thought i could fly

❝You silly little girl, you think you’ve survived so long survival shouldn’t hurt anymore. You keep trying to turn, your body bulletproof. You keep trying to turn your heart, bomb shelter. Stop, darling. You are soft and alive.You bruise and heal. Cherish it. It is what you were born to do.It will not be beautiful, but the truth never is. Come now, you promised yourself. You promised you’d live through this.❞

[spdrparker]

[bellasmanderson]

sebjpeg:

i don’t like adrenaline rushes.

[bellasmanderson]

UNSENT || TEAGAN

Bella: You were more than just a fling.

Bella: More than just an experiment.

Bella: I'm pretty sure you were the love of my life.

Bella: Are. I'm pretty sure you /are/ the love of my life.

[twipsss]

[bellasmanderson]

christinarenken:

My heart.

[lenaxzorel]

[bellasmanderson]

samsroot:

Six years have passed and yet.. and yet. 

[henrysfox]

[bellasmanderson]

tonystarkz:

Elizabeth Olsen being a cutie during an interview about “Wind River” || Cannes 2017.

[bellasmanderson]

sarahjanesa:

xo-lucysa:

  [ GROUP TEXT  ✉ @sarahjanesa, @thewildthingsx (hailey & jason), @bellasmanderson ]

Lucy: Sibling day soon?

Sarah: I am so down. [ @thewildthingsx , @bellasmanderson , @xo-lucysa]

Bella: Yeah. Yeah, I could fit a sibling day in.

[bellasmanderson]

kxvinholliday:

Kevin wanted to not care. He wanted to be the type of person to see something shitty, feel sympathetic, and then carry on with his day. But that had never been who Kevin was. From day one, he was the protector. The caregiver. And he knew Bella was a good person who probably just needed someone to listen. Turning off his car, Kevin jogged lightly up to Bella’s door with homemade food in his hands and knocked. @bellasmanderson

She hadn’t moved, only time she moved was to go to the AA meetings that took place later at night when no one would recognize her and when she had to go to the drunk driving school during the early hours, other than those two scenarios, she was curled up on her couch with endless boxes of take out surrounding her and her phone faced down on the table with the ringer off. So it was an obvious shock when she heard a knock at the door, and also a huge panic. Opening the door, Bella took in a breath and focused on his face rather than his outfit or the fact he was holding food. “I’ve been --- going to all my meetings, didn’t know I needed check ups. I -- sorry, I can clean up,” she said before quickly turning to pick up the garbage on her floor.

[bellasmanderson]

TEXT ✉ BELLABEAR

Lucy: Hey, Bellabear. Haven't heard from you in a while... just wanted to check in. I love you. - L

Bella: Hey, just been busy. I'm alright, still breathing. I love you, too. What's going on with you?

[bellasmanderson]

kxvinholliday:

teagan-lopierce:

Appreciating Kevin’s presence, Teagan pursed her lips but kept her expression as neutral as possible, going over protocol in her head to avoid feeling anything else even as she caught sight of a flask. That eliminated the have you had anything to drink tonight question, she supposed. Gingerly taking Bella’s bag, it took her only a few seconds to pluck her wallet from her bag and her license from that, sparing it just a quick glance before holding it out to Kevin. “Can you run that? And I need-” She hesitated, and her own hesitation only pissed her off, “-I need the breathalyzer. Bella, I need you to get out of the car.”

Kevin kept his face stoic as he stood behind. Of course he was concerned - Bella was important to several people in his life - but he wasn’t about to break and be unprofessional when he was on the job. Nodding shortly, Kevin accepted the papers and walked off to the cruiser. He rested the papers on his seat before rummaging around for the breathalyzer. Once he’d found it, he went back and handed it to his partner. “Here you go,” he muttered, looking at Bella for a quick second before returning his attention to Teagan.

Hearing the hesitation, Bella almost thought that Teagan would let her off, would allow her to explain herself and just jump into her car to drive her home but her hope so disappeared and her insides began to melt away at the thought of having to take a breathalyzer. It didn’t take a rocket-scientist to know that the woman had a few to drink, she hadn’t been swerving all that much but the flask that fell out of her bag and the way her expression was petrified was enough. Although it wasn’t until she looked at Kevin’s face that her heart broken even more, feeling as though she was letting everyone around her down. “-----I’m sorry,” she whispered quietly before taking the keys out of the ignition and handing them over to Teagan before looking at the breathalyzer.

