"And the universe said I love you, because you are love."
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ABOUT ME
will i delete this later? probably!
you can call me Ren or any variations of my username. sometimes I go by River, in reference to my sona. i use they/them pronouns mostly, but am also fine with it/its and he/him <3
im cupiorose (wanting a partner without feeling romantic or sexual attraction) and whatever term under the non-binary umbrella i choose for that month. recently, it's been demifluid
some fandoms im in (though some maybe vaguely):
steven universe, she-ra, fnaf, vox machina, apothecary diaries, frieren, castlevania (netflix), atla, lok, minecraft, dead by daylight, warrior cats
i am a furry hobby artist (not a furry myself) but im not very active anywhere. i use toyhouse to store my art, and post in my discord server (which just has six of my friends in it lol). i also occasionally have motivation to make a moodboard, so i post them on pinterest
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USUAL TOPICS
fandoms and hyperfixations - most common topics are gonna be these, and i tend to jump around a lot. you can tell what i'm currently hyperfixated on just based on what i post / repost
disabilities and chronic illnesses - i have too many things wrong with me to name, but the major ones are CFS/ME, autism, severe anxiety, CPTSD, migraines, joint pains and photosensitivity (and suspected OCD, but not confirmed). im a disabled advocate and also i like to complain to save my sanity
dog training / animal behavior / animal welfare - i worked in the dog industry for 8 years. out of 5 of those years, i did dog training on the side and the other 3, i was an official dog trainer. animals have always been my hyperfixation passion ever since i was very very little
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BYI
i can sometimes, especially when im low energy, come across as blunt, overbearing and other not-so-nice ways. i may also accidentally cross boundaries without knowing. it is completely unintentional, so please forgive me in advance. i do not mind if you correct my behavior, and I even prefer it, especially if i've made you uncomfortable. the last thing i want to do is hurt people
i dont have a dni, not because i dont want to interact with those kinds of people, but because they often dont work. do no harm and be respectful is all i ask
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"Would you look at that? It’s the pup that survived."
it's refreshing to watch the Castlevania anime after watching so much garbage come out recently
i remember immediately commenting on how i loved that Sypha isn't just the token female partner to the main male character(s), but a great character on her own
she knows how to hold her own in a fight and is arguably stronger than Trevor at times. she isn't the meek and ultra-nice female character either, she has a bite if you push her hard enough. but she's also not the independent strong woman who doesn't need romance either. she's soft and gentle and kind and sweet too. she has wants and wishes and loves more than just Trevor
then you get to Alucard, who is one of the best written male characters i've seen in a long time. he walks the world between humanity and vampire, while feeling left out from both. he experiences SA and reacts like a normal person would. he's never seen as lesser because of it, and it never becomes a joke. it is taken as seriously as it should be. it could've been hella easy to make him a mary sue character who is way too OP for his own good, but he's not
Trevor being the resident asshole but also still having a character arc feels the most refreshing after watching Jax for nine episodes do nothing but soak in the misery of his own making. i enjoy that he's still the asshole at the end, but has softened up a bit and knows when and when not to be rude. i love that he was completely willing to sacrifice himself without a second thought because that's what he's prepared himself to do. as the last Belmont, he went from hiding out of shame to wearing it proudly
they could've also made Dracula in the stereotypical way that many others do, with him just being an evil vampire, but he's not. Lisa shows him the good in the world, and specifically the good in humans. she convinces Dracula of all people to leave his comfort zone to start travelling
then when she dies, he's heartbroken. he loved not her, not as a human token or pet, but as a person. his heartbreak is real. she's what he was missing in life and she was taken from him. like Alucard, he's relatable and realistic with his emotions
and, again, they could've easily made Lisa the only human he trusted, but no, we also have Isaac and Hector. who, again, aren't just human tokens to him, but some of the people he trusts the most
and on the topic of Lisa, i enjoy that she isn't just the dead wife trope. she's a dead wife who haunts the narrative but she's more than that. she, like Sypha, had goals and ambitions. she actually gets a decent amount of screen time. she isn't just dismissed after we see what her death meant to Dracula. we see the affect she had on the world and on Alucard. she is the roots of the story. a 'every road leads to rome' deal
Lisa is such an important person to the story that i remember her name, even though i struggled remembering most of the names from the show at first (because of memory loss)
Talking about no contact and estrangement is becoming a serious thing online, so I want to put this out there. You do not have to try to fix things with your parents before you're allowed to cut off or reduce contact. You do not have to try and convince them to treat you right before you take care of yourself and do what you have to for your safety and wellbeing.
