The fact that she couldn't touch him was noticeable but he didn't say anything. His mouth was dry even after sipping the water and he swallowed just to coat it with saliva. Icy blue eyes drifted to her fingers as they worked on the label as if she needed to concentrate on something to clear her nerves. Over the years they had so many conversations on everything, anything and through each others pain had been able to lift the other up and make them laugh and see there was a positive side, they still had each other if no one else. "So have I, as I was talking to a friend, I couldn't help but think that things haven't felt right in awhile. I tried to excuse it as work, stress, anything to be honest because I couldn't explain it otherwise."
He was a smart man, probably too smart for his own good at times. There were a lot of signs but he choose not to see them or voice them. His eyes looked back up from her hands to her eyes and seeing the pain in them, instinctively his hand moved to cup her cheek and brush it lightly with his thumb. "I love you too and that's the hardest part about all of this." His usually steady voice, cracked and he paused his speech. He was always the strong one but right now his words weren't coming out like he needed them too. They were failing him and so he took a deep breath. "You will always be my person, that won't change." His voice finally being found again. "Even when you grew distant and kept pushing me away, I couldn't stop caring about you, loving you." Again, his voice went silent, other breakups had been easier then this. This was like severing a part of him from his own body. "It's not fair, none of this is fair to you or to me." His hand moved from her face and took her hand giving it a small squeeze. "But... life isn't always fair and we both know that. I wish you all the best."
Ashley’s breath caught the second his hand touched her face. For a split second, every instinct told her to lean into it like she always had, but she couldn’t. That was the problem, wasn’t it? She covered his hand with hers before gently lowering it, refusing to let go completely. Tears finally spilled over as she looked at him, her heart breaking because she knew he was handling this with more grace than she deserved.
“I hate that I’m the one causing you this kind of pain,” she whispered, her thumb brushing over the back of his hand. “You didn’t fail me, Chris. You didn’t do anything wrong. If anything, you’ve loved me better than I ever could’ve asked for.” She let out a shaky laugh through her tears, one that held no humor. “I think I kept pulling away because I knew this conversation was coming, and I was too much of a coward to admit it out loud.” She squeezed his hand one last time before slowly letting it slip from hers. “If you’ll let me… I don’t want to lose my best friend. I know that’s asking for something I probably don’t deserve, and I understand if you need time—or if you can’t. But I’ll always be cheering for you, Captain. Always.”
