beyond~en~scène

first and foremost a filmmaker. often a photographer. usually a writer. always a music enthusiast.

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Another amazing underrated group has disbanded. Thank you for creating what is possibly my all-time favourite kpop song. Dumb by Bvndit

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“用刀尖入水 用显微镜看雪 就算反复如此 还是忍不住问一问 你数过天上的星星吗？ 它们和小鸟一样 总在我胸口跳伞 ​” “Using the tip of a knife to pierce through water examining the snow with a microscope doing this over and over, I still want to ask - have you counted the stars in the sky? they’re like little birds always skydiving on my chest”

- 地球最后的夜晚 / Long Day’s Journey into Night (2018, 毕赣 Bi Gan)

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Farmhouse Diaries - Day 14 Finale

6th April 2021

This will be my final diary entry as it’s my last day of self isolation. I’ll be picking up C tomorrow and we’ll spend the following two days together here.

After finishing the final hour of The Human Conditions trilogy in bed, I got up to check on the mantises and…they’re still mating! The mantises are still mating! ALL NIGH LOOONG!

I did some cleanup to welcome C tomorrow.

The neighbour’s cows used to be restricted to an area quite far way. Today they’ve been let out to eat the grass leading up to their driveway. At first I thought maybe someone forgot to close the gate and they got out, then I saw a guy and a dog herding them.

After lunch, I checked up on the mating couple and…the male has once again disappeared. Without a trace. No idea if it’s eaten or just flew away. If it flew away, how come it didn’t move for so long on my window? If it got eaten, where’s the remains? Anyway, the female is once again alone, and she’s hungry again. Time for birth soon?

20 minutes later – I found the male! At least I think it’s the same male? He’s scared of my feeding, or just not interested, but he caught a fly on his own. Probably hungry from all the mating too. He eats a lot slower than the female though. In the meantime, I’ve fed the female maybe 8 giant mosquitos and she gobbled them up like a Christmas feast. After it seemed like that both of them have had enough food, I put the male near the female again. Let’s see what happens…5 minutes later, they’re mating again. This time I can see clear movements from their sex organs. Wow.

THE END.

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Farmhouse Diaries - Day 13

5th April 2021

No leftover lemon this morning. And the mantis still hasn’t moved, but this time there’s a male mantis near her. She must have been slowing down because she’s about to give birth. I hope I can see the whole process.

An hour later: the two mantises are mating! I’ve never seen this before! There’s also another male mantis that landed on the kitchen window last night and it’s still there. Now there’s three mantises near me.

I came back to check on the mantises after gardening and the male has disappeared. I looked around for signs of it being eaten by the female, but I don’t find any. It left me feeling a bit unsatisfied, so I went and put the third mantis near the female. They immediately noticed each other. Is she gonna eat him? Will he just fly away? I don’t know. 

I went and made dinner, and finished rewatching the first season finale of The Sopranos. I’ve been rewatching the first season while I cook and eat the last few days. What a great show, I’m noticing so many little things I never noticed the first couple of times. Unlike so many other shows where it kinda becomes a chore to get through a whole season, the entire season flew by in the blink of an eye. 

I went to check on the mantises after dinner, and what do you know? She’s mating with the new male now! My matchmaking worked. I guess I’ll check on them tomorrow and see if she ate him. Somehow I feel like the cycle isn’t really complete unless she eats him. I know, I have no sympathy for the males. After all, the female was my pet, and I want what’s best for my little girl.

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Farmhouse Diaries - Day 12

4th April 2021

Today, instead of a half-eaten lemon on the ground, there was a 90% eaten lemon perfectly placed on the handrail of the patio. What the fuck? The possum or whatever it is, actually got up onto the handrail to eat the lemon then left it there perfectly on display. If I didn’t believe it was taunting me before, I certain do now.

I decided to set the mantis free because it seemed so lifeless, but it has barely moved from the spot that I left it in all day. I don’t know if I should be glad or sad.

The cows have largely moved away, but I still hear mooing very close to the house. After some investigation, I finally found the culprit. It’s a little black cow just over the fence in a different direction than where the cows were. It mooed a lot when it saw me. I mooed back at him. Then I didn’t hear mooing again for the rest of the night. Sometimes you have to confront problems face on. Kids, that’s our lesson for the day.

