Musings of a Narcissists Toy

I remember feeling so full in my heart when I received every good morning message. This sort of attention was flattering and I thought was the sign of a man who was starting to care deeply for me and wanted to build a strong foundation for a relationship that would stay strong through the struggles of our 'outside the ordinary' love affair...oh how wrong I was, it was part of a cruel, unscrupulous mind game to ensnare me in a false sense of security. Unfortunately, I fell under the spell of a lover who at first was complimentary, like-minded and devoted to only me. I shared lover's secret desires, accepted your faults and wanted to help you achieve your dreams as I chased my own. Not once did I ever think those conversations would be used to manipulate me into a one-sided fantasy where I did all the giving, nurturing and accepting. I endeavour to share these short stories, fiction and non-fiction for other's to read and hopefully enjoy. Whatever else happens, I know it will entertain and how you react I don't care to ever know, that is not important. I made the right decision to open my heart to be loved with the right feeling....Right?

[bemusedbyme]

Pretty sure I’m just Drowning.

I have dreams, of you, night after night. I know you want someone to want you, but you chase them away with your insecurities. Whatever becomes of this, and how you react, I may never know but one thing is for sure - you need to stop sabotaging your own happiness. You are not your mistakes, you have the right to be happy. You can’t control how others feel, but you can understand what motivates emotions in other people; so be honest with yourself. Believe when others are being honest with you, give yourself a chance. Be confident to be the person you want to be. Get your shit together, be motivated by your desire. Once you do, you will have what your soul needs to be happy - truely.

[bemusedbyme]

I need to convince myself I wasn't crazy the whole time!

Rellish

[bemusedbyme]

Queen of Broken Hearts...

You told me you were coming around to take me out somewhere really nice. I dressed appropriately, looking smart, but ready for a bike ride. You collected me and we kissed; it was a strange kiss, devoid of any real emotion, not happy to see me or excited for something to come, just fake or contrived. We returned to your place in a well to do, blue collar suburb cul-de-sac, yours being the least keep-up-with-the-Jone’s’ property there.

You proceeded to take me to a separate dwelling, a granny flat where once we arrived, was already occupied by your flatmates canoodling. Your temper was short as you asked them to leave and I was offended by the harsh nature of your request. I also right then, felt very conscious of the fact you had basically picked me up with the intention of a quick fix of sexual, self gratification.

I gathered myself, turned to face you and expressed I would not be used in such a way, preceding to walk away and leave the property. I wanted to go home, you had been so disrespectful; but you were angered then and shouted after me as you irately convinced you flatmates to leave and that it was only for your private use in the future.

Hastily making my way to distance you and get away from there was not an easy task. All of a sudden, there was an older lady behind me trying to coax me with emotional requests of apology to come back to you. As we got further away, I refused flatly to give in, she pursued me through many yards, gardens, garage areas, past other Capri-pant, linen and bold earring wearing ladies. Through many doors, locked, automatic, swinging and sliding to finally make it out into a massive garden atop a hill which had many gaily dressed servants. They were bust with preparations for a wedding, it was to be a grand affair, and it was to be yours.

I convinced one of the servant girls to give me her outfit so I wouldn’t be recognised then preceded to successfully leave that madness... I awoke feeling betrayed, confused, used and very disrespected.

[writershigh]

When she apologizes for being hard to love, do not say “it’s okay”. Tell her that loving her is like breathing and without her you are drowning, but you wouldn’t want it any other way.

What I Wish You Had Said, #1 - Peyton Scott (via writershigh)

[bemusedbyme]

So my world just ended...

Before you sit proud on your moral high horse; let me share with you some food for thought.

Had you been in my lounge room, kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, car, child’s bedroom or anywhere else to witness all the emotional, verbal & physical abuse no matter how seemingly insignificant; I would understand the fact that you think you know what you’re talking about…however, seeing as though you weren’t there to see the things I didn’t, the things I wish I hadn’t or feel the emotions that are still so raw and painful, don’t even try to fathom how I have come to make the decision to protect our children and myself from this ever increasing, violent behaviour. 

I loved, I set free…he didn’t come back, it was too hard; as for addicts, is always is.

[wnq-anonymous]

Eventually you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will.

Anonymous (via wnq-anonymous)

#truth