love over duty

benjamin steele. twenty five. dhampir. alicante. ❝ i’m strong, but all sorts of things can still hurt me. ❞

[justovertherainbowskiesareblue]

Favourite Linstead Angst Scenes [1/]

[adrianivashkv]

Although arguably deserved, Adrian hadn’t expected an immediate psychical repercussion to his actions. The champagne bottle he could’ve irritably dealt with, knowing there were plenty of replacements behind Barcelo’s counter. But he was useless in a fight, that’s what guardians were for. As Benjamin clearly showcased, moving him with ease, causing Adrian to wince as his back collided with the wall. He was thankful, at least, that the alcohol in his system would prevent the pain from lingering. He could do nothing but remain in the dhampir’s grasp, venomous words spat in his direction, unable to feel the weight of them in his current state of mind. He was certain to feel guilty later, and the idea immediately made him want a hit of something stronger than vodka, because despite his behaviour, Adrian did care about Eli. He was the only one in their group arguably more unstable than himself, which is exactly what had enticed Adrian to invite him in the first place; he wanted to help him.

Adrian should’ve known that Benji’s wrath would be the outcome, initial good intentions or not. If Eli was left in someone’s care, and that someone fell short, Benji would be the one to instil the punishment. His amazing level of self restraint had but one exception: his younger brother. The only time Benji had allowed himself to bend his own rules was if Eli was involved, if he felt a need to protect. That was the case here, and although admirable, Adrian found himself infuriated at the accusations that were being fired at him regardless of their reasoning. He felt a need to defend himself, but only did so after Benji had released him, hoping his words weren’t entirely drowned out by the music. “Funny that you call me a child, when you still treat Elijah like one. Little dhampir bipolar can make his own decisions now, Benjamin. He’s drunk in the bathroom, not dead in a gutter. He’ll be fine tomorrow after some water and a Tylenol. He was having a good time. For once!”

Adrian sighed, wiping a hand over his face, the collision having knocked a sense sobriety back into him. The room began to swim with colour, people’s auras shining brighter than the club’s lights. He wanted Eddie’s comforting embrace so badly that his chest started to ache, but he couldn’t go there. Not anymore, their fight having made that abundantly clear. So, muttering nonsensically to himself, Adrian headed towards the bar instead, hoping to cross paths with Rose again on the way.

[benjaminsteele]

Knuckles turning white, Benji tried desperately to claw back any sense of control, knowing all of his energy had to be focused on Elijah now. His brother was what was most important, Adrian and Rose and whoever else that encouraged him be damned. But for a man so often in control of his emotions, a stark contrast to his little brother, it was hard to put the lid back on the bottle once it had burst. Years of anger, distaste and resentment that he constantly reigned in only ever reared its head occasionally, but once it did, it was hard to tame. Benji hadn’t even made it ten steps before Adrian’s words had reached him, a comeback the guardian would’ve been able to dismiss as petulant at any other time. But not now.

The nickname had him stopping in his tracks, the sheer rage causing him to turn back to the Moroi, the pace at which he did so and the expression on his face arguably frightening. “You say one more word against my brother, and I swear by the Angel, I will drag you out into the spotlight and get you sent back home. And you will go alone. I don’t care what it does to this group, I don’t care if you don’t even make the trip,” he spat, pointer finger extended in accusation. “Your family will be privy to all of your behaviour. They will know that you are a complete fucking disgrace.” With the outburst done, Benji finally turned heel and stormed off, feeling the rage pulse in his chest. He was frustrated by Elijah’s behaviour, frustrated by Adrian’s, and even more so frustrated by his own, that he had allowed a member of a royal family to completely get under his skin. It would come back to bite him, no doubt, Adrian far above his station in life. But as he reached the bathroom door, Benji managed to put the dismay aside once more for the sake of his brother. He was all that mattered.

//.