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Farmhouse Diaries - Day 11

3rd April 2021

The good news is that the mantis is still on her branch, and it seems that she ate at least one of the mosquitos from the left over wings and legs that dropped on the window sill. The bad news is she’s barely eating today. She ate two of the mosquitos that I fed her, but didn’t really touch the other ones. I did give her a newer and livelier branch which collapsed a few times, so perhaps she’s startled from all that commotion. I hope she gets hungry again soon.

The other bad news is that when I walked out onto the deck this morning, there were some gifts waiting for me. Two and a half lemons to be specific. For a brief moment I wondered if I had left them there by mistake, but no, the half lemon was eaten, likely the work of a possum. Why the other two lemons? Its eyes were bigger than its stomach? Or is it some kind of message? Taunting me. Telling me that it’s out there, eating my lemons when I’m not looking.

Also, my initial suspicion that there are pheasants around turned out to be true! I saw one hanging around today, but it’s very shy, and flew away as soon as it saw me. I realise that this is turning into more of an animal diary than a farmhouse diary. *SHRUG*

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Farmhouse Diaries - Day 10

2nd April 2021

Happy to wake up to a sunny day again. I really do have to be careful of what I wish for. Yesterday I noticed some cows in the distance and thought to myself: wouldn’t it be great if the cows were right here so they can eat all the grass and “tidy” up the land? Later in the evening, I suddenly started hearing the cows. Their moos came closer and closer. I’ve never heard them in the area before. But it sounds like they’re right outside the window. And that carried on til this morning. They’re not actually on the land, but they sound like they are. And to be honest, it’s getting rather annoying.

In other news, I got a pet praying mantis today! It was just climbing on the wall of the house. Its big belly looks pregnant, so I’ll assume it’s a female. I fed her a few giant mosquitos which she ate swiftly. I thought about how a bird could come and snatch her up, so I moved her into the house on a branch. I fed her many more giant mosquitos throughout the day and a giant fly too, which she took her time eating. Pets make you worry so much, even something as small as a mantis. I kept thinking about her, whether she’s eating, whether she’s alive. We shall see how she does tomorrow.

The cows mooed through the night. Do they moo when they snore too?

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Farmhouse Diaries - Day 9

1st April 2021

My wish came true, it’s a beautiful sunny day with no wind and no rain. I was able to sit outside again, although still struggling with the key point in my script.

Been capturing a lot of bird activities through the telescope in the last couple of days. 

Today I hit the jackpot, the hawk has finally been sighted feeding on something. I can’t believe it. I had to find out what it was eating. After the hawk left, I traversed to the spot where it ate, on the other side of the creepy pond. I was half expecting to find a carcass of some sort, but it turned out to just be eggshells. The chickens themselves must be quite tough for the hawk. I also saw a majestic Kingfisher up close. I didn’t do much gardening today because it felt like all the bugs are out, including the wasps. I shall restart the field work tomorrow, there’s still lots to do.

Later it rained again.

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Farmhouse Diaries - Day 8

31st March 2021

Woke up feeling exhausted from dreaming about Elle, the movie I watched last night.

The last few days have been so windy. Maybe the fact that the house is high up accentuates the wind. Anyway, the wind creates this annoying humming noise within the chimney which is impossible to block out, and it’s really getting to me. So I’ve moved my writing space into the bedroom where it’s nice and quiet. Praying for windless and sunny days soon.

It rained heavily most of today. But by around 5pm, it cleared up. The wind stopped, and the sun came out, along with the birds and insects. Three magpies appeared out of nowhere and have been seen taunting the ducks as well as the hawk. Magpies, like their cousins, the crow, are such bullies. I hope the ducks and hawks are okay. I still haven’t had a good look at them yet. 

The telescope is at a weird angle in the house, so you can’t use it for stargazing, and it’s too heavy to bring out onto the deck. I tried taking photos of the birds through it and it worked quite well. I’m sure the telescope is happy to finally be of some use.

Later in the evening, I heard a loud commotion. I looked out and saw what I thought to be the cat, sitting on the steps. But the more I looked at it, the weirder it looked. The ears looked different. I shone my torch on it and it barely reacted. Then I saw it in the profile and realized it was a big possum. It turned and displayed it’s big bushy tail before disappearing into the night. The rain really does bring all the creatures out.

