Morning sex with soft touches under the sheets and slow, hot kisses peppering jaw lines and lazy thrusts covered by whispered โI love youโโs and small gasps
What felt like hours in the agonizingly cramped space were only made worse by the sudden sound of a foreign voice from above and the threatening rattle of the wood concealing Billie within. A conversation was taking place. She couldnโt make out the words or even the voices providing them but after too long the hinges squeaked and an already cramped Billie shoved her folded frame as far into the shadowed corner as possible, afraid that the rapid beat of her heart and the increasing shake of her breathes had begun to emit sound.
โBillie?โ It was Jesus.
It was the feeling of an officer finding her after a home invasion. A sigh of relief subdued the shake of her shoulders as the Hilltop resident pulled her from the bunker and dusted her off.
โAre you sure theyโre gone?โ
He nodded, โI watched them all go.โ
โMillie? Sasha? Maggie? Where are they? Are they okay?โ
โCome with me.โ
Though the speed of her stride matched his, there was an urgency in her step as they made their way through the long winding halls of Gregoryโs mansion until they reached the french doors of his office, Billie throwing them open to find the three women stood along his desk. Millie smiled at her, relieved, and ran to hug her aunt who, much like before, took her into her arms tightly.
โJesus hid us in a closet.โ She mumbled into the fabric of Billieโs shirt before pulling back to smile warmly at Jesus. Billie looked to him too, nodding in silent thanks which he returned with a kindly gaze.
โAh, Billie..โ The familiar monotone pitch of Gregoryโs voice made Billieโs jaw clench as she turned to acknowledge the older man. Since the day they met he had an unmistaken glint of disdain in his eye for her and this moment in time was no exception; after all they were asking an awful lot to be refuged within his community with the lurking danger of the Saviors.
โI was just telling your friends about Ms. Caitlinโs famous rhubarb preserve you all can take with you on your journey home. Our way of saying thank you for all the help youโve been during your time in the Hilltop Colony.โ
Billieโs ears perked like a curious dog, โwho said anything about leaving?โ
That same glint in his eye darkened his iris as he took a sip of whiskey before clearing his throat. โWell, seeing as how the Saviors could come back for whatever reason Iโd say itโs best for the three- four of you to be gone to avoid any further..uh..close calls.โ
The adults shared a look before Billie spoke again. โWe had a deal, Gregory.โ
โWe did. And now that deal is done. I canโt risk the safety of my community for three strangers who wandered in-โ
โYour communityโs safety or your own hyde?โ
Gregory guffawed, โwell what difference does it make?โ
Before Billie could say more, taking a confident step forward, Sasha grabbed her gently by the arm, halting her movements. โWeโll go.โ She said. โBut Maggie stays... Weโll call it even on everything weโve done around here.โ
He looked her up and down, the blue in his eyes suddenly clouded with attraction rather than contempt. It made Billieโs skin crawl as she scowled. โNo deal. But itโs been lovely having you here.โ
โJust tell me how we can make this work.โ
Those owlish eyes that harbored so much attraction fell to the low neck-line of Sashaโs t-shirt. He licked his lips at the sight of the dayโs sweat glistening off of dark skin, highlighting collarbone and cleavage. โI think weโd need to...meet on that one-on-one just to explore-โ
โGo to Hell.โ Maggie growled through gritted teeth.
With an eyeroll and a huff Billie grabbed Millie by the wrist. โCโmon, Mills.โ Before another word was spoken she was hauling the teen out of the room and outside to the community grounds.
โWhat are you doing?โ Millie squeaked.
โYouโre going home.โ
โWhat? No!โ
She tore herself from her grip, staring in wide-eyed disbelief at her aunt. โI canโt go! I just got here.โ
Avoiding the gazes of the community members that watched them curiously Billie pulled the teen close and through a clenched jaw spoke, โThat man in there couldnโt give a ratโs ass if you lived forever or died tomorrow. And after everything thatโs happened I will not risk your life for a single thing aโright? Every second youโre here is a risk. Itโs a risk for all of us. You and I both are going back to Alexandria before anything can get out of hand. You got me?โ
โBill-โ
โDo you understand me, Millie?โ
The teen sighed. โI understand, Billie..โ
โGo get your things and meet me at my trailer. Weโre gone once Iโm packed..โ
19
โYou donโt have to listen to Gregory- You canโt you leave!โ
Maggie followed Billie closely as she scurried around her trailer, tossing books and papers over her shoulder while locating clothing to stuff into her bag.
