My Monkey Man

She/her//24/✨twilight✨ I’m really just here for the memes Original posts tagged with #bbttag/ new main blog- campusmelodius

[bellasbustedtruck]

My husband when I say let’s watch a movie and I start up twilight for the third time this week:

[bellasbustedtruck]

I wish Stephanie would be honest that Bella is her tho lol. Like bestie, we too write and read self insert fanfiction.

Babes this is like almost three years old and I am so so so sorry I just saw it. WE LOVE SELF INSERTS. JUST BE HONEST

[bellasbustedtruck]

I miss you guys.

I feel like Twilight is lacking rn so I keep forgetting about this blog and I miss interacting with you guys. Anyways, I'm thinking I am going to start a blog for book reviews. Follow @campusmelodius to watch out for reviews and discussions on my latest reads! Also feel free to recommend your favorites!

Also little update-- I got a job at a library!

[bellasbustedtruck]

Stephanie please please please get Jake Abel to voice Edward in the Twilight animated series!!!

[bellasbustedtruck]

Rip Graham Greene. You were actually the best character of all of the Twilight Saga

[effemimaniac]

bro you gotta relinquish that shit. surrender it bro. it serves you not bro just cast it away.

[therulerofallpotatos]

[incorrectcullens]

Emmett: Am I in trouble? Rosalie: Take a guess. Emmett: No? Rosalie: Take another guess.

[talias-account]

"omg bella can't realize how creepy edward is!! he literally watches her sleep and gaslighted her!!"

or maybe she does realize it and just doesn't care. because i wouldn't care either. yeah sure he's a tad strange but he's like super rich, would kill for her, and WILL still love her when she's no longer young and beautiful. also his family ?? super supportive and wonderful.

bella had her priorities straight tbh.

[bellasbustedtruck]

THIS

[humans4vampires]

edward likes taking bella to the meadow because she gets eaten up by mosquitos who then become flying little snackies that edward doubles back for. edward leaps about the meadow snatching them up like a bass jumping from a lake

[bartagnanz-deactivated20231202]

The cultural impact of Shrek 2’s I Need a Hero has only one true rival and it’s Twilight’s baseball scene

[fuckmeyer]

i love that the fill-in-the-blank part of Edward & Bella's honeymoon is implied to be this magical, transcendent experience despite it being a logistical nightmare

they've been traveling a minimum 24 hours with multiple stops & timezone changes. what's the next move? sleep? food? absolutely not. "let's take a midnight swim." how many braincells went into that decision? ya girl been crunched like a sardine in a plane & a boat for a billion years, & you can't give her the courtesy of a pre-sex stretch??? no pre-sex dinner??? you expect her to fuck on airline pretzels & a thimble of water??? asinine. but buckle up bc shit gets crazier

she's like "ok time to freshen up," & SHAVES HER LEGS (possibly her PUSSY??? god forbid. but it is 2006...) FOR THE 2ND TIME IN TWO DAYS. huh???? you are creating tiny cuts & opening your pores RIGHT BEFORE TAKING A DIP IN THE OCEAN. GIRL. OW. & let's hope you aren't one of the 50-80% of teens out there with keratosis pilaris bc you are about to WRECK THAT SKIN

Edward stans dni with the watsonian explanation bc I KNOW, he's taking A Dip so he can warm up & he a SCAIRT VIRGIN. READ. SIGNED. NOTARIZED. but what's next? where you gonna have sex Edward? the ocean? water washes away natural lube & creates SO much friction girl you are on the pain train to Yikesville population YOU and a STAPH INFECTION

so where to fuck? girlies may think, "sex on the beach. SO romantic." NO!!!!!!!!!!!! sand in the vag??? sand in ur BUTT??? horrible. not to mention y'all smell like fish & salt. fishy salty stank w/ your sandy ass balls slapping that freshly shaven salty-ass dried-ass puss?? bad. i rest my case yur honor

& you can't go right from ocean to bed since you make the sheets wet & fishy. which means after Dip they shower. BUT LOOK OUT: your klutzy wife could be one of 21.8 million people who sustains a nonfatal shower sex injury in a calendar year. & you STILL got water washing away Bella's arousal. you can't even finger her. so what? more foreplay? "ooh girl lemme run this sponge over you" BIG DEAL. you already did this sans sponge in the fucking ocean. she just gonna feel your abs again? NO. she gonna give you a handjob? BAD FRICTION, SEE ABOVE. & LOOK OUT, PART 2: by this point Bella is getting pruny & ALSO her skin is gonna dry out not only bc she shaved & took A Salty Dip but now she's got hot water all over her fuckin beef jerky-ass legs. where's the shea butter???? did you pack that Edward???? are you planning on moisturizing her??? bc if not she is in HELL.

time check: it's been like an hour since you got there after a day-long flight with NO nap & NO eat & you're just NOW getting to bed. it's like 1am??? & you haven't even fucked around enough to find out??? foul. since you can't even kiss w/ tongue, oral is probs off the table. ditto for Bella since Edward can literally punch a hole thru the back of her throat with his cock. so foreplay is fingering, mutual masturbation, & Smoldering Gazes ONLY. good news: Doctor Cullen Jr. knows she's gotta come before she's ready to Fuck, so that's a solid win. but lord knows ya gotta PIV or it ain't real (sighs in gay)

lbr: feminist icon Bella Swan tops. like YES i know Edward "Catholic Victorian Boy" "2008 male lead" "Great-Value James Bond" Cullen should be Thee Top doing Daddy Dom Missionary, but also, ima need Edward girlies to get a fucking grip & realize he is not capable of meeting the moment at the first go. sorry. no way Edward trusts himself enough to be the Missionary Man of your dreams. by contrast, Bella "Certified Monster Fucker" "We've Been Dating for 3 Hours When Can We Fuck" "There's a War Going On but We Should Fuck in This Tent" Swan is absolutely impaling herself on that vamp cock. & she is riding it out til the end my friends. service bottom Edward is gripping the sheets for dear life hoping his dick doesn't tear a hole through her & prolapse her fuckin critical organs. & THAT is what we call a honeymoon

[bellasbustedtruck]

Edward when he hears Bella say she's gonna name the baby Edward Jacob

[memehex]

Now more than ever we need to make Tumblr unmarketable, do NOT invite the government into this space.

[bellasbustedtruck]

Jake Abel should 10000% be considered for Edward in the Twilight animated series. He voices him in the midnight sun audiobook exactly how I imagined it when i read it. I really can't imagine anyone else

[vienguinn]

Phases of Bella Swan but the new-born-vampire was my favorite 💙

[doreimifasola]

how I feel starting my first twilight reread of the new year

[moth-ink-deactivated20250404]

Bella distancing herself from the Cullens after New Moon because they up and left her (She had an easier time forgiving Edward because he actually had a REASON) and they desperately try to win her back (esp Alice, Esme and Carlisle) but don't know how because they're emotionally constipated vampires is an idea i'm normal about