After I got the ash on my forehead, in the symbolic sign of the cross, I ran to class, 15 mins late. It was an exhilarating feeling sitting there, knowing I am marked.
On the bus ride to work, I encountered some glances, but nothing too questioning. I chatted with a friend about school and work, and then I went to my stop.
At work, my supervisor outright says.. 'you have ashes'.. (knowingly?) and I explained that it is a Christian/Catholic tradition that on Ash Wednesdays, we received this symbol to represent that we are made from ashes and will go back as ashes. Like father said as he applied the ashes: "Do not turn away from the faith and keep away from sin" (somewhere along those lines). Jenny said "OH..." and I got the urge to share more in detail, but I had to go open the computer lab.
Some of my students said:
'Oh you have a black mark there...' to which I replied, 'no, they're ashes... etc etc'
then another said 'you have an "X" on your forehead' to which I likewise replied, 'they're ashes and they symbolize that we will return to God when we die, that we are made of ashes.'
It was a cool feeling being able to be convicted about the faith and although my explanations could've been more coherent, I was not ashamed to explain.
On the way home HOME, I encountered some glances again, but nothing too questioning. Then as I crossed the to go to SFU, I saw a man with a dog holding out his hat, then I did a double take and offered to give him food as I carried no cash with me. The man said to me: 'Oh I see that you're Roman Catholic.' (I was surprised) and then I said 'Yes I am' and gave him a box of chocolates. I was amazed that this man, on the sidewalk, knew what tradition the ashes came from. I wanted to chat more, but I was swept away with a string of "thank yous" and then I proceeded to go to SFU to study.
I feel like with the ashes on my forehead, I became more conscious of my own thoughts and actions to others, and really became more "alive" in living my faith, maybe cause I felt the "cloud of witnesses" surrounding me and eyeing that "black mark". At first I felt I should avoid interactions, but now I thought, what the heck? this is the only time in the year that I get to proudly show that I am Catholic to the world, and for a very good reason-- for Lent, the death and resurrection of Jesus. So I became more confident and did not fear what people would think of this mark on my head. I am ready to explain if asked, and I think having the ashes everyday would make me more accountable to my identity as an ambassador of Christ, not only to let others know, but myself too. It's as if any other day, without this Christian mark, I feel that I can just do whatever, and justifying it with the fallen nature as being a human being. But no! Ash wednesday reminds me that I should be like this everyday, giving joy to others, and having the right posture in my heart.
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
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