So I took a leave to give way for our date today. I shouldn't have expected much. I should have just went to work so that I had done something today and didn't wait for him and didn't' feel this way. He woke up late and just made our date a "dinner date" and watched a 3 hour movie in his phone while eating and after that he played with his phone until he booked an Uber ride. I've waited for him the whole day. I thought we're spending the whole day together. We've talked about this date a few days before and I've told him I wanna be with him and stay with him longer.
Even if we're not doing anything. Even if it's just plain talk, as long as he's focused on me only and not on his goddamn phone. We only get a few hours to be with each other yet he's like that.
I miss the old him. He should remember his promise that he'll never change. I wish he could. Coz I can't say all of this to him cause we'll surely fight knowing his attitude and short temper. He'll probably call me immature again. He'll probably get really angry that he's gonna say hurtful things and call me bitch again. I'd rather feel this sadness now than feel again the pain I've felt before when he's angry.
I'm so sad. I found myself crying a lot more now compared before. Am I just too sensitive? Why do I always feel alone as if I there's no one there for me? (literally yes coz I live alone) Is this normal? Coz god I'm so tired of crying. There's a lot more reason why I'm sad & cry a lot and I don't wanna say it all coz it might look my boyfriend's the real problem when he's not. Or is he now?
I don't know. One thing's for sure. I'll keep this all to myself and then wait for me to explode and things will be more complicated. Why's falling in love gotta be like this?
kianamaiart
areudirty
