Beloved Insignificance @beloved-insignificance - Tumblr Blog

not to be dramatic but people with chronic health conditions are literally 10000% stronger than you give them credit for

dragonheartstring360

Has anyone else had the experience of an emotionally abusive person saying things to gaslight you or hurt you, but in such a subtle way with an almost loving tone, that you start making excuses for them? Like “oh they didn’t mean it like that, they just explained they’re this way and do that type of thing for these perfectly acceptable reasons.” Like you get confused, even after they’re gone, if they even were emotionally abusive? Cuz they were always so subtle and sprinkled in all these caring comments between the hurtful ones, and you start wondering if it really was just all your fault and you’re a horrible person and they really did just have your best interests at heart? Or is it just me?

ithelpstodream

It’s crazy, isn’t it, how someone can change your life on so many levels. Be a part of it for so long. Be a part of it even when they are gone. Ruin it in many ways, but make it in others. It leaves you confused as to why you still care. How can you still care, still think, still feel, for someone who hurt you more than you’ve ever been hurt before. And hopefully, will ever be hurt again. But it’s not just them you lose. Somehow, you lose your best friend, even though they were never behaved like a best friend. You lose a second family, because their family were the only sanity you actually gained from the whole experience, but of course, you still lost them as well. You’re angry. You’re confused. But somehow, they’re fine. They put all of this on you. You’re not fine. You probably won’t be for a long time. But they can move on. How. How is it that someone who made you so utterly not okay... can just, be, okay.

Its been a very long few months. I’ve battled and overcome things, I never even imagined I was strong enough to do. I’m still fighting my own head. But I overcame you. I know you never deserved any of my love, attention or anxiety. You never deserved how much I cared and it feels freeing to be able to say, I am over you. I won’t ever be over what you did. But I am over you. And I feel that right now, that is what counts. Now time to focus on me. My head. And my health.

It’s time to kiss goodbye to the last 5 years, that was you.

neuroticdream

itsthecomet

eastberliner

Essen I, 2018

alhwrites

I think my heart is slowly beginning to realize that any person who gives up on me is not a person worth aching for

— alhwrites

itsthecomet

So first thing, I cut my hair. Second thing, in a weird / quite bad place atm... I might start to vent here cos I don’t have many of my real life friends on here and it’s time to start talking. Let’s just say my heads a bit fucked, and I think it’s time to start venting and accepting some things and finally admitting some longstanding bad behaviours / feelings to myself, that I need to start dealing with. It’s okay that it’s taken me this long. And it’s also okay that I’m not okay at this moment in my life. I should also feel proud that I am starting to recognise some things, and want to tackle them before I spiral. It won’t be easy, but I think it’s time.