BIMF Labs

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BSTK 2016

So three weeks have passed now since BSTK Festival graced the arse-end of Essex once again for this year, and we feel now would be a good time for us to review the festival and recap our experiences of getting horrendously drunk and listening to good music in a field! We rocked up on the Friday and as soon as our tents were set up we started boozing! Actually, not entirely true. On the way in my box of Woo Woo split, had to neck that shit in the queue (RIP Woo Woo I’ll never forget you). We spent the first day walking around the arena, drinking and checking out what the festival had to offer. Bought some horrendously wavey clothes, and a football shirt from a team who most likely play in the Estonian 4th division or some shit. Anyway, the day went on, and we got fucked up. Then, the headline act for the night rolls around; none other than the boi himself, Mark bloody Ronson! He played an amazing DJ set filled with some amazing hip hop bangers, and towards the end paid tribute to Prince, Amy Winehouse, and others who have passed away over the last few years. Class touch Marky. The only downside to the whole set was that the sound was very poor and kept cutting out. Hard to properly get into it when every 30 seconds the music stops and the groans of hundreds of people can be heard. After that, we headed to the Good Shed (ketty dance tent), and it truly is what you expect it to be. Disgusting house and drum and bass, people off their faces and just a sense that you couldn’t find anywhere duttier if you tried. Saturday was the big day for us. Woke up with a disgusting hangover, but went home for a quick shower and then met down the pub for a bev before setting back off to the festival. It was business as usual for the next few hours; sinking a metric shit ton of booze in the glaring sun. However at around 4pm we headed down to the car park with around 30 people for our yearly tradition; getting absolutely smashed and listening to amazing tunes for an hour. This is different to your standard ‘lads drinking sesh wheeey’ however. No no no. There is an undertone of violence with it, and a feeling that you can’t sink any lower than you currently are but you love it. When you’re getting through a pack of Special Brew in an hour, you know you’re at rock bottom. The best place to be. Hands down the best image of the whole festival was seeing our very own Danger Dan doing his fifth beer bong, genuinely passed out against a car. What a hero. Come along next year and experience it for yourself! After that, we carried on as usual, sinking pints and shit until 10.30pm came… We went to the Saloon Bar to see the next big thing. Power Hour Presents were making their debut, and boy they did not disappoint. If you haven’t heard of these boys before, you’ll want to know about them now. Their set started with them walking out to a series of hilarious samples explaining the drinking rules that were in place for their set, all while dressed in various incredible outfits and with beer bongs in hand. Then the music started. Free From Desire. It fucking went OFF! The whole Saloon Bar dancing around, chanting to the song, party poppers going off and inflatable footballs pinging around everywhere. It was mayhem! The set continued and some absolute bangers were played (World In Motion, Don’t You Want Me and Parklife to name a few). I saw people of at least 50 years old doing beer bongs in the middle of the dancefloor, people climbing on tables and everyone having an amazing time. Genuinely the highlight of the weekend! Definitely check them out (https://goo.gl/knJJkI - Link to their Facebook). You heard it here first, these boys are something special! After Power Hour Presents had left the stage, local legends Stealing Signs played the headline set in the Saloon Bar and absolutely bossed it, as they always do. All in all, the perfect way to close out the night. Sunday came around and we essentially repeated what we had done on Saturday (shower, pub, get fucked in a car park). Fucking class! The evening came around and Kelis was headlining, so we went to see her. The sound had improved significantly compared to Mark Ronson’s set, which was a relief. Kelis was good, not great. Not bad, just, alright to be honest. We left to watch the extra-time being played in the Euro 2016 Final, which in truth was disappointing as well. I mean did anyone other than the Portuguese want to see Ronaldo’s smug face as he celebrated with the trophy? I think even they felt bad about it to be honest. Anyway, after that the night closed out, and so did the festival! We woke up with awful hangovers and were treated to shit weather as we packed down our tents. Typical England that! BSTK had so many highlights this year, but while it was so good in parts, there was also the sense that it had declined in quality with regards to its general vibe and the festival itself. Whereas with previous years, it was a very messy festival where you went with the intention of getting fucked, there was still a friendly festival with good music and equally good vibes. However this year, the music was, for the most part, all dance, EDM, house. Which is good, but not when it’s the only music being played. The atmosphere of the festival didn’t feel as friendly and enjoyable as previous years either, which really is a shame considering how good we know BSTK can be! All in all, I’d have to give BSTK 2016 a 6/10. The potential is there for it to be so much better. Shit, I’ve been there in previous years where the festival was perfect! Just this year it was lacking. Hopefully, next year will bring the festival back to how it used to be.  A good start would be getting Power Hour to headline the Main Stage ;)

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Our Guide to Festival Alcohol Importation

I overheard a conversation last week rating festivals, and one mentioned was heavily criticised on their alcohol restrictions on entrance. Obviously this led me to think of creative ways the infiltrate the enemy lines with alcohol hanging off of me like a buckaroo toy. Now, I’m aware some of these have previously been successful, and some are untested, but here’s my comprehensive list of our favourite methods.

