I feel so uncomfortable with people being attracted to me because I know they're attracted to their perception of who I am, and not who I actually am and there's not like a good way to explain that to people, but so much of my romance repulsion is just that and I wonder if other romanced repulsed folks feel similarly
Yeah i feel that. I think I’m most uncomfortable with the expectations that people have of me and what they could do if i don’t fulfill them. Idk if i told this story here but i had a good friend a couple years back that had a crush on me and he literally destroyed my friend group after i couldn’t reciprocate, to the point where i stopped going to group things bc he was always there and so shitty to me. I kinda knew he liked me but i assumed he’d get the hint and drop it. I didn’t feel as uncomfortable w him bc we knew each other and i thought he wouldn’t project shit onto me but i guess i was fucking wrong. Got to the point where i had to block him on like all my social media.
I’m like super uncomfortable now with nerd guys especially having a crush on me bc they just see me as “irl manic pixie dream girlfriend” bc i like similar things to them and they create this whole version of me in their minds that’s not really me and then get upset when the version they see and the real actual me don’t match up. They read every friendly interaction as romantic and so then i gotta obsess over every word i say or else they’re gonna act like I’m leading them on
My feelings are so complicated. I am really repulsed by the heteronormative idea of dating, but that doesn't mean I'm incable of falling in love. Dating is a game I don't know how to play. I could never flirt or seduce anybody; It's just not me. I always felt so uncomfortable whenever boys would hit on me becouse it felt like I'm an object to be conquered. I just see love as something so genuine, I could never play with it. I've never dated anyone, but I have made a really special connection to two ppl so far. The first one haven't gotten anywhere, but the second one is new and I'm exited to see how it plays out, becouse we have very similar views on romantic orientation. And just a side note - not asexual.