Trying to do anything while dissociating. x
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Today's Document
noise dept.
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
occasionally subtle
Cosmic Funnies

Kiana Khansmith
Mike Driver
we're not kids anymore.

oozey mess
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
RMH
Monterey Bay Aquarium
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
NASA
Keni

Origami Around
d e v o n
todays bird

seen from United States

seen from Netherlands

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seen from United States
seen from T1

seen from Germany

seen from United States

seen from New Zealand
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seen from United States

seen from Türkiye
seen from Nigeria

seen from Brazil
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seen from United States
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seen from United States
@bipolartodo
Trying to do anything while dissociating. x
me: can i get uhhh some actual work done here
brain: sorry executive function machine broke
anyone else get the intense urge to just disappear? to disappear from everyone’s lives without leaving any trace? and be forgotten? it’d give me so much peace i don’t want anyone to think about me
Shy.
last week, i was talking to my school counselor (who knows abt my autism) abt one of my special interests and she cut me off midsentence and asked, "why can't u be this enthusiastic abt ur schoolwork?"
i seriously need to leave this place but i have nothing and nowhere to go
When you bottle up so many emotions up and someone does one little thing and you just
what if he doesn't come back
What depression is really like:
•caring about your grades but not enough to do anything about them
•thinking about suicide more than graduating
•considering suicide whenever any problem arises
•tired
•no motivation
•no energy
•walking is so hard
•sometimes even talking is too much work because you’re so god damn tired
•laying in bed for hours because you’re too tired to move
•feeling nothing but sometimes everything
•knowing you’re not alone but still feeling alone
•that constant mindset of, “Who cares? I wont be around much longer anyways.”
•wishing to be left alone, while also wishing for people to stay
•never believing you’re good enough
•always putting yourself down
•never planning to far ahead in time
•fake smiles, fake laughs
•long showers because that’s you’re little moment of escape
Pro Tip: Instead of having feelings, try being dead inside. Everything is still horrible but you will not care at all.
I hold my breath whenever I pass your house
how’s everybody doing
yeah me too
what are these “shower thoughts” everybody’s talking about, i dont think about anything in the shower, my mind is completely blank as i douse my body in scalding hot water and stare at a wall
anyway who else feels bad for todays pre-teen girls?? they see all these instagram models who are over 20, and they look at that and think “i need to be like her otherwise im ugly or abnormal” like?? i can only imagine how insecure these little girls must feel. just looking at these middle schoolers with perfect instagram makeup and professionally done acrylic nails?? in middle school you’re supposed to grow, that’s when you figure out who you are, you’re right in between the stages of childhood and adulthood, you’re supposed to look like a rat lmao, and pre teen girls these days arent allowed to do that and it sucks
Just Autistic Things™:
“I’m hungry but we don’t have the incredibly specific food that I wanted guess I’m not eating today”
Room is messy but I know where everything is so what is the problem???
Hearing Bad Noises in public and trying not to visibly freak the fuck out
“I wanna do something but I don’t know what I wanna do and also if I figured out what I wanted to do I probably have too much executive dysfunction to make myself do it anyways.”
Wanting so badly to read a book/watch a movie/tv show that you force yourself to even though you’re zoning out the entire time.
Feeling a thing turning into a special interest and DREADING what that means
People making fun of your special interests and that Silent Pain when you have to pretend to laugh it off because it’s “just a joke” but you really can’t hear criticisms about the things you’re deeply invested in.
School/work doesn’t matter as much as special interest does???????????
Like why should I be stuck here when I could be researching/reading/watching things about my special interests :/
People saying “Oh I totally understand what you’re going through, I have a cousin who’s autistic” (EVERYONE has a cousin who’s autistic????)
People saying “you don’t LOOK autistic” or “oh I never would have guessed but now that you SAY that….”
“I want to do something rebellious but what if I get in trouble??”
I’m So Tired™