ade

girls girls girls and sherlock

[samatonin-deactivated20231101]

how cool would it be if we all just liked our bodies

[emeraldxruby]

The love affair between Evelyn Hugo and Celia St. James spanned for 41 years.

They first met on the set of Little Women in 1959 when Evelyn was 21 and Celia was 19/20.

They were together for about 3 years until they had their 1st breakup in 1962. Evelyn was 24 and Celia was 23.

They spent 5 years apart until in 1967, they reunited inside a bathroom at the Academy Awards. Evelyn was 29 and Celia was 28.

They were together for 9 years until they had their 2nd breakup in 1976. Evelyn was 38 and Celia was 37.

This time, they spend 12 years apart until in 1988, they reconnect through letters before once again reuniting and rekindling their love. Evelyn was 50 and Celia was 49.

They manage to get back the decade and 2 years they lost as they spend 12 years together until Celia’s death in 2000. Evelyn was 62 and Celia was 61.

Evelyn and Celia spent a total of 24 years together and 17 years apart, non-consecutively.

But the two loved each other all throughout the 41 years. Not once did they stop loving the other. Although in the end they express their regret of losing all that time, what’s important is that their hearts always remained with one another.

They always managed to find their way back to each other.

And in the end, they were able to spend their last years together as wives.

**EDIT (01/16/22): Additionally, Evelyn went on to spend 17 years without Celia until her death in 2017. Making their years apart equal to a total of 34 years. So the two spent a total of 24 years together and 34 years apart, non-consecutively. Equaling to 58 years of love between Evelyn Hugo and Celia St. James till both their deaths.

[bernt2pieces]

god my chest feels so heavy but i dont know how to write it down 🥲🥲🥲

[bernt2pieces]

I shall learn to love myself the way I did you. Because it may not have been the kind of love you wanted, but it was the best one I can give. And I deserve the best, especially from myself.

[bernt2pieces]

at the very least, if thisll be the last, at least it was somehow peaceful. and in the event that this is a farewell, apologies for not being informed. who knows what things will be brought upon who next.

[easyvirgin-deactivated20160413]

happy Thursday the 20th

[askjennaflorida]

I’d have to wait months or even years for another chance to reblog this, so why the fuck not?

[mx-mythical-deactivated20260319]

next days you can reblog this on a Thursday the 20th

August 2015

October 2016

April 2017

July 2017

September 2018

December 2018

June 2019

February 2020

August 2020

You know, just in case you wanted to set your queue for the next 6 years

[triedandtrued]

TODAY

[bernt2pieces]

Oh. To write a piece filled with love again. To find the words brave enough to describe the feeling of love, risk, and happiness.

I lost my will. To write paragraphs, poems, anything. I lost it before then found it again, then lost it again now. I am uncertain if I will ever find the courage to write the way I used to for another person again. The thought of it alone scares me. The thought of feeling that way again for someone scares me. Because I know what happens next. Once can be regarded as just a rare occurrence, one can even believe it will never happen again. But twice? It is well on its way to establish a pattern. To send a message.

Would it be better to never find my lost will again? Would I rather spend the rest of my life playing safe, guarding myself, and never letting anyone in enough to make me feel that way only to suffer the inevitable? Is this suffering worth repeating just to find the will to write that way again?

I do not know.

Did I make sense there?

Probably not.

[bernt2pieces]

Im writing this while crying, quietly hoping that the people Im with here will not notice. Im writing again because I feel hurt. Because even if you didn’t mean to say it, you’d rather be friends than be with me. And that hurts. I mean I guess I’ve felt it for a while, even while we were still together, but like I said, having a hunch on things and finding out you’re right doesn’t break your heart any less.

I don’t know why you still want to be friends. I don’t know why you still want to have me around, and maybe I agreed to establishing parameters because I just wanted to find out why. But I can’t go through another hunch then break my own heart again. This thing we’ve had had more impact to me than I originally thought it would. Now, I can’t listen to the songs I dedicated to you, I can’t watch the things we used to watch together, etc. There’s so many things that used to bring me joy that I just can’t seem to do anymore. Even hearing Stefany’s phone ring from messenger breaks my heart because I used to receive those too.

At some point I wished I was like you, you can distract yourself by doing the things you like but that’s just not me. Sometimes I can go by, and do the things I need to do. But sometimes, all I can do is feel. Just remember everything we used to do and feel. I’m stuck. Really stuck. And I really don’t know what to do. A large part of me feels that you don’t feel this way because I loved you more than you loved me, because while I was giving you all of me, you were still kind of trying to get over someone else. So yeah, you can’t blame me if sometimes I feel like I was just some panakip-butas to you. That the relationship you pursued with me was just a ruse to forget what you’ve had with her. I’m sorry it didn’t work, I guess. I just wish you’d admit it too, you know, para matapos na. It’s not like it’s an empty hypothesis, it has proof. I didn’t say you didn’t love me  or that you didn’t care about the relationship that we’ve had, it’s just that the relationship isn’t what it should be for the people involved in it.

I’m writing this to say that I can’t be your friend. The more I spend time with you in whatever this is, the more I’m not going to be able to move forward. I know you’re not stuck on us anymore, and I’m proud of you for that. I deserve to not be stuck anymore too, so please let me have it. I want to be okay. I want to be happy. And I will cherish every good thing we’ve ever had, but I don’t want to feel this way again. At this point in my life, I am completely dependent to the people around me, I barely have any self-esteem, I don’t see myself committing or giving myself to anyone else again, and I have more trust issues than ever. And it’s both our fault. I know I hurt you too. I am really sorry for the bad things I have caused, whatever they may be.

When we were together, I can get through whatever what I was feeling, because I had you. Even if you’re just there, your presence like you always say, I always find my way around. But now, I am alone in this, literally, and I can still power through, but it’s harder, so much harder. You were that enough for me, even if my words suggested otherwise and clearly it’s not the same for you. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you.

I hope we both find our peace, be it not with each other. I really wished it was with you, but I’m starting to realize that maybe that’s not the case.

I wanted to write some sort of ‘last letter’ for weeks now, but I always stop myself because maybe, it’s not the end of us. That you’ll change your mind and really work on things with me. That we’ll power through the hell we are in. We dived in together, but maybe we’ll have to get out of it on our own. So yeah, I wanted to keep in imagining that this is not the end of us, but maybe I should also start accepting that it is.

[bernt2pieces]

I don’t even know if you’ll see this and quite frankly, maybe it doesn’t matter after all.

To be honest, I am very confused and quite frankly irritated at myself. Because with us, our relationship, has made me the confusing version of myself. I can’t make a decision and stick with it entirely.

Some days I want to believe that we will be able to resolve everything and spend the rest of our days together. Some days, I feel like I am not the girl/person who’s it for you, no matter how much I wanted to be. I feel the latter more than the former.

A part of me wants to believe that we’ll get back together and yay be happy and shit, but it seems to root from a very ideal part of myself.

This has made me so undecisive that I can’t even trust my own train of thoughts because they tend to change in time.

At some point, it got so fucked up because I started to think that maybe I should’ve just let you continue lying to me so long as I had you by my side. That I should’ve been okay with you still being into someone else while you were only into me when you’re with me. But I know that’s royally shit and not how things should be.

All the lying. Oh my god all of it. So much of it that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to believe anyone whom I didn’t know already before this happened. I’m afraid to open myself to other people because maybe if I got hopeful and got visions regarding the future I’ll be wrong again.

I’m just tired of the nights where it’s one bad thought or the other. If is it about me not feeling enough for you or it’s me being not trustworthy or whatever fucking issue is out there.

It’s weird because when you think about it, despite the good times, our relationship was built on a lot of lies. And maybe that’s the most crumbling part because I want to think that we had a good run at the very least. And now I’m thinking if it was even a real run to begin with.

