Wanted to give my thoughts, but may sound like a rant to the void. I apologize in advanced for that.
DNI's are unhealthy and unhelpful in my opinion. This is my experience, but they only made me feel uncomfortably confined in a community supposedly about being yourself. Not wanting to see NSFW is valid, and I often feel the same, but the idea of placing rules onto a count, that you truly can't upkeep, only barricades people and ideas you could comfortably explore if given the chance.
I started regressing a bit ago, and when I found the community, it was like a light; both agere and ABDL content was so comforting. But I saw these rules, restrictions. "DNI if you like this", "DNI if you do this". It felt like I had to be a "cookie-cutter product" instead of myself, and is a huge reason why I explicitly say that I have no DNI, and only asked to not be harassed.
I used to have them, to copy what others said, to try and fit myself and my expression into the molds that people unintentionally, or intentionally, created. When you crave community, like I did and truthfully do, and are young, hurt, and in a period where excepting yourself is difficult, DNIs do nothing but harm. I am heavily against them, but won't try and dictate what people do on their own account. I'll just avoid it. I believe heavily in the idea of curating your own internet experience, especially because the means to are there.
Not to mention, plenty of people are disrespectful about it! I have never been seen so much open hate and judgement towards a community which provides what most of these people claim to crave. "I want an adult pacifier!" yet they claim ABDLs are harmful. "I want adult nursery furniture!" but don't even research or listen when told that ABDL isn't about sex entirely, despite NSFW concepts being involved.
I've been hated for supporting people! And that's also a huge problem! I appreciate ABDL, despite using the regressor label (as, similarly to a lot of ABDL's I've heard of, the title feels more comfortable to me as it's the one I found when discovering myself), because they just want to be themselves. Similarly to how we do. I've been 'dipping my toes in the water', so to say, into the community, and it's truthfully beautiful. I won't say it's all my thing, but a lot of it is what I want in community; being yourself without judgement.
I mean, Capcon has separate areas for NSFW for people's comfort, entire playrooms for ages and strict rules for privacy! One of the biggest events for this sort of thing I've discovered has more respect than an online community, where even suggesting you like diapers or support ABDL will get you essentially put on blast. "UNFOLLOW SO-SO, THEY LIKE ABDLS AND AS WE KNOW, ABDLS ARE PERV PEDOS" when the person just happened to make a friend with someone of a similar mindset.
I apologize for this being so long, but this is important to me! The agere community is, truthfully, gut wrenchingly toxic. I only want to make a "banner" that says to be respectful, because I've had to block a few people who followed me without noticing the giant "I accept all" thing in my pinned while having "ABDLS ARE NASTY" essentially in theirs.
I also apologize if I missed your point.
I do hope you have a good day <3
Putting this under a read more because... it's long lol.
(First of all, I just want to say this: I do not interact with people under the age of 18. Period. So when I talk about the community here, note it is the older side of the community. I don't hate kids or think they're undeserving of a space, but I'm an adult and I just don't want to open my blog up to kids. Especially because even if there's nothing sexual about what I post, ABDL is an adult only space.)
I fully agree with you. I think it's valid to want to avoid topics and people that make you uncomfortable. Everyone wants that to some degree! But for a lot of people in the agere community, it's just avoidance and doesn't facilitate growing as a person.
Like I said before, DNIs are virtue signaling a majority of the time. And I'm not here to judge people, I don't think less of anyone who do this unintentionally, etc. It's just the truth of the matter.
DNIs are more about signaling to others in your community that you're a good guy and less to do with actually avoiding people on your DNI. Not that people aren't honest when they say they don't want to interact with these things, but to some degree I think everyone knows it's useless. People who are racist, TERF, MAPs, etc. don't see themselves as that most of the time. They aren't going to look at your banner and go "Aww shucks, I'm a huge TERF, guess I gotta leave this person alone!" Plus, I don't know many people out there who DO want to interact with pedos, terfs, nazis, etc. haha. So why say it at all if not to let those around you know you don't support it?
