Being A Checkout Bitch @beingacheckoutbitch-blog - Tumblr Blog

Between me and the customer, it's hard to know who is the most embarrassed when a colleague rings and asks me to check the price of panty-liners...

#Checkout #Retail #Shop #Supermarket #Colleague #Customer #Panty Liners #Embarrassing

Note to self: Do not remark, perfectly innocently, on a customer's flowers and declare, "I actually like pansies". This will avoid the awkward moment when my colleague on the checkout - who ought to be too old to be so juvenile! - starts crying with laughter.

#Note to self #Checkout #Till #Shop #Supermarket #Retail #Colleagues #Innuendo #In-joke #Gay #Pansies

After repeating yourself loudly for the last ten minutes, as well as forcing it under my nose to smell, yes Madam, I do now know that somebody's spilt beer is on your sleeve. Aside from sucking it out personally, though - sobbing gently and flogging myself as I do so - I'm really not sure what the fuck you expect me to do about it...

#checkout #till #retail #shop #beer #spillage #build a fucking bridge #customer #complaint

Me: Oooh, I see you have your priorities in order! Matey's Bubble Bath, wow!

Customer: Oh - yeah, it's for my grandson when he comes to stay, he loves it.

Me: Ahhh me too! I haven't used it in ages, though - well, the main reason, I suppose, is because I haven't had a bath...!

#Customers #What Not to Say #Foot in Mouth #Work #Being a Checkout Bitch #Matey #Bubble Bath #Bath

Customer: I don't need a hand packing, as long as you don't go too fast...

Me: No, I don't, don't worry. I think life is too short to rush!

Customer: Pft. I'm 87, son, and let me tell you - it isn't.

#Customer #87 #Age #Rush #Fair point #Work #Being a Checkout Bitch

You're like the cocky barman you see on holiday abroad, flipping and chucking things... Cool!

An impressed customer

#Customer #Being a checkout bitch #Shopping #Holiday #Barman

Me: "Sorry to be rude, but I need to ask for I.D for your beer..." Customer: "Eh!? What the fuck!? I've got a fucking kid, man...!?" I despair sometimes...

#Customer #Checkout #Checkout Bitch #I.D #Kid #Despair #Beer

Best Quote Ever...

... At my till today. Me: "Would you like any cashback?" Customer: "No thanks son, I've got millions." I laughed to myself all day!

#Customer #Checkout Bitch #Checkout #Cashback #Best Quote

Note to self...

... Don't sit and think about your puppy's behaviour earlier that morning whilst serving customers at work. This will avoid the awkward, excruciating silence that follows when, instead of thanking a man for removing his card from the machine, you say 'Good boy'.

#Note to self #Customers #Foot-in-mouth #Good boy #Puppy #Checkout Bitch

A Genuine Conversation on the Checkout Behind...

... Between a customer and the checkout operator. Checkout Operator: Hiya. Y'alright?

Customer: Alright... Checkout Operator: Would you like a hand packing, or are you alright? Customer: Nah, yer'alright. I weep for humanity, I really do.

#Customer #Checkout #Checkout Operators #Alright #English language #I weep

Note to self: Refrain entirely from using the common phrase, "Simple things please simple minds". This will avoid the awkward, uncomfortable silence that follows when the customer's child you referred to with such a comment - who was taking great delight in a carrier bag - turns round and appears to be Downs Syndrome. FML.

#Customer #Work #Checkout Bitch #Simple Things...#Downs Syndrome #FML

A lady paid me perhaps the highest compliment I could hope for at work earlier, remarking that my "checkout belt control was fantastic". This meant a lot to me, only because it is something I consciously do. I feel there is often a disconnect between the checkout operators I watch and their customers who join the end of their till. And in almost all cases, I grow frustrated as the cashier rushes each stage of the process and expends only the required minimum of effort to engage the customer. I think pacing the conveyor belt, so that the customer empties the shopping from their trolley at their pace - and also means the shopping groups together instead of spreading out over the belt - is a sensible idea. That this one lady recognised this - and appreciated it on the basis that she felt there was a lot less pressure on her to rush etc - pretty much validates my method and makes me very proud indeed.

#Woman #Customer #Customers #Work #Checkout #checkout bitch #Supermarket #Checkout operators

A customer yesterday - upon asking her for ID and remarking that we were the same age (24) - clamped her hand to her mouth in horror and expressed her surprise, because she thought I looked 30. Fucking bitch, I hope her carrier bags split.

#ID #24 #30 #Customers #Bitch

The Kids Today...

... The following post is the recollection of an exchange between myself and a schoolchild, as I passed him on my way into work - he was probably 10 or 11, and he caught me in a very bad mood. Kid: Here mate! Give us a fag! Me: It's illegal for little boys to smoke. Kid: Who the fuck you calling? I've got a bigger dick than you mate! Me: Whatever. Kid: Here, I'll fucking show you! Me: Oh, so you're a pervert as well as an underage smoker? The conversation ended here, as I had walked past him and his group and dived into the work entrance before one of them could stab me. Not my finest hour, I admit.

#Youth #Chav #Smoking #Dick #Customer #Of a sort

Why, why, why do people insist on putting their skirt-wearing little girls in the trolley seats, with the bar between their legs..!?! This means each and every passer-by gets a flash of their knickers or, if - as happened yesterday - they're not wearing any, worse! Please, parents... Stop making us all paedophiles-by-default...!

#Parents #Work #Kids #Trolley #Knickers #No knickers!#Paedophile-by-default

Little Old Ladies...

... Are a fucking menace - especially the ones who ask me to loosen the tops on their bottles. This is a terribly unfair, surreptitious challenging of my masculinity; a subtle and incredibly public opportunity to humiliate myself. As it stands, I did it - I proved myself a man in the eyes of the large queue that had gathered at my checkout as I wrestled with these bottles of ginger ale and drew blood from my hand! The pain is a tolerable consequence for completing such a rite of passage, though.

#Little old ladies #Bottles #Tops #I AM A MAN!!!

Every Friday...

... Without fail, my checkout does not have a chair. This infuriates me but, should I ask for one, I am bombarded with ageist and sexist abuse about me being a young lad and how I shouldn't even need one! The bastards! Yeah my legs hurt a bit, but the main problem for me is that, when standing up at a checkout, my balls are at just the right height to repeatedly bash into it! *wipes tears from eyes*

#Work #Checkout Bitch #Supermarket #Chairs #Standing #Balls #Ouch!#Tears #Bastards!

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

Being A Checkout Bitch