page clean.

[beggingforpermission]

So after texting with you recently I realized that I hadn’t logged into my primary tumblr since I was robbed in South America over Memorial Day weekend. I couldn’t do the two-factor authentication.

The nice thing about not having blogged for 4 months is I can actually go back and review all my notifications in that time period because notifications are minimal with no new updates.

That way, I can find sweet stuff like this.

You are 100% why I started my tumblr. It was so I could keep track of my favorite tumblr postings of yours. After the demise of tantalism, there was so little space to our explore our kink. Thank you for being a part of creating this space and this female orgasm denial little community we’ve got going on here.

Next time I’m visiting the frozen tundra, I will be sure to plan better ;-)  {blows kiss}

[the-book-of-sin-deactivated2017]

Shoutout to the girls that get wet when mean things are said to them.

[venomouslilith]

that’d be me

[purplebuddhaproject]

“Ten years from now, make sure you can say that you chose your life, you didn’t settle for it.”

— Mandy Hale (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[beggingforpermission]

On the days where I'm like "why the fuck am I pushing myself this hard, doing this much, etc" I remind myself: this is why.

Cause I'm choosing my life.

[beggingforpermission]

Erotica

One of my biggest pet peeves in erotica is when the sub gets to (and there are actions taken explicitly to encourage) experience pleasure during "punishment". Like, if they are really in trouble and you want them to change their behavior, this is not the way to incentivize it.

Not that the scenes of sadism aren't hot. But when I'm reading a dirty version of a fairy tale and the thing I'm struggling to suspend my disbelief on is that dynamic...yeah.

The difference between lifestyle and fantasy.

[beggingforpermission]

I don’t think about it every day, but sometimes it just hits me:

If I hadn’t miscarried, Nicholas would have been 14 this year. Who knows who I would have been by now. By my baby would have been as old as I would have been when I birthed him.

Instead, I’m 28 and going through another child - less Halloween. I might just go sit on a corner and watch all the children happily running after candy and wonder if some day one of them will be mine.

[beggingforpermission]

Weirdly, I'm hitting a time I have dreaded. The knowledge that if he had been born, Nicholas would be graduating high school this June.

I'm traveling on my global trip for my MBA program this memorial day instead.

Life has not turned out the way I expected. It's amazing how much a childless mother still mourns.

[mindflamer]

In honor of Janelle Monáe coming out I put together a lil graphic about bi & pan identities! This is based on my own experiences within the community as someone who uses both terms. It of course does not cover everything! Image description under the cut.

Keep reading

[goawfma]

a friendly reminder to never give up, not be afraid of starting afresh, find a new hobby and make it your passion for life ✊🏾 you’ll certainly figure everything out !!

[gahdamnpunk]

I needed this

[beggingforpermission]

Yesssss

[photolegs]

[good-girls-edge]

When she closed the clasp a rush charged thru her as the realization almost overwhelmed her. She just gave up her body. Her breasts were no longer hers. Her ass was no longer hers. Her pussy was no longer hers. Her orgasms were no longer hers.

But then she started to calm. She didn’t have to worry about all those tough decisions anymore. She would never be judged for who she was. She would be able to express her darkest fantasies and desires without shame. She empowered herself to become the woman she wanted to be.

All that from a tiny, delicate anklet.