People need to be challenged. You need your ideas and beliefs to be challenged if you ever want any hope of growing into a well rounded individual. This also includes interacting with and sharing spaces with things you might not like or make you uncomfortable. Sure, you can lock yourself in your room and avoid all the bad things you don't like. But you'll never meet real friends, see true wonders, or evolve into a person that is fully formed. DNIs are just hindering people and giving in to the mindset that putting your fingers in your ears and closing your eyes is going to fix everything.
I also want to touch on what you said about the ABDL/ageplay community contributing a lot to what people in agere claim to want and crave. That's what I was saying before. The ABDL/ageplay communities have worked so hard to make so many things a reality. They've spent years of their life, their money, their ties to make products for age regressors. Adults only, but still. A huge chunk of the audience that buys these accessories, props and furniture just use them when age regressing. So I don't understand the hate. Or, when people use them, I can't wrap my mind around hating the people who made them.
Agere wouldn't even be a thing if it wasn't for those in the ageplay community paving the way. Reminds me of the story of "The Little Red Hen". How she wanted to make bread for everyone to enjoy, but when she asked the other farm animals to help her make the bread, they all said no. But when it came time to eat the bread, they all expected a slice. Wanting to reap the rewards without putting in any effort. It also reminds me of people who say "Kink doesn't belong at Pride." Completely ignoring the history and the rights they were afforded by the people who came before them. Completely ignoring that this wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the kinky people that made it happen. They're actually really similar when you think about it. Most of it comes from purity culture and wanting the outsiders to accept you.
What you said is also true from my own experience. Agere seems to be extremely toxic. Not everyone of course but the vocal minority. It's very much a "You need to be what I want you to be. If you're not with me, you're against me!" But even then, half these people can't agree. Sometimes they say it's okay to wear diapers, sometimes that makes you bad. Some of them thing it's okay to be a "naughty" regressor, but others will say you're making the community look bad. Many of these people just want the aesthetic. They want to be the popular ones setting the trend and they don't care about individuals at all.
I don't hate agere either, and this is likely a symptom of being so new. It's sad to see the casualties of a budding community.
Again as you mentioned, it's hard though. When you crave community and want to feel like you belong, you give in. You adopt the behaviors and don't question why they're even there. No one is born with the knowledge of carving out your own path. Which is why you, me and plenty of others here are talking about this. It's not telling people they're doing it wrong. We're simply shouting down the pathway. We've been through this before, reached the end and we're calling out to those down the path. Telling them to "turn around now because it only gets worse!" because we know what happens, not because we think we know better.
Also, so glad you brought up Capcon. That and Babyfur Con are awesome. I'm thankful they respect privacy and don't allow photos from the con to protect the people, staff and convention centers/hotels. However, I wish I could link to a gallery or something. I want to show people how these spooky, pervy ABDLs party at a convention. Whole areas of the con, separated for NSFW. It's so easy to avoid because they know it's not for everyone. Every event is clearly labeled and often they even include a regressed age range for panels and events. The attention to detail and the hard work that goes into making everyone comfortable needs to be applauded.
I think that's what frustrates me so much about the ABDL hate. Aside from people who haven't even began to deal with life acting like they know everything, it's just so annoying to know they could have it so much better. There are so many things, so many cool, amazing features that come with ageplay and ABDL. You will never meet a more organized and welcoming community. They have so much to offer and I know if the agere community only learned to welcome them, it would form into something so much stronger.
I know I'll keep yapping about it til I don't need to anymore. I'll keep being the person who praises ABDL (for adults) and tells people the truth. Because I hope one day, either people leave agere for ABDL, or agere changes to be a more welcoming space. I'm so thankful I don't need to do it alone because there's awesome people like you who are also out there, showing a different perspective. Questioning the norms and asking for change.
My heart goes out to those who feel the same way, but aren't yet ready to face the backlash from their peers. I hope one day, everyone here finds a community built on acceptance and accountability. One where you don't have to hide who you are or feel the need to repress it to fit in with the crowd.