โI never should have stayed, Maggie. I was being selfish... I-I canโt even imagine how many questions everyone has back home, Rositaโs probably worried sick- they donโt even have anyone to lead them! I need to go back, aโright? Itโs best for all of us.โ
โI need you too, Billie. I wouldnโt have even gotten here if it werenโt for you- gosh, would you just stop and look at me?โ Billie huffed and dropped the things in her hands to the couch before turning towards the mother-to-be. Maggie reached out for her friendsโ elbow, the gentlest of touches, and rubbed her skin to the effect of Billie relaxing her shoulders. โThis is our home now. I told Gregory- Jesus told Gregory we arenโt going anywhere. Just stay.โ
Billie chewed her bottom lip nervously, thoughtful eyes darting around the room. She shook her head slightly, more to herself than the woman standing before her.ย โI have to go, Maggs...โ
Sadness filled her eyes when she realized her friend couldnโt be shaken on this and she sighed with a defeated understanding. Had roles been reversed, Maggie would have wanted to get home to Glenn just as bad.ย โStay the night. Just one last dinner before you go.โ
โI have-โ
โJust..just the night.โย
The door to the trailer whined on itโs hinges and both women snapped their heads towards the intruder. It was only Millie.ย โIโm ready to go...โ She muttered, back pack thrown over her shoulder and a jar of rhubarb preserve in her fist. Billie looked between the two. Maggie was almost positive that if she could read the thoughts behind her eyes, she could write a novel a day. It almost frustrated her; seeing how Billieโs mind raced yet hardly ever being let in on what it all was.ย
โYou can leave your bag here for the night.โ Maggieโs eyes lightened.ย โWe can stay one last night.โ
The teen let out a breath of relief and dumped the heavy bag to the floor.ย โThank God. I really didnโt want to do all that walking again.โ
Maggie laughed, outstretching both arms to clasp the Fords on their shoulders.ย โCome by my trailer later tonight, we can all eat there.โ
Billie agreed and with that, Maggie headed off to relay to Sasha and Jesus the news of their departure.
20
The countertop stove sizzled as Millie tossed slice after slice of bread into the hot pan, the delicious aroma of heated butter and melting cheese mingling with the fresh tomato soup bubbling in the pot beside it. The bluesy rock of Chuck Berry played from the small radio Billie brought along while she vibrantly told one of her stories over her third Budweiser of the night.
โI turn my back for two seconds and BAM! Sheโs getting churned up in the neighbors fuckinโ lawnmower!โ Maggie gasped with a sputtered laugh.ย โAnd the thing is, I hated the nasty thing every day I had it. But the second she was gone? Mourned her for months.โ
Maggie shook her head in amused disbelief.ย โRest in peace, Milk dud the snake.โ
โYou donโt appreciate what you have until itโs gone..โ Billie muttered before taking another swig of her beer. Maggie found that once a beer or two was in a Ford sibling you could get them to loosen up in just about any situation, and sinisterly she wondered if she could convince her to stick around under such influence. The door opened behind them, which caused Maggie to jerk forward, alert, and spin around to see Sasha walking through the door way.
โIs that an apple pie?โ She was standing to take the dish before the sweet smell had even reached Billie just a few steps behind her. Sasha pulled back the cloth concealing the sweet treat with a huff.
โHow did you know?โ
โI could smell it from the other side of the door.โ
โThatโs pregnancy for ya,โ Billie mumbled between bites of grilled cheese,ย โheightens all the senses.โ She watched as Maggie cleared the table for the dessert, digging a fork into the flaky crust and taking an unreasonably large bite.ย โYou wanna plate, mama?โ
โNo, Iโm good.โ
Billie swiveled on her seat to face Sasha who sat on the couch just behind her, a pensive look knitting her brows together as she rubbed thumbs over two daggers pulled from her boots.
โJesus give you those?โ Billie asked. She nodded.ย โSโhe still around? Wanted to talk to him about mapping out routes between here and Alexandria, yโknow, for safety purposes.โ
โOh, thereโs some things I wanted to add to his list before he goes out.โ Maggie added with a mouthful of apples and dough,ย โkids need something to write with - pens, pencils.โ
Millie chuckled,ย โMaybe they can draw up some posters when Maggie runs for president.โ
Sasha sighed.ย โHe left already. He told me to tell you, but I-I forgot.โ Billie stared at her. She stumbled over her words, and her palms rubbed absentmindedly against her outer thighs. Maggie hmphed in disappointment.
โOkay. Maybe next time... Iโm gonna get some milk.โ And before Sasha could protest to get it for her, she stood quickly and scurried out the door. Billieโs eyes darted between the door and Sasha who looked back at her friend with an inquisitive look of her own.ย
โMillie go help her.โ Billie ordered.
โHelp her get milk?โ
She cut her eyes at the teen who dropped the spatula in hand with a hard exhale and stormed out of the room. You could just ask me to leave, she mumbled. With arms crossed and an ankle swung over her knee, Billie turned back to Sasha.ย
โWhat?โ
โYou lyinโ to Maggs about somethinโ?โ
โWhat makes you think that?โ
โI can read it on ya.โ
She rolled her eyes. Sometimes, Billie was just too much like Abraham, remit the pet names and know-it-all grin he gave when successfully catching someone in a lie. It was something Sasha would miss about him, but she didnโt love it coming from the younger Ford.
