𝒖𝒏𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒏. @berthajorkins - Tumblr Blog

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐬. ｣

bertha leaned against the closet door as she eyed evan rosier up and down. a six foot, hunky seventh year quidditch player … sure, he was no nicholas, but honestly ? bertie felt like she had probably hit the seven minutes in heaven jackpot. ❛ — so, CAP, ❜ she began, ❛ — i’ve seen you on the quidditch pitch. you sure know how to handle your broomstick. ❜ bertie took a step forwards. ❛ — wanna show me some maneuvers ? i may not be a golden snitch, but i’m still a catch. AND … ❜ another step forwards, which, given the confines of the closet, meant they were nearly nose to nose. ❛ … i’m gonna keep talking unless you shut me UP. ❜ // @rosixrs

#..... ignore the dancing #﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — threads ! ﹚#﹙ *☆ ┆ ft. evan rosier ! ﹚

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐬. ｣

if bertha had any inhibitions at the beginning of the game ( doubtful ), they were washed away now with the better part of a bottle of firewhiskey. so when the bottle landed on her fellow hufflepuff, her eyes lit up. ❛ — harper, get the fuck over here, ❜ she exclaimed probably too loudly with a drunken grin, hardly giving the other girl a moment to draw breath before she met her lips in a laughing kiss. // @macmillcns

#﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — threads ! ﹚#﹙ *☆ ┆ ft. bertha jorkins ! ﹚

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐬. ｣

bertha wasn’t sure whose idea it had been to play spin the bottle, but she wasn’t complaining. as the bottle slowed to a stop, she looked up from the bottle to lock eyes with lily evans with a grin. ❛ — well, i always DID like redheads. ❜ // @puermiles

#﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — threads ! ﹚#﹙ *☆ ┆ ft. lily evans ! ﹚

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐨𝐳 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠. ｣

oz king had a problem . that problem ? he was a competitive mess . stick him in a game and it was over . he’d be consumed . occasionally he would cheat , desperate to grab the title of winner . but rigging a drinking game was a lot harder than he imagined , and he ended up plastered within only a few rounds . at least he was still sober enough to practice the art of sign language . well …. one sign really . one gesture .

waving his middle finger around , he stumbled forward after being waved over by bertha . the idea itself caused him to smile , a chuckle slipping free as he responded .

nicholas , ever the conservative introvert , sighed in defeat . he grew accustomed to the ridiculous things oz would say , even more so when he’d had a couple drinks . “ i would love a pussy to pet . ” he spoke in monotone , shaking his head in disappointment before oz slapped his shoulder . “ i said cat , you piece of NO ! i know exactly what you meant . don’t turn this around on me , oz ! i have NOT had that much to drink . have not ! ” // @witchwkly

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲. ｣

how had found herself in this conversation ? penelope could only faintly remember falling into place with bertha - oh right ! her outfit was cute , or her shoes - that was it , wasn’t it ? whatever .

she lifted her drink - barely noticing the pair until nicholas was already speaking - and took a long sip . ❛ oh you’re so right . i reckon - ❜ a pause , fog filled mind reaching to finish her sentence , before their words properly sunk in . ❛ wait no , as if ! ❜

drinking may have made her cloudy , but it hadn’t made her an idiot .

❛ bertha , badgers bite . . . and you two , well i can’t imagine the pair of you with even a kitten , much less in the face of a pussy - cat . and yes love , ❜ a smile dragged on the corner of her lips . ❛ that’s exactly what you said . ❜ / @berthajorkins

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐬. ｣

bertha had heard before that sign language was largely facial expressions. so with the reaction she had to nicholas’s translation, eyebrows flying upward dramatically and choking mid-swallow on her firewhiskey, she was practically fluent. bertha whistled, hooking one finger into the collar of her blouse and tugging expressively. ❛ — i'll giv– ❜ she began to say, and then stopped, realizing a second late what she had been about to say might finally be crossing the line into too forward.

she snorted at penelope’s words. the more this girl talked, the more she was growing to like her. ❛ — badgers bite ? oh, penny, you can COUNT on it, ❜ she replied with a wink and a swig of her drink. ❛ — what, you think i couldn’t handle it ? i’d be more capable than THESE two, for sure. ❜ she nodded to oz and nicholas.

#﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — threads ! ﹚#﹙ *☆ ┆ ft. penelope avery ! ﹚#﹙ *☆ ┆ ft. oz king ! ﹚

carpenter-sabrina

lizakoshy: HOW TO SHAKE PLURAL A$$CHEEKS TO SINGULAR ACT II @sabrinacarpenter

#﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — mirror ! ﹚#it doesn't translate to threads but just know bertha is spending most of the party dancing

thursd4ys-deactivated20241130

— taylor swift, from “the last great american dynasty” (2020)

#﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — insp ! ﹚#decided i love this song for her

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐬. ｣

❛ — but just PICTURE it, ❜ bertha was saying earnestly to penelope, a half-empty drink in her hand, her eyes rimmed alarmingly red. ❛ — i would LOVE to have a pet badger. and honestly, you would look fucking badass with a snake. ❜ before the slytherin had a chance to say anything, bertha spotted oz and nicholas over her shoulder and waved them over. ❛ — GUYS. how sick would it be if we all had our house mascots as pets ? so, like, i’d have a badger, and the slytherins would have snakes … ❜ // @witchwkly @ahzzie

#﹙ *☆ ┆ ft. penelope avery ! ﹚#﹙ *☆ ┆ ft. oz king ! ﹚#﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — threads ! ﹚#we'll see how this goes lmfao #i haven't written a multi-character thread in a hot minute

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐨𝐳 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠. ｣

“ nature’s lubricant . ” he replied , not expecting his friend to translate . sometimes oz signed just for the sake of it ( similar to how people talked to themselves ) if anything , at least god knew he had a wicked sense of humor .

another hilarious person ? bertha jorkins . she knew just what to say to make nicholas squirm . case in point : who would you FUCK ? the boy looked taken aback , as if he hadn’t expected to be made part of the conversation . with cheeks as red as roses , he sputtered out a response , “ i uh …. well i ‘spose i’d pick … uh , professor mcgonagall ? ” it was phrased as a question , his friend clearly not sure of his answer .

“ that’s disgusting , ” oz said , his voice rough and coarse due to rarely ever being used .

“ you said you’d have sex with all of them ! ” nicholas argued , clearly humiliated as oz shook his head , a tsk tsk showcasing his playful judgment .

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐬. ｣

at oz’s out-loud proclamation, bertha actually snorted with laughter as nicholas somehow blushed even deeper. ❛ — i’m telling MCGONAGALL you said that, ❜ she countered, lifting her eyebrows and flashing a grin in oz’s direction before turning back to nicholas. ❛ — kidding. hey, red SUITS you. ❜ she kissed the tip of her index finger and leaned forward to poke his reddened cheek with a wink. having sufficiently amused herself with flustering nicholas, bertha directed her next words to oz. ❛ — angus flume told me there’s gonna be a wild party on saturday. you guys COMING ? ❜

#﹙ *☆ ┆ ft. oz king ! ﹚#﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — threads ! ﹚

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐦𝐚𝐱𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐭. ｣

maxine stopped mid-nod , unsure of whether or not the answer she was initially prepared to give would seem disingenuous at all . ❝ definitely not as well as i think i probably should ? it’s easier to speak than it is to write , so let’s just say sure . ❞ she shrugged , turning her attention towards the blonde that had joined their breakfast table . though she didn’t mind the questions in the slightest , being the token novelty because of her move was highlighting some insecurities she hoped to conceal by just brushing it all off . ❝ so if you’re ever in need of a tutor , i’d be more than willing to try and help . ❞

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐬. ｣

❛ — no thanks, ❜ bertie said through a mouthful of pastry. ❛ — i’m still trying to master bri-ish english. ❜ she said the last two words in an exaggerated mockery of a cockney accent, before switching back to her native boston accent. ❛ — why did you transfer then ? i thought all french people HATED england. or scotland, whatever. i’m still not sure what the difference is, gotta be honest. like, are they the same country or not ? ❜

#﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — threads ! ﹚#﹙ *☆ ┆ ft. maxine bouchet ! ﹚

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐱 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤. ｣

“—-Do you want me to wack you upside the head as you count down ? “ She asked blanly at Bertha . “ Or ring your head like a bell . “ She sighed as then bertha kept going but looked at the bertie’s botts and pursed her lips in thoughts . “—I’m not crancky and Im not that hungry . “ She said as she took the bag and looked at the candy . Bella had an eye out to know which flavors were which . At least know what colors were her favorite . “Thanks .” She muttered as she picked some out .