[alecllightwood]

“Alright, everyone listen up! I need your full attention.” Alec spoke with conviction, his voice carrying through their group's playful chatter. Whilst most in attendance had continued their training and actively put it into practice during the war, there'd been no official meetings during that period, no solid rules or guidelines. The responsibility to organise the resulting fallout now lay with Alec. He had to step up, fix the shattered dynamics, reassign them all a new routine. It would certainly come with an abundance of eye rolls and sarcastic backtalk, but he felt far more prepared than before. A few words of reassurance from Izzy and Jace had attested to that. He was the leading Shadowhunter, and the guardians that stood in wait in front of him now were his responsibility. Once the conversation had lulled into silence, Alec straightened himself, beginning to pace along the training centre's flooring, his confidence rising as he noticed the gazes of his peers following his movements. "I thought the rebellion would bring an end to our guardian practices. I'm grateful to have been wrong. Many of us have found our way here without instruction from one another, and I find that to be no coincidence. But Alexandria doesn't belong to us, it belongs to downworlders. This means that our responsibilities haven't lessened. We have to be prepared to protect our remaining Moroi." He cast his eyes towards Adrian and Neville, but his mind also wandered to those still in Alicante. They weren't whole, yet. As pessimistic as he was, Alec still chose to believe that they'd reunite eventually. Meaning that they had to take this seriously now. "The pairings assigned to us before the rebellion were well balanced, so I see no reason to change them entirely. However, there are absences and additions that need to be accounted for. Some of us also have lost time to... dire circumstances." Alec pressed his lips together in contemplation before continuing, hoping his peers would understand his decisions, considering he'd spent so much time pondering them since the Steele's arrival. "Eddie, you did an excellent job protecting Adrian on the journey here, so that continue as is. Mason, the same compliment applies to you, but Neville has now joined us, so you can revert to your original practice." With a nod, he continued on, smiling in his sister's direction. "Izzy, you're still with Elijah. I'll trust you to keep him on task." After the conversation they'd had regarding the youngest guardian, Alec knew it'd be pointless attempting to pair Isabelle with anyone else. He didn't agree with it, especially considering Elijah would need to siphon Isabelle in order to perform, but he respected her decision. "Now, I understand that Benji and Jace would usually be assigned together, but Rose and Juliet have missed out the last few years. So for today, Benji, I ask you to assist me in catching Juliet up to speed with our new methods and regulations. Rose, I'll do the same for you. Jace will oversee our progress and report back to me once the sessions have concluded. Is everyone clear?"

[benjaminsteele]

Despite the elephant in the room, Benji was still immensely relieved to be resuming official training and duties. He’d said it from day one — just because all of them had betrayed the Elders already didn't mean they should just be sitting around and hoping for the best. They still had a duty, they knew their responsibilities and they should continue them as if nothing had changed, especially in a town as unsafe as this. Granted, he was finding it hard to properly bond with Jace, but he wouldn’t give up. He needed order, structure, distraction. Outside of Elijah, his duty was the most important thing to him. It had to be. So when Alec finally gave the word, Benji came along, no questions asked, dressed and ready to get to work. Finding himself grateful for the leadership, he stood with his back straight, hands clasped behind his back, showing Alec proper respect. Unlike some of the others, his brother included. But Benji wouldn’t ever be the one to tell him off. Rose, on the other hand, he’d be happy to have words with. It’d been a while since their last argument.

Benjamin was a considerably patient man, but found himself less so today than usual, incredibly eager to throw himself into training. Anything to stop him from thinking about her. He could see her in his peripheral vision, haunting him even now. That first moment he’d laid eyes on her when she’d arrived, the fleeting glances they'd shared in the two months since, all an unbearable ache. Again, he could feel his body betraying him, his head beginning to turn to look at her, wanting to see her. Stop. Benji listened to the pairings with growing impatience, jaw tight. Nothing was out of the ordinary, he and Jace could finally get to work. Only, without consultation, Alec had thrown a curveball. Narrowed eyes snapped up, meeting the Shadowhunter's. He'd be working with Juliet for today? Alone? The mere sound of her name caused the ache to return. Fuck.

