Breaking down what ‘do the inner work’ actually means and looks like…
1. MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST. Your shadow will continue to rule your future unless you learn to make peace with it. Learn to connect the dots, understand why you feel triggered when x happens? Why you’re so fucking angry when x says that thing? Know that these emotions are all connected to your past, your traumas, your beliefs (that you most likely made as a child). Unless challenged and changed your old beliefs will continue to plague your life. The best way to understand how your past is affecting your future is through therapy. I recommend cognitive behavioural therapy which lasts for 8-12 weeks meaning your not stuck in life long therapy discussing the same issues (attracting more energy to your pain). No, the purpose of this is to understand and clear your wounds. Once you can connect the dots, you can start to understand yourself better.
2. LOOK WITHIN. When you’re hurt, upset, triggered instead of projecting back from a wounded place, or seeking validation from others to feel better you look within. This involves becoming your own fucking guru. You sit there alone when you feel like shit, you pull out your journal, and you unleash all your thoughts on to paper and start to make sense of whats coming up for you. The less you can rely on external sources to feel better when hurt / stressed the better. If journaling is not your thing, speak to a coach or therapist.
3. CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOUR. This will be tough, and will feel like you’re trying to swim upstream against the mother-fucking-current, but believe me, once you start to break free from these old habits, you can finally let go of those paper shackles holding you hostage all this time. Changing your behaviour looks like, not calling your bestie to validate your irrational behaviour. Not lashing out, not relying on other people to make you feel whole and complete. Pausing. Checking yourself before you say/ react from a place of regret. Once you know better, you do better.
4. RE-PARENT YOURSELF. This is a big one. when you’re hurt and healing, you need that loving and comforting support. This is where you re-parent yourself. You check in with yourself. You find out what you need. Extra love? Care? Attention? This is all what you provide for yourself, especially when it comes to men. What you desperately seeking from them is what you’re failing to give to yourself. This is where you learn to nurture yourself. Re-parenting can look like an open dialogue in your journal asking yourself what you need and listening to the answer. This can be daily, weekly. You make fucking time.
5. BURN THAT FUCKING SAGE. Clear your energy. Do what you need to do to align your energy. This could also look like a salt bath, grounding in nature (walking bare foot), to make peace with yourself. Going for a run, dancing a yoga class. This is what the inner work looks like, doing what you need to balance your energy from a healthy place.
6. READ books that encourage growth and understanding of self. Go to the book store, pick something out that resonates with you. Once you understand your triggers, why you get angry, hurt or keep attracting men that reflect the same wounds your parents inflicted on you. The more you understand this, the more AWARENESS you have to not attract similar situations, you become more clear in your understanding of yourself, your awareness is razor sharp and you learn to act from a place of love.
7. FORGIVE. Are you going to let your past rule your future? Learning to forgive yourself, those who hurt you is crucial for your healing, otherwise you’ll be living in your shadows. Get on google and find a forgiveness meditation. Read books on forgiveness. This might be a process. But if you’re harbouring resentment, this will rule your life until you make peace with it.
8. COMPASSION. For self, for those that trigger you. Imagine yourself as a small child, that needs love and care. That’s level you need to hold for yourself. Once you reach this level of compassion and consideration for yourself, this will ripple out and you’ll notice more compassion for those around you. But it starts within.
9. LIFE IS A MIRROR. This is core of the inner work, remembering that every unpleasant experience is a mirror of what you need to heal. You are being directed to your wounds. Stop looking outwards for blame. Look within. Physically where does it hurt. Emotionally, what is coming up? Write these down. Anger, abandonment, rejection? Whatever emotions you feel, spend time dissecting and working with these emotions. Understand them, study them, these are are your dots that will connect you to your inner healing,
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