Musings.

ᛥ

[belenwrites]

Visit Original Link

I did the original 5,175 days ago for @iammattjordan.

We're both different people now in different places.

Let's try it again.

[tgatbc]

[bari-saxxy]

on my third relisten of taz balance and i cry at blupjeans every time

[belenwrites]

they cut this from the final novel and i'll never fucking forgive them

[belenwrites]

I'll see you twenty years from now, on my birthday.

[belenwrites]

God dammit.

[belenwrites]

I miss you so much, all the time, every day. I still can’t believe you’re not with me, and I still don’t know what I’m doing without you.

[belenwrites]

Every god damn day is a slog without you. I talk about you whenever I can. Softly. Willfully.

You were one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

I guess I'll go and be a champ without you because I can't function without you or something.

(But really, you live within me, always.)

[victimofprediction]

i think not having to work would fix me

[belenwrites]

i took two months off after a pretty wicked abdominal surgery thing where they took several of my organs, which was pretty sick.

so far all of my coworkers have noticed that i'm in a better mood. sure, my body is acting like it's supposed to after they yeeted my organs, so that's helping! we'll take a win!

truthfully, i just don't think the clutches of capitalism have fully seeped backed in my brain folds. mentally, i'm still living in the paradise of going to sleep without setting an alarm, painting, being with my partner, going where i want and when i want, playing video games, and having time/energy for myself/others. and if i can lie to myself every morning that i'm happy while i'm at a job? why the fuck not.

but not ever going again would definitely fix me.

[belenwrites]

i often find myself looking back on times when i was in great distress and trying to make the best of it.

i was fresh out of a heath thing that left me with weirder and slighty more scars than anticipated, and I was in absolutely one of the worst hellholes - professionally speaking - when i posted that.

i'm not saying that i had also just escaped a different kind of hellhole right before that. not at all! haaaaa.

those things aside, as i settle into my late 30's, i feel free. i feel interested in different things personally and professionally (i might get licensed in something soon), and i really feel comfortable leaving some parts of me behind.

i couldn't be here otherwise.

[belenwrites]

Everyone is caught up in the idea of dying the two deaths: the physical one, and then being forgotten.

I want both.

I want a quiet life where I'm forgotten. But while it happens? I want to be loved.

Sinfully so.

[titsay]

[belenwrites]

I'm proud of 12 YO me. I think I'll foster her.

[roguespeedster]

relistening to taz balance is just. there's a ghost in your house. there's a ghost following you and you don't know it's following you but you feel their absence all the same. there's a ghost locked in your house but they shine through the cracks in the walls anyways

[ostolero]

[incohorace]

(consumed with lust voice) omg what a fucking weirdo

[damnikindadontcare]

Take this however you want

[belenwrites]

My partner and I have been invited to many weddings over the years, but we finally went to our first one together this past weekend.

At one point while leaving a table of several other attendees, my partner noticed I was gathering a lot of things to take to the trash. As he very gently said "here" to help and grabbed one can, someone next to us laughed. To them, it probably looked like he was deliberately trying to be unhelpful. To him and me, we were secretly trying to be the more helpful one out of the couple, but we were so afraid of stepping on each others' toes in the process and wanted to give the other one space to be helpful. So I immediately covered it with, "He is one of the most helpful people I have ever met, and I have felt that way since I met him all those years ago as his friend."

And then he followed me to the trash can to help me with the singular can.

I have the least lame-ass boyfriend I've ever fucking had and I hype him up all the god damn time. Because I fucking will blow this whole building up if others can't recognize his wonderfulness, too.

[aphony-cree]

“Personally, it has taken me 47 years to stop calling people who are mean to you ‘in love’ with you. It took a long time because I think that as little girls we are conditioned to believe that cruelty and love somehow have a connection and that is like the sort of era that we need to evolve out of.” - This Is Why Uma Thurman Is Angry

[mapleejay]

does anyone else think about how brave all their friends are and get really emotional about it

[mapleejay]

I'm glad everyone is alive rn

[undertheinfluencex1]

there’s nothing casual about the way i feel anything

[fairycosmos]

fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle