first post: waking up from the corpse position.
I found myself lying flat on my back in a freezing auxiliary room in the field house on campus with about thirty other girls in a position called Savasana, the Corpse Pose. Our instructor told us to relax our minds, genuinely lay without worry or stress, rest our eyes, sleep if we could. It didn’t take too long for me to realize I did not group-relax. I barely gave myself time to be calm or time to think on my own. But when, for a grade, I was forced to chill.. a few doors began to open in my mind that would, really, never be closed again. For instance:
My body hurt. You would think that relaxing in a pose named for being dead still would be a little bit comfortable. Sure, it would have been if I had exercised at least once in between high school and my last semester of college. So with shoulders and hips as tense as a tight rope, this yoga class was trying to loosen years of tension and inflexibility. I hurt, was out of shape, and overly self-conscious of both of these issues.
I was obsessed with the girl next to me. I was quite aware of my own lack of self-confidence, but I never really had time to realize, fully, how little I appreciated anything about myself. This girl had a way of standing and posing throughout the class that was so full of confidence and surety. No idea what her name was. She wore her old ballet leotards with leggings and tights. She was lean muscle, pale, and had a flower vine inked on her body from neck to below her left hip. It was as if I had a crush, but it was different in that I admired her character immensely. She was confident in her body, and her mind and mannerisms showed it. It was everything I was not, wrapped in a beautiful person.
There was never a moment throughout my normal day that I would dedicate to thinking about what I was doing with my life. My body was simply going through the motions of each day: wake up, grab bag, drive to school, go to class, drive home, drive to work, go home, do homework, sleep. Eat, eat, eat. Did I smile throughout the day? Have fun? Staring up at the tiled ceiling of a freezing basement in the company of people who, seemingly, had their lives together.. I realized I did not.
This is my story of how I woke up, how my eyes were opened by closing them first. How I could change and realized I needed to for the sake of everyone I knew. How nothing is absolute, only few things are certain, and how I came to be the person I am now. There will be stories from my past, that have shaped me in every possible way, interwoven with my life now and the wonderful things I experience each day. The heartbreak and love, music and emotions. The strange, exciting, frightening and chaotic moments and people that help me see how beautiful life really is.
Everything is beautiful, if given a chance to be. And I can’t wait to share my own world with anyone willing to listen.
pixelskylines
ellievsbear
germansingergirl
yousharknotpass
gracieabrams