Trojan Horse This is a classic method for immigrating alcohol, and involves a fair amount of preparation prior. If you can create a false identity of the alcohol by replacing soft drinks with alcoholic of a similar colour. You could be blatant and just take the cap of and change it, but I feel it’s important to remove without breaking the seal. Effectiveness: 7/10 Easiness: 5/10 Stupidness: 4/10

The Mule Least creative by far, and least inconspicuous. The mule involves just trying to stuff the alcohol wherever you possible can - in a sleeping bag, in a tent bag, in a friend, pram etc. The deeper and harder to access, the better but if you do get found out, its a right b**tard to get out. Effectiveness: 8/10 Easiness: 6/10 Stupidness: 4/10

Stealing from the telly This is especially relevant to fans of TV show Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia. It’s fairly educational as it is, seeing as the groups objectives revolve around how drunk they can get. I’ve witnessed this before and it works fantastically, very similarly to the Trojan Horse. But to add more secrecy simply substitute sun cream with booze. Can look suspicious with 5 different types of sun cream. Effectiveness: 9/10 Easiness: 4/10 Stupidness: 6/10

New Age Technology It appears there’s actually a market for sneaking in alcohol into festivals, after little research we found various different drinking vessels disguised as everyday objects. The wine bra has proven fairly popular, but difficult to prove if you’re a bloke without manboobs. It’s also fairly apparent that theres not much people actually bring to festivals, so a pair of binoculars is fairly suspicious. Effectiveness: 9/10 Easiness: 3/10 Stupidness: 5/10

The Carlton “the goal" Cole This can be construed in two ways, like the hero himself. First approach is to blag your way into something you blatantly shouldn’t be doing. The second is getting kicked out, and then let back in later on. Effectiveness: 4/10 Easiness: 4/10 Stupidness: 10/10

The Usain Bolt Just leg it. Involves zero creativity, just speed and balls. Effectiveness: 3/10 Easiness: 2/10 Stupidness: 10/10

We’d love to hear how you’ve managed to successfully migrate your beverages on our twitter page @BIMFLabs

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Euro 2016 update: Same shit, different tournament

Well, it’s been over a week now since the joke that was England’s shock defeat to Iceland in the Round of 16, and the rage that came with it had finally subsided. However this post has to be made, and with that, the rage will come flooding back. So enjoy this rant filled with pure anger! What the fuck was that. Honestly. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT. First of all, every single one of those England players should hold their bloody heads in shame; I don’t care if some players played well in previous games and had an alright tournament etc, it doesn’t matter. They didn’t turn up when it mattered. That’s all that matters. We lost to a team who were ranked 34th in the world by FIFA. A team that is, for the most part, filled with players that no-one has ever heard of. I’m not going to knock Iceland though and fail to give them any credit because they were ruddy incredible! They had a game plan, and they stuck to it. And it paid dividends for them. Whereas with us... We had a week to prepare for this game, and it’s almost like the whole squad did fuck all but lounge around for the bloody week! I genuinely would love to know what Woy’s tactics were for that game, the fucking senile old owl. I don’t know how he could’ve got it any more wrong than he did. No tactics, the wrong substitutions, or the right substitutions at the wrong time. He had the opposite of the Midas touch; everything he touched turned to absolute stinky shit. Like proper hangover shit after you’ve had a vindaloo as well. Fucking rotten. Don’t get me wrong, the players hold a fair bit of the blame for the travesty that occurred last week. But Woy.... Jesus fucking christ. Surely he can never manage again after this! Thank fucking christ he resigned immediately after the game (the only thing he got right all day). That owl-looking fuck. Anyway, rant over. I could go on for hours but I’d rather not force myself into a rage-induced coma. Oh well, here’s to another two years of boring World Cup qualifications (fucking international breaks are the bain of my life), another shit manager being put at the helm of the England set up, a lot of expectations and a lot of disappointment. It’s the one thing that England will always deliver on!

Enjoy everyone!

