Jan

Welcome to my mind.

[behindcannyseye]

Because valentine's is not just a day. Everytime I see you feels like the first time cupid shot his arrow at me. Your smile gives me the feeling of happiness like eating the sweetest chocolates. Your perfume smells like freshly picked roses from the garden. Being with you is valentine's day and it never fails.

[behindcannyseye]

One thing I learned tonight: anyone can have their own success story. You can start with passion put together with hard work and a little bit of luck. No one was born great but everyone was born to be great. Nothing was created without a purpose. Life is a big stage and let the world be your audience.

[behindcannyseye]

Para sa mga iniwan Na hanggang ngayon Ang puso ay Nalulumbay pa rin Para sa mga nabasag Yung nagbigay ng lahat Tapos sa huli Para sa sarili, walang natira Para sa mga umaasa Na mapansin man lang Balang araw Yung nga hopia Para sa mga patuloy na nagmamahal Handang masaktan, Maiwan, mabasag at umasa Maksama lang siya. Maligayang araw ng mga puso

[behindcannyseye]

It's a very hearty day

[radarph]

Jerard Eusebio’s Open Letter to Millenials 

Writing this on my phone, on my way to work, says something about me. I had excluded myself from the term, in a way, because I’ve always believed I was older in the head, always mature beyond what my numeric age permitted. And the word has gained so much stigma; I’d hardly hear anyone admit they belong to this generation. I head on to Google and click enter after typing the word. One who was born between 1982 to 2004. (Sources vary but I’d like to stick to this broader, more encompassing one.) If your birth falls anytime between these years and if you have resisted accepting the truth, resist no more. You are, like me, a millennial.

 ****************************************

Dear Us,

This open letter isn’t a cold lecture nor a pat on the back. Maybe, it’s more of a random blurb, a hiccup on an otherwise dull day.  And because I believe there would be no answers without inquiry, I’ll leave all of us with questions.

I’d like to begin by looking back. Generation X, the generation before us, lived thinking the rug might be pulled from under them anytime. It was a world reeking with the fresh scent of gun powder and blood from World War II. Poverty was as common as ever. So they made employment their priority, getting the most practical degree, which will ensure having to land somewhere soon after graduation. Job security was the goal. We’re beneficiaries of that school of thought, or victims, depending on your perspective. Our parents urged us to earn a degree that would get as a lucrative salary, not to mention prestige. Who among us weren’t tagged as future doctors, lawyers, and engineers? Now, we feel a change, and it tickles us. Allow me to jog your memory with this PLDT commercial of a father finally supporting his son, who had shifted from a science course to fine arts: “Suportahan taka.” Does it ring any bell? Despite occasional economic meltdowns and terrorist attacks, we’ve come quite far from the age of global wars. Our parents, I think, have more or less accepted a foreseeable warless future. (I really can only say “more or less” because of China, North Korea, and ISIS.)

In general, people of today are more open about non-science courses, about other creative forms of employment. Write a post or two about your recent out-of-town trip and voila! You are a travel blogger, or at least a budding one. A year from now, you might be getting your own domain (dot com!) and having ads pay you. Two years from now, you project, you might be traveling and getting paid for it, too. This is a possibility, and we know it. Life is offering us more and more ways of living. We can’t be faulted for feeling invincible at times. Plus, we hear so much about super successful people, their stories that humanize them even more and how most of them are college dropouts. With this, we justify more why we skipped that horrible, useless algebra class. This is our story. Us, millennials, we’re kind of hardwired to feel different. And why shouldn’t we, when we’ve been told, time after time, how each person is special—unique, how even our thumbprints are one of a kind? But ask yourself, are you really that different? In a sea of people all thinking they’re special and unique and beholden in the eyes of a Great Creator, why can’t you seem to transcend your present situation? Why aren’t you famous yet? Why, at the age of 23, are you not a millionaire yet? Or at least a car owner? Why aren’t you running your own business? After 30 well-liked videos on YouTube, why haven’t you inked a deal with a music label yet? Ask this: How different am I from a billion other human beings, all dreaming of success?