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Farmhouse Diaries - Day 7

30th March 2021

I never mentioned that there’s a duck (or ducks) that frequent these lands. Sometimes they would give me a fright with their sudden loud FLAP FLAP FLAP taken-offs and QUACK QUACK quacks. There’s also what I believe to be a hawk (or hawks) that circle the area from time to time. I wonder if they’re preying on the ducks, or the chicken. I really want to see the hawk catch something, but perhaps not the duck or the chicken.

In the evening, I decided to watch Elle, a thriller with a home invasion/violation element. Great idea when you’re all alone in an empty house in the middle of nowhere aye?

Look at these mosquitoes (?) re-enacting that scene from Requiem For a Dream. 

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Farmhouse Diaries - Day 6

29th March 2021

It rained last night. I thought about when it might rain here, and how it would refreshen the air, and fill up the water tank, daddy needs his showers. Except I didn’t sleep well last night, so I wasn’t in the mood for anything today. The rain also drenched my shoes which I left out on the deck to air. At least the rain calmed the wind for the day though, because that echoing sound from the chimney is driving me nuts.

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Farmhouse Diaries - Day 5

28th March 2021

The wind is terribly strong today. Too windy to sit on the balcony. The wind also creates this annoying hollow ringing sound in the chimney that gave me a headache. After struggling with it for a few hours while trying to write, I decided to do some gardening after my udon lunch.

First, I went and buried 4 days worth of organic waste. I dug up a hole and threw in the bones, coffee grinds, corn cobs and various other food scraps. The earth got quite tough as I dug deeper, it was more of a clay. So the hole isn’t that deep. I hope no animal’s gonna come and dig all his stuff back up again.

Then I worked on the lemon tree. I managed to yank out 3 quarters of the weed that has entwined the tree. It looks much better now, I wish I had taken a “before” photo. The gardening got rid of my headache. I love that the sweat and exercise is hidden in getting things done, so It’s a lot more fun than those repetitive exercises like running or doing pushups. I really hope I’ll lose some weight and be more in shape after my time here. I started watching Cowboy Bebop today. That’s all.

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Lena Dunham’s original pitch for ‘Girls’

“Sex and the City depicted women who had mastered their careers and were now being driven crazy by the tick of their biological clocks. Gossip Girl is about losing your virginity and gaining popularity, in a world where no one is old enough to vote or has to worry about making a living. But between adolescence and adulthood is an uncomfortable middle-ground, when women are ejected from college and into a world with neither glamour nor structure. The resulting period of flux is heartbreaking and hilarious and way too human. It’s humbling and it’s sexy and it’s ripe for laughs.

Products of the recession, these girls are overeducated and underemployed, sure that they’re too smart for their positions as assistants, nannies, and waitresses but not necessarily motivated enough to prove it (or even do their jobs well enough to advance.) They have that mix of know-it-all entitlement and scathing self-deprecation that is the mark of all great Jewish comedians and many 24 year old women with liberal arts degrees.

They have varying degrees of ambition, but have been raised to achieve. They know they want to be successful long before they know what they want to be successful at.

They’re the last children of baby boomers, and the first generation to have moms who know how to text message [“HAVE U HAD AN HPV VACCINE YET? DO U HAVE HPV? LUV, MOM’] These moms probably enjoyed more swinging sex lives in their twenties than their daughters could ever dream of.

They’ve been on Ritalin since they were twelve and on birth control since they were fifteen (even if they didn’t start having sex until college)

They’re just as likely to sleep with their 40 year old boss as they are to make out like eighth graders with a 20 year old they meet at a loft party.

They’re not looking for romantic partners with money or clout. Just guys who make them feel thin, funny, or superior.

Some of their boyfriends have turned out to be gay. Others have turned out to be Republicans (these girls aren’t necessarily political, but they want to make sure abortions are a possibility. Always. After all, who can remember condoms every time.)

They still text at least one of these said exes when they’re drunk or sad.

They’ve been raised to fuck unapologetically and then apologize for it.

Grad school is their fall-back plan.

