mad cause ur wizard hat isnt as big as mine

[lazer-exe]

I'm gonna say it, I do think that even the laziest person imaginable should have a roof over their head, food in their stomach, and access to healthcare

[achillesinhighheels]

[dogpuppy]

[dogpuppy]

This woman’s face haunts me every time I notice myself do a white girl thing

[achillesinhighheels]

[64mpg]

me: 🧍🏽‍♂️

my nervous system: we are going to get in so much trouble seriously

[big-wizard-hat]

So excited to go to da movies later that I’m kind of irritated that I can’t be at da movies right now

[frawgs]

apparently vic’s vapor rub goes exitinct ? i’ve been using the same vapor rub for years and apparenlty it went bad in the 2010s ..

[frawgs]

expired .

[morganicapples]

[cupiidzbow]

I have to defend overhated women characters with my life this isn’t a game to me anymore dog I’m so serious

[gondorrevealparty]

Polycules should be able to trade people like sports teams do

[gondorrevealparty]

Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.

[javascript-official]

I never understood the saying "the world is your oyster" because oysters are famously very difficult to open and don't really have much meat in them and they taste kind of bad, if the saying was "the world is your tiramisu" I would understand because tiramisu is amazing incredible but oysters aren't all that and I am sorry but I have to speak my truth

[brightgoat]

rummaging for an earl grey teabag like its a cigarette

[hardwrench]

*stands up abruptly* i have an idea for video games *refuses to say any more and goes to bed*

[innerchildabortionclinic]

good morning everyone it's time to be tortured to insanity and then of course tortured for being insane

[fivetrench]

Shit just happens to you when you're a tuna crab

[paverics]

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

[paverics]

comedians can only dream of writing something this funny

[eroscestlavie]

Everyone envies me for my shrimp lighter

[eroscestlavie]

[iwannabeaswampwitch]

Lots of drama in our household