I didn't sit my parents down and explain to them that they'd been abusing me and try to convince them to stop. The likelihood that they would have received this well felt minuscule. Once I got the courage to do what I needed to do, I sent an email telling them that I was ending all contact between us.
Because ultimately it wasn't about them. It was about me, and the fact that I was unable to break out of old survival modes and stop putting on a false self to please them. I needed the space to grow. I needed to be away from them to heal. Period.
If you want to try setting boundaries with your parents before going no contact, go for it. But you're not bad or undeserving of peace because you didn't run that gauntlet. It's optional. There are no rules, no hoops you must jump through before you deserve what you need.
I did try this. Twice, actually. Once as a teenager, once as a kid.
Yea, it doesn't work. You can't convince people to care about you when they haven't their entire lives. You mean and will always mean nothing to them, or at least less than you want.
My abusive father laughed in my face both times. Both times, he blamed my actions for his abuse. Claiming I didn't deserve respect because I hadn't earned it.
Genuinely one of the worst things about being raised by an abusive parent is that whatever anyone on the outside knows about is the tip of the iceberg. Even if they know, they don't know. They didn't live it. And whatever your parent did/does is like 100x worse than what they know about. Because even if you try to relay your experiences, there is still an ocean worth of shit that's slipped though the cracks and you can't even coherently remember it all to tell them. Even when you can remember, it's hard to put into words everything that's been done to you. It's an insanely isolating thing to go through. It's like you're the only one who's ever truly going to know what it's like to be you, even if other people relate and sympathize. Even moreso if you don't have any siblings who shared your childhood. It's just. Shit.
it's refreshing to watch the Castlevania anime after watching so much garbage come out recently
i remember immediately commenting on how i loved that Sypha isn't just the token female partner to the main male character(s), but a great character on her own
she knows how to hold her own in a fight and is arguably stronger than Trevor at times. she isn't the meek and ultra-nice female character either, she has a bite if you push her hard enough. but she's also not the independent strong woman who doesn't need romance either. she's soft and gentle and kind and sweet too. she has wants and wishes and loves more than just Trevor
then you get to Alucard, who is one of the best written male characters i've seen in a long time. he walks the world between humanity and vampire, while feeling left out from both. he experiences SA and reacts like a normal person would. he's never seen as lesser because of it, and it never becomes a joke. it is taken as seriously as it should be. it could've been hella easy to make him a mary sue character who is way too OP for his own good, but he's not
Trevor being the resident asshole but also still having a character arc feels the most refreshing after watching Jax for nine episodes do nothing but soak in the misery of his own making. i enjoy that he's still the asshole at the end, but has softened up a bit and knows when and when not to be rude. i love that he was completely willing to sacrifice himself without a second thought because that's what he's prepared himself to do. as the last Belmont, he went from hiding out of shame to wearing it proudly
it's easy to agree with the people who say that the newest two generations are too soft because they can't take jokes
but then i think about all the times that i personally was the butt of a "joke", that happened to not be jokes at all, just secret bullying. worst of all, they sometimes come from the people who are supposed to love you. your parents, your family, your friends, etc.
you experience enough of that and you come to expect any joke targeted at you is something they meant to be harmful and that they were being malicious
then you jump to be defensive, which ends up being overkill because the other person was just trying to poke fun at you