It is probably, hopefully, not your intention, but everything in totality has made me feel like a safety net, some sort of panakip-butas to you repressing what you feel for her. It’s funny that you used to call me out for being insecure about her when in fact I really should’ve been.

Until now, I’m still trying to process everything. All of it. And I’m tired. I am having a hard time recognizing myself all because I’ve decided to give my all to another person when I should’ve left some for my own.

In the end, it doesn’t matter if we get back or not. I just want to be okay, however that may be.

 Something tells me that this is not the last letter I’ll write.

[bernt2pieces]

mahirap bang sabihin na ako lang? na mahal mo ako? HAAHAHAHAHA ah baka kasi di naman na totoo.

[bernt2pieces]

I’m writing this an hour before my first class in hopes that ill feel lighter by then. It has been a while since I wrote something, since the last time I couldn’t bear the heaviness of what I’m feeling.

We’re trying again. And for that, I’m really happy. I don’t know what this phase would bring but to hell with it, like it always is when it comes to you. It weirds me out that you agreed, although I’m glad you did. Because you wanted to get better on your own, right? Then why agree to start with me again?

Anyway, in the middle of trying to do that, I wanted you to apologize and say everything. But you refused to. Because you don’t want to relive your own mistakes. So I guess I’m just left here alone to deal with the emotional repercussions those had on me, huh? I guess in this so called relationship, I gotta be alone to deal with my own issues that were caused by your actions. Screw me and what I feel, because you don’t want to relive them, right? Who gives a fuck if I don’t get the closure I need from those events, so long as you don’t have to relive them.

I hate my mind sometimes. I hate how incapable I am from forgetting the smallest of things, and I hate how you refuse to recognize that. How my need for reassurance becomes a need to reaffirm and remind you that I love you.

It’s as if you don’t understand. You downplay things as if it were the other way around, it wouldn’t hurt you so much. What’re you going to say this time? That you’re used to it anyway? Does that give you the right to inflict the emotion to others? Would you feel okay if I wrote love poems for another girl while I vehemently deny to you that I still feel for her? Would it be okay to you if I went to her without informing you, trying to form a friendship while our own relationship is in shambles?

You know there’s pain, and you know that despite all of this, I still want to be with you. But you seem to refuse to understand what it means, and how things are for me now because of them. Because of those things, I’m having a hard time believing people can be into me in absolute. That my likeliness is dependent on the absence of another party. I don’t know if those two people in my email are just bored and wanted to forget their own exes for a while.

Im going down the path where I feel like I’m not enough again. A path where I question if people’s intentions and actions toward me are genuine. And it’s heavier than ever. But fuck that, because you don’t want to relive them, right?

I deleted our conversation on Facebook today. I’ll probably do the same on Twitter and Instagram. Because as much as I like reading those conversations we’ve had when I thought you loved me the way I thought you did, I can’t go back on the times that it hurt. And maybe this is the step I need to take towards forgetting them. I don’t want to remember them anymore because remembering them isn’t just about the betrayal that took place, it becomes a weight against my self-worth.

I want to forget. I don’t want the nights where I stare at the ceiling thinking where I went wrong or where I lacked something. Because whoever’s up there knows I gave everything and more. And that I shouldn’t be thinking about myself that way because things, in the end, aren’t really all on me.

But I don’t think you understand that.

[bernt2pieces]

https://vt.tiktok.com/ULEh1K/

.

jess🤡 on TikTok

#sadgirl #sadgirlhours #fyp

[bernt2pieces]

tama na ‘to. kung ayaw na, edi ayaw na. ayoko nang makipaglaro.

[bernt2pieces]

ang sakit at ang bigat nanaman. 

[bernt2pieces]

sorry ha. bawal pala manghingi ng assurance pag nasa ganitong stage.

[bernt2pieces]

ayoko na. parang paulit-ulit lang akong natatalo. parang paulit-ulit kang nawawala sa’kin. 

[bernt2pieces]

sarap naman ng monthsary gift mo. lasang lungkot saka iyak.