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐬. ｣

she beamed as the other girl took the offered candy. who said you couldn’t tame a wild beast with bertie’s botts ? ❛ — hey, you know, not only are these bertie’s botts, but they’re bertie’s bertie’s botts. well, except for the ones you took, now those are bella’s bertie’s bertie’s botts. ❜ sharing candy warranted being on nickname terms, right ? she helped herself to one and immediately gagged. ❛ — GROSS. earthworm. ❜

#﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — threads ! ﹚#﹙ *☆ ┆ ft. bellatrix black ! ﹚

greengrss-deactivated20170213

single, the neighbourhood

#﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — wanted ! ﹚#gimme an exes plot where they've moved on but bertha's still got feelings #the angst potential

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐬. ｣

❛ — wait, you said you transferred from beauxbatons ? so can you speak french ? ❜ bertha asked, curiosity written all across her face as she reached for a pastry. true, she had no real reason to be at the ravenclaw table, but that had never stopped her before. // @mcdmcxine

#﹙ *☆ ┆ ft. maxine bouchet ! ﹚#﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — threads ! ﹚#nice short sweet one for ya

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐨𝐳 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠. ｣

nicholas practically yanked oz backward , his hand gripping the fabric of his shirt tightly as he noticed the blonde girl in the compartment . it was a known fact that bertha made nicholas nervous . but then again , so did many things . it was time he lived a little . moving forward and forcing his friend to follow , oz made himself comfortable before copying her nonchalant posture . “ i’d fuck them all . i’m an equal opportunist . but i agree , you’ve gotta put a ring on someone like minnie , ” he signed .

“ i’m not saying that . ” nicholas shook his head in defiance , crossing his arms as he moved closer and closer to the wall . give it a second and he would be part of the compartment itself . “ no , i’m not … ugh . i’d fuck them all . i’m an equal opportunist . but i agree , you’ve gotta put a ring on someone like minnie . ”

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐬. ｣

bertie’s grin when the two boys entered the compartment was positively incandescent, and it only widened when nicholas stuttered out oz’s answer, her gaze lingering on the boy before looking back to oz. ❛ — REALLY ? slughorn ? i feel like he’d be, i don’t know, slimy. ❜ she didn’t sign, but even still, what she was saying was plainly written across her face as she stuck her tongue out in a grimace. turning her attention to poor nicholas, again, no translation was needed except for the bright red hue of the other boy’s face as she directed her next question directly at him. ❛ — what about you, nicky ? who would you FUCK ? ❜

#﹙ *☆ ┆ ft. oz king ! ﹚#﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — threads ! ﹚#the classic question

butterflypeaflowertea

what’s life if not falling a little in love with a lot of people

#﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — insp ! ﹚

invera

me

#﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — insp ! ﹚#i've just decided bertha's patronus is a pelican #actually NO #a seagull

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐱 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤. ｣

Bellatrix was sitting besides her sister . Both waiting on cissy who had told them to go ahead despite telling her they would wait for her but in the end they just left and decided that she would catch up to them in the great hall . Eyes looking blankly at Bertha Jones . The most annoying witch in her opinion . Thus when she started to sing bella just frowned . “ Bertha . Love . “ She said all too sweetly . “— if you keep singing you might find yourself without a tongue when you wake up in the morning . “

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐬. ｣

bertha made a good-natured ‘o’ with her mouth, widening her eyes comically. ❛ — but we still had NINETY NINE bottles to go ! ❜ but she cheerfully acquiesced, turning her attention instead to her nearly-finished bag of sweets from the train. ❛ — bertie’s botts ? ❜ she offered, proffering the bag to bellatrix. ❛ — sometimes i get cranky too when i’m hungry, ❜ she informed andromeda in a conspiratorial stage whisper, who again, only blinked at her owlishly in clear discomfort.

#﹙ *☆ ┆ ft. bellatrix black ! ﹚#﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — threads ! ﹚

｢ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐬. ｣

bertha could tell she was intruding the moment she clambered into the carriage and found herself in the company of two of the three black sisters. but then again, bertha wasn’t one to worry much about social delicacies. she kicked up her feet to rest on the seat across from her as the horseless carriage jolted into motion. guess the youngest black would have to find a carriage on her own. her gaze skipped from andromeda, who merely blinked, looking vaguely perturbed, to bellatrix, who also didn’t look particularly pleased to see her. bertie merely gave the older black a shameless grin. ❛ — SO … who’s up for a few rounds of a hundred bottles of butterbeer on the wall ? i’ll start. a hundred bottles of butterbeer on the wall, a hundred bottles of butterbeer … ❜ // @ofcvrnge

#﹙ *☆ ┆ ft. bellatrix black ! ﹚#﹙ *☆ ┆ 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝘩𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 — threads ! ﹚

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