It's been a little over a year and a half since I first drafted and published my rules. To date, they remain one of the most popular entries on this blog. If you've been following along these past few weeks you might have noticed that I'm at a cross roads and have some really big decisions to make. It's all happening.
On Saturday I'm boarding a plane bound for San Francisco and I can not wait for all of the good things building up on my horizon. So come what may. And let me these rules guide me. They always do...
Ever since my trip to the Canary Islands I've had a handful people asking me about Rule Number Five. An ever elusive rule that seems to help focus a man and push him through to a tasks completion. But to blurt out the fifth rule without the others seems inappropriate. One needs first to understand where these rules come from and why they are valued.
The Greek philosopher Aristotle might have been one of the first to write down a set of rules, or virtues, for how a man is meant to live his best life. His ideas and concepts, called The Nicomachean Ethics, are widely regarded as one of our society's most important historical philosophical works (at least according to wikipedia). One of the primary themes throughout his writing focuses on living a life of virtue. For Aristotle, it wasn't enough to simply understand the theory behind a virtuous life. He believed in exercising a virtuous set of principles on a daily basis in order to become more, in order to become his best self.
"For the things we have to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them. e.g. men become builders by building and lyer playersby playing the lyre; so too we become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts."
In this sense, Aristotle's virtues became his daily rule book. A set of guiding principles that he worked to adhere to in order to become his best self. His rules guided his actions that in turn helped him to live his best life, one of moral and intellectual virtue. As for my rules...
I should explain that these rules are individual, my personal guidelines for the life I'm living. Five truths that I've somehow discovered throughout twenty-nine short years of life experience, travel, hardship, and fruition. These are my own thoughts and beliefs put into daily action for the kind of man I want to be. It is for this reason that I am hesitant to share them publicly. However...
It's trite. Cliche and over used. But rule number one proves to be the most demanding of all the rules. I will be the first to admit that it is the most challenging and difficult to follow. Any mistake or poor decision that I've ever made has been a direct result of ignoring this basic rule. Rule number one helps me to learn discipline, focus and self-mastery. These rules are in place for a reason and help to guide me towards my goals and ambitions. I do my best to follow them.
Do what is right, simply because it's right. For me, this is a guiding principle that defines a man's actions in today's world. A gentleman does what is right. He treats others with respect no matter their place in society and believes in the goodness of the human heart. He is kind, courteous, courageous, wise, and lives his life knowing the value of honor, something that many men in today's society seem to have forgotten.
Atticus Finch, one of the hero's in the book To Kill A Mockingbird, personifies what I believe a true gentleman to be. Two quotes stick out more than any other. The first is about the power of choice to live with your own thoughts and actions. Atticus said, "Before I can live with other folks I've got to live with myself. The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience." (page 105.)Atticus knew that doing wrong would sit on his shoulders and weigh him down. He valued doing right because he knew how it would impact his mind, heart and body, which in turn would impact those around him.
His second pearl of wisdom is about the courage and dedication needed to stand up for what a man believes in. "I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyways and you see it through no matter what." (page 112.) Atticus was a very wise man. He stood up for what he believed in and was courageous enough to continue working towards his goal simply because he knew that it was the right thing to do. He faced adversity and rose above it.
I might not be a perfect gentleman, but I know that it's about a lot more than simply holding a door for someone or offering my seat to a lady on the train. It's about the decisions we make and how we act upon them as men. I do my best to do what is right, simply because I believe it is right.
3.) Work hard to play hard.
When I was a child I had big dreams. I wanted to do everything and go everywhere. It didn't take long for me to realize that the allowance my parents gave me wasn't going to reach far enough. If I wanted to do and go where I wanted to I would need a little bit more change in my pocket.
When I got a little older I started mowing the lawns around my neighborhood for twenty dollars per lawn. I can remember mowing each lawn with a distinctive diagonal line pattern that defined my ability as a lawn mower. I wanted each line to be perfect. I took pride in my work, but I didn't let it take over me. Because the purpose wasn't to make money. The purpose was to have an ability to spend time with friends and fund weekends kayaking or skiing. I wanted to be able to invest in my passions.
Fast forward. Today my belief about work is pretty much the same. I am so blessed and lucky to have an amazing job overseas that provides a never-ending stream of opportunity and possibility. It can be all consuming at times and I strive to be successful within the corporate realm that I often find myself in. However. At the end of each day I realize that the child inside of me would have never wanted to put on a suit and tie and carry a brief case from one place to another. Instead, the child inside of me strives to wear a pair of boardshorts and flip flops. He wants to play in the sun, sand, and sea. He seeks adventure at every opportunity and values the lessons learned through travel and life experiences outside of the office.
I work to live. I do not live to work. This does not mean, however, that I will not work hard. Because working hard is what allows me to play even harder. Play is what motivates me to work hard. They go hand in hand. There is great value this rule.
Confucius said, "A gentleman would be ashamed should his deeds not match his words." We all know the truth of this statement. Deep down I feel it in the bottom of my belly as I examine my words in relation to my actions. In many ways this rule is the most important. I have learned through hardship and true experience why honesty, truth, and loyalty should be valued more any other virtue. They are sacred. In short, be a man of your word. Be honest and loyal. Tell the truth and have enough integrity to own it, especially to those closest to you.
This rule was introduced to me a year ago when I decided to get into road biking. It started off as a bit of a joke whenever our legs began to burn, however, since digesting the statement more fully I have come to realize that it applies to all areas of manhood and life. Harden up. It's simple. A man is designed to be strong in all areas. He should be able to lead others when things get difficult. He needs to be strong physically, mentally, and emotionally. He shouldn't moan or complain. He should be able and capable to keep calm and carry on (as the English often say) no matter what he's going through. As Bear Grylls says, "Smile when it's raining, and when you're going through hell... keep going."
Lance Armstrong is known for saying, "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place." He is right. Our minds and bodies are built to withstand great obstacle and challenge. We all need to realize this.
During exercise our bodies often beg and plead that we stop. We know that the pain or burning that we are feeling will go away within seconds. If you don't believe me, do. Pain goes away. Our bodies heal. But we have another mental choice. We can choose to endure the pain for a little while longer, knowing very well that it's going to hurt, but not actually kill us. If we choose to push on, our bodies will open up to another gear and will allow us to push harder for longer. The tasks and challenges we are faced with will finish as intended. We will be stronger in the end for simply deciding to endure. There is great reward in this.
Training for the 11 Cities race is teaching more about these rules than I ever previously imagined. I'm realizing that my behavior is beginning to change on a day-to-day basis to fall more in line with the virtues that I value. My eyes are opening wider and I feel as though I am beginning to see more than I ever have. My body is hardening and growing stronger. The skin on my hands is turning to leather. The muscles in my legs, back, and arms are turning into metal. My mind is becoming more and more capable of enduring. I believe in what Aristotle said in relation to acting in accordance to virtue. Act first, then become. It works.
Happiness is a choice. Think before you act. Sweat at least once per day. Know the value of a firm handshake. Always use the second to last urinal or stall in a public restroom. Write handwritten notes and letters. Travel. Seek out new experiences. Do not wait to enjoy something, tomorrow is not guaranteed. Enjoy good wine and good food. Hold her hand. Love your friends and family. Be the person you wanted to become when you were a child. Watch where you're walking and be mindful of others. Take pictures.
I know that am not a perfect man. I also know that these rules do not encompass every aspect of life, but they seem to be a good place to start. These rules are not easy to follow. However. I try.
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