tray

personal diary . hi guys

[betreybrained]

I don't know how tumblr works but this acc is where I post things from my brain. ive got something wrong with me I think

[betreybrained]

i have a good time everyday but the second im alone all i want to do i kill myself. i hate myself i want to hurt myself

[betreybrained]

I have been granted heaven. O lover , who art in heaven, love you till our grave. I'll kiss and kiss and kiss and our skin won't ever go cold

A

[betreybrained]

I hate you

[betreybrained]

four months and you are heaven

[betreybrained]

today I saw my favorite flowers on a bike ride today and I thought about you

[starzzmissthesun]

RIP Jesus, you were a real one, sorry that happened to you king🙏

[starzzmissthesun]

Smoking is good for you

[thebearsthings-deactivated20250]

stay safe out there y’all, dry hump

[betreybrained]

I will always love more than be loved

[betreybrained]

this is dramatic as fuck girl shut up

[betreybrained]

I genuinely think I might be the fucking worst I am itching to kill myself I am hated

[betreybrained]

I will always love more than be loved

[betreybrained]

i think im depressed

[betreybrained]

jan 8th 2025

will I ever be free from the guilt of existing

jan 19th 2025

love me , love me not. pluck out my eyelashes , pick at my lips, break all my fingers and rip out my organs. love me, love me not, love me. gore me so I can feel something past pain. gore me so I can be okay. I'll hurt and hurt and maybe I'll be okay

feb 1st, 2025

I love you

feb 19th, 2025

there's a blood stain on my bedroom floor. only I know it's there, a small red splotch near my dresser. I stare at it forever, tell myself I love it. I'll think about making another, and another, till my room floods and my jacket stains. I am ever so nice to myself, nicer than I should be.

I am not depressed

[betreybrained]

I'll trace my fingertips down the bridge of your nose, down and across your lips, to your chin and your adams apple. my knuckles will graze against your cheekbone and I will wonder if it's the closest I'll ever be to your bones.

he is beauty itself, I'll mutter in a voice note on my phone, sculpted in gods image. I carve away at you with a chisel and reveal your marble insides, untouched by anyone but me. I've been granted you.

you look gorgeous in the snow

[betreybrained]

oh my baby. my baby my baby. I pray with a cross to my lips and a beaded rosary wrapped tightly around my wrists. so tight it cuts off the circulation to my hands and my fingertips slowly go red. I pray that I can hold you in my arms forever, to undo all that has been done to you, to make february easier. I pray that your eyes stay shut, you may not see what I have done to myself, and what I will do to myself. if god, father of all, gives me strength and listens to my prayers, you will not notice how I am not nice to myself. please do not let my baby know all I've done. my baby, my baby, my baby.

[thebearsthings-deactivated20250]

sometimes in moments i see you and him like how trail camera sees animals, completely natural, utterly themself. i see you two like wolves play biting in long grass, a flock of birds leaping to the sky’s at a blink of an eye. J LOVE YOU I LOVE MY FRIENDS AND IM HAPPY THAT MY FRIENDS ARE HAPPY!!!!!! yayaya