They are the Facebook generation, and ironically enough they are isolated by all the connectivity available to them (and prone to Facebook stalking and drunk-IMing and booty calls via twitter and deciphering text messages like they’re ancient hieroglyphs and blogging pictures of all the food they eat).

They are navigating the transition out of college-level codependence on their girlfriends, but will still call to announce that they got their period or saw a man masturbating on the subway or saw a man who looks sort of like a kid they went to camp with (could it be him? And if so, is he on Facebook?).

They’re beautiful and maddening. They’re self-aware and self-obsessed. They’re your girlfriends and daughters and sisters and employees. They’re my friends and I’ve never seen them on TV.”

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Farmhouse Diaries - Day 4

27th March 2021

I was asked to do some gardening for the property if possible, so I obliged.  Gardening is actually a remarkably fun work out, I sweated like crazy. But there’s just so much to do at this neglected property, that I can only do a little a day. My personal goal is to clear out all the weeds by the fruitful lemon tree.

I was so pleased with my flower arrangement from yesterday that I decided to make a few more. One for the coffee table outside, one for the writing desk outside, one for the dinning table inside, and one for the window sill next to the sink so I can look at it while I wash the dishes. I spent a long time organzing all the flowers I picked, and it was really fun, but I wasn’t happy with the end result. Might have “zhooshed” it too much instead of just going with my instincts. Anyway, this activity took up most of the day.

I re-brewed and drank yesterday’s pot of tea while I did the flower arrangements, I tend to do this with tea. To my surprise, as I neared the end of the pot, a dead cockroach poured out into the cup. How long has that been in there? Did it sneak in last night, or was it part of my tea the day before too? It could have been trapped in the teapot spout for months. All that cockroach juice in my digestive system, eek, lovely.

The best discovery of the day was finding a brand new hammock! I’ve noticed this brand new rolled up thing in the corner many time before and just assumed it was a fold out chair, but today my eyes landed on it again and suddenly realized what it might be. I was so excited, and quickly found a nice place for it on the deck. I still remember how to hang a hammock from my days of sleeping in one while drifting along the Amazon river in a cargo boat. I climbed in the hammock and felt so relaxed and free. A great place to drink, smoke, read and play the ukulele. I’m really loving this place. The expanse of open space, the freedom of being completely alone. I feel so relaxed and at peace here.

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Farmhouse Diaries - Day 3

26th March 2021

Big clean up day today. I cleared the cobwebs inside and out of the house. Swept the floor, and ended up with a dustpan full of dead bugs...The living area finally feels clean.

I saw something dart out of the farm shed in the corner of my eye and ran after it. It was just a black cat. Maybe that’s what ate those eggs in the drive way. There were no sign of those chickens today, did the cat drive them away? Or worse, ate them? 

After living through a long winter, I really appreciated seeing little wild flowers everywhere. The most common were these yellow ones, later I learnt they were dandelion flowers. There’s also these white petaled flowers with a yellow center, I call these wild daisies. I also remembered walking past a big patch of a third kind of flower near the glass house. I went back to find them again and realized they were chives! The chives have blossomed and the flowers are now frequented by bees collecting honey and pollen. I made a small flower arrangement with these three types of flowers and was pretty happy with the product.

Next to the chives was a patch of berry plants that looked like blueberries. I thought they were safe to eat because bees and hornets were all over them. I put one in my mouth and spat it out not long after. It was bitter. I made Korean cold noodles for dinner, then watched Into The Wild, a very fitting film about a man alone in nature, and went to sleep.

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Farmhouse Diaries - Day 2

25th March 2021

Today I noticed how nice the balcony view is. You can see the ocean with rolling hills in the foreground. It’s breathtaking. I also noticed the other structures on the property and decided to check them out. But not before I bury the 2 dead birds from yesterday. I found gardening tools from the big farm shed and walked halfway down the slopes before digging back the knee high grass, then a small hole. I made a mental note of where the location was – parallel to the gazebo frame that no longer had a cover. But once I had covered the grave back up, I couldn’t find it again.

I walked down the slope to check out the giant glass house in the distance. It was a strange conference hall. The doors were tied up with a rope. There were three yurts spread across the area. They all had windows. I looked into one and saw that it was a gym with machines and punching bags, but everything was covered in cobwebs, and I couldn’t actually get the door open even though there was no lock in place. I was able to open up the other two yurts, both empty and dirty. I probably won’t go back there again. 