Akin to being special is being limitless. We’re smack in the middle of the age of social media and the Internet. The world has become a smaller place, sometimes it even feels like a single room. Post silly videos of yourself on Facebook today, find your face in a giant ad along EDSA tomorrow. Do something rash and scandalous at the MRT, see your folly caught on tape, played again and again in the evening news. Who can predict what goes viral and what tanks? But as far as potential goes, the sky is the limit. We are the generation which knows no boundaries, so they say. We can be anything. If you sincerely believe this, then I’m with you. But ask this: Can I even do fifty sit ups?

The truth is we are limitless, as much as we are limited. To trick ourselves is a counterproductive task. Imagine taking a selfie and masking the whole thing with a filter. You’ll find yourself later, avoiding public exposure because you look nothing like your online self. What’s the point?

We can blame technology for making us feel so empowered. With it comes the once unthought-of instantaneous information dissemination. Letters, which used to cross seas and continents for months can now arrive within microseconds. No longer do we wait for the evening news, Twitter updates us real-time. And aren’t we all smarter because of it? More informed, more savvy? Perhaps more quick? Definitely sharper. You can learn the definition of the word “incongruous” in less than a minute, after a couple of taps on your phone, and within that very minute boast what you’ve just learned to your clueless friends. Knowledge is at our fingertips. Can anything be more glorious than that? And we are, indeed, smarter because of it. That is until we lose our connection, or enter a dead spot, or until the Mbps wanes and decides to be as fast as it was in 1994. And then we’re handicapped, our faces as bummed as they would have had we just been diagnosed with a terminal illness. I guess this is because of how fast things go these days—only a few things challenge our patience anymore. Even textbooks have been conveniently digitized. Your iPad can store hundreds of books, without weighing like a bookshelf. The future looks, even feels limitless.

Maybe you don’t realize how easy you’ve got things, the older ones would say, back in the day we didn’t have none of those gadgets!

Maybe you don’t realize how everything is actually harder, in spite of the advancements in technology and how fast things can go for us, we—millennials—retort, how this well-connected, fast-paced world can actually be cruel and lonely. How it does that, only we could understand.

It’s never wrong to take a step back when things become confusing. We’re a more reflective generation, in a way. Maybe that’s why we’re more accepting of differences—in color, sexual preferences. And in the end, that’s what will save us, I think. We have a longer history to look back on.

So, is it true, what they all say about us? Are we more self-centered? Or are we, perhaps, more self-aware? Do we care more about our own happiness than our neighbors’? When we do charity work, is it because we see it as a trendy thing to do, or have we actually discovered empathy? Is it true that we prioritize media wars and television love teams more than our own real, tangible lives? Or do we find a real connection between the fictive and real, and somehow because of this the latter doesn’t suck as much? When we complain about the slow Internet connection, do we actually lament because we could have accomplished so much already? Or is it because of something else?

I hazard a guess that people from different generations would never see eye-to-eye, there’s just too much space and context in between. And that’s okay. The point is we’re trying.

To end this letter, I repeat what was taught to us: We are special. We are unique. We are one of a kind. And this, the consequent burning question: How so?

Kind regards,

J

[behindcannyseye]

Sa ilaw ng kandila Nagniningning na mga mata Sa isang sulyap lamang Nagsimula ang lahat

[behindcannyseye]

Sa huli, ikaw PANDIN.

[behindcannyseye]

Yung hipon nahanap na soulmate niya.

[escafeism]

Like books, some people are easy to read, but I try not to read you. You are a mixture of quite a lot of things, and trying to decipher  you is like reading a book delicately written that I have to repeatedly read the same page over and over just to understand and feel what is really going on inside your head, so much, it hurts mine.

I try not to read you because I am afraid, afraid of getting attached to the character that you are—sunny and a tad bit gloomy—I don’t want to fall in love with your ideas, of how you put your words together beautifully. I don’t want to hurt as much as I slip in between chapters where you cry yourself to sleep.