He considered speaking up, offering to be the observer instead. He was, after all, the natural choice of mentor amongst the group, and had already worked with Alec on training schedules. But they'd never discussed the first session and he'd never be able to rebuke it, not without exposing everything. For a few moments, the dread was clear as day on his face, chest tight, speechless. And then, suddenly, the cold mask returned. “Clear,” Benji responded promptly, acknowledging Alec’s dismissal. He had to go into work mode now, rely on instincts only or he’d never get through it. Clearing his throat, he finally turned toward her, though his body never lost its tense stance. Approaching, he didn’t meet Juliet's eyes, nodding once in polite greeting. It had been two months since they’d properly spoken. Two months since she’d come back into their lives. It was painful not being around her, but worse to be near. He’d confirmed that now. “Shall we?” He asked, voice tight, hand gesturing toward the door.

[still-asunbeam]

actually i don't want to talk about my feelings i'd rather engage in hand to hand combat

[julietblackwell]

[elijahsteele]

[julietblackwell]

[adrianivashkv]

“Ah, Benjamin. Everyone’s thrilled to see that you’re being as miserable as ever.” After already having one confrontation this month, Adrian was unwilling to have his mood soured by the dhampir again. He continued to dance despite the prior objection, swigging down on his bottle of champagne. “Last I saw Eli, he was throwing up and crying in the bathroom. — Don’t worry. He was having fun before he had one too many. You should try it sometime.” It was unlike Adrian to be so callous, at least in regards to Elijah, but he was blindly drunk and high, and his post Eddie breakup had robbed him of all sympathy. That's why he'd started attending Barcelo on a regular basis again, to drown out the pain, to dismiss the heartbreak that plagued him. He was unsure of how else to survive it.

[benjaminsteele]

To say Adrian was on thin ice in Benji’s eyes was an understatement. Things had been hard since the brothers had snuck out of Alicante, harder than Benji had ever imagined. Alexandria was nothing like their home, not to mention run by vampires, their sworn enemy. It was up to him and his fellow dhampirs to keep their wits, protect their own whilst the world found its feet once more. Juliet’s arrival had thrown a spanner in the works, Benji’s world tilting on its axis, but he’d worked tirelessly for the last few months to right that ship, to fight every impulse he had for their Moroi's sake. For his brother’s. And yet, once again, here was Adrian, seemingly spitting in the face of all they were trying to achieve, in everything Eddie was doing for him. After their argument earlier that month, Benji had decided avoiding him altogether was the best way forward. Leave him behind in the gutter — surely they’d all be better for it. That way, they could actually get their work done. But, unfortunately for both of them, Adrian was now the person most likely to know of Elijah’s whereabouts, so he did little more than roll his eyes at the initial response, waiting, with growing frustration, for a proper answer. And finally, that proper answer came.

It only took a moment for that professionally-tamed rage to spill over. Any semblance of care Benji might’ve still held for the Moroi before him was lost in the anger, swallowed by the panic, the love for his brother.

In one swift move, he threw Adrian's champagne bottle to the floor, the sound of the glass smashing lost amongst the music, and with two hands, he grabbed the Moroi's collar, bundling him up and slamming him against the wall. “You selfish, immature child,” he growled, every word emphasised with an accompanying shake. “I don’t give a fuck if you want to destroy yourself. Drink yourself stupid, waste your guardian's time, disappoint everybody around you. But you will not take my brother down with you. Vy menya ponimayete?” Their faces were inches apart, Benjamin’s grip tight, holding Adrian in place, oblivious to the dancing bodies around them. “You stay the fuck away from him, I mean it. Mudak —” And with that final curse, he shoved the pureblood once more before heading in the direction of the bathroom, hands curling into fists.

[julietblackwell]

Juliet noticed Adrian's arrival before he'd even entered the room, the scent of Moroi blood mixed with vodka suddenly overpowering her nose. It was so distracting, she had to use her enhanced speed to dodge the staff Isabelle had aimed her way. They were training as a group today, using their two absences as an advantage, opposed to a hinderance. Juliet had offered to play Strigoi despite her insecurity regarding her species, knowing that it'd be beneficial to the team. They were progressing, figuring out new tactical advantages, until Adrian disrupted their rhythm.

Annoyance flared within Juliet upon having her focus disconnected, as she already had to fight to keep herself composed. If someone cut themselves accidentally, it became a problem. If something triggered a nosebleed, it became a problem. Dhampir blood was only a short fall behind Moroi blood in terms of vampire preference, and considering how young she was in supernatural years, her impulses were still difficult to tackle. Not only had Adrian interrupted that, he'd done so drunk. The first words out of his mouth signified his lack of care regarding the matter, and she felt as though he were mocking their ethics. They'd made it clear the last few weeks that he wasn't being forced to attend, so why he'd shown up randomly now was beyond her. She didn't have the patience for it.

