So Bellamy stands with Roan by the rover, waiting for Clarke to finish saying her goodbyes. Bellamy notices Roan’s gaze shift from the floor to Bellamy but he says nothing, neither say anything. The feeling of a secret being between them is heavy but no one is willing to bring it up yet.
“I can go along with this because I don’t see another way. But if anything happens to her, you and me are going to have a problem,” Bellamy firmly states breaking their uncomfortable silence.
Roan smirks. “Does she know?”
Bellamy’s jaw clenches, knowing in every part of his body what Roan means. “Know what?”
“You should tell her,” Roan smoothly says, knowing that Bellamy is following his every word. “The only thing worse than losing her is losing her before you had the chance to tell her.”
Bellamy remains quiet though he gets a sinking feeling in his gut just thinking about losing Clarke, let alone losing her before he can tell her how much she means to him. Bellamy says nothing but glances at Roan. He goes on, “If you’re anything like me-”
“I’m nothing like you,” Bellamy finally speaks.
Roan continues as if Bellamy never spoke, “Losing her would kill you more than death itself. I would know. I lost my beloved before I could tell her and not a day goes by I don’t regret staying quiet.”
Bellamy looks at Roan with a softened expression. Could he have anything in common with Roan, the man who kidnapped Clarke and stabbed him in the leg?
Roan speaks again, “I could see losing you would kill her just the same.” Bellamy glances at Roan for just a moment and sees his eyes fixed on Clarke. Bellamy shifts his gaze to her and lets himself feel what he has been terrified to acknowledge. He loves her.
“Do you ever wonder why I spared you?” Roan asks, pulling Bellamy from his feelings.
Bellamy looks away and Roan takes it as reason to continue, “My orders were to bring Wanheda to Polis alive. If I killed you, there would have been nothing left of her. I would have failed.”
Bellamy finally looks at Roan to gage if he is actually serious in what he says. Bellamy sees no trace of amusement, only truth. He knows Clarke cares about him but deep down, he always felt like she would leave him behind. Now this stranger, the enemy, is telling him that Clarke could possibly feel the same as he does? Roan must be lying.
Clarke approaches them and glances at Bellamy then to Roan and finally settles her eyes back on Bellamy. “Ready. Everything okay?”
Bellamy loads Roan into the back of the rover and walks around to the driver’s seat as Clarke sits in the passenger seat. Bellamy can feel her eyes on his but suddenly he isn’t able to look at her, as if with one look she could know all of his feelings for her.
As Clarke stands with cloth in her hands getting ready to be tied up, gagged, and taken as prisoner by Roan once again, Bellamy opens the back for Roan to get out. Roan makes a move at Clarke to tie her hands but Bellamy snatches the cloth before he can and glares at Roan, who knowingly smirks before turning away.
Bellamy gently lifts Clarke’s hands and wraps the cloth around her wrists. He doesn’t look up at her, he can’t. Not yet. He ties a knot and runs his thumb across her wrists making sure it’s not too tight for her. Bellamy takes a second cloth and lifts it over Clarke’s head, careful to loosen it as it needs so it doesn’t hurt her.
Finally his eyes connect with hers which are full of concern and even fear but also gratitude and something else he can’t put a finger on. “It’s not too late to back out.”
Clarke softly smiles. “We don’t have a choice.”
“Maybe we do,” Bellamy quietly responds even though he knows it’s not true. He just wants to comfort Clarke, he can tell she’s
nervous. So is he. She nods at him and he understands, as he usually does. He carefully moves the gag to her lips and brushes his fingers across her cheek, leaving his palm against her jaw. Without thinking, Bellamy pulls her head to his lips and places a kiss on her forehead. When he steps back from her, her eyes are closed. When they lock eyes again, her eyes are full of the emotion Bellamy can’t figure out. He studies her and watches her eyes do the same to him, only stopping when Roan takes her arm and guides her away.
Clarke glances back at Bellamy once more, sending him a quick nod.
She’ll be okay. She’ll come back.
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