I try not to read you because I don’t want to get drunk with the idea that you are incessant. I might not stop. I might not put you down even just for a second. I might even not sleep just so I can read your story. In three days time I might close your book and weep because you ended, you ended in a cliff hanger. I try not to read you because I don’t want to get disappointed. I don’t want to know that feeling people often feel after finishing a good book and leaving them hanging, lying in bed, thinking if there will ever be a sequel.

They say books are meant for reading but I just want to touch your spine and feel every fissures. I just want to flip your every pages and let its fragrance spread all over my room. I just want to stare at your tanned pages or trace a constellation out of your marks.

They say books will always mean ‘temporary’ or ‘ending’ but it will only end if you read it. That’s why I try not to read you. I don’t want you to end. I don’t want this to end.

[behindcannyseye]

#LoveWins

Love is in the air. Love is everywhere. It maybe at your doorstep, maybe at the office, or maybe even right beside you. Many people have talked about love on different angles but let me just share my thoughts on love.

Recently, a law has been passed in the USA legalizing same sex marriage. Then suddenly, facebook was shining with rainbow colors. Everyone profile pictures were rainbow colored! I remember that time, I was wondering if there was a new trending app or something. Then, of courae there was the hashtag "#LoveWins". I definitely had no idea what that was about. But as people gave their opinions, thoughts and side on this, I started understanding what was actually happening. Despite the comotion, the LGBT community was roaring with happiness because it gave them hope to be with someone they truly love forever.

I'm not writing this to tell you my stand whether I'm anti or pro. I'm not writing this to tell you what I think about same sex marriage. I'm not writing this to talk to about equality. I'm writing this because I'm happy. I'm happy for my friends who are with someone who makes them really happy without any judgement. I'm happy that society has somehow become open-minded when it comes to these things. I'm happy because love is there.

This is a testimony that love takes no form. Love can be seeing someone smile at you. Love can be making your mom smile. Love can be helping an old man cross the street. Love can be two people who choose to be with each other every single day. Love can simply be happiness.

[behindcannyseye]

Hey, A.

It’s been a while. Honestly, I don’t know what to say to you. We’ve already talked a couple times to clear things out, but that doesn’t mean that the feelings have cleared as well.

Well, to start off, I liked you. I really did. I think I even loved you. You were probably the first guy that I had deep feelings for. I was very happy when I was with you. I was a free soul when I was with you. I’m not good at remembering things but apparently, you were an exemption. As Taylor Swift said, I remember it all too well. From the day I fell for you until the day we lost it all, if there was even a “we”.

I don’t really know how you caught my attention. I mean, honestly, you’re not that good looking. I don’t know you as well. You’re shy and silent. I guess, your good humor got me. From then on, I kinda kept a silent eye on you, though it’s a little creepy. Unconciously, I slowly wanted to know you. I’ve heard stories about you and one of them is about your heart being taken by a long time high school crush. When I learned about it, I was both happy and sad. Happy because I knew that it would help me not to develop deeper feelings for you and sad because I already had a little crush on you that time.

Summer of 2014 came and I got to know you better because we were both an active member of the organization. You were always in my journal. Every little thing you did for me, whether you intended to do it or not, was very much appreciated. Being the gentleman that you are plus your humor, you always made my heart skip a beat. But of course, you didn’t know that. Why would I let you know that? I knew that it was all a one-sided feeling and I didn’t want to get my hopes up again. But my closest brods and sisses started teasing me about you and their supportiveness was, I think, a big factor as to why I fell for you.

I tried pulling my heart out of the pit, but it was just too deep. I tried not to think about the possibility of us, but my imagination failed me. Sometimes, I’d wonder or daydream on the what ifs. What if we ended up being together? What if you liked me the way I do about you? What if we started dating? I knew it was dangerous and it would just lead me nowhere, but the hell do I care, I was in love. Summer and Aeatguyod played a major role here. We were both a part of the Aeatguyod team, so as the team spent more time for the grand project, so did we. Aetaguyod was the bridge, our common ground. There was tingling in my heart and butterflies in my stomach, but I made sure the my hopes are kept intact as people were telling me that we’ll be so good together and the likes.

On the day of the Aetaguyod Project, I lost myself. I was so happy that time. So happy because the project was finally being conducted, but half of that happiness belonged to you. I felt appreciated and special and that was very new to me. That was a first. I was scared. I was reading between the lines and ignorance wasn’t there to help that time. As Aetaguyod was coming to an end, I knew “we” were too. We had no excuse to talk to each other because by that time, we won’t belong to the same committee anymore. I was really sad. In my mind, I started bidding goodbye to you. But I was surprised when you sent me a message a day after. I saw hope. We weren’t about to end after all.

One facebook message turned it a conversation that lasted a day. And another day. And another day. Then, a week, a month. That facebook message, turned into a text message. From the virtual world, we made it to the real world. We would meet each other often with friends. I looked forward to every meeting and craved for more. Eventually, we discovered it was mutual. I was on cloud nine. It was the first time someone made me feel special. But being special to one another isn’t enough for two people to be together. You have to choose to be with that person every single day. And I guess, you didn’t make that choice.

I didn’t know where to stand. It was like, “Sooo, now what?”. It was good while it lasted though. I thought you chose me, but I ended up being a detour. After 3 months, you started drifting away. You were going back to your original path and I was being left at my own. We tried to end that confusing connection, but every talk was a just reminder of how hard it was to let go of each other. I wondered how hard it was to let go of something that didn’t even exist. We said we had a closure but personally, I think everything just slipped away.

The next few months was hard. Really hard. I can’t seem to focus on my thesis and other things. It was definitely heartbreaking. I was convincing myself that it should be easy because technically, nothing happened. But, as a friend said, feelings existed. I entered your world and you entered mine. I was ready to choose you, but you chose another. I was messed up. I was really glad I had my friends with me to comfort me. You got my hopes up and that’s just bullshit. As I held on to the memories we shared – kiss, hugs, holding hands, private jokes and messages, night walks – my heart sank and cried. You crushed me emotionally and mentally. We were almost there, but almost wasn’t good enough.

Now, we live separate lives. Sometimes, I would wonder how you are doing, but that’s it. I didn’t write this letter to remind you and myself of our tragic story and make us both feel sorry for everything that happened. I wouldn’t even send this to you, so how can I do that? I wrote this because I think it’s time to let go, accept everything that happened, and move on. The past few months, I thought I was doing a great job at doing that. But every time our memories came back at me, pain and sadness would crawl inside me too. I realized that I was just forgetting and not really moving on. It would get me nowhere if that continues to happen. This is an opportunity to thank you as well, for making me happy and making me feel special even just for a while. Also, for teaching me how to love, be loved and be hurt. Believe me, it was memorable.

I know we’ve had several “closures” but for me, this is the best of them all. I’m closing our book but I’m not ending our story. Who knows what would happen in the future, right? But for now, I’m sure that I’m ready to live my future and to stop living in the past. This letter is to remind myself that now, you’re just a happy memory that might happen or never happen again. Let go, accept and move on.

[behindcannyseye]

It was a chill Saturday because of you. I will be a fan forever.

[behindcannyseye]

It’s been a while Since the day I said goodbye Missed you for so long You’ll always be my second home.

[behindcannyseye]

Just what I needed

[behindcannyseye]

Hello Amaia Scapes San Pablo!!

[behindcannyseye]

Malay mo Nasa harap mo pala siya Di ka lang nakatingin Ayun, nakalagpas na.

Malay mo Kasabay mo siya sa jeep kanina Kaso tulog ka sa biyahe Ayun, nakababa na.

Malay mo Nabangga mo pala siya Busy ka magtext Ayun, di mo siya nakita.

Malay mo Kakilala siya ng kaibigan mo Pero mahiyain ka sabi mo Ayun, nasa iba na.

Malay mo Kasama mo palagi Di mo lang namamalayan Ayun, inlove ka na.

Malay mo. Ikaw pala tinutukoy ko Manhid ka lang Ayun, nasaktan na.

[behindcannyseye]

“Buti pa ang kalendaryo, may date. Buti pa ang probability, may chance. Buti pa ang patay, may dumadalaw. Buti pa ang alphabet, may U and I. Buti pa ang Parañaque, may BF.” -Arun Gogna

Hay, buhay. Mabuti pa nga.