Behind the glass house was also an eerie looking pond. If this was anywhere else, I would wonder if crocodiles or other scary creatures lived there. Luckily, we’re in New Zealand, and there’s nothing in the pond or in these bushes that could really harm me, except wasps. There were lots of wasps near the edge of the land, I kept my distance.

From the balcony, I looked down and saw a huge watermelon in the grass. I got so excited and ran down. But upon a close inspection, I realized it wasn’t a watermelon, but a giant children’s bouncy ball. Needless to say I was disappointed.

I cleaned up some outdoor furniture that was jammed to the side and set up an outdoor area on the balcony. A writing desk and chair so I can work in the open air, then a coffee table and chair for relaxing next to it. I inhaled the gentle breeze and looked out at the ocean once again, it was beautiful, and peaceful.

I also started cleaning the inside of the house and did some rearranging. There’s two massage chairs, and I got a massage on the cleaner of the two. Once you start the massage, it was impossible to stop it because your hands end up getting trapped inside the hand massage area. The massage was pretty nice though. There’s also a telescope. I bet you can see some amazing stars here.

There’s a lemon tree full of lemons next to the house, but it was getting swallowed up by weeds. I’ll try to do some weeding and save this fruitful tree soon. In the meantime, I picked a few lemons and made lemon water.

What I thought were pheasants yesterday are in fact just normal chickens. The aunty who owns the house once kept many chickens. Maybe these were her escapees, or maybe they belong to a neighbour. Anyway, they like to hang around the gate area and make noises. The devious thought of using the rat trap tray to trap one of these chickens crossed my mind. Na, let them be free. Unless I run out of food that is. I watched Park Chan-Wook’s Stoker before going to bed.

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Farmhouse Diaries - Day 1

Written during my self-enforced second quarantined (after the government enforced one) at a farm house, an hour outside of Auckland.

24th March 2021

I had barely remembered which side was gas and which was brake before I turned out onto the main road, but off I went. And it all came back to me instantly. God, it feels good to be behind the wheel after such a long absence - 2 and a half years, was it? To have that control over a machinery bigger than myself, to have control over how fast or slow I go, especially after being holed up for 2 weeks inside a hotel room. With the wind in my hair, the Rav4 and I glided along the motorway, through windy country roads and eventually arrived on the little dot on the map.

The first things I saw was what looked like a pheasant darting into the bush. I unlocked the gate and saw lots of feathers on the ground. “Might do some pheasant hunting” I thought to myself. This was also when I noticed that my phone signal was barely there. I couldn’t send any txt or internet messages, nor could I call. Will I be cut off from the outside world in my entire time here? The house looked a lot more neglected than I thought. Tall grass blocking the entrance. On the ground floor were many small prison-sized rooms, each with one or two beds. The second story was a lot nicer, which put me at ease. Some of the furniture looked really new, but the arrangement, the decoration, and just the general way things were can only be described as tasteless. There was dust and cobwebs everywhere. I was told there might be rats, so that’s the first thing I looked for. There were rat trapping trays on the floor with no signs of rats, however there was a big dead bird on one of them, I don’t know what type of bird it is, but it’s the size of a small pigeon. Not sure how it got in the house, but by the amount of small droppings all over the place, it was probably trapped in the house for quite some time before finally landing on the sticky tray of death. Maybe the people who were last here couldn’t get it out and just decided to leave it to nature. The minute I turned away from the dead bird, I noticed ANOTHER dead bird, this time outside the house, right in front of the entrance. A small green silvereye. Maybe it hit itself against the window and died from the impact. Anyway, the house was already giving me the creeps, and these two birds were just the creepy icing on top of a creepy cake.

I got back in the car and drove around to find cellphone signal to no avail, but my messages to C did get through eventually, they were just hours late. Walking along the dirt driveway I saw signs of broken eggshells, and some feathers too. It looked like some animal stole the eggs and ate them there. Maybe there was even a little struggle too. Thank god New Zealand doesn’t have any scary mammals out in the wild. Cats and stouts, that’s about it.

It was getting late, I heated up the food C’s mum made me, then chose the biggest bedroom to crash for the night.