I am a VERY NICE person, but once someone oversteps their boundaries, I become not nice AT ALL. I know this person who told me that I love too much, and recently (like a few months ago) she told me, it wasn’t such a bad thing to love too much. I am starting to think it might be. I am starting to think, it could be bad thing. I open up my heart to people, and I wear my heart on my sleeve. My heart doesn’t get broken only by boys, but also by girls. Mostly by girls. I let people into the most vulnerable parts of my heart. I share with them how I’m feeling about certain things in my life. I share with them, my dreams, and my fears. I share with them what makes me sad and what makes me happy. I share with them, how I feel about other people. And, when they take that and turn around and stab me in the back and accuse me of things that aren’t true, or disrespect me or the ones I love. Why wouldn’t I shut down and defend myself. Why would I be kind? Why would I be nice? Why would I be respectable? There is no need. The older I get, I have realized two things. One, not everyone will like you and also Two, not everyone is going to be your friend. Quite frankly, I don’t care who likes me and who doesn’t. But if you don’t like me why should I be nice to you? This also goes into how, I don’t like when people don’t take ownership of their wrongdoings. It takes me a lot to apologize, however I eventually apologize. That is one of the qualities that aren’t to great about me. However, I will never ever, point fingers on someone else, when I clearly know that I did something wrong. Playing the victim is one of my greatest pet peeves. I have a fault too.. I say things are okay when they clearly aren’t. However, I try my very best to just be cordial. It may comes off as “fake” or being a “phony” but I  am not trying to be either. Just trying to set water to the fire, because, I just don’t like or want drama. So cordial. Cordial because someone maybe be apart of my everyday life. Cordial, because we’ve had conflict in the past and have constantly tried to settle it, but obviously it doesn’t work. Cordial, because there is this obvious animosity. Cordial, because we aren’t friends, but just trying to keep peace. Cordial. I will not fight for a peace that will not ever be there, I will not respect when I am disrespected, I will not treat one, how they want to be treated because they feel entitled. I will do onto others as they do onto me. I know my faults. I know my flaws. I know my imperfections. I know my wrongdoings.Â
And so in 2017. I will walk with my head held high, and will push those out of the way who are not adding value into my life. I will remove those who are constantly providing stress to my being. I will not look at people who dare bring me and my aspirations down. Instead I will rise with those, who add value. I will rise with those, who are educated. I will rise with those, who believe in me. I will rise with those, who will support me. I will rise with those, who will stand beside me in my moments of weakness, and in my moments of strength. I will rise with those, who want to see me grow. I will rise with those, who will rise with me. Because I deserve nothing less of that. I know who I am, and this year will not be a year for me to invest in those who do not want to be invested in. In fact this will be a year to invest in myself. In my career. In my family. In my friendships. In my relationship. In my walk with God. This will be a year where I will rise alone or with a community of people who will rise along side of me. I am an adult now, and it’s about time I start acting like so, and the people I surround myself should be acting like so. This is a writing for myself, and for those who feel a need of empowerment. If you read this and feel it is negatively targeted at you... then obviously this isn’t for someone like you and for that you have wasted your time reading this. I am trying to build a community where, I am surrounded by people who lift each other up, instead of bring people down. Yes, we are 10 days into the new year, but I am beginning today. WHO IS WITH ME.Â
“Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells, pumping in my living room. Just like moons and like suns, with the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I Rise.