There's an Evil Me stuck inside of my brain.
The following is some junk I typed into Zero's Skype window while he was offline, because I have an awful habit of typing loads of junk into Zero's Skype window while he's offline. But then I figured hey, this is exactly rantabulous and self-indulgent enough to go on my blog.
[1:37:35 AM] Benedict: i just noticed something about the way i think about things
[1:38:01 AM] Benedict: i was just listening to the weekly escapist podcast, and someone sent in a question
[1:38:22 AM] Benedict: they were an english teacher from norway, and they claimed to have noticed a pattern among students
[1:39:15 AM] Benedict: he started talking about how the students who played rpgs and adventure games were more creative and good at english, whereas the people who played sports games and shooters used more foul language and got worse grades
[1:39:23 AM] Benedict: the point he was trying to make was obvious
[1:39:33 AM] Benedict: and i found myself physically cringing and shuddering
[1:40:33 AM] Benedict: because i keep finding myself drawn to that mentality, where the 'nerdy' people are smarter and more creative and better than those plebeian douchebags who play their sports and calls of duties
[1:41:34 AM] Benedict: but i have this feeling that to make that judgment would be douchey and condescending and unfair- that i don't want to have a mental bucket for "this kind of person is the Hated Enemy, and i'm better than them"
[1:42:27 AM] Benedict: but i can't make myself /stop/ unconsciously sorting people into plebeians and patricians
[1:43:22 AM] Benedict: my mind won't stop having an image of a Stupid Evil Enemy that it compares people against
[1:46:06 AM] Benedict: like i'll be walking around campus, and i'll see a dude with a buzzcut walk out of the gym
[1:47:09 AM] Benedict: and my brain will say "ugh, look at him, he's probably a fundamentalist christian frat boy who plays call of duty on xbox live and watches fox news and plays sports and kicks puppies"
[1:48:02 AM] Benedict: and i immediately have to tell myself "shut UP, he's probably a perfectly normal person and you need to stop randomly hating passers-by"
[1:49:27 AM] Benedict: and then evil me will go "but isn't it the unwashed masses of ignorant mainstream normality that you hate so much? why should being normal save him?"
[1:50:52 AM] Benedict: and nonevil me will then attempt to spit out a spluttering incoherent rebuttal about being a charitable person
[1:51:33 AM] Benedict: and evil me goes "suuuuuuure" and sits back in his chair
[1:52:30 AM] Benedict: evil me is probably the source of the biggest objection i have to humanism
[1:52:55 AM] Benedict: according to him, humans are like the worst possible candidate for bringing light and creativity and beauty into the universe
[1:53:35 AM] Benedict: after all, they're riddled with cognitive biases and poisoned by their inbuilt tribalism
[1:54:48 AM] Benedict: he only lets humanity hold the torch of hope because there's nobody else around
So yeah, this just in: I still can't deal with my dumb jackass brain being horrible to everybody all the time.
SC: I, REGULAR BENEDICT, THE ENTIRE GUY, APOLOGIZE ON BEHALF OF MY STUPID EVIL SELF, *WHO IS ACTUALLY ME*.
SC: THE GUY TALKING RIGHT NOW.
SC: LIKE, THERE'S NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THOSE GUYS, OK?