𝙎𝙃𝙀 𝙃𝘼𝙏𝙀𝘿 𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙏, the feeling of uncertainty that surely oozed from her at that very moment. Benjamin had once been one of those people she could be unapologetically herself with. It was hard to forget all the times they ran late to school just to be a beat longer in bed, all limbs and messy sheets. She had held onto those memories when she moved away to Los Angeles, but letting go was easier, safer, required less of her mental health ▬ and there were plenty of times when her mental health was nothing to be proud of ▬, it was strange not to have him around though. They had met one another when Catalina was straight out of rehab for the first time… if only he knew… if only he knew she had been there multiple times again, the ones that didn’t show in magazines or gossip blogs. Catalina had been fairly open with the public eye about her struggle with her addictions, but it’s easy to be open with imaginary people she didn’t know, hoping to guide someone with her story, hoping to let them know they were not alone. It was harder to be open with someone that had been with her in the most intimate way, and that never meant sex. Seeing him was like an outer-body experience, someone else’s experience maybe. It made her wonder if he knew half of what she went through the past 12 or so years, would he feel proud of her? Or angry? Uncertainty crept at her bones and hugged with a tightening grip stealing the breath from her lungs. That’s how she felt on the inside, on the outside, however, her teeth merely grazed the inside of her cheeks, it was a telltale of nervous Catalina, she didn’t mind to let her nervousness known. Not to Benjamin, anyway.
𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙎𝙊𝙐𝙉𝘿 𝙊𝙁 𝙃𝙄𝙎 𝙑𝙊𝙄𝘾𝙀 snapped her back to a reality she didn’t even know she had strayed away from, her fingertips were holding the chip so tight, she only noticed now how it was hurting, she did her best not to let it show, immediately easing her grasp, rubbing her thumb on the topography of the round object. Nodding ever so slightly to confirm his suspicions, Cat’s eyebrows furrowed a bit. ❛ I got a house by the lake, deep within the woods… after mom… ❜ she didn’t continue her thought, but her eyes cast downwards ever so slightly before searching for his again, ❛ I couldn’t go back to L.A, I’m on an indefinite break. ❜ The explanation came freely, as if she owed him any and maybe he did, after all the pain she had caused him, she didn’t think she’d be able to make up for it, no matter what she did. Catalina’s eyes softened at Benjamin’s explanation, hand carelessly reaching from her pocket to touch his arm, chip falling into the ground unnoticed. ❛ I’m sorry Benji, ❜ and she really was. No child is ever prepared to see the death of their parents, no matter how the relationship between them unfolded. It’s how she felt now that she had seen her mother passing away so brutally. ❛ The Axe, huh? ❜ The irony didn’t fail her, him owning a bar while she was an addict. Their paths couldn’t be more different. ❛ I’m sure you’ll do great with the bar, that place is already bustling with townspeople, who wouldn’t want to go to see your face? ❜
Maybe if he had stayed, or maybe if she had followed, the pair would've managed a different path together. Yet fate seemed to twist them in an alternate route, both living their own lives a couple of thousands of miles apart. Which was only ironic given their beginning, and just how intimate the pair had been from day one. When they were nothing more than two teenagers in love, sure that they kept the world at their backdoor and now they were something separate altogether. Not that Benjamin could ever recognize that, instead the male hid away from any form of the accuracy. Stuck somewhere between a what if, and it was her fault from the very revelation. Although he was more than aware of just how criminal these thoughts were, they helped settle the ghosts and the many memories that threatened to come tumbling forward since arriving back in town. But now they were just two people with a shared history, nothing further, and surely nothing less. Yet he couldn't tear his gaze from her, an expression composed, though a hundred sentiments swarmed just behind hazel hues. And as she spoke, Benjamin came to the realization that perhaps, they were all running from their own demons. Ones that crept up from the shadows, and threatened to swallow them whole.
At the mention of her mother though, he merely nodded. Of course, he'd heard, as if one the first things he hadn't done was check up on her history upon his return. Like scattered memories tossed about with every step, he had retracted some of their measures, till they didn't seem so far off anymore. It was like walking through a different lifetime, though this time, he viewed their recollections through tired eyes. "I'm actually livin' on a boat on the lake," It was near enough to the bar that he never had a long drive in his truck, and it didn't involve a lease. Which in his mind, were two very significant advantages to consider when settling on his living arrangements. "--and don't blame you. I headed out west once, and couldn't stand it." Something about the airy style didn't sit right with him, and all their overpriced handbags. It was a lifestyle he couldn't grasp, though he guessed Catalina might just feel differently now. "Bustling sure, though it doesn't mean I came into the place knowin' what I'm doing." In fact, he felt like it was more of a mess on most days. Always understocked, and he couldn't figure out the booking for the life of him. "I'm lucky it hasn't burnt down yet, honestly." Shaking his head, he glanced around for a moment, noting the bags in her arms. "I was actually just headin' there." A lie, but he couldn't refuse the words slipping past his lips. "If you're free?" Reaching out, he extended a hand to take her grocery bags.
