The Official Condiment Conglomerate

I have returned with more power than ever before

[big-condiments-official]

Here's my Bingo Card for the year!

Please let me know if any of these come true!

[big-condiments-official]

note: sources would be appreciated

[big-condiments-official]

It was alright

[probuccalfat]

i cannot emphasize enough how important it is that you should ideally give birth in a fully equipped and staffed medical facility or if you insist on giving birth through an alternative method you should be within minutes of a hospital and i mean under 5 minutes if you’d like me to be really fucking frank

[probuccalfat]

like i can get on board with so much feminist theory and stuff, truly, and i do acknowledge that obstetrics and gynaecology as a field holds blind spots that are egregious (e.g. infant and maternal mortality in the black community) but there is no empowerment in risky birthing practices that our foremothers, and i’m not mincing words, often suffered through. birthing is natural, but it is not “easy” or even “innate”, it is best practiced guided and witnessed by those that know what to do in an emergency. you are not reconnecting to any innate feminine nature by practicing dangerous birthing practices—you are recreating a time when the bodies and lives of women barely mattered and it was expected that death would/could occur at insane and tragic rates.

[probuccalfat]

this is a hill i will spend the rest of my days fighting on because while i am not interested in birthing children myself, i have an incredible passion and interest in the field of labour and delivery. it’s been one of my greatest joys to play even a small part in delivering neonates. i do not want anyone to risk their babies over a deeply, deeply misguided idea of free birth being “the natural way” when natural is not always synonymous with the safest way.

[anarchohellenism]

So many people think it's either midwife or doctor. It's not. Have your midwife or doula in the hospital room with you, I promise the doctors don't give a shit. Hell, you can have her do the delivery itself and just have the doctors there as emergency backup! But for the love of your baby, go to the fucking hospital.

[probuccalfat]

yup. a lot of hospitals are willing to work with you to realize your birthing plan as much as they can within safe limits and parameters. my hospital is closely and highly allied with midwives all up and down the coast, with the explicit instruction to call the midwife when we know a labouring patient is about to deliver so we can respect their plan. genuinely, you can have almost any kind of birth you want—just make sure that there are qualified professionals in attendance, and it’s not just midwives or OBGYNS you need. you have no idea when you’ll need a respiratory therapist on call, you have no idea when you will need a blood transfusion within minutes or risk certain death, L&D nurses do not have the same training as NICU nurses if a baby declines rapidly. it’s a literal thousand things that can go wrong and you should be in the best place for them to go wrong.

[creatingblackcharacters]

"how do you live in this world, aren't you tired of finding microaggressions" why yes, yes I am actually, thank you for acknowledging that it's a terrible fucking time always noticing how "normal" antiblackness is lmao.

I just wanted to point out how ironically genuine this part is, as much as this racist jackass didn't mean to be so. Way to get to the core of the problem. Like yeah! It does suck! You're right! Sure wish there was a way I didn't have to live like this!

[oldmanyaoi-jpeg]

tumblr mutuals passing around the same 3 posts for 2 hours

[depsidase]

[haunted-hideaway]

I’m glad that OP:

1) Figured this out.

2) Shared so others can learn from their mistake.

[itisiives]

[pride-knightess]

@snozzberries96 @awkwardsocialfailure @ambientradiation

[im-kickn-it]

THAT-

that is coheed and cambria. That is the man who wrote the song.

[pride-knightess]

Its mr coheed and cambria

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

so what you're gonna do is you're gonna trim the top off a bulb of garlic, using the knife's edge to take off the tip of every individual clove, that's important. you're gonna place the garlic face-up in a square of tinfoil, drizzle with olive oil, wrap completely in foil, place in baking tray, repeat with a copious amount of garlic bulbs. you're gonna put that baking tray in an oven set to 375-400°F, for 30-50 minutes, until soft and browned. you're gonna toast some good bread, slather generously with butter and honey, maybe a tiny lil bit o' salt. and then. you're gonna SQUEEZE. OUT. THAT. ROASTED GARLIC. onto the butter honey toast. and you're gonna eat it. food stolen directly from the plate of the gods. that's what you're gonna do.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the garlic. it beckons you

[thesweetestsupervillains]

It occurs to me that "1920s gangster doing a cooking show while holding you at gunpoint" is an untapped market.

We've had normal cooking shows. Now we need period piece cooking shows in character.

[cognitohazardous]

no one is stupid in quite the same way as a tumblr user

[natalieironside]

For a while I had thought that Roblox was those knockoff legos they sell at walgreens so I saw a headline that said the words "roblox online sex scandal" and was very very very confused

[sagaspell]

Anyone here know where I might find detailed refs of historical armor? Want the real stuff not fantasy stuff

[oidial]

bappy saturday!

romance GOD saturday.... the GOD of saturday romance........

(fox character belongs to @jaqknife !!! thank you again for letting me use your many-a-tail lady!!! ohoho)

[jame7t]

Planet Suckulon 5 has declared war on Earth

[slopgirlier]

[big-condiments-official]

Downloading music to burn is going GREAT I finally found mp3's of Blazing Arrow

[zer0caffeine]

Original post by @morallygrayautisticscientist here, this post was so funny I decided to draw it lol.

Panel by panel below:

[hentired]

Rest in peace Morgan Spurlock and let us never forget that Super Size Me was an extremely poorly made and completely unscientific documentary that shouldn't be celebrated

[hentired]

Im assuming this is common knowledge at this point, but for the uninitiated, here's whats wrong with Super Size Me:

The methodology is horrible. Spurlock completely changed his lifestyle on top of only eating McDonalds for a month. He stopped exercising and super sized his meal every time they asked, getting close to 5k calories a day. Gaining weight from this shouldn't surprise anybody.

This first part is extremely important because this is how pseudoscience develops. By using seemingly methods, even though they have no scientific basis.

A Swedish university tried to replicate the method and found completely different results.

Spurlock was not transparant about the nutrition values of the food he ate.

A teacher who tried the same concept actually lost weight by keeping up with exercising and keeping his regular caloric intake.

In the movie Spurlock claims his liver started having problems, which he attributed to his McDonalds diet, however Spurlock has a history of alcohol abuse which is way more likely to cause the symptoms. (This is NOT to poke fun at people who suffer from alcohol induced problems, simply stating that he wasn't transparant in his documentary)

He was also (mostly) vegan before starting his experiment, which means his body likely wasn't well equipped to deal with dense meals, at least less than the average person.

His girlfriend at the time used Super Size Me to promote vegan detox diets. "Detoxing" is a myth and pseudoscience.

I'm well aware that this isn't the nicest thing to post shortly after his death, but Spurlock was a promoter of pseudoscience and is responsible for a big case of journalistic malpractice that is still shown in schools today. These things should be known.

[shnowyfox]

it would be so awesome

it would be so cool

[smokeydabear420422]