โItโs for her own good.โ
โWhy?โ
โBillie-โ
โIs it Negan?โ
The color drained from her face, her silence bloated the room. Billie was standing now, hands on the table as she leaned forward as if inspecting Sashaโs expression for clues.ย โYou want to kill Negan.โ They held a stare that felt threatening before Billie grunted.ย โDo I really have to tell you why thatโs a bad idea?โ
โI didnโt want to tell her because I knew she would want to help me. And..and I didnโt want to tell you because I knew you would want to talk me out of it. But if itโs just me than it doesnโt fall on either of you when it happens.
โBut it ainโt just you. You think I wanna pick daisies with the bitch that killed my brother?โ
โI didnโt say you did.โ
Sasha stepped forward, her breath brushing Billieโs face as she searched her eyes with a pleading look.ย โIf you care about Maggie, you donโt say anything about this. Youโre going back to Alexandria where you and Millie will be safe and Iโm staying here, and I have to keep her safe.โ
โSโat where Jesusโ is goinโ? To find where he lives?โ
โHe was the only one I could trust to stay quiet about it.โ
Billie wanted to yell at her, to shove her, to knock some sense into her for planning what would end up being a suicide mission behind their backs. But she knew she had to understand why she wanted to do it, and she knew that if she dug up enough repressed emotions still attached to that night she would end up joining her. Maybe it was the fact she felt more defeated than aggressive these days or the fact that she had grown content with all the memories she had of the brother slain by Negan, but she knew if they went out to wherever it was he hung his hat; theyโd be buried right next to Abraham.
Billie sighed, even more defeated than before.ย โIt isnโt just you..โ
โIt sure looks like it.โ
21
She shouldnโt have been nostalgic about it before she had even stepped outside of the gates. But Billie had grown to love mornings at the Hilltop. A small sense of peace had settled within her when she opened her eyes to the small trailer around her and watched the day begin from her front row seat on her step with her first cigarette of many. However, this morning she awoke with a dreadful pit in her stomach. She tossed and turned so much through out the night that Millie offered to give her back the bed and before the sun had fully risen she was zipping up her boots and marching out to their private burial ground.
And that was where she had sat for hours, unbothered, listening to the chatter of the community begin just beyond the fence. She stared at her brothers grave almost expectantly, as if waiting for him to rise from the grave and had she not watched his brains get mangled it wouldnโt have been such a far fetched idea.ย
โYou can sit there all day and say whatever you wanna say to the dirt but he canโt fuckinโ hear youโ. She cringed when she thought about those callous words she had spat at Sasha not long after she had buried a brother of her own. She cringed when she thought about the punch she rightfully earned from her too. It amused Billie how similar she was to the former firefighter, yet she couldnโt find the same courage to set out for Neganโs territory and blow a full metal jacket right through his chest. Weโre stronger in numbers. But he has an army. Never stopped us before. But Abe wouldnโt want me to be stupid. He wouldnโt want me getting myself killed over him. But I might not get killed. But I could. Iโve survived worse odds.
Maggie had seen Billie when she woke up, her crouched frame just barely concealed by the wood fence when she made her way through the grounds for breakfast. After what Millie told her last night she wanted to go confront her, ask her why she and Sasha were arguing but it was her last day at Hilltop, and had it been her she would have wanted those last moments to be spent with Glennโs grave.ย
She climbed the ladder to the guards platform, gazing out over the fields not concealed by the Hilltop walls and when she saw the figures that occupied the trail her chest swelled with a gasp. She couldnโt stop the wide grin that spread across her face. She turned back towards the community grounds and yelled as loud as she could.ย โBillie! Sasha! Millie!โ
Trouble? It could be trouble. Billie tossed the rock she had fiddling between her fingers and ran off to find where Maggie was, conscious of the hunting knife on her hip. She came stumbling to a halt behind Maggie as the tall gates to the community opened; that wasnโt trouble at all. Billieโs sights fell on Rosita as the gates creaked open and ran to embrace the woman with tear-filled eyes. She half expected it to be a dream, and she would run right through her before her silhouette dissipated in the air. Yet her frame was solid, her arms welcoming, her grip on Billie just as desperate as their lips met for the first time in over a week. It felt like it had been centuries. Her hair was soft, tangled between her fingers, and her clothes smelled like her, earthy but sweet; Billie didnโt know she could miss a smell.
โWhat happened here?โ Billieโs hand traced the features of Rositaโs face, the callous pad of her thumb falling on the fresh stitches of a vertical gash. She pressed her lips to it tenderly.
โIt doesnโt matter. Youโre okay?โ
โI am. We all are.โ
She looked around them. Michonne, Tara, Odell, Sasha, Maggie, Millie, Jesus. They were all here and by the look on Michonneโs face - they came for one reason. โYou were right from the start. You told us to get ready to fight. I didnโt listen, I couldnโt. I can now.โย
Billieโs eyes darted to Sasha who met her gaze when the words were spoken. They were going to fight - they had to fight. If Billie believed in signs she would have taken their sudden appearance as one; the morning after she told Sasha she didnโt want to fight, after she had planned to head back to Alexandria to settle for slightly more peace - here they were. Billie knew what she had to do now, what was right for her brother. And for the first time in a long time she felt that tingle in her spine that squared her shoulders and lifted her chin high.
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