Most of my friends are older than me. They are farther in school, and a fair portion of them are graduating this year. I only have a couple of friends that ARE my age, and I don't even see them often. I'm homeschooled, which means that a lot of my friends I only see around once or twice a week on average, and that's just the ones I see regularly. I hate scrolling through Facebook and seeing all the people I know with their boyfriends/girlfriends, or going to events. In fact, just recently there was a swing dance (I love swing dances) with just about my closest group of friends, and it was for a certain grade range that I just barely missed. You see, I find these posts about people going out and having fun, whereas I don't as often. It feels almost too good to be true when I finally DO get to hang out with my friends, and it usually doesn't last for more than an hour or two. I constantly feel this need to prove myself, like I need to get rich and even a bit famous. Why? Because I feel left out. I don't really need to be famous, but it feels like then maybe someone might notice me. I don't need to be rich, but it feels like then maybe I'll be able to do fun things with the people I care about. The other thing is that I feel like my "friends" honestly don't really care about me as much as I care about them. Again, I feel this need to do great things, to have lots of money, to be known by many, to be loud, to be skilled, all just because I've never really gotten any love by not reaching those minimums. And even still, I doubt how much love I'll find then. I doubt too much whether or not I'll ever even find true love, because I've never really had any kind of a lasting relationship. Everyone I've ever loved either moved away, loved someone else, or just flat-out DIDN'T love ME. Im sorry for the long post, and you probably don't really care either, but it felt like a bomb inside not getting it out. In fact, it still does because no one on this site even knows me. But there you go, everything that's wrong with my past, present, and probably my future...