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Euro 2016 so far

So we are now one complete week into Euro 2016 and already the tournament has provided us with several major talking points. The copious amounts of fan violence that has erupted throughout the streets of France and it’s various stadiums has obviously cast a bit of a dark cloud over the tournament so far, but it’s important not to forget some of the main things an international tournament gives us; Great goals, great games, and a never-ending sense of disappointment with Woy. And it’s fair to that Euro 2016 has provided us with all three so far! Some of the goals we’ve been treated to so far this summer have simply been outstanding; Dimitri Payet’s golazo in the dying minutes of the tournament opener against Romania will long be remembered, and Marek Hamsik’s beauty against Russia was just pure class. Eric Dier’s stunning free-kick against those pesky Russians was brilliant, and Luka Modric’s volley against the Turks was sublime. With another three weeks of European football to look forward to, expect to be provided with several more moments of sheer brilliance from the best players Europe has to offer! While we’re only a week into the tournament, there have been some class games which had some nail-biting finishes. France’s late Payet winner in their opener against Romania gave the game that final twist, making for a great, dramatic tournament opener. England’s stunning comeback against Wales as well has to be considered maybe the greatest performance in the history of the competition too. Okay, so there might be a *touch* of bias with that last one, but you get the idea, it was an amazing game! The build-up to the game was huge (Bale saying that England had no pride or passion and saying that the Welsh were more patriotic certainly stoked up the rivalry), and the game itself did not disappoint. 1-0 down in the first half, Woy brought on Vardy and Sturridge at half-time, and boy did they deliver. Vardy equalised before Sturridge sealed the game in the 91st minute. Chat shit, get banged. On the topic of England and Woy, you got the feeling that at half time, being a goal down, the owl impersonator (if you never noticed how much Woy looks like an owl, I’ve just blown your mind) finally grew a pair of balls and went all out for the win, bringing on three strikers in Vardy, Sturridge and Rashford. The decision paid off big time, and after the huge disappointment of the draw to Russia, things are looking optimistic for us for once! It’ll almost certainly end with us being knocked out by ze Germans on penalties, but after that win against the Welsh who cares, we’re gonna win the whole bloody thing! Come on England!

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Bank Holiday on Exe

Bank Holiday weekends always make for an interesting one. For one reason or another it seems everyone must go beyond their comfort zone to squeeze everything possible out of the freeby day off work. 

On this second May bank holiday we decided to take a trip down to Exeter to visit a pal, and explore two festivals available over four days. Hijacked and Virgo Festivals, both casting predominantly DJ’s, but both very different in their own rights.

Having gotten a tad too excited on our first evening, Thursday morning woke to a haze, but with the sun glaring, it was an easy task to crack on with the day ahead. Hijacked Festival is one popular with the local students, and had plenty to prove after much criticism of its organisation last year. The festival had resorted back to its original venue, and with good reason. Summer vibes were strong, and a good atmosphere seemed fluent. It was impossible to fault the festival this year, it ran smoothly we could relax as we enjoyed the day through. There were successful endeavours to mix it up with the likes the Gentlemens Dub Club, and the Novelist, who diversified from the DJ’s. 6/10.

Virgo festival oozed cordiality, and effortlessly so. There was a certain spark at this festival, one that can’t be ascertained. The festival was set in the grounds of the Fulfords Manor, recognisable from Channel 4′s documentary ‘Life is Toff’. The festival was welcoming from the outset, and had a very intimate vibe and I felt obliged to embrace my inner hippy. With the sun shining and skin burning, we danced til dusk, consuming copious amounts of Merlot along the way, and repeating throughout the weekend. Attendees seemed to gather from far, and there was an abundance of varied characters. The setting seemed natural at this festival, whether this was from outstanding organisation, or a complete lack of - it seemed to work perfectly. I’ve definitely found this festival as one to remember, and feel fully adopted into the Virgo family. 9/10.

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Welcome to BIMF Labs!

Welcome to BIMF Labs, a media outlet set up in 2016 with the intention of providing you with some great football chat with your favourite musicians! Our goal is to meet with your favourite musicians and chat about football, as well as other topics; all while getting very boozey with them (The BIMF in our name stands for Boozey Interviews on Music and Football). As well as musicians, we aim to talk to footballers as well about music and other topics; again, while very boozed up. We’ll also be blogging on the two subjects separately, and will be providing you with plenty of material over the festival season and Euro’s. We hope to have some content available very soon, so please stick around in the meantime! We’re sure that you’ll love what we have in store over the coming months. Here’s the link to our site - http://www.bimflabs.com/ We hope to see you over there soon!