Bethåven

I'm not Beth, but Beethoven wrote that song for me. Osemanverse, anxiety, roller derby, yarn stuff and a bit sappy in love.

[bethaven]

Before my life had Heartstopper, Heated Rivalry, Red, White and Royal Blue or Young Royals it had Don't ever wipe tears without gloves. It's not smutty, it's not romance or even a happy ending. But it's a very important depiction of a terrible, forgotten time in Swedish queer history. And I'd recommend each and everyone of you to see it.

Can't wait for the musical to premiere this fall. It made me rewatch the series for the first time in years and it reminded me of how important this is.

[chronicintrovert]

HEARTSTOPPER FOREVER, july 17th on netflix!

[chronicintrovert]

soooooooo

july 17th! :)

[bethaven]

Heartstopper, The Ark - and the meaning of the word forever

It's been a few days since the last Heartstopper update dropped on saturday. I definitely needed some days to reboot and reflect to be able to gather my thoughts around this. But now that I have, there's one thing that's stuck with me.

Forever. Taste that word. Say it a few times. Heavy, right? It contains a feeling of safety, stability, maybe also a bit terrifying. For me, it's a promise. A promise that things will be ok, whatever the future holds. Hear me out.

15 years ago I was in a similar mourning as I am now. I know, mourning sounds so dramatic, but if anyone of you ever been through a similar thing you would probably get it. The band that had been my whole life since the age of 11 (I was 19 back then) had recently announced they were gonna split up, after a final tour that upcoming summer. The Ark was not only good music for me, it was my soundtrack, my therapy and the way in which I'd met most of my closest friends. I couldn't and can't describe in words how important they've been. Dealing with that breakup was hard. I'm glad I had a lot of friends to share it with because we all had to figure out who we were in a world where The Ark wasn't active as a band. This, at an age where you’re very much busy with figuring out who you are as a person and what you want with your life.

"But I know that what we've built could last forever. Forever. Forever."

Forever became the mantra of the tour that summer. It was the band's promise to us that this wasn't the end, there are still good times ahead and that they would always be with us. It was also the promise to ourselves to carry on the legacy that was now given to us. This was the only comfort we had when the last show was over and we all were laying in a pile on the curb outside Gröna Lund in Stockholm, not knowing if we'd ever get to see them again. But somehow, I think we all knew it might not be the end of everything, but definitely the end of The Ark as we knew them.

9 years later I was in my dad's apartment getting ready for a political science seminar, when a friend of mine sent over a video which declared that The Ark were going on a reunion tour. I cried. We were given the gift of another summer. The tour of 2020 turned into the tour of 2021 which eventually turned into the tour of 2022 (and you all know why) and it was one of the best times I've had in my life. I got to relive the golden days, while being older, more mature and not the least more financially stable. I went to 9 shows that summer, and loved every one of them.

As of now, I'm getting ready for another summer of touring. The Ark have released new music and going on tour. It's back to basics, back to the roots. They're not the same band we left back in 2011. But they promised forever, and here we are.

Screenshot from a recent groupchat with some The Ark friends. We still use this word as a powerful sign that we're here for each other, and always will be, in some form or other.

So, back to Heartstopper. During the last few months I've basically had a lot of the same feelings as I had for The Ark back in 2011. There’s an end nearby, I hate it and there's nothing I can do about it. Heartstopper has been a huge part of my life during the last three years, probably equally as important to me as a 34 year old as The Ark was for me as a 19 year old. The series, the comic and the whole Osemanverse have helped me through one of the hardest times in my life and it was my steady anchor in a rough storm.

When it was declared that the upcoming movie was gonna be named Heartstopper Forever I cried, because it was so perfect. It's exactly what it is, Heartstopper's ending, but it's also, forever. If nothing else, it became clear with Alice letter after the last page:

We know that Nick and Charlie are gonna leave us after this, but they're also always gonna be there. We'll have the book, the series, the never ending fanfics and each other. And you never know when Alice posts a mini comic or illustration again. This isn't the end, after all. Because Heartstopper will be there forever.

[bethaven]

Bi-waffles anyone?🏳️‍🌈

[bethaven]

Yesterday was the last update of the last chapter of Heartstopper. Now we only have the epilogue left. And it hurts.

When I started to read the updates on a regular basis almost three years ago it was a pivotal part of me moving forward through the shittiest period of my life. The updates every tenth day made sure there was always something to look forward to, even on the worst days. I don't think I've realized until recently how important that was. There will always be escapism in some form to make it through the hard times, but I'll sure miss this specific one.

I loved the ending though. It was very Heartstopper. Pure joy and love. Nick and Charlie, back to basics. And I especially love how Alice handled the issue with involving the plot and timeline of the novella.

I can also recommend to have a friend like @1mnobodywhoareyou in this, who willingly read the update before me to prepare me😅❤️

[chronicintrovert]

2 days until the final episode of chapter 8! Wednesday's update will be going up at 3pm UK time (4 hours later than normal) because I have an appointment that morning and I want to make sure I'm around when it drops

12 days until the final update of Heartstopper 🥲

[bethaven]

This is me everytime we get any Heartstopper-related these days:

[bethaven]

"Just because you were born into a small world doesn't mean you don’t deserve a bigger one"

- Nan - Heartbreak high s3 ep8

[potato-jem]

spider, walking down the halls bracketed by lesbians, with cinematic parallels to the gay montage from kath and kim, set to all the things she said by t.a.t.u.... life is worth living.