[bellasmanderson]

kxvinholliday:

teagan-lopierce:

It wasn’t until they were close to the swerving car, halfway through pulling over, that Teagan recognized the car. “That’s Bella’s car,” she pointed out, trying not to sound too irritated—she knew she may as well have outright said that this was Bella, since she couldn’t imagine one of Bella’s siblings pulling this, but every part of her wanted to hope that her ex wasn’t reckless enough to pull something like this. Without hesitation, she got out and what was normally a leisurely, relaxed walk was stiff and brisk. “License and registration,” she spoke unevenly once she reached Bella.

“Christ,” Kevin sighed as he pulled the car over behind Bella’s car. He was thankful that, at the very least, Bella wasn’t drunk enough to think speeding away was a good choice. He walked behind his partner silently. He knew this was Teagan’s area, but he was prepared to step in.

She could totally get out of it -- she could flirt or even give a sob story about someone being in the hospital, she was a Smanderson, if she brought up a hospital visit then the rest would be fine and she would be able to sober up enough while they looked at her things on the computer and drive home fine. At least that was the plan until it was Teagan the was at her window, tears instantly forming in Bella’s eyes as she tried to keep herself calm. Teagan wasn’t here to keep her calm, and Kevin wasn’t standing back to take care of herself, no he was there to take care of Teagan if anything was to happen. “I --- yeah,” she muttered quietly as she began to stumble with the items in her purse. A flask, her untouched prescriptions, some Kleenex and multiple other items fell around her in the car as she tried to find her wallet that held her license. “I can’t -- I don’t,” she said before reaching up to hold onto her head for a moment, trying to catch her breath before handing over the whole purse, knowing that Teagan would find everything much quicker.

[bellasmanderson]

She had been fine -- at least she thought she was before she left the bar. She had only a few drinks --- although they had been doubles and her outer tolerance managed to show as though she could handle it, as well as the nachos she managed to shove down her throat during the drinking hours. It wasn’t until she heard the sirens behind her that she hit on the top of the steering wheel, tears in her eyes. She’d already used the dad line three times this week, and with her vision cloudy and her head spinning she could barely think of a new excuse as the officers made their way to her window.

[bellasmanderson]

TEXT || DO NOT TEXT.

Teagan: You think I'm fucking shrugging off our relationship that doesn't fucking exist anymore? What, you think I honestly wasn't pushing for us to fucking work? Do you think I wanted this? I didn't. And now we're too fucked up to be friends.

Teagan: Talk to Lucy about it. Her fiancee was probably trying to bond. If you don't want to do it, tell her. I can't imagine any bride wants a bridesmaid miserable about being there.

Teagan: Fuck you, Bella.

Bella: That's just it, I can't be your fucking friend.

Bella: No. Fuck /you/, Teagan. Fuck you!

[be-your-luve]

[bellasmanderson]

TEXT || DO NOT TEXT.

Teagan: If they're getting married, she's technically your family now too. If you don't want to be her bridesmaid then you should tell her. Have you mentioned this to Lucy?

Bella: Already said yes, knew it would make Lucy happy.

Bella: No. Haven't talked to any of my fuckin' family since I dropped out.

Bella: I'm just annoyed with /everything/ around me. Constant annoyance. Like how you're able to shrug off our fuckin' relationship while I'm sitting here fuckin' hating myself every god damn second of the day for letting you go.

Bella: Or how I let Jason down for dropping out and becoming a fuckin' low-life idiot that's getting money as a waitress at a downtown bar that I literally call into every second day.

Bella: Or how my own /sister/ wouldn't ask me to be a bridesmaid, but her fiancee.

Bella: I'm done talking to you. I'm done talking. Have a good night.

[bellasmanderson]

TEXT || DO NOT TEXT.

Teagan: Yeah, that's all you get. No big things this week, at least not for me. Just minor things, which I'm not gonna complain about.

Bella: Fuckin' boring.

Bella: Lucy's fiancee wants me to be her bridesmaid in their damn wedding. Shouldn't I be Lucy's? Not some chick my sister is marrying that I don't even /know/?

[bellasmanderson]

TEXT || DO NOT TEXT.

Teagan: Work's work. Frustrating sometimes but worth it.

Bella: That's all I get? No big situation you broke up this week?

[bellasmanderson]

TEXT || DO NOT TEXT.

Teagan: I wouldn't really call it that.

Teagan: Alright, well... talk about what?

Bella: Sure.

Bella: I don't know. Anything. How's work?