To her own surprise, Juliet spoke up on behalf of everyone, perhaps inspired by a need to protect Eddie from Adrian's drunken stupor. He'd tried everything to be present for his charge, to protect him, and this was the gratitude he received in return. Juliet interjected before Eddie even had the chance. "You cannot be serious, Adrian. You're drunk, you're late, and you have an attitude. You should go home. Whatever you need to say to Eddie, it can wait until after we're done. Some of us don't have the liberty of picking and choosing when we want to care about this."

[adrianivashkv]

Adrian's eyebrows raised in surprise at Juliet's biting response, not having expected it from her. Out of the entire team, she was typically the most reserved. She was also the one who knew him least, if you were to discount Alec, which only proved to upset him further. They were all so confident in speaking up on matters they didn't understand. "My apologies, little vhampir. But as you've clearly realised, I wasn't talking to you." She went on to scoff in retaliation, and Adrian shook his head, feeling as though his chest were tightening. The alcohol wasn't working. Or it was making him worse. Either way, his level of irritation was rising, showcased through the uncharacteristically dark expression in his eyes.

Juliet's aura came into focus without intention, and Adrian took another sip of his vodka, trying to shake off the visual. It did nothing to sway the sea of colour that had began to swirl around his friends, though, as if he were suddenly glancing at a canvas. As was typical of the vampire, she was surrounded by a mixture of deep blues and vibrant purples, along with the black ring signifying her escape from death's permanence. After tracking the patterns in the weeks prior, Adrian had come to understand what feelings they represented. The blues only flared for her in Benji's presence. Sadness, heartbreak, longing. Benji's colours directly mirrored hers when they were together, overwhelming the hints of red that lingered around them both.

"There's no need to take your sour mood out on me, Jules. I know I'm not really the problem. It's not my fault you're so... hungry." Adrian smiled then, no longer able to prevent his verbal impulses. If they were going to ostracise him, he figured he had nothing left to lose anyway. "If you knew what I knew, you'd laugh. The hypocrisy under this roof is astounding. Isn't that right, Benjamin?" Not everyone present would understand why Adrian had redirected his target, but it didn't matter. Benji would. Juliet would. "Unlike you, I don't judge. I also happen to know exactly how it feels," he muttered, finally glancing across the room to where Eddie was standing. It brought him no comfort.

[edisoncastile]

It had only been a few weeks since they'd started official training, but it wasn’t unusual for Adrian to arrive late, or skip it entirely. It was, however, unusual for Eddie not to do a thing about it. When his charge wasn’t in his direct sight, the guardian was typically wracked with anxiety. But ever since he'd broken down in front of Mason a week or so earlier, Eddie had been desperately trying to work on boundaries. He understood now that boundaries would protect them both, but most importantly, they would protect Adrian, and Eddie couldn’t be guilty of crossing that professional line again or they’d both suffer the consequences. He thought he’d been managing his impulses, thought he could pull back when he really had to, but he’d gotten completely lost in the intensity of their dynamic, in how good it felt to make Adrian feel good. He'd become misguided, lead by only instinct, by feeling, and without any formal training, Eddie had unintentionally put Adrian at risk. Now that he’d had some distance, some time apart, he saw his behaviour for the failure that it was, and he refused to do it again.

Ending things with Adrian had been far more painful than he'd ever imagined, nearly earning him another panic attack, but that was exactly why he'd had to do it. And so far, he'd done well to maintain that distance, so when Adrian suddenly showed up to training after a week of uncharacteristic silence, Eddie didn’t immediately relax like he would have done before. Instead, his body tensed up entirely, jaw clamped with the sheer effort made not to look back in the Moroi’s direction again. Eddie had clocked the bottle, seen the irritated expressions on everybody else’s faces, and had immediately been flooded with guilt. Adrian didn’t deserve this reception, he clearly wasn't sober or well-rested, and the guardian was itching to intervene, to stop whatever this was before it started. But he kept reminding himself that it wasn’t his place anymore to interrupt. Boundaries. Boundaries meant letting Adrian speak for himself and deal with his own fallout. He'd started it and they were in safe space. He could handle it. But then Adrian spoke to him.