[bethaven]

Game Changer books - ranked

Oh yes I, as every other decent person on this planet, am deep into the Heated Rivalry cult these days. Series, books, edits, fanfics, deeply nerdy discussions - give it all to me! I've been deep into so many other cults by now that I know that there's no idea to fight back. This is my life now and I might just aswell let it be.

Most days these days there's a Rachel Reid-book in my ears during my daily wherabouts. Yes, also during work hours. I know them pretty well by now, so I thought it was time to share my thoughts. Here w go.

It will be a bit spoilery, but not a lot.

(all plot-descriptions are cut from Adlibris)

6

No. in series: 3 Main couple: Ryan & Fabian Plot: Pro hockey star Ryan Price may be an enforcer, but off the ice he struggles with anxiety. Recently traded to Toronto, he’s determined to make a fresh start in the city’s dynamic LGBTQ+ Village. The last thing he expects to find in his new neighborhood is a blast from his past in the fabulous form of Fabian Salah. Review: Honestly, I wasn't that impressed by this book. Both Ryan and Fabian are interesting characters, but it's also a bit of a snoozer, I struggled to keep my focus in a way I didn't have to with the others. It's still an important part of the series though and I like the representation these two stand for.

5

No. in series: 1 Main couple: Scott & Kip Plot: New York Admirals captain Scott Hunter takes his pregame rituals very seriously. When a particular smoothie precedes Scott's breaking his on-ice slump, he’s desperate to recreate the magic…and to get to know the sexy, funny guy behind the counter. Review: Sorry to all the Skipers out there for putting Game Changer this low in the list. But, i do have an inexplicable problem with these two and how their relationship evolves in this book. I can't really grasp weither I think it's partly problematic or not. Either way, this book didn't catch me in the same way as the books further up the list.

4

No. in series: 4 Main couple: Eric & Kyle Plot: Veteran goaltender Eric Bennett has faced down some of the toughest shooters on the ice, but nothing prepared him for his latest challenge—life after hockey. It’s time to make some big changes, starting with finally dating men for the first time. Eric is more than happy to learn anything Kyle brings to the table. And Kyle never expected their friends-with-benefits arrangement to leave him wanting more. Happily-ever-after might be staring them in the face, but it won’t happen if they're too stubborn to come clean about their feelings. Review: This was the one book I was most surprised about liking. The premise of a slow-burn-age-gap-story didn't really thrill me at first and this was actually the last book I choose to read. But it grew on me, I really liked getting to go inside Eric's brain and experience all his thoughts about the changes in his life. Kyle is also a very interesting, double-sided character that I really hope to see more of on screen.

3

No. in series: 2 Main couple: Shane & Ilya Plot: Boston Bears captain Ilya Rozanov is everything Shane’s not. The self-proclaimed king of the ice, he’s as cocky as he is talented. No one can beat him—except Shane. Publicly, they’re enemies. Privately, they can’t stop touching each other. Review: First and foremost, this is honestly probably the most important book in the series. It introduces us to the couple with a big C. Shilya is the only couple who have that extra challenge of being 1: both hockey players and 2: also rival ones. This makes for an even more interesting story than the others, and probably why we love them so much. It's opposites attract in the most obvious way ever. These characters are created with a lot of love and concern for their authenticity. I can also see a lot of development in Rachel's writing from Game Changer.

2

No. in series: 5 Main couple: Troy & Harris Plot: Troy just wants to play hockey and be left alone. He definitely doesn’t want to “work on his online presence" with the team’s peppy social media manager. Harris doesn’t give up on people easily. Even when he’s developing a crush he’s sure is one-sided. And when he sees Troy’s smile finally crack through his grumpy exterior… That’s a man Harris couldn’t turn his back on if he wanted to. But being together behind closed doors is one thing, and for Troy, being in a public relationship with Harris will mean facing off with his fears, once and for all. Review: This has become my first and foremost comfort-listen-audiobook. Troy and Harris fast became my second favourite couple in this book series and I keep coming back to them for feelgood. I really feel for Troy, his regrets, self hatred and will to do better for others. I'd want Harris as my best friend, the person I can call anytime to gossip about anything. Them together makes me all giddy and happy. Can't wait to see these two on screen, but that also comes with a bit of worry, because I like these two so much and it's important that it's done well.

1

No. in series: 6 Main couple: Shane & Ilya Plot: Ilya is sick of secrets. Shane has gotten so good at hiding his feelings, sometimes Ilya questions if they even exist. The closeness, the intimacy, even the risk that would come with being open about their relationship…Ilya wants it all. It’s time for them to decide what’s most important—hockey or love. It’s time to make a call. Review: Oh, I don't even know where to begin here. First and foremost, I'm a sucker for sequels. I really like to see what happens next, when the main rolls have landed together and need to learn how to deal with real life. That's probably why I prefer series to movies. The Long Game has this, but it also evolves the characters we meet in Heated Rivalry. It's said that this is Ilya's story, but to be honest I find it just as much Shane's. We get to dive deeper into the minds of both our favourite guys, but in different ways. It's a whirlwind of emotions, in the most fascinating and heartwarming way. And the end, well, just gonna tell you it's all worth it!

