et si je compte et je compterai pour toi @bewarethelibrarian - Tumblr Blog

I was working with a seagull and I said “as someone in Wildlife I know I should never anthropomorphize animals or hold them to any human moral standard, but seagulls are capable of and regularly knowingly commit evil” and the vet tech with me said “no yeah that’s true.”

gemmarosity-deactivated20180906

i cant believe americans on tv really say rock paper scissors like???? its paper scissors rock omg do u irl americans actually say rock paper scissors????

gemmarosity-deactivated20180906

rb this with whether u say paper scissors rock or rock paper scissors

doing-talking

me normally: linguistic differences are so interesting and cool! I love hearing different dialectal variations.

me, reading “paper, scissors, rock” with my own two eyeballs: the lord is testing me

the-middle-eastern-feminist

tulipsocks

Lieutenant Blouse, leading the Monstrous Regiment into battle: let’s go lesbians let’s go LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO here we go lesbians..ROUNDING THE CORNER WITH A BUNCH OF LESBIANS HERE WE ARE CAN YOU HANDLE IT?!

eternalanimation

When you’re a ghost and the new owners put ugly decorations in the house

disc80s

onlyniceandgaystuff

some highlights

mapelie

Let me eat egg

blackwoolncrown

Like when I say ‘white people need to talk to bigots because bigots don’t listen to minorities’ I did not say ‘and it will be easy and fun’.

I know it’s easier to be like ~boo hooo the world is so evil and there’s nothing I can dooo~ but it’s statistically and experientially understood, just by fucking 3rd grade logic, that a bigot will be less amenable towards the subject of their bigotry.

Bigots don’t just ~not like~ minorities- they don’t think we’re human. It’s not about whether they agree with you or not in the moment. Like, pause.

Understand this:

Calls to action for white people to oppose bigotry are calls for white people to position themselves as opposition. THEY ARE NOT CALLS FOR ~SUCCESSFUL DEBATE~

Do not think you are expected nor are you likely to just go around arguing with bigots and they’ll go ‘I agree with you because you’re white!’.

Your job is to be sandpaper.

Every time they open their mouths to make a bigoted joke, or a bigoted remark, or post their shitty bigoted opinion online, you grate against them.

Your job is to make it hard to be a bigot or a fascist. Your job is to ostracize them. Your job is to speak over them the way they love to speak over minorities. Your job is to make it difficult, lonely, annoying, stressful and unwelcome to be a bigot.

When you are white and silent, You are making it easy. You are just letting it happen.

When minorities speak up for themselves, they are in danger, and the bigot just writes off our arguments as the chattering of ‘lessers’.

You, white people, whether you think so or not, are their peers.

Specifically those of you who look and talk like, to an outside observation, your average white american.

Bigots think you all think like them, but are too scared to say it. That, or you’re too much of a coward to stop them.

YOUR JOB IS TO PUSH BACK AND PROVE THEM WRONG.

YOUR JOB IS TO SEPARATE THEM FROM THEIR OWN COMMUNITY AT LARGE.

There are devils among you and if you want to stop being associated with them then fucking prove it. You’re pretty much the only people who can.

fuckyourracism

Take note. Allyship ain’t fun and games. It’s work. - Kalilah

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

why does bill skarsgård look like that

mischeviousfaeriedragon

Like what?

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

eldritch ferris bueller

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

to be clear, i absolutely would still smash

foxy-filly

I’m sorry, we need to take a short break from horses to appreciate that my boyfriend’s cat has a treadmill, and she will only run on it if she has an audience.

officialfist

This is really important

1dietcokeinacan

I hate when u say “deja vu” out loud n someone ur with goes “what was it?” Like bitch we all can barely communicate the most straightforward ideas without utter confusion and chaos…..u rly believe it is within my capacity to explain exactly what fleeting moment of temporal embodiment made me feel like a vague reincarnated ghost girl trapped in a child’s dream??? Surely u are mistaken.

canadianstuck

One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

ournameisfun

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

sammysausage

When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”

She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”

He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”

Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”

windyvalleyzone

ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid

jxhn-mulaney

i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”

darlingsterns

i’m watching an art theft documentary and they’re interviewing this art history professor from new york who was asked to go with the fbi to authenticate a rubens that had been stolen but it was a sting operation so they had to pretend like they weren’t the fbi, that they were some private buyer about to pay $3.5 million for it, and the fbi was like “this is a VERY delicate operation because you never know how they will react to what you have to say so let the agent do all of the talking, don’t say a word to anyone just nod if it’s the rubens, the last operation we did the guy in your position got shot because things went wrong in a second” and then it cuts to the professor’s interview and he says “i wasn’t going to fly down to miami to be a part of an undercover fbi sting operation to handle what could be rubens’s aurora and just NOT say anything. i was gonna have to ad lib a little” and then he tells the interviewer that when he & the fbi agent got to the hotel while he was examining the painting he started lecturing the other people, first on how badly they had wrapped it, and then about like how it had been painted, the history of it, what the subject was and what she was doing, etc etc, and he was like “i hadn’t taught a class on rubens in 15 years, so for me it was like being back in the classroom except my students couldn’t leave”

darlingsterns

at one point during the deal the professor turned to the woman selling it and he said “isn’t this just the most beautiful rubens you’ve ever seen outside of a museum?” (because the fbi had told him earlier that this piece had been stolen from a museum) and THEN he said “where on earth did you get it from?” and the group of people the woman had with her was like taxidermy-fox.png but the woman was like “inheritance” can you IMAGINE the fbi agent about to have a fucking aneurysm when this random guy you’ve brought in just to nod if it’s the right painting not only starts giving an impromptu lecture but then he asks how they got it

sutured-infection

Cellulose nitrate was used to make dice from the late 1860s until the middle of the twentieth century, and the material remains stable for decades. Then, in a flash, they can dramatically decompose. Nitric acid is released in a process called outgassing. The dice cleave, crumble, and then implode.

From Dice: Deception, Fate & Rotten Luck by Ricky Jay and Rosamond Purcell, 2002.

brutusalad

@battlecrazed-axe-mage

battlecrazed-axe-mage

Some casino dice in circulation are still made of this shit, and once you have one go acid it can infect all the dice it’s touching, and that’s why I’m distrustful bordering on terrified of casino dice