Eddie immediately felt alert, the breath knocked out of him, like he'd just been caught hiding and was now being dragged out into the spotlight. Adrian's voice had been so unsteady, so desperate, Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, as if blocking out a nightmare, unable to face it. The words tested every wall he'd built up over the last week, threatened all the hard work he'd done to put some emotional distance between them. He'd almost failed in those first few days, had wanted to go and check on him, but Mason had led him back out of dangerous waters, reminded him of why he'd made the call in the first place. Yet the request now had been so vulnerable, in an instant, Eddie wanted to go back on his decision, wanted desperately to run over to him. Fists clenched tight, the dhampir refused to look his way, knowing he'd break if he did.

He let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding when Juliet spoke up, the guardian eternally grateful for her quick intervention, buying him the chance to breathe. He wouldn't have lasted much longer, couldn't have ignored a direct plea from his charge. He was meant to protect him, and ignoring him certainly wasn't doing that. They'd have to talk sooner or later, of course, but he'd needed that initial space to find a way to cope, to survive, or else they'd be right back to the start. To him, Juliet seemed pragmatic, firm but fair. Eddie could talk to him after training, that was a reasonable boundary. As he and Mason had agreed, he couldn't drop everything and run to Adrian at every slightest chance of upset, it just wasn't sustainable. And of course the Moroi would be upset after what was technically a break-up, Eddie too was struggling. But it was still instinctual to want to go to him, to help him, and fighting that urge was an exhausting, full-time battle.

Eddie managed to calm his breathing some now that his surprise had subsided, Juliet doing the work to hold Adrian's attention, but his charge didn't take long to snap back. I wasn't talking to you. The words twisted his gut, guilt consuming him. He lifted his head during the following tense silence, daring to glance in Adrian's direction, worry guiding him. But he should've known better. The man was only silent because he was drinking, and Eddie eyed the vodka bottle with a deep hatred before looking away again. Resentment would help him get through this, so he hung onto it, reminded of how much he hated Adrian's coping mechanisms, hated that he needed them.

Unfortunately, the Moroi wasn't done. Eddie's eyes widened when he continued on Juliet, not having expected it. He’d thought there was a chance of de-escalation now that Adrian had gotten some attention, made a deal with Juliet. But tensions had been flared once more, Adrian's tone now bordering on aggression. At mention of him, Eddie’s eyes flicked over to Benjamin, nervous, scoping out his reaction. Worryingly, he was right to be concerned. Benji’s expression had gone from one of annoyance to sheer rage, his fists curling dangerously, and with the final verbal hint that Adrian was harboring very real resentment toward Eddie himself, he realised silence was no longer an option. Not if he was to keep the peace, keep Adrian safe and the rest of the group placated.

Seeing Benji turn, Eddie shoved his own anguish aside and finally intervened, voice firm. “— That’s enough, Adrian. Leave them alone.” Thankfully, this stopped Benji in his tracks. The man was still obviously rigid with anger, but Eddie didn’t want to see him pushed any further. He was their mentor for a reason, he was known as a god for a reason. He didn’t want him anywhere near Adrian when he was like this. Continuing on, now desperate to defuse the situation, Eddie tried his best to ignore the deep sting his charge's words had caused and made his tone softer this time, keeping his gaze focused on Benji despite addressing Adrian directly. The more tension he noticed in his mentor’s body, the more his own muscles responded accordingly, protective. “You don’t have to do this, okay? We can talk. Just - meet me outside."

[benjaminsteele]

Once he’d helped Alec quiet down the gang for the morning briefing, a task made a lot easier without the presence of Rose and Adrian, Benji took his place beside Juliet, still refusing to look in her direction. Unfortunately, Alec continued to pair them up together, proud of their progress over the last few weeks, and as dutiful as ever, neither of them had ever said a word against the idea. Neither had dared because that meant explaining why the pairing didn’t work, and that wasn’t something either were ready to acknowledge. So, the cycle of torture continued, Benji’s devastation only growing the more they interacted. But despite himself, he knew it was better than no interactions at all.