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Bonus - Rachel's other books

As you probably know, Rachel have published two more books apart from the Game Changer-series, and off course I dove into them too. With, I must say, very different reactions.

The Shots You Take was honestly just a long spiraling anxiety attack for me. I had a really hard time accepting Adam and Riley's relationship and it was the first time I really didn't want the two main characters to end up together. I actually cheered for them not to. By the end of it I just felt...empty, and torn apart. But I imagine it's a gift for you who look for something a bit darker in Rachel's books.

Time to Shine, on the other hand, has become one of my favourite Rachel-books. This is a true feelgood, wholesome story about two young hockey players conquering the world together. It's in no way only sunshine, but it kind of takes place in a world that's a bit less complicated than the one we're living in, and that's refreshing. Landon and Casey are so cute together and good for each other. It's also nice to get a depiction of a hockey player who struggles a bit more for his career than the other characters in Rachel's books.

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Now I, like all of you, can't wait for Unrivaled to arrive (in only 433 days, but who's counting...). It keeps me afloat during hard days. The sunshine is coming.

Until then I'm doing the Rachel READ, which is so much fun!

[begaydoslay]

Ilya calling Shane by random the names of random objects in Russian is so funny to me. Like imagine if I (a Swede🇸🇪) would call my North American partner random IKEA furniture names.

[bethaven]

"My sweet little Kallax"📦🪜

[bethaven]

Listening to The Shots You Take audiobook while anxiety is slowly spiraling was probably a bad idea.

[bethaven]

Forever young

Allting har ett slut

This hurts.

[chronicintrovert]

Webtoon just removed today's update due to a "high level of profanity" ...

certainly interesting that it has the same amount of swearing as heartstopper usually has... but also it's the update where the characters protest for trans rights!

[bethaven]

What the actual fuck....

[bethaven]

This is the closest roller derby will ever be to the olympics. Believe me, there are several reasons I agree with the fact that roller derby shouldn't be in the olympics, but I can't deny that I am a bit proud of the fact that we get to have Erin there.

[bethaven]

Happy birthday, Alan Alda!

For almost as long as I can remember, tv-series have played a huge part in my life. I grew up in a family who loved being emerged into a whirlwind of mysteries, love and adventure in everything from the OC to Midsummer murders. The day started in front of the tv and almost all our dinners were eaten in front of the tv. Some might say it sounds depressing and boring, but fact is some of my most precious childhood memories are related to this. We discussed our lifes, thoughts and feelings through the lens of what we experienced on the screen. And yes, my bingeing behaviour is definitely genetic.

Sometime around 8th grade I was allowed to be up later at night, and that was when I fell in love with M*A*S*H. M*A*S*H aired late every weeknight for many years and it became my most beloved routine. It was like nothing I'd ever seen before, this geniusly crafted humor placed in a bloody war was the most unthinkable but still the most perfect combination. Over the seasons the series mature and develops, but never loses it’s core values.

Through life M*A*S*H has been with me through thick and thin. Helped me laugh when I needed to, helped me cry when I needed to and helped me understand human behaviour in a way no school ever did. When I lived in Barcelona for four months after high school there was no choice; I had to bring all my dvd:s with all the seasons of M*A*S*H with me (this was before streaming, kids). If I had to choose one episode of any series to watch for the rest of my life it'd be M*A*S*H:s last episode; Goodbye, farewell and amen - a true masterpiece, which have also helped me understand love, friendship, loss and mental health in a whole new way.

In the middle of all this we have Alan Alda, the actor who portrayed Hawkeye and later also directed and wrote for the show. I often think about how thankful I am to exist in the same time as this smart, humble and accomplished man. Today is his 90th birthday and he's still going strong with his very interesting podcast Clear and vivid. I will never meet Alan, but if I did, I know there would be one thing I'd like to say: Thank you!

I love many series these days and emerging into them is still a huge part of my life. But M*A*S*H was first, and will always the one closest to my heart.

[bethaven]

It's so strange being in a part of life where you suddenly feel sort of calm and secure with your mental health, after a few years of whirlwinds, ups and downs. The strangest thing isn't feeling ok, the strangest thing is being absolutely frightened for it to turn around again.

Do you remember in Sex and the city, the first movie, when Charlotte finally gets pregnant and is so afraid to loose it she stops jogging in central park? She later explains to Carrie that she feels like she's finally got everything and is terrified to loose it.

That's how it feels, being out of a slump. I'm terrified of doing something that might push me back. I'm always looking for signs, overanalyzing subtle hints in my thoughts and behaviour. I stay at home, doing my crafts, obsess over my series and stay away from people.

Sometimes I wonder what is worse - being in the slump or waiting around for the other shoe to drop.