Hands clasped behind his back, posture stiff, Benji appeared to listen to Alec’s every word, seemingly attentive. But in truth, he was working on his breathing, attempting to get himself into a meditative state, or as close to one as he could manage, especially knowing Juliet was to play Strigoi today. He’d discovered a combination of faith and focus was the only way he could make it through his training sessions with her, but it took some time to completely surrender over to. He knew the briefing and expectations well, having worked with the Lightwoods to set the assignments in the first place, but Juliet's role in it had been a surprise, and he had to work on lowering his respiratory rate. After reciting a Russian prayer in his mind, feeling the growing slowness of his breath, Benji was ready, and the group set to work roleplaying various scenarios, particularly for defense. He couldn't show his hesitation, couldn't put his worry on display, had to lead by example. He was their mentor for a reason and he couldn't let his heart betray that dynamic.

Having successfully separated himself from his emotions, adrenaline running high, it took Benjamin a moment to actually notice the Moroi's arrival. But Adrian’s smug voice quickly put an end to his focus. Immediately, Benji’s jaw tightened, noticing the tension he’d worked so hard to send away return to his muscles. If the pureblood had just slipped in quietly, actually shown some respect for the process for once in his life, perhaps the dhampir could have just let things slide. But Adrian seemed intent on causing drama wherever he went, the memory of their altercation a few nights earlier fresh in his mind. Already, Benji wanted to chew him out, though he somehow managed to muster enough patience to at least think the wording through first. He hadn't had a chance to think back at Barcelo, too focused on Eli's wellbeing. Perhaps this incident was better left for the Lightwoods to deal with altogether — they were the dhampirs' superiors, after all. But to everybody’s surprise, Juliet piped up first.

As always, her voice sent electricity through him, the sound a reminder of her very real presence. He would’ve become consumed by the sensation had he not noticed the biting edge in her voice, an impatience that went beyond mere irritation. Although he felt the same upon hearing Adrian’s request to waste more of Eddie's time, he felt concern for her, worried the Strigoi roleplay had been too much after all. Benji himself had gotten stuck into the scenarios, hadn't pulled his punches. Had it ultimately not been the right thing to do? His frown grew, trying to read her. He knew her so well, had studied every mannerism, every look, for years — and yet, they were essentially strangers now, only a few words exchanged between them since they'd been reunited. He would've gotten lost in the thought spiral had Adrian not continued on, the man suddenly turning on Juliet. Hearing his own name, Benjamin turned to look at him.

He almost couldn’t believe it. The royal swayed in his spot, near-empty vodka bottle in hand, looking like he hadn't sleep for weeks, and he had the sudden audacity to call out his own relationship? To make fun of Juliet? Seeing the smile, Benji's eyes narrowed and anger shot through his limbs immediately, his fists following suit. Embarrassment and rage cycled his veins, heartache that the fracture between him and Juliet was so obvious to someone as absent as him, and fury that it had been dragged out into the limelight without either of their permissions. Suddenly, nothing seemed more important than wiping the grin off the Moroi’s face. He took a step in the man’s direction, only for Eddie to quickly intervene. Right then, respect for his fellow dhampir was the one sole thing stopping Benji from smashing Adrian’s face in. Eddie was his guardian, and he’d done the right thing by de-escalating. Benji continued to battle with reason, fingers aching with how tightly they were curled, but still, he attempted to breathe. He could come back from this, pull himself back from the knife’s edge, so long as the Moroi behaved. But Eddie had given him far too easy of an out.

“— Nyet,” Benji interrupted immediately, the edge in his voice dangerous. “He can stay right here.” If Adrian weren’t Moroi, he would’ve made it an order, but unfortunately, he had no real jurisdiction. Still, he wouldn’t be letting him off that easily, not after he’d just taken aim at Juliet, had made their issues so public. When he continued on, Benji's voice had lost its malice, replaced by condescension. Two could play at this game. “I mean, he's finally shown up. And no doubt he's come here to work, haven’t you, Adrian? To put in some actual effort? To show your guardian some basic respect?” His smirk was suppressed but barely, his eyes not leaving the Moroi’s. "But I know that's a foreign concept to you, so let me explain how this works — Eddie is a novice assigned to you. However, he is a part of this group and he reports directly to us. That means anything you wish to say to him, you say to all of us. So, Lord Ivashkov. What's on your mind?"

[margaera]

#a summary

[michellejwatson]

ALL AMERICAN 6.01 Things Done Changed

[benjaminsteele]

It had been hours since he’d left the training room he’d shared with Juliet, hours since he’d looked into her eyes, felt her body against his. But his heart still hadn’t slowed. Without a wink of sleep, Benji rose before dawn and made his way to the Lightwood residence, to the window he knew belonged to Jace’s room, and rapped on the glass relentlessly. He didn’t care what time it was, didn’t care if Alec needed a second set of eyes in the room. He couldn’t get through another session with Juliet, wouldn’t survive it. “Lightwood, prosnut'sya! Move it. Training starts now.”

[benjaminsteele]

“Listen—” he snapped, the patience he’d so desperately clung onto upon entering the nightclub dissipating the moment he’d been pestered. “Radi boga. I don’t want a drink, I don’t want to dance, I’m just trying to find my brother. Now, have you seen him or not?”

[lsaltzmans]

He made his choice. We can make our own. Landon or no Landon, you belong here. I want you to stay. I’m really sorry. Yeah, me too.

[adrianivashkv]

Adrian slumped himself down onto the pavement, freshly lit joint in hand, his tired eyes struggling to remain open. He'd been alone last night, and had attempted to sleep on an argument, so naturally the nightmares that'd followed had made him feel as though he'd had no rest at all. None of them were of his own creation, most of them a compilation of horrific rebel memories distorted by a fabricated dreamscape, ones he'd also become trapped in. As much as he'd tried to soothe every person he came across, eventually his spirit battery ran dry, which had resulted in his now hangover. He'd messaged Mickey as soon as socially possible, bunking off training in the process, so he could collect the first drug he'd sought on since he'd started sleeping with Eddie. Adrian knew the relief that began to sink over him after his first drag would be temporary. It would only momentarily curve the guilt by subduing the side effects of his excessive magic use. Falling back into old coping mechanisms and missing important sessions would also not be without consequence, because if Eddie didn't scold him, Alec or Benji certainly would. It that was all interlinked with the core problem, the sole reason Adrian had returned to his dismissive defiance in the first place. The system. The rules and regulations set before his time that controlled their entire group, that purposely formed relationships designed to break. The system had given him Eddie, but would also be to blame if Adrian were to lose him. A person he loved was being trained to die for him. The argument he'd had with his guardian last night had brought upon the realisation, and now Adrian's mind was poisoned by it, imagining every horrific outcome. As he sat there, cool breeze flowing over his skin, he had to accept that weed wasn't enough to distract him from that. Once his joint neared it's end, the Moroi noticed a shadow crossing his vision, causing him to duck his head, as if it would hide his face. Adrian suspected it was one of his peers, finally arriving to escort him to the training centre. "I'm trying to relax. If you could save the lecture for another time, it'd be greatly appreciated."

[benjaminsteele]

“— So, when would suit you then? When you’re not relaxed?” Benji understood Adrian was struggling, he wasn’t entirely without sympathy. He'd been the one to raise Elijah, after all. Alas, he wasn’t aware of the severity or cause of the royal’s issues, but the whole group had some idea considering his flighty behaviour since day one. He wouldn’t have been so consistently forgiven, or so well-protected, if he didn’t have so much to offer despite the rest. It was the only reason, that Benji acknowledged anyway, why he had any patience for him.

But he was struggling to muster that patience now. Unfortunately, he was running on only a few hours' sleep after spending the night mentoring the guardian of the man before him. The very same man who was currently smoking weed and skipping training. “Are you ever going to take this seriously?” He spat, arms crossed, looking down at him. “I was up all night with Eddie, training for you, learning for you, and you can’t even be bothered to show up for a few hours? Pozorish'sya. Do you truly have that little respect for him?”

[katerinapetrova]

- marie rutkoski

